[Deleted]

Come on now
I hear you're feeling down
Well, I can ease your pain
And get you on your feet again

---

It had only been so many days since the new Medicine Cat Apprentice had been announced in front of all of Treeclan, and while she had been given time to rest and adjust to her new life, the waiting period was over. The small tabby tom who occupied the position of Medicine Cat was about to push his new apprentice to the edge. He may have not been the most conventional mentor but he would mold her away from what Lionstar had taught her as a warrior.

Things worked differently as a cat on the sidelines, a cat who didn't partake in battles and wars, didn't worry about the state of alliances between the clans, didn't bother to remember who hated who during which season. Their duty was to the injured and sick, and whether the leaders liked it or not, their duty for those sick and injured didn't always belong the same clan. Aside from all these changes, the hardest thing for a cat with such a big heart like Bluejay would have to adjust to, would be the wide variety of death.

Small, sandy brown paws made their way into the den after returning from the frost covered world in an attempt to find more herbs. His tail twitched emotionlessly, he had been unsucessful, but it hadn't seemed to bother him. If Starclan had not offered him the means to keep his sick clanmates alive, then it meant that they weren't destined to live. His blank teal eyes caught sight of Bluejay looking over the silver tabby pelt of his sister, Silverwisp.

He wondered if the interest in Silverwisp's life was because her own sister had not survived when the silver tabby had been spared, barely, but still left in this world and not in Starclan. Littletimber already understood why Pinkcloud had been called to Starclan at such a young age, and whether or not Bluejay understood it, this path was already laid out in front of her paws. Pinkcloud would always been her sister's guide.

Flickering his tail once more, the tiny tom sat down in the snow that covered the ground and curled his tail around his paws. "Bluejay." He called, his high pitch voice almost seeming to echo off the snow like the weak sunlight would reflect. There was never any way to try and figure out what the little tom was thinking. Blank expression, monotone voice and eerie expressionless eyes, Littletimber was a blank slate that would never have words to describe him.

He waited properly for his apprentice to wander over to where he sat, those teal orbs watching her every movement. Just over her shoulder, he could see the outline of Pinkcloud sitting next to Silverwisp, as if she were there watching Bluejay take care of the sick and injured. Moving those cold orbs from the figure of the Starclan cat, they came to rest on the blue-gray she-cat as she took her place in front of him.

"Your first lesson is... Death." Littletimber said after a moment. Not one to sugar coat things, Littletimber believed that emotions and attachments were the downfall of all warriors. Their hearts and emotions are what led to battle and wars, what led to death. It was important for Bluejay to understand this, to understand that death happened and there was no way to stop it. "You must not carry the death of every cat with you. It will slowly destroy you." He said after a moment, letting his words sink in.

He had watched the blue-gray she-cat deteriorate after her sister's death, if she held on to all deaths the same way, she would slowly die herself. She would die in the most painful and torturous way.

"You job is to heal what you can. You cannot save all of Treeclan."

It didn't matter what they did, if Starclan was ready for a cat, Death would come and claim them. Littletimber knew that over time Bluejay would have to accept the Black cat, with hollow holes for eyes, who claimed their clanmates. There was no stopping Death.

---

Relax

I'll need some information first

Just the basic facts

Can you show me where it hurts?

[Insidious]

She had taken the adjustment to the life of a medicine cat well. It made sense, after all, for she had always loved to help. It felt like she was doing something for her clan that she was meant to do. That she had ever been trained as a warrior in the first place seemed to be one thing among many that had went wrong.

She checked Silverwisp for any signs of recovery. She was doing remarkably, and Bluejay offered a soft smile to show she was happy for her. It was sometimes sad for her to think that while her sister had died, this cat, and Littlestep, too, had lived, but she wouldn't hold anything against them for breathing. Bluejay was genuinely pleased that TreeClan didn't lose more lives than it needed to that grim afternoon. One day, hopefully soon, Silverwisp would stop feeling like she had done the medicine cat apprentice an injustice. One day, hopefully sooner, Bluejay would be able to tell her that she hadn't done anything wrong, and that she had her forgiveness even though she didn't need it.

Littletimber's voice broke through her thoughts, and she lifted her head, surprised. It was so easy to get consumed in her work, but a small interruption would do her some good. "Yes?" She mewed politely, excusing herself from Silverwisp's side with an apologetic flick of her tail. She settled in front of her mentor, her interest undivided despite feeling the immense urge to look over her shoulders and check on their patient one last time.

What he said caught her off guard, and for a moment, just one, her eyes mirrored the blankness that she saw in his own everyday. Death? She tried to even out her breaths and, more importantly, not to panic. Where her mentor seemed to feel nothing, she felt everything, to the point that she already almost had been destroyed by it when her sister died. Of course she understood that death was inevitable, but was it not her job, now, to do everything in her power to prevent it when possible, and to keep each cat that passed in her care in her heart?

"But -" She paused, her shoulders sagging. " - I know that, but I won't be able to pretend it doesn't affect me when someone dies. That's who I am, Littletimber." A sad smile appeared on her face, willing him to understand their differences. "I've been shouldering other cats' pain for as long as I can remember. It's hard sometimes, but I like doing it. I like to help everywhere that I can." It wouldn't destroy her without a fight. She didn't know as well as Littletimber did - not yet, anyway - how hard a medicine cat's job could sometimes be, but she was prepared to learn, and she knew that she would be able to help so many cats emotionally by simply being willing to listen.

@ghostlight