[Abyss]

[googlefont="Nunito"]

You would think that with as much exhaustion as his body had endured recently that sleep would come easily. That he would be able to curl himself up within his newly-moved nest, close his eye, and just drift away into deep sleep. But, in the moons since the earthquake, sleep hadn’t come easily to him anyway. Nightmares of watching his clanmates falling into the rift that shook and grew within the valley. The imaginary scenarios of seeing his clanmates, and even the cats of the other clans, huddled together with thin and malnourished bodies, in mourning for their loved ones while also suffering from their own ailments. On rare occasions a pleasant dream would reach him, like a mashed-up version of all of his Apprentices’ ceremonies. Whitecry, Tigerblaze, and Wisteriapaw all in one big ceremony, with himself and…well…others too.

But other times he found that he had no dreams or nightmares. You can’t have any when you don’t fall asleep to begin with. And it seemed like this was going to be one of those nights, when his thoughts were too loud for him to relax.

All he did was toss and turn, forcing himself to keep his eye closed under the hope that it would push him into sleep. But it wouldn’t work, and sooner or later he gave up. His large white body laid to the side while his chin rested right-side-up on the edge of his nest, staring ahead at the thick brambles that formed the den.

It had only been two days since he traveled to the Mooncrystal Cavern with Sageheart, Brackenstride, and Orioleflight. He had made that trip as Whitehawk, one of the two Deputies tasked with leading Gorgeclan. And he had returned home as Whitestar, the first official Leader of Gorgeclan. It was still…it was hard to believe. Even after Sageheart’s message informing him that they had asked for him, even after seeing the cavern and meeting personally with Starclan, even after experiencing what it was like to receive the nine lives of a Leader…he still couldn’t believe it. It had never been his goal in life to become a Leader, but here he was.

He was grateful for the position, he was honored to have been picked for it, and from the moment he told Ivyflare he was ready to begin the ceremony he knew that he would dedicate everything he had into the clan. He would lead them, he would be there for them, he would make sure that they thrived no matter what happened to them. He would bring them together.

But…at the same time…it was very different than what he had expected. Granted, he had never really considered what the life of a Leader was like, so he didn’t really know what to expect. All he had to base his thoughts off of was what he had seen most of his life: other Leaders. Hawkstar. Smokestar. Birdstar. All of them were different in their own ways. But, out of all of them, he found himself thinking to Birdstar the most, for he had been different than the other two in his own way. He had many things that he did in his own way, but the most prominent thought was one thing in particular that he did: he slept in the Warriors den. Even after he became a Leader, he chose to sleep with the Warriors, never sleeping in what was meant to be the Leader’s Den.

Even though during his ceremony Hawkstar himself had instructed White to never compare himself to other Leaders, he couldn’t help it, especially in this scenario when the thought was so relevant. Should he continue to sleep with the Warriors instead of in this den? Would that make everyone feel closer to him? Would that help bring everyone together, showing that he didn’t view himself as higher than any of them? Or should he stay in this den because that was the traditional way? A part of his duty was to bring the clan together, to forge those from different backgrounds into one, to show that they were all equal and that they were all apart of the same clan. The last thing that he wanted was for any of them to think that his position made him see himself as higher, nor did he want to show ANY form of favoritism towards anyone, especially not those originally from Stoneclan. Everything had to be equal. But…was there being a Leader’s den actually equal? Should he differentiate himself from others, as Birdstar had done? Should he try to be unique and break away from tradition? Would Starclan even approve of that?

A sigh fell from his maw, his head lolling to the side. His mind was racing, but, on the bright side, he had managed to push aside some of his typical worries…for now. Ones that had plagued him on a daily basis before.

A part of his mind drifted, thinking back to the ceremony. Last night his mind had been focused in on the ceremony as well, but last night he had been thinking the most about all the things he had physically felt. Tonight he had something else on his mind.

“You care for your Clan as your family and because of that, you could never do anything to harm them." “Don't let your duties and worries make you lose who you are." “A proper Warrior knows that glory and greatness come with time, as does a proper Leader.” “Never let your hope in the goodness of others blind you.” “Anything could happen. And when it does, you must be ready to keep your clan safe." “To serve your clan for as long as possible." “You're a worthy, capable and strong Warrior. You're a dedicated teacher, and you carry with you my hopes for a prosperous future for GorgeClan.” “One is not born a leader; one is formed into one.

All words spoken by those who had given him his lives. All of them had a different life and a different message to give him. And all of them had reached straight through him directly to his chest. He took all of their messages to heart and wanted to use all of them to push forward. Though, as he laid restless alone in his nest, a scent reached his nose, one he presumed was because of his flashbacks. And he found his cheeks growing warm.

"I couldn't have picked a better cat for her."

"Nice catch, man, she's a beauty. I'm sure you'll be a great dad."

His entire face flushed and he shifted, burying his face into the side of his nest. “Damnit Nightpetal.” He whispered, almost hearing the old and playful tom’s laughter in his head. Even a few days later, thinking of both Nightpetal and Wolfclaw’s words made his fur fade into a pink shade. They talked as if me and her are mates! What were they trying to say?! We aren’t mates! We don’t…even…I…she…do…I don’t know…do I…like…-

Pawsteps brought him out of his trance, and the scent from before, the one that he thought had been in his own head, was far stronger. He quickly rolled himself back up and lifted his head, peering with open eyes at the entrance to the den. And there was…

“Orioleflight?” This is literally the worst possible timing! Did Nightpetal do this?! He shook his head rapidly for a moment, wiping a giant paw against his face in the hopes that the intense warmth beneath his fur would go away. He looked back to her, both concerned and nervous.

“Is something wrong?”

1269 | Amber | Notes

[Amber]

[googlefont=Parisienne][googlefont=Jost]

Orioleflight

Dark rain fell in sheets around them. The sky, which had moments before been a bright, sunny blue, was suddenly gray and cold, as icy winds blew rain into their coats. The earth rumbled around them, the sound growing louder and more menacing with each step. Still, onward they pressed. Escape was vital. Indistinct pelts pressed in on either side, the mass of cats pushing forward, desperate to make it to safety. Lightning flashed above, followed a heartbeat later by a crack of thunder. Suddenly, screams filled the air as the rumble of thunder above turned into a cracking and tearing below. The ground opened up, and the screams increased as cats fell into the void. Her head whipped around, trying to find a safe path out, trying to make sure her most important cats were safe.

A strong press against her left flank drew her attention, and her heart melted at the large silver and black cat beside her. Wide, fear-filled amber eyes met with a calming green-gold and she pressed herself further against him. “Daddy, I’m scared. What do we do?” A gentle lick between her ears before his deep voice rumbled out, “Press on. Stay strong, little bird. I’m right here.” With a shaky nod, she took a step forward, but hesitated when she didn’t feel Wolfclaw step with her. She spun around, but the familiar shape of her father was nowhere to be seen. “Daddy? Daddy!” She began to panic, darting back and forth among the faceless cats around her, searching frantically for Wolfclaw. “Daddy, where are you? I can’t...I can’t do this without you...”

“Orioleflight!”

Orioleflight whipped around, immediately bounding toward the sound of her name. She skidded to a halt at the edge of a chasm, eyes darting around, but no one was there. Tears filled her eyes. “Daddy! Daddy, where are you?” She screamed into the sky, feeling desperately alone.

“Orioleflight...”

It was a whisper this time, and her eyes shot to the right. A few tail-lengths away, half-dangling over the edge of the rift before her, a tortoiseshell she-cat that wasn’t there a moment ago was staring at her. “Mom!” She raced over, immediately trying to reach over to snag her teeth into Crowdance’s scruff to pull her back onto solid ground. As soon as she got close, though, the ground beneath he mother’s chest began to shift, causing Orioleflight to back off before she caused them to fall. “Mom...” Crowdance smiled at her as Orioleflight lowered herself to the ground, tears stinging her face. “It’s okay, little bird.” Orioleflight shook her head. “No, no it’s not okay. I can’t lose you.” The earth began to shift again, and she lunged forward, teeth snagging in Crowdance’s scruff. The edge of the chasm fell away beneath them, and Orioleflight heard a scream as they found themselves falling. She lost her grip and Crowdance and suddenly she was alone, falling into a dark void, the only sound her own scream of terror.

* * * * *

There was no screaming, no flailing, nothing to indicate one of the warriors had woken in a panic. Orioleflight’s amber eyes shot open and her claws were tangled in her nest, clutching tightly, but she had perfected the art of not awakening others from their slumber. Her chest heaved as she tried to regain her composure, trying to soothe herself and remind herself that it was only a dream, that she was safe. After a few moments, once she began to calm, she looked over to a nearby nest, but was confused to find it empty. ‘Oh, right.’ Herondive had been assigned a moonhigh patrol tonight, so was not sleeping in the den. Her usual comfort otherwise occupied, Orioleflight rose slowly. Maybe the night air would be enough to soothe her. Carefully, she picked her way between the sleeping cats and towards the den entrance. Poking her head out, she could see that the snow that had started in the afternoon had continued. For a moment, she debated going back to her nest, but the thought of more nightmares stopped her. Taking a bracing breath, she stepped out, taking a few steps out of the den before settling down into a sit, curling her tail over her paws for extra warmth. Tilting her head back toward the sky, she took in deep breaths of the cold air, her eyes falling closed.

She sat for a while, her heart rate gradually slowing, but before she knew it, the wind began to pick up, tugging at her short coat and chilling her. She wasn’t quite ready to face her nest yet, but she couldn’t stay out much longer. With a sigh, she rose to her paws and started to drop her head. On its way down, her eyes caught on the leader’s den and paused. She was friends with Whitestar, and often found herself wanting to be closer to him. But, so far, the only cat she trusted with the vulnerability of her nightmares was Herondive. Could she really open herself up to another? She was always her most vulnerable after one. She stepped closer to his den, still debating with herself. On the one paw, she had trouble trusting anyone this deeply. On the other, he had practically saved her life during the earthquake. If he hadn’t found her and carried her, she would’ve collapsed from overexertion and who knows what would’ve happened to her then. She was slowly walking across the camp when a sudden realization stopped her. She wanted to be able to trust him with this. Frozen, snow flurries drifting down around her, she considered this new sensation. She wanted to open herself up to him, she wanted to be able to be vulnerable around him. Herondive had always been a dear friend, but really, her knowing about the nightmares was more out of an initial desperation than anything. Up until now, she was the only one she could trust enough to protect her at her most vulnerable, but now she wanted to expand that support system. The feeling set knots into her stomach, but also brought to mind all of the other feelings being around Whitestar brought up. The butterflies, the comfort, the smiles.

With extra determination in her step (and before she could self-doubt her way out of it), she closed the rest of the distance to his den entrance. It wasn’t until she reached the den and was in the process of peeking her head in that she realized what time it was, and that he was probably fast asleep. That realization had her frozen in the entrance, silent, as her eyes peered into the darkness. If he wasn’t awake, then she’d leave, instead of disturbing him--

“Orioleflight?”

‘Oh.’ He was awake. She flinched back slightly, ears falling back and down, not at all expecting him to be up. She didn’t move from her position in the entrance, though. Amber eyes met his golden one for a moment, and her heart kicked up a notch. Could she really do this? “Is something wrong?” His gentle tone absolutely melted something inside of her, and she stepped forward cautiously, fulling entering the den. “I, um...can I...I had...um...” She looked down, shaking her head firmly and gritting her teeth against her awkward words. ‘Just get it over with.’

“Can I...stay with you, for a while? I had a nightmare, and...I usually lay with Herondive, but she isn’t back yet, and...I really don’t want to be alone.” Keeping her eyes fixed on her paws, she tried not to fidget, but couldn’t help the slight shifting of her weight as she waited for his response.

Sometimes.. The world finds it necessary to remind you of the good that it can hold, even when the bad seems to be taking hold all around you.

[Abyss]

[googlefont="Nunito"]

He wasn’t sure what he was feeling, besides everything. General happiness, since seeing his clanmates always brought him comfort. Concern, as one of said clanmates was coming to him in the middle of the night. Anxiety that this could mean something was happening or something really was wrong. Flustered, as it was Orioleflight of all cats who had come to his den in the middle of the night. Further concern, because she had never approached him like this, and she looked worried and or stressed. Also embarrassment, since she had just been on his mind right before she arrived, and his flushed state that came from his thoughts hadn’t gone away yet. Thank Starclan it was dark and it probably wasn’t visible.

When he spoke, at first she didn’t move; she almost seemed surprised. Was…she not expecting him to actually be awake? But then why would she have come here? She took a few steps forward into the den and she started to speak, but she didn’t really get any words out. He tilted his head a tiny bit, brows furrowing. Clearly something was wrong. But it didn’t seem like it was something huge like danger in the camp or anything, else she would have been in a hurry to retrieve him. He knew that if any threat ever did come to the camp, she would be one of the first to step forward and gather everyone together to face it. She would be one of the first to let him know if he didn’t already. Her dedication was unmatched. That fire in her…it was real, and it was strong, this he knew with complete certainty.

She spoke again, this time getting out what she was trying to say. Can she…stay with me? The warmth in his cheeks had just started to fade, and it came right back. She had a nightmare, but she usually laid with Herondive. Did that mean that she had nightmares often? A part of him wanted to know if that was the case, and if it was, what brought her into awful dreams like that so often? But she had never mentioned this to him before, and even though the two of them were…well, they were close, he thought. They were friends, or at least he assumed they were, and they had spent at least some time together. But he was almost sad to say that they actually didn’t talk too often, not about anything other than clan business, at least. Although he cared about her, and he could assume that she cared about him too, in a professional sense anyway from what he knew, he wasn’t sure she would feel them close enough to talk to him about that.

“Oh! Uh- I..y-yeah! Of course! T-That’s fine. I’d be glad to keep you company.” A shiver went down his spine and he tried to shake his nerves, swiping quickly at his face with a large paw to swat away the warmth while her eyes were turned away. He took a deep breath, shifting himself and scooching to the side in his nest.

A part of him grew worried. He was a big cat, and while his nest was bigger than normal to match that, he doubted that it could fit two big cats. Then again, Orioleflight wasn’t really big, so maybe? He suspected that there was enough room for her to fit, but at the same time, they would likely be against one another, depending on how she laid down… He tried his best not to think about that. Not that he wouldn’t be ok with it, but he didn’t want her to feel the sheer amount of heat that would spread through his whole body if he kept thinking on it.

“I uh….i-if it feels too crowded just let me know, I’ll try to make more space..”

His heart pounded in his chest and his pupils were round as a smooth stone. Out of all things, Whitestar had never been good with she-cats. That was something that those closest to him always picked on him for. When it came to things being about the clan or about the camp or about survival, or anything that wasn’t based around emotion or socialization, he was fine. He had grown quite good at maintaining a professional stance with all cats when it came down to it. But in times like these, when it was just himself and a she-cat, alone, not talking about business? He felt like he was going to melt.

757 | Amber | Notes