[BlooRey DVD]

"Some people see scars, and it is wounding they remember.
To me they are proof of the fact that there is healing.”

KIndleFlare

The sounds had been constant, a dull whirring of far off insects. And yet this was not what kept the LightningClan healer awake. It had been much of the same for her, since Shadowchaser's visit a few days passed. He'd helped her with many things, of this she was undoubtedly certain. But her grief would not vanish in an instant. She still felt it, as obvious a presence as the missing nest in her den was. Dark amber eyes stared at the spot where Tigereye's nest had resided for so long, wondering if she'd only dreamt this all.

A shivering inhale of warm Greenleaf air prompted her to lift her head from the edge of her nest, white paws dragging slightly as she fought to right herself in it. Her sleep was still fleeting at best, but glimpses of the expanses of StarClan she'd been accustomed to before Tigereye's passing had begun to reappear behind closed eyelids. At the very least, she knew that the star-speckled land of her ancestors was still there, still waiting for when her heart was finally strong enough to see it all by herself once more. She had used much of Shadowchaser's strength to see it not that long ago.

She still felt... Lonely. As though there was a piece of her missing, a piece she might never get back. And yet a thought crossed her mind, reminded her of something important.

She had more than that singular piece of her heart in this Clan.

Rising to a stand on exhaustion-shaky legs, the LightningClan healer padded forward in a direction of which she was not entirely certain. Her best guess was that she was off to the warrior's den to visit her brother Nightstep. He'd been concerned about her for a while now, hovering closer than usual but leaving her her space as well. She ought to thank him for looking out for her.

When she ducked inside the warrior's den however, she was surprised to find that her paws did not take her to the black and white tuxedo figure of her sibling. It took her a moment to drag her confused dark amber gaze away from Nightstep and toward her new destination. White paws stepped one after the other with surprising certainty, her body having evidently decided what her next action was before her mind.

With her jaw hanging open slightly, she blinked in mild surprise at where she stood, her paws firmly planted beside the nest of a different black-coated warrior. A warrioress, to be exact. In her right mind, she might have simply backed away to think about what had brought her here. What she actually did was reach a singular white paw out to place it on Batear's shoulder in what would become a soft nudge.

"B-Bat..ear?" She rasped, her voice low to respect the sleeping warriors but also because she could muster little more volume just now.

What in StarClan's name was she doing? Why was she here? And what was she going to say when Batear inevitably woke up? She didn't have that long to figure it out before another pair of eyes blinked up at her blearily and she was left to meet them with a bewildered stare. Complete with a pricking of her ears, as though Kindleflare had not been the one to initiate this. Feeling her skin warm even more in the Greenleaf air, she glanced to the side slightly and cleared her throat.

"S-Sorry... I d-didn't m-mean to w-wake you.. I d-don't know wh-what brought m-me here b-but h-here... H-Here I a-am... I j-just d-don't... Don't w-want to be a-alone a-anymore..."

Medicine Cat of LightningClan

82 moons. ~620 words. Abyss

[Abyss]

Dreams. Such strange things they were. They could be meaningful, they could be meaningless, they could be random, they could be chosen. They could be reoccuring, they could happen only once, they could be common, they could be rare. In some cases, they could just be nonexistent.

For a couple moons, further back in Newleaf, dreams that were different but held similar meanings were a constant for Batear. And it could be said that calling them ‘dreams’ was a stretch. More like nightmares in her mind.

Nightmares of what may have happened after her father disappeared from the clan. Nightmares of what may have happened if she and Mudpelt had gone through a much more intense parting. Nightmares of how her life would have changed had she consistently pursued Panthercall. Nightmares of her family leaving her. Nightmares of her dying alone.

Those nightmares, partnered with the already depressive state she often found herself in, left her feeling empty. The smile she put on when with her clanmates, and the little laugh she attempted to make when someone said a joke, and the comfort she provided when others needed help. It all had felt...fake. At the time, anyway. And she couldn’t stop it from feeling that way. She had felt useless and lonely.

She had thankfully managed to get out of that state, but not without some help. Mousekit had arrived in her life at just the right time. She had always had a desire to be a mother, but she was also one who wished to have a full family, rather than just raise a family by herself. She was unable to do so due to her lack of luck when it came to toms. But Mousekit had filled a tiny bit of that hole that she felt in her heart.

Though he helped, she had to admit that there was another who fully pulled her from her lowest point. Kindleflare. A little bit of time before she found Mousekit, and for a decent bit of time after, the medicine cat had been her go-to cat when she began to have her breakdowns. Sometimes the two of them would just lay and talk in the tabby she-cat’s den. Sometimes they would have one-sided conversations talking about their families or their lives in general or what it was like being a Medicine Cat. And sometimes they were both silent, Batear laying peacefully in a nest and napping or watching as Kindle went about her business. The times that she was with Kindleflare ended up being the times that she was fully happy.

But she wasn’t sure why. She tried to tell herself that it was just because Kindleflare was a Medicine Cat, and medicine cats were there to provide not just physical help but mental help as well. Talking to a Medicine Cat about problems was one way to try and help yourself handle those problems. There was also the smell of herbs, some of which could be quite calming if you focused on them. Surely those were the reasons why she felt so comfortable around Kindleflare, right?

A light nudge stirred the black Warrioress from her dreamless sleep, as did a familiar and hazy voice. Green pools just barely opened, blinking a few times before opening more. Slightly tilting her head backwards to peer at the cat who woke her, she found only a blob of color due to her vision still being blurry. She blinked a few times more to push away the tiredness in her eyes, only to find that the cat standing before her was Kindleflare.

Her eyes grew wide, almost in shock. She was unsure why, but her first instinct was to grow alert at the sight of the Medicine Cat. Likely because it wasn’t often that the Medicine cat came to the Warriors den. The first thought that crossed her mind was that she was being woken up because Mousepaw or Crowface were hurt, or perhaps something was happening. But none of the other Warriors were awake. Her mind calmed quickly, but she still felt confused as to the reasoning behind this sudden visit.

“Kindleflare? What is it?” She lifted her head and shifted her lanky body quickly, pushing up into a sitting position to peer at the cat before her. She lightly tilted her head at Kindleflare’s reaction, a small spark of confusion making its way across her face.

When the Medicine Cat spoke, her usual stuttery yet gentle voice speaking calmly to her. At first she seemed confused as to why she had done any of this in the first place. But as she spoke, there was something that crossed her face that caught Batear off-guard. Kindleflare looked and sounded...broken?

Her words, as she spoke them, seemed very off. Granted, her words often sounded odd because of how she spoke in general. But this time was...different. Concern flashed through those vibrant green eyes, and her previously free-floating tail fell behind her, the end slightly turned to lay against the ground.

She was no mind reader. She couldn’t see or hear what was going on in Kindle’s head. But she had a hunch. Tigereye had been the Medicine Cat Apprentice. He had been in that position for a decent bit of time. Any cat, even if they didn’t know Kindleflare or Tigereye that well, could tell that the two of them were like two birds of a feather. An inseparable pair who were practically family. Unfortunately, Lightningclan lost its Medicine Cat Apprentice last season, which she knew for a fact had hit Kindleflare very hard. She hadn’t talked with the ginger tabby recently, and she had a feeling that her loss was the reason behind that. She had a feeling many cats hadn’t spoken with her since that happened.

But this was her chance.

Her brows furrowed, the lithe black femme stood from her nest and took a single step out of it. She gently ran the side of her face along Kindleflare’s, placing her mouth just barely near the ginger tabby’s ear.

“Come on.” Whispering these words in the Medicine Cat’s ear, Batear moved away and padded quietly towards the entrance of the Warriors den. As she emerged into the nearly black valley, only the small curve of a moon providing light, she turned and padded to the edge of camp, standing at the edge of the hill that sloped down into the territory.

She slowly sat, glancing over her shoulder to ensure that Kindleflare had followed. She lightly tapped the end of her long tail against the ground next to her, an invitation for the Medicine Cat to sit as well, or lay, or whatever she wished to do. She waited until this was finished before she leaned her head over, placing her forehead against the side of the orange tabby’s face. She did wish to emit a purr at the feeling of Kindle’s warmth, but perhaps this wasn’t the time. Not yet.

“If you need to get anything off your chest, you can tell me. You helped me when I was in a bad place, so it’s my turn now.” She lifted a single black paw and placed it over one of Kindle’s white. “I am here for you.”

1211 | BlooRey DVD

[BlooRey DVD]

"Some people see scars, and it is wounding they remember.
To me they are proof of the fact that there is healing.”

KIndleFlare

All it took was one word, her name tumbling sleepily from the black she-cat's maw, and her heart forgot its very purpose. Something akin to relief swept over her, as though the world stopped existing for a moment. The grieving medicine cat felt like she could breathe again, if only for that fleeting instant. Kindleflare's jaws opened as though she were going to say something, but her words failed as she stared at the warrioress she'd just woken. The LightningClan healer wasn't quite sure just how she was supposed to explain herself passed what she had already stammered through.

She didn't want to be alone, but did that truly justify her waking Batear up in the middle of the night? She wouldn't blame the ebony she-cat if Batear felt a touch of annoyance at the midnight disturbance.

Instead, her raven-hued savior leaned forward to brush her cheek to the ginger and white healer's, warm breath blooming against Kindleflare's ear as she whispered for her to follow. As fleeting as the touch had been, the LightningClan healer couldn't help but lean into it, her shivering breath pulling Batear's familiar scent into her lungs.

She could have stayed in that moment forever.

But Batear pulled away just as soon, and Kindleflare was forced to watch the black tail tip disappear into the open camp. Dark amber eyes stared blankly for a moment, not quite registering that the warrioress had in fact invited her to join. Starting slightly, the shy healer had to concentrate on not tripping over her own paws, lest she risk waking another warrior that night. Her desire to catch up to Batear outweighed the leaden feeling of her constant exhaustion, giving Kindleflare a desperate burst of energy that helped her close some of the distance separating them.

Batear chose a spot out of earshot from much of the camp, her dark rump lowering to a seat before emerald eyes turned to glance over a raven colored shoulder toward Kindleflare. It was that look that froze Kindleflare's ivory paws. Cutting through her agony, Kindleflare couldn't help but notice how the moon's light turned the edges of Batear's ebony coat silver. She... S-She looks l-like a v-vision. Came a thought. In her distraction, she nearly missed the motion of Batear's tail signaling to her. Kindleflare certainly did not need to be told twice.

White paws carried her to Batear's side, the healer sliding into a sit with motions that lacked any form of grace. Her shoulders slumped as she settled next to the warrioress, exhaustion trickling back into her veins now that her goal had been achieved. A brush of fur against her shoulder had Kindleflare beginning to glance in Batear's direction only for the motion to be interrupted when the ebony she-cat pressed her forehead to the healer's cheek. Kindleflare's reaction was near instantaneous, her weight shifting to lean into Batear's touch.

Shifting slightly, Kindleflare re-angled her muzzle to tuck it against the black she-cat's neck. For the second time, she caught herself relaxing when she breathed in the other she-cat's scent. She could feel the sting in her eyes as her sorrow welled up again, but... This time it didn't hurt quite as bad. Not with Batear next to her.

"I m-miss h-him.." She hiccuped softly, her body shivering in reaction. Her lips twitched into a grimace as she struggled to somewhat contain the rush of emotion she felt then. "I m-miss him s-so m-much a-and I d-don't know w-what to d-do with h-him g-gone... I... I t-talked t-to him... A f-few d-days ago w-with Shadowchaser's h-help. H-He w-was s-so young... He l-looks j-just the s-same as h-he did when he w-was... When he w-was h-here..." She whimpered softly, her throat tight and her voice rasping.

"I... I l-loved h-him... S-So m-much... I-It was d-different th-than... Than m-my parents o-or siblings... D-Different th-than... Than P-Palescreech... He w-was... I c-can't h-have k-kits but he was m-my son. A-And now I'm j-just... Empty. I c-can't sleep wh-when it's s-so quiet. A-And I'm s-scared. Scared o-of... Of b-being on m-my own. It's s-so h-hard... Hard to s-sleep, h-hard to w-wake up... Hard t-to eat. N-Nothing... N-Nothing makes s-sense t-to me a-anymore, B-Batear."

As though every fiber of her being sought out the other she-cat, Kindleflare shifted so that her flank and shoulder were touching Batear's. Even her tail yearned for contact, wrapping behind her to tuck itself against the black warrioress' opposite flank. "I j-just... N-Needed to h-hear y-your voice... T-To.. To h-hear you t-tell m-me about... About s-something n-new." She whispered in a voice that was nearly under her breath, but loud enough to be heard above the distant cries of the greenleaf cicadas.

Medicine Cat of LightningClan

82 moons. ~800 words. Abyss

[Abyss]

It killed her. It killed her more than she thought it could. Seeing Kindleflare this way. Feeling her body shiver as she spoke, not because of the cold, but due to her own swelling emotions. Hearing her voice, stuttered naturally but somehow sounding shakier and so...broken. Her words only furthered the ache that grew in the black femme’s chest.

As the dark ginger she-cat moved in closer, nudging her muzzle underneath the taller she-cat’s chin and leaning into their touch, she couldn’t help but feel her heart skip a beat. This was not the time to feel such things, for this was time meant for her to comfort the cat next to her. She didn’t need to be focusing on her own inner feelings, though she knew that something inside was shifting the longer the two of them sat together in an emotional embrace.

When she had begun speaking, Batear didn’t even have to question who she meant when she said ‘him’. Tigereye. Just as she thought, the source of the Medicine Cat’s sorrows was the loss of her Apprentice. Thankfully, Batear had never lost either of her Apprentices. She had been very lucky to be able to watch as they grew into Warriors of the clan. But regular Apprentices were different, or at least this was how she saw it.

With regular Apprentices, it started out the same most of the time. A six moon old kit is given their new name and position as an Apprentice, and they are assigned to a mentor to teach them. They learn all they can and perfect their skills alongside their mentor. Eventually, they develop enough skill and experience that they are promoted to a Warrior. They are given their Warrior name, are promoted to a Warrior, and no longer have to serve under a mentor.

Medicine Cat Apprentices were different. They didn’t have to become the Apprentice of the Medicine cat at six moons. If they had the potential or were chosen, they could really take on this role at any time in their life. They, similarly to a regular Apprentice, spend many moons training, learning about herbs, helping the Medicine cat with their duties of healing, and handling injuries. Once they had enough experience, they too were promoted, changed to an official Medicine Cat. But, unlike a Warrior, they remained under the teaching of their mentor. If she knew it correctly, Medicine Cat Apprentices remained under the watchful eyes of their mentor until the day the Medicine Cat either passed away or retired. This extension of time working together allowed the Medicine Cat and their apprentice to form a deeper bond, one not all Warriors could relate to.

When it came to Kindleflare and Tigereye, she knew that they had been close. But she had never known how close until now. As the broken feline spoke about her deceased Apprentice, speaking of him with such fondness mixed with sadness, Batear couldn’t help but feel remorse as well. When she mentioned talking to the tom with the help of one of the other Medicine Cats, it took her a moment to remember that Medicine Cats were able to do that. Yes, Tigereye was gone, but his soul remained in Starclan. With the connection that was shared between Starclan and a majority of the Medicine Cats, there were likely many things that they could do that regular Warriors couldn’t. Speaking to those that have been lost was one of them.

Her own sorrow for Kindleflare only deepened when her companion said that he had been like a son to her. The way she spoke of him, and how lost she seemed because of losing him, it broke Batear’s heart. She sounded so...lonely. So scared. So lost. She hated seeing this she-cat this way.

At the initially assumed end of her speech, the tabby began to shift, moving closer to the slender black feline and wrapping her tail around her. There was a chill that slithered up her spine at the touch, but not a shiver from the cold or of discomfort. Rather, a chill of contentment. That small and gentle yet agonizing voice filled her large ears once more, her words causing heat to rise within the dark Warrioress’ face.

You...needed to hear...my voice?

Why...mine?

Something stirred in Batear’s stomach and chest, something that was familiar, yet different. Where had she felt something like this before? She attempted to recall, but she had a hard time doing so. Though it took her a moment, there was suddenly a click, a recollection in her mind. She had felt this feeling before, but not in person. She had felt this in her dreams.

Vague memories of dreams nearly forgotten from moons ago. Dreams filled with herself, alongside a mere silhouette of a cat she didn’t know. She could never see the cat’s features, nor could she recognize their voice. But she remembered what they said. Things that she had, back then, fantasized about hearing spoken to her.

“I can never stop thinking about you. I dream of you every night. Every time I leave your side, I long to return. You make me feel whole when I feel broken. You take away my sorrows. I always...always...wish to hear your voice.”

I want to hear your voice.

I need to hear your voice.

Vibrant emerald eyes widened, both in shock and in realization. Those dreams...the cat she spoke to in those dreams...that cat had been a figment of her imagination. A fantasy. A dream...of what she would have wanted to hear...from a cat that loved her. From a cat that made her happy. From a cat that she loved in return.

The black she-cat seemed frozen in time for a moment, her eyes still wide and her heart beating hard within her chest. All those times that she had dreamed of a cat she longed to exist, all of that time wishing to find the love of her life. She had always had this assumption, this strange prediction, that it would be a tom. She also just sort of assumed that this cat, should they be real, would come from somewhere other than Lightningclan.

But...hearing those words...feeling this warmth...and that fluttering feeling in her stomach, like the majestic wings of a butterfly...maybe what she had been looking for was much closer and much more different than she had believed.

With this realization bursting from her inner thoughts, there was an overflow of emotion, confusion, and empathy that draped over the Warrioress’ shoulders. But also...almost a determination, if it could be called that. A yearning. An instinct. A need…..to be with Kindleflare.

That long and thin black tail lifted from the ground, wrapping around the Medicine Cat’s form with a gentle yet affirmative motion. She too leaned further in, pushing her shoulder and flank even more firmly against the other she-cat’s. She leaned her head forward just slightly, just enough that her chin only pulled the miserable femme closer. Her front paw, opposite of Kindleflare, lifted and reached across her own chest as much as she could, only stopping when her dark gray pawpads made contact with the other’s neck, the placement done gently and with a delicate touch. Her eyes, still filled with surprise but also understanding, slowly closed, and she began to rub her chin and either side of her face along her companion’s. This was all she wanted. This was what she had needed. For so long. She had needed this back when she was still having doubts about herself, doubts about her life. Now...it was Kindleflare’s turn.

“I know...that this is hard. It hurts. It makes you feel helpless. It makes you feel lost. It makes you wonder...if this was all worth it.” Her voice, somewhat shaky as well, but stabilized by her own will, faltered for a short moment, before it began again, this time more sure and knowing. “I promise you...it has been. All of it. All of the time spent with him. All of the time with him in your life. It cannot be replaced. But it will never be lost. No, he is not here...physically. But...he will always be in here.” As she finished this last sentence, the paw that she had moved to the Medicine Cat’s neck moved now to her chest, pressing gently against the other she-cat’s ginger and white fur.

She paused, allowing both herself and Kindleflare to relax further into the embrace they found themselves in. Batear took in a deep breath, the ginger tabby’s earthy and herb-flecked scent filling her nostrils and sending even more shivers down her spine. Every time she breathed in this scent, there was a wave of comfort that washed over her, occurring every time ever since she began talking more often with the she-cat. She had always assumed this to be the natural effect of being in a Medicine Cat’s presence. But with her newest revelations fresh in her mind, she knew this to be false. It was not being in the presence of a Medicine Cat that did this. It was being in the presence of Kindleflare.

“Kindleflare…, ” her voice caught in her throat, emotions attempting to interrupt what she was slowly building the courage to say. “When I was in a dark place. When I saw myself only for my flaws. When I believed that everything I did was foolish. You were there. You were there to remind me that I was wrong. That I was more than what I saw of myself. That I was worthy of everything I have. You were there…”

She took in a breath, allowing the smallest of smiles to pull at the corners of her jaws. “Thank you for believing in me. For reminding me of who I am. For...for being my eyes when I couldn’t see.”

With a growing heartbeat pounding in her chest, she slowly shifted, her voice becoming no more than a soft whisper in the she-cat’s ear.

“When you need shelter from the rain...when you need a healer for your pain...I will be there...time and time again.”

1709 | BlooRey DVD

I used loosely quoted quotes 9 and 11 from this site: thoughtcatalog.com/rania-naim/2016/02/25-exceptionally-romantic-song-lyrics-that-will-make-you-believe-in-love-again/

[BlooRey DVD]

"Some people see scars, and it is wounding they remember.
To me they are proof of the fact that there is healing.”

KIndleFlare

Batear's voice filled the mourning she-cat's ears, banishing the deafening silence that had been threatening her for so long. Banished the darkness, and the pain. This black warrioress brought with her a light unimaginably bright, so bright the LightningClan healer was certain she could spend the rest of her life doing nothing but basking in everything she was. Her warm green gaze, her dark ebony coat, and the scent that was so unequivocally Batear. In that moment, Kindleflare was certain she needed nothing more from her life than this she-cat before her.

She was her breath when Kindleflare felt she was drowning.

Every shift of the raven-colored she-cat's body reverberated through the ginger healer's, the fur along her spine standing on end as though given new life. The timid she-cat's heart stuttered, skipping a beat every time Batear's breath tickled her ginger ears. A shiver quaked her tabby coat as the blissful weight of the warrioress' words continued to settle deep in the healer's heart.

“Thank you for believing in me. For reminding me of who I am. For...for being my eyes when I couldn’t see.”

A swell bloomed deep within Kindleflare's heart, but for the first time in what felt like an eternity, it wasn't unpleasant. It was soft, warm, and so desperately needed, she couldn't help the soft whimper that escaped her maw through clenched jaws.

"I w-will a-always believe in y-you." She breathed as Batear fell silent, dark amber eyes finally opening to stare at the ground at her paws. Her heart hammered against the confines of her chest, and fleetingly the healer wondered if Batear could feel it where her black paw rested against a white-flecked ginger chest. A shift of her jaw caused a white fang to bite into her lip as a sudden mix of nerves and guilt settled in her very core.

You're l-lying to her. Just like y-you've been l-lying to yourself. Came a nagging thought in the depths of her mind.

Her whole body tensed under Batear's touch, Kindleflare's breath heaving into her lungs in what could only be called a gasp. Every fiber of her being screamed that she needed Batear to continue living. That if she were to pull away now, she would certainly collapse, fall beneath the insurmountable weight of the world. Yet she forced herself to do just that, her body cooling instantly as she pulled her fur away from Batear's and stepped forward a few paces.

Forcing distance between them in hopes that they both might be able to think clearly.

Unable to stop another small whimper, Kindleflare's eyes shut tight as she turned her face to the side as if she could hide from the truth. Tigereye was gone, and he wouldn't be coming back. He would never be back. But there were others that still walked this earth, padded along every day beside her that could bring her some form of joy if she let them in. But she couldn't do it while living a lie.

Fear struck a chord deep in her soul, overriding the grief that had washed over her for so many moons. It was a tsunami to nullify the tidal waves. She could lose whatever it was she and Batear had with what she planned to say next. But it was always easier to tear the cobwebs away in one fell swoop, rather than bit by painful bit. If this was not to be, let it be known now, so she might grieve all at once.

"B-Batear I.." She croaked, swallowing the lump in her throat as she tried to find the words to say. "Y-You h-have been... So much t-to me in recent m-moons, even if you n-never realized... You've b-been my light i-in the d-dark, not o-only tonight, b-but t-time and t-time again." Her claws flexed into the ground beneath her as she hung her head.

"W-When you w-walk away, I f-find myself counting the h-heartbeats u-until I see you again. Th-The world... O-Only makes s-sense when y-you're with m-me. B-But I... I haven't been honest. W-With myself, o-or with you. A-And I can't.. I c-can't lie t-to you anymore, e-even if only a l-lie by.. By o-omission." She rasped, feeling as though her heart were being torn asunder.

"I-I t-told myself.. It w-would never happen a-again. N-Not after P-Palescreech. I th-thought that b-by becoming a m-medicine c-cat, I could.. Could separate m-myself f-from these... Th-these m-matters of the heart. That I w-would be free f-from it all. But h-here I am, c-caught in the c-cobwebs once more. T-Trapped in.. In you, Batear. I-In everything y-you are, e-everything I kn-know you c-can be. A-And I d-don't know if... If I c-can keep t-telling myself there's n-nothing there. That I c-couldn't p-possibly fall again."

When she breathed in, the breath wracked her whole frame from nose to tail tip. "You d-deserve to kn-know so that... So that y-you can distance y-yourself if this i-isn't wh-what you w-want. If you c-can't bear to... To look a-at me ag-gain. But I, you..." A breathless laugh, tinged with something caught between bitterness and heartbreak cut through the night air.

"I th-think... N-No, I know th-that I... That you are..." Her teeth grit as her jaw tightened, the ginger and white she-cat forcing words to pass her lips despite the panicked voice screaming in her mind to stop, to stay quiet, to let them both live this lie.

"I've f-fallen for you, B-Batear."

Medicine Cat of LightningClan

82 moons. ~920 words. Abyss

[Abyss]

BATEAR

The gentle words spoken in her wide ears sent a wave of warmth through her body. The thought of someone, anyone, saying out loud that they believed in her was like a wish being fulfilled. A version of a wish, at least. She had been told these things before from others, such as her mother, and her father when she was young. It was always humbling when they would speak those words, and she always appreciated it. But, somehow, these words spoken from Kindleflare’s mouth were different. She couldn't quite figure out what it was. Or, rather, she knew, but just had trouble remembering, despite realizing only moments before.

All her life she had assumed herself to be a "traditional" she-cat, if it could be called that. When she thought of love, when she thought of mates, when she thought of soul mates and romance and love stories, she somehow always pictured herself on one side of the branch and a tom on the other. Both of the cats she had attempted to become something with previously had been Tom's. But both of those attempts had fallen through. She always thought that this was her own fault, that she was the reason they didn't stay. It had been her fault for speaking about the questionability of the Warrior Code to Mudpelt, and it had been her fault for speaking her mind about Panthercall's family affairs. It all had been her fault, in her mind. It hadn’t been a matter of compatibility, or emotional control, or just a lack of better communication. It had been her own doing.

But after consulting with Kindleflare a couple times, mulling over the true nature and reasoning behind her attempts failing, she realized that it hadn’t been completely her fault. This Medicine Cat- no, this she-cat- had helped her to realize that nothing was perfect. Relationships were not black and white, nor were they always compatible. Sometimes a bad pairing tries to come together, and don’t end up working in the end. And that was ok.

It had been Kindle that helped her realize this. And now, the same cat was helping her realize more about herself. Something else about herself revolving around relationships. Seeing as Medicine Cats weren’t allowed to have relationships such as those, it was strange to learn these things from one.

But, as she was continuing to discover during this alone time with her, this wasn’t just a Warrior having a talk with a Medicine Cat. This was two she-cats, one who was not allowed to take a mate and another who not too long ago believed herself unable to do so. This was two...friends? Would she even call Kindleflare a friend? She was far more than a friend, and she knew this now when the thought came to her. But, if that’s the case...what was Kindleflare to her?

Just as she began to rattle this question through her head, she found the warmth against her side and chest pulled away, her emerald gaze looking to her companion with confusion. For a mere moment, a thought came to her. Does she not want to be near me anymore? Just as quickly as the thought came, it disappeared, remembering the lessons of self-worth and non-self-depricating feelings Kindle had taught her about.

Looking at the Medicine Cat as she pulled away, and watching her for a moment, something changed. She seemed on edge all of a sudden, if not upset. The thought of Kindle being upset automatically sent Batear into the instinct of pushing forward to try and comfort the other or figure out what was wrong. But, against her own wishes, she remained where she was. It had been Kindle who pulled away, and if it turned out that Kindle had something to say, or no longer felt a need for Bat’s presence, she needed to respect that.

That sweet voice, broken and lost yet still so soothing to the ears, spoke once more. But rather than speaking of pain, or loss, or her reasoning behind her parting of their embrace, she began to talk of Batear herself. Her words caused the raven-furred she-cat’s mind to go blank, large ears taking in each word, stuttered or otherwise, as if these were the most important words she had ever listened to.

And the words themselves...they caused the heart within her chest to freeze, as though it stopped beating. She was...her light? Did she truly feel that way any time she left? The words that this she-cat said almost made her feel as though she were in a dream, some fantasy from when she was a much younger Warrior. Back before she had tried to become someone’s light, but failed each time.

As her voice continued to speak, a string of confusion wove its way through her chest. What could there be that Kindleflare would be lying to her about? Was it something else to do with Tigereye, or was this something else coming from the heart?

That what would never happen again?

What matters of the heart?

Despite having been a hopeless romantic all of her life, she somehow found herself lost in the trait she had long ago learned about herself. Had anyone ever told her things like these in a dream, she would have known exactly what they meant. But now, in this moment, with these things being spoken to her for real rather than in a fantasy, she was dazed.

Trapped...in me?

Nothing there? What would be there?

She felt her whole body grow eager, starting from her namesake and travelling down to her paws in just a moment. She wanted to know the answer, but rather than the answer, she was met with even more confusion.

Why would I….why would I….

And then came the words that brought everything- her thoughts, her dreams, her heartbeat- to a stop.

“I’ve f-fallen for you, B-Batear.”

This time she understood, as though everything she found veiled in darkness was brought into the light by the being in front of her. These words, they caused what could only be described as a tidal wave of thoughts and feelings through her entire lean body. Her heart began to pound against her chest, flurries of dragonflies fluttering through her stomach and heat beginning at the tip of her ears travelling throughout her. Despite the coolness of the night air, she felt as though she were basking in full sunlight. But, in a way, as her thoughts began to collect and break apart all at the same time, she found that this statement was still true.

She was basking in the sun. But not the sun in the sky. No, this sun was much closer. This sun took on a full physical form she could touch with her own paws. This sun continued to light her way even in the darkness of the night, and made her feel more than she ever had before. This was her sun. Kindleflare was her sun.

After having been silent for so long, her jaw partially opened as though every word she had ever learned to speak had disappeared from her knowledge, her eyes fell to her paws. So many thoughts tried to push their way through, to escape, to tell Kindleflare exactly what was going on in the midnight-coated feline’s mind. It was as though an entire clan was shouting at her, voicing their own input on the situation in her mind alone. Her eyes closed tight, her heart beginning to pound faster in her chest. For a split moment, she found everything around her blocked out. Kindleflare, the sound of crickets in the night, moonlight, her clan, the valley. Everything. Finally, at a sudden peak, the voices disappeared, and she returned, her eyes opening once more and looking to the she-cat at her side. Her gaze was now wide and full of a mixture of pure emotion and what she could only think to call eagerness.

“I- you- you are-...I...” It wasn’t very often that the lanky she-cat had trouble speaking, but she found her first attempt to let her feelings out had been too rushed. She took a deep breath, allowing the air to slowly leave her nostrils before she tried again, this time with a more collected approach.

“For most of my life...I always thought that...when and if I found a mate, or someone I loved...it would be a tom. All of my dreams when I was little, my fantasies and my thoughts, they always told me that I would seek out a tom to build a life with. I always thought that this was just...the way my life was meant to go.” She went silent for just a moment, glancing away from the she-cat at her side.

“I thought that I could come to be something with Mudpelt...but we weren’t as compatible as I thought. I made at least a small attempt at interacting with Panthercall...but that went sour rather quickly.” She felt her chest slightly tighten at the thought of what had happened between her and both of them. “During that time, I started to believe that...rather than end up with a tom to love me and to love in return...I wouldn’t have anyone. That I was truly meant to remain on my own.” Her eyes closed once more, but she slowly began to feel the tightness in her chest fade as they opened once more and looked directly at the cat beside her.

“That was when you came into my life. You had always been the Medicine Cat, but I had never seen or spoken with you that often. I always felt like I was meant to see you when I was injured, and nothing more. I always forgot that Medicine Cats are meant to help with matters of mentality also..…..that day I walked into your den, I felt as though I had never been lower in my life. My own thoughts made me feel as though I wasn’t worth the effort, and that I was supposed to be alone.” Her long and thin tail moved, lightly laying itself against Kindle’s. “But...you brought me out of that state. You showed me that I was worth more than I gave myself credit for. You helped me realize my mistakes and taught me how to overcome them. It was always you…” She swallowed down the lump that formed in her throat, her voice shifting to a more soothing and calming tone.

“You...were my light in the darkness too. You were one of the few I knew I could go to when I felt myself begin to freeze. You were always there for me even when you didn’t need to be. You...you became...my sun. My comfort. My warmth. My…..happiness. And...in all of that...you also made me realize...that these feelings...could come from more than just a tom. You made me realize...that maybe...I was just looking in the wrong place….when looking for the other half of my heart.”

A single black paw lifted from the ground and placed itself atop Kindle’s.

“It took me a while to realize, but….I think….I think I’ve fallen for you too.”

Lightningclan Warrior

1889

BlooRey DVD

[BlooRey DVD]

"Some people see scars, and it is wounding they remember.
To me they are proof of the fact that there is healing.”

KIndleFlare

The world stood still.

It didn't fall beneath her feet, it didn't cast her mercilessly into the skies.

It just... Stopped.

For a moment, she forgot what it was to breathe. Never in a ten thousand sunsets did she expect to hear the words Batear spoke to her just then.

"Maybe I was just looking in the wrong place... When looking for the other half of my heart.”

It seemed impossible. Absolutely impossible. Could she truly be the other half of this extraordinary she-cat's heart? She had no doubt in her mind, with the warmth blooming in the depths of her chest, that Batear was the other half of hers. But hearing it from someone else was... It was like she existed on another plane. She couldn't have heard that right. ...Right?

“It took me a while to realize, but….I think….I think I’ve fallen for you too.”

Slowly, wide amber eyes staring directly into emerald green the entire time, Kindleflare lifted her free paw.

It had to be a dream, right? After all, how could she have possibly found the courage to admit her feelings otherwise? How could Batear possibly feel the same if this was anything but some concocted fantasy, crafted from her deepest desires. It wouldn't have been the first time she'd dreamt of something like this.

When the paw she'd been lifting finally pressed to Batear's cheek, the LightningClan healer squeaked in a mixture of alarm and relief. It was warm. So indescribably perfect and warm, a detail she'd never quite managed to get right in those countless other dreams. Batear's cheek was soft, and warm, and real.

"I-I-I.. I'm n-not... Oh sweet g-gift of S-StarC-Clan... I'm n-not d-dreaming... Y-You're... You're h-here. Y-You're r-real. T-This is r-real." All she could do for a moment was stare at the moon-kissed ebony she-cat in front of her, perched as perfectly as any StarClan warrior, and three times as breath-taking.

"I c-can't b-believe... I a-actually s-said th-that o-out loud... And that y-you... You... M-Me? Are y-you s-sure? I m-mean, I'm j-just... We c-can't... Not th-that I'm n-not h-happy... S-StarClan I'm th-thrilled, j-just sh-shocked that you- Me? R-Really, m-me? Me? Even th-though I'm n-not-" Her jaws snapped shut suddenly, dark amber orbs wide as the full moon.

"... S-StarClan, Kindleflare, p-please shut up." She whispered to herself, skin heating up beneath her coat as her embarrassment finally settled in. With a smile caught half way between shy and sheepish, the ginger and white healer ducked her head in embarrassment. As mortified as she may have been, the medicine cat couldn't seem to keep her eyes off the ebony warrioress before her. Peeking up at her, she felt those little butterfly wings in the pit of her stomach when Batear met her gaze with an unflinching green gaze.

"S-Sorry, I c-can't... S-Seem to help m-myself... H-Has... Has a-anyone ever t-told you th-that... That in the m-moon's light, y-you l-look like you b-belong in S-StarClan. Y-You're... Beautiful. N-Night a-and day." Unable to stay as far from Batear as she was, the ginger tabby inched closer, close enough that she could gingerly press her nose to the raven-hued she-cat's silver-tinged shoulder.

As if she needed to confirm one more time that she wasn't dreaming. That Batear really had returned her feelings.

Medicine Cat of LightningClan

82 moons. ~550 words. Abyss

[Abyss]

BATEAR

It was hard to tell what was happening in those moments of silence. That complete quiet that passed between the two when she finished speaking, when she had finished allowing the deepest pits of her heart to fall from her jaws. It was...strange. Though nothing was said, it almost felt like they were having a wordless conversation with nothing more than eye contact. All of her struggles, all of her dreams, all of her wishes and worries and willpower, she saw it in front of her.

Within that deep amber gaze, those pools of the most vibrant and beautiful sunset orange, she saw herself. Not her reflection, no, far more than that. Something so much more important than a mere image of herself. What she saw could only be described...as the brightest, warmest, and most amazingly stunning star within the galaxy of her soul. And it was this star, this being, this exquisite she-cat that sat before her, that had made her feel what she had been desiring for nearly her entire life: complete.

It was movement at the corner of her emerald pools that brought the raven-furred Warrioress from her entrancement, her wide and rounded ears perking slightly at the paw that closed in on her face. The most gentle of touches, like the nuzzle of the softest and warmest kit, made contact with her cheek, sending a flurry of warm chills from the point of contact all the way to her tail. While she, for the briefest of moments, allowed herself to fall captive to this touch, a squeak startled her quickly from this state. Her vibrant hues widened, surprise flooding them at the sudden chirp.

Words made of the sweetest and most heavenly voice began to fall from orange and white jaws, their meaning unknown until they continued further. The last arrangement of words that she spoke, filled with a heaping dash of shock and relief, instinctually brought a smile to the ebony she-cat’s maw. She almost had the urge to release a chuckle. Kindleflare thought that she was a dream? That all of this was just a part of her imagination? No, she couldn’t hold it, the smallest of chuckles escaped her.

“You are adorable.” Her voice came out in a gentle and loving tone mixed with the deepest of purrs, her whole body experiencing the action.

Those words, though stuttered, so beautiful and alluring, began to erupt once more, slightly more rushed and in a daze. Though she wished to interject, she allowed the pour of confusion and meaning to fall, her gaze full of the emotion within her chest watching the Medicine Cat’s mouth move as she spoke. When she seemingly realized that she was getting lost in her release of verbal thought, her jaws closed rather suddenly, making the Oriental she-cat lightly tilt her head.

The next phrase that she spoke, and the expression that crossed her face, they made the beating heart within her chest both flutter and clutch. Her gaze turned away briefly, the full portion of her face unseen but the expression unmistakeable.

No, that would not do. Not for Batear. Her left paw lifted from the ground, the dark limb reaching out to gently place contact against the other’s chin. With a slow and smooth movement, she lifted the other’s face back towards her own. “No, don’t do that. How would I hear your beautiful voice?” Her own words came out as a whisper, but they were very openly meant to be heard. By Kindle, at least.

Now, as confident and bold as her movements and actions were, even she could internally feel the insanity that was what she was doing. On the outside, she did these things without hesitation. But on the inside, she could feel her heart pounding like a stampede of deer through the meadow. It was as though her body and voice had taken full control, leaving her mind to just sit back and watch. She felt as though she was watching the most genuine and romantic interaction between two felines who had been together for ages, an interaction she only ever saw herself experiencing in her dreams. But no. This was not two other beings. This was not a dream. This was her. And this was Kindleflare.

In the next moments, the orange tabby apologized, but began to speak of the black she-cat’s appearance. Me? Belong in Starclan? Beautiful? Her mind couldn’t fully process what had been said before the other began to move, pulling their previous closeness back. She felt the other’s muzzle press gently against her shoulder, and even more warmth spread through her, if it were possible by this point. For a moment, just a moment, she froze. But this was not the time to be freezing, and she reminded herself of this.

Like a magnet to its other half, the tall molly shifted closer, pushing her own short-furred side against the other feline’s. With a leap of her heart, she bent her neck slightly forward, leaning her head down slightly to place her neck and cheek against Kindleflare’s. There were times when Batear felt as though she were in a dream. Whether it be during a training session, or a Gathering, or just a casual conversation. But, in comparison to this moment, all of those seemed far smaller. This…this was a dream truly come true.

Lightningclan Warrior

898

BlooRey DVD

[BlooRey DVD]

"Some people see scars, and it is wounding they remember.
To me they are proof of the fact that there is healing.”

KIndleFlare

She'd lost count of how many times her heart had skipped a beat in those last few moments. A part of her wondered if perhaps she should be worried about such an irregular beating of her heart. But another part, a far larger part, remained suspended in these moments of bliss. That louder, stronger, happier part of her told her that everything was okay. Everything was perfect. And that she could stay in this moment for as long as she needed tonight. Herbs and medicine could heal wounds found on the surface. But those deeper ones, the scratches and gauges on the soul...

Medicine could do little to reach those depths. Yet, Batear's presence reminded her that there was a remedy for the wounds on the soul. She'd often heard it said that Time healed all wounds. But... Kindleflare was beginning to understand that Time was only a miniscule part of the equation. It was this... This... Warmth. This bliss. This... Love. Love healed all wounds, whether it be the love of friendship, the unconditional love of a parent for a child, or this.

So many pieces of her heart had been lost recently; from siblings, to parents, to Clanmates' lives that had slipped through her very claws. She'd begun to think she'd lose her mind, that she'd lose her soul to this profession where, no matter how hard she fought... In the end, she would lose. She would always lose in the eyes of someone. Grief, sorrow, disappointment... They'd eaten away at what little self esteem she'd had for so long...

Yet here she was. Still alive, and now? Now, she felt as though she were thriving. As she leaned into Batear's touch, basking in the brush of ebony fur against her cheek, Kindleflare recognized that she was truly living. A purr rumbled from the depths of her chest, unfiltered as she rubbed her face against Batear's.

It was funny how in a pawful of days, this dark coated she-cat managed to bring so much light into Kindleflare's life. Batear hadn't just... Blinked into existence one day. She'd always been around, but somehow Kindleflare hadn't truly seen her until a happenstance moment of weakness brought them together. As she breathed in, surrounded by Batear's scent... She felt safe again. Whole. Nothing else mattered to her but this moment in time with Batear.

And she didn't want it to end.

A blush warmed her fur as a sudden thought crossed her mind, dark amber eyes daring to peek up at her a moment. "I-I... I don't think... I c-can bear to s-see you w-walk away t-tonight..." She whispered softly into the night. The ginger healer didn't quite want this moment to end yet; the stars were beautiful up above, and there was something... Special about sharing the quiet hours of the night with someone like this. But when it came time to retire, when sleep beckoned them in its sweet embrace...

"W-Will you... W-Will you s-stay t-tonight? W-With me?"

Medicine Cat of LightningClan

82 moons. ~500 words. Abyss

[Abyss]

BATEAR

The silence that passed between healer and warrior, it wasn’t an unpleasant silence. No tension hung in the air, nor was there an aura of uncomfortability, but rather stability. They had stopped speaking in tongue, but their movements, their breaths, and the purrs that rumbled through their chests spoke for them. In that still moment, doused in light from the moon, the rest of the valley had disappeared, leaving nothing and no one but them. The rest of the clan, the other clans, Starclan, were all drowned out by the overwhelming sense of belonging that rushed through Batear’s heart.

She had always known that she belonged in Lightningclan; that statement was never something that she or anyone else questioned. A lithe and slender body, long legs built for speed, and short fur were traits always associated with those of the meadow-dwellers. But the true feeling of belonging came from more than just serving as a picturesque representation of a clan’s defining traits. No, it came from within as well. Sure, a cat could fit perfectly within their clan physically, but for that check off the list to really mean anything, one must feel as though they are meant to be where they are mentally.

For the longest time, the black Oriental Warrior knew one of those things to be true for herself, but the other? It was questioned. A lot more than she cared to admit. She had lost her father long ago, her mother had grown quite old and would likely be joining Starclan rather soon, and her long-lost brother hadn’t been seen in ages. With her failed attempts at gaining a partner in Mudpelt and Panthercall, she had very few left. She had her twin, Crowface, though the two of them didn’t talk as family too often. She had Mousepaw, who was basically her son by this point, though he was still so difficult to integrate into the clan fully. She had Thistletongue as well, but they hadn’t spoken in a while. And then there were those she was obligated to connect to, such as Nightstep, Brightpool, and Owlmind. Not that she didn’t feel connected to them, of course.

But, besides those, she was saddened to think that there weren’t many who made her feel whole. Despite those that she did have, there was always that hole in her heart, likely placed there by the combination of losses in her father and in her brother. Had she been asked not too long previous, she would have said this hole would always be there. That a part of her would always be missing. And perhaps that still remained true. But in this moment, this scene on the hill under the star-kissed sky, she had never felt more complete.

The inner nervousness and shock that had formed in her stomach moments ago began to fade the longer the two she-cats embraced. Bright emerald pools closed, and a midnight black nose gently breathed in Kindleflare’s scent, as though she were a fully-bloomed flower within the field. Like a puzzle piece, she felt this warmth, this scent, this feeling, replace what was once loneliness and scrutiny. Finally, she had found what she had been looking for all along.

Love.

Their fur lightly brushed together as the orange tabby gently pulled away, her sunset-colored gaze peering up at the other. When green pools opened to meet the other, she found a rather longing expression cross the other’s face. And what she said. Batear felt the strings within her chest lightly pull at her heart. Momentarily, her gaze shifted to the Warriors den, back to where her nest was. For just a second, a pang of sadness shot through her at the thought that she may have to walk away, the opposite of what she was told. She didn’t want to walk away, not after all that they had said to one another. If she could, she would drag that nest out of the Warriors den and put it within the Medicine Den. Or, better yet, use the materials from her nest to make Kindleflare’s larger, large enough to comfortably fit two… Then again, neither of them knew what sort of reaction this new personal discovery would bring from their clanmates. Neither could truly say or predict whether or not their new feelings for each other would be approved of, considering Kindle’s rank.

But the other’s voice brought her eyes back, wide ears slightly perking at the question. That soft voice, quiet yet full of emotion, and the question that she asked, those were enough to bring her mind to its decision. Regardless of what the others would think, regardless of whether it not it was wrong or right, Batear wanted to stay by Kindleflare’s side, if not all the time, then at least for this night.

Emerald eyes softened, a small smile pulling at the corners of her jaws.

“Of course.” Her voice had grown softer with only two words, but it did not lose any of the emotion that it had felt throughout all of this.

Her cheek lightly brushed against the other she-cat’s before she slowly stood, lifting her head from its bent position. Though she wished for her sights to stay on Kindle, her head turned for a few heartbeats, glancing at the moon. A single ear twitched, an unreadable thought crossing her mind, before she turned again, beginning a slow pace towards the Medicine Cat den. At first she walked slow to ensure the other was following, but even when she did feel a brush of fur against her own, she remained walking slow, in an attempt to lengthen their time together.

When they did reach the back of the herb-filled-and-scented den, her gaze scanned over the nest that Kindleflare usually slept in. She wasn’t entirely sure of whether or not the fit would be perfect, but to test it was worth it. She stepped forward, long dark legs folding neatly underneath her in a slight curve around the inside of the nest. Her eyes came back to her companion, motioning with her long tail for the other to join her.

Lightningclan Warrior

1022

BlooRey DVD