[Silver]

Silverglade

I stand alone between my heart and the coming danger that lies ahead.

Loner || Queen || 22 Moons

 //A distant orange glow in the darkness. Paws hitting the ground. Out of breath, out of time. Need to get there. Need to save them. Voices crying in the dark. A beloved's cry pleading for her to save them all. Loss and grief and no way out. Lost and alone, all gone they were all gone. A tiny mewling cry. The darkness closing in. No more stars. It hurt and she couldn't breathe. Can't breath, can't breathe, CAN'T BREATHE!//

A gasping cry filled the air and suddenly Silverglade was on her feet. Blue eyes darted around as her lean frame shook and her heart pounded. Nearby slept Sandkit, undisturbed by his mother's waking. For a moment she didn't remember where she was and she panicked, then the familiar scents of the Medicine Den filled her nose and she forced herself to calm. She was safe. She was in Stone Clan. That dream though...she knew it wasn't a dream.  

More like a nightmare, one she'd been having a lot lately. Immediately she couldn't keep still and even though she knew she shouldn't head out without a Warrior present with her, her paws were already moving as she ran from the Nursery and all the shadowed terrors that threatened to drown her in sorrow.

She ran without thought until finally her body collapsed again near a familiar smelling pond. She could smell water and knew she'd come to the Sky Springs that she could remember from her tour of the territory. Grief shot through her, hard and fast, threatening to cut off her breathing again. She couldn't...she couldn't do this! "Why did you have to die and leave me alone?! I can't do this by myself. I see your faces whenever I close my eyes and it's worse because I couldn't save you! I know there was nothing I could have done, but I still should have been with you! I didn't...I didn't even get to say goodbye. And my kits...they must have been so afraid. And I'll never see their curious eyes ever again. So tell me why?!"

Silence greeted her words and only Star Clan heard her grief-stricken cries. She was alone; something she hadn't been in ages. Yes she still have Sandkit, but she missed the warm reassurance of a larger form next to her own when she slept. She missed the gentle teasing when she was angry and the soft words when she was upset. Before now, she hadn't let herself feel the loss of the tom that had taught her so much about life and living for more than herself. She hadn't let herself think about the three tiny faces that had tumbled over each other to talk to her and would often forget themselves and sit on their smaller brother Sandkit.

She missed their warm greetings and purring affections and the nuzzles against her side and the feeling of knowing she was safe and loved. She missed knowing she had someone she could trust absolutely and without any doubt at her back. She missed knowing she could let herself be protected and that she in turn was trusted to protect another.

Her ears tilted backwards as a small cry left her in the silence of the night. She curled her long tail around herself and stared blankly into the starlit pools before her. Where were her stars now when she needed them? Where were the stories she'd so relied on when she was a kit herself? She needed something like that now, as her world fell apart. Slowly, painfully, she began to talk to her stars and whatever power lie within them. "Oh my stars, my dearest stars. Why are you so silent tonight? Where are your stories of adventures long ago and of lives enjoyed in freedom and strife? I usually hear them so clearly, but tonight all you give me is silence." She looked into the starlit pool before turning her azure gave skywards. "I know Star Clan is up there, I believe that. Which means all my dear ones lost to me must be up there too watching over me, right? Would they be ashamed of me, I wonder, for breaking apart like this when I need to be my strongest for Sandkit?"

She snorted, knowing the answer already to that question. Dappleback would tell her to stop being so silly. Her sometimes overpowering emotions were something that he'd been endeared by. He told her that he'd never met a cat that felt so deeply as she did and it was something that had caught his eyes from the moment he'd laid eyes on her. She remembered being embarrassed by that, but also pleased. Now though, it was that same trait that haunted her with faces she'd never see again and a life she no longer got to live. She was alone in a strange land surrounded by cats that weren't her group.

They were kind, yes, but they weren't those she had come to know and vowed to protect. She'd failed them. She'd failed her family and the group that relied on her as one of their strongest protectors. She'd let them fall to fire while she'd been away hunting. It hurt, and looking up into the stars now she wondered if they'd ever forgive her.

She fell silent then, watching the stars and letting their quiet ways soothe her devastated heart just that little bit. She knew she'd take what solace she could get from her beloved stars so that she could go back to Sandkit and go back to pretending she was still the same strong she-cat he needed her to be.

--

Words: 946
Tags: Phoenix

My fate is unknown, but I will remain strong.

[Phoenix]

i'm an angel with a shotgun fighting 'til the war's won

Something peculiar happened every evening when the sun fell below the horizon and the last remnants of the daytime retreated from the sky. The world transformed. Cloaked in darkness, the demons of the night came out to play, and taking advantage of the silent stillness of the night, they made imaginations run wild and dug up vivid memories better left forgotten. Ospreywing was well acquainted with these little beasts. He knew how shadows came to life and how even the largest den suddenly seemed too small, too smothering. On those nights, it would not be until he burst free of the confines of the burrow and threw himself out into the open air that he would feel as though the weight on his chest had finally been lifted so he could breathe. They had plagued him since his youth, interrupting what should have been a restful sleep, until he had learned that it was easier, on most nights, to not sleep at all than to even attempt to find rest. As a result, he had become very familiar with the tranquility that fell over the camp at the witching hour, and, it was at his usual post by the warrior’s den that he sat tonight, a lone figure illuminated by the pale moonlight.

A sudden, choked off cry broke the silence, and he jolted to his paws, heart hammering against his ribs as claws slid from their sheathes. Yellow eyes peered around camp, searching for the shadowy figures of the attackers climbing over the rocks and flooding their camp in an overwhelming wave. That was how it happened last time. He remembered it perfectly, the brief flicker of confusion as he was woken by shouts and yowls before he had seen the violence and understood with sudden, terrible clarity that they were under attack. He and Skunkspots had lost everything that night because they had been caught off guard, because he had only been a kit, unable to defend anyone. Never again. With this resolve beating back the terror that curled around his heart, he glared into the darkness, daring whatever – whoever – had let out that cry to even try to get to his sister.

But he needn’t have worried, for moments later, a pale figure bolted from the nursery as if her life depended on it. As he watched, Silverglade raced across camp, entirely unaware of his presence by the warrior’s den, and fled through the exit – running from what, he could only guess, but their land or not, StoneClan’s territory was no place to be alone at night. Their enemies were out there, waiting for the perfect moment to strike… He had to move quickly. After casting a glance into the warrior’s den and making sure his sister’s slumbering form was still there, still safe, Ospreywing made for the exit. And then hesitated. He turned loped over to the nursery, and once he ensured that Sandkit was still sleeping soundly despite the absence of his mother, the warrior finally allowed himself to abandon his post.

Even in the sunlight, StoneClan’s territory seemed vast, and the sensation was only compounded after shadows claimed the land; far above his head, the wide expanse of the starry sky stretched from horizon to horizon, and the infinite number of stars made even the smallest area of StoneClan’s land seem limitless. But, intent on locating the wayward she-cat, the tuxedo tom paid no mind to the quilt of stars that blanketed the land. Had he hesitated any longer, he might have lost her trail to the cool breeze, and as it was, he had to work to follow it – until he recognized the path under his paws and realized where she must have fled. Still moving quickly but without as much urgency as before, he retraced their steps from earlier and found himself standing among pools of starlight.

He recognized Silverglade’s pale figure collapsed by one of them, but instincts had him pausing for a moment. A brief survey of the area ensured that they were alone. For now, they were safe. His focus returned to the loner-turned-queen, and quietly, slowly, he began to approach her. In the time it had taken him to reach the pools, he had realized that she must have let out that haunting noise (for now that he considered about it, the shout had not sounded nearly as aggressive as he had originally thought), and that whatever had sparked that reaction had also caused her to flee the den. Seeing Sandkit asleep in his nest had first planted the idea in his mind, and the sight of the young mother’s broken form by the pool of stars watered it. He, too, had spent many nights biting back cries of terror that welled up in his chest. He, too, had fled from the overpowering claustrophobia that always seemed to arrive moments after a nightmare had forced him awake. He knew what it was like when the demons attacked, and he knew now, with sudden confidence, that Silverglade had demons of her own.

He also knew that she might not appreciate his presence.

And so it was with careful steps that he quietly approached her, stopping before he drew too near. ”Silverglade.” Announcing his presence by calling her name, he realized belatedly that he had no idea what to do now. Ospreywing hadn’t wanted to startle her by suddenly appearing at her side out of the darkness, but having drawn attention to himself, he did not know how to proceed. Did he ask if she was okay? It seemed a foolish, useless question, for even a blind cat could have seen that she was very much not okay. Something had happened that night, and it had left her raw and hurting, with a plethora of painful emotions on the forefront of her mind. A better cat might have moved forward in an instant to offer words of support and comfort, but the tuxedo tom remained frozen where he was. In this, he recognized that he was out of his depth. Those soothing words that sprang so readily to the tip of that better cat’s tongue did not move for Ospreywing, leaving him with nothing but useless platitudes to offer. And he knew better than to voice those.

But he also couldn’t simply stand there and stare at her. Stalling for time, he moved forward again before lowering his haunches to the ground, tail wrapping around his paws. Reflected in the water behind her and in the deep blue of her eyes, the stars daintily twinkled at him. On an impulse, the warrior raised his head and looked at the cloudless sky for the first time in forever. ”Honeypaw was right,” He murmured softly. ”They really are beautiful.”

i don't care if heaven won't take me back

ospreywing | stoneclan | warrior | Silver

angel with a shotgun | background image

[Silver]

Silverglade

I stand alone between my heart and the coming danger that lies ahead.

Loner || Queen || 22 Moons

She heard him approaching her, of course she did, but all it did was make her flinch and look back to the starlit waters before her. Her heart clenched with renewed pain but there was nothing she could do for it, it was all just too much. Still she did acknowledge him; ears tilting towards him as he called her name. She could practically feel the tension in the air from the stoic tom and sighed lowly. The sound was soft and sad, but didn't hold any annoyance as that wasn't what she was feeling. He shouldn't have come, but she understood. He'd seen her leave, and like any good Warrior he couldn't let her wander through the territory alone when she was unfamiliar with it. The gesture was sweet in and of itself, but now her silence was broken. And still her beloved stars remained silent.



She tensed slightly when he sat down nearby, before a low keen of sound left her when she realized she'd almost expected him to lay next to her with his side touching her's. That wasn't Ospreywing though; they barely knew each other. It was another that had always known when she needed to sit quietly with another and simply be. Bless him though, he was trying. It just...it broke her heart all over again. She wondered if she would hurt like this for the rest of her days, and suddenly she felt like she would and that made it all so much worse. Then she caught movement and watched as Ospreywing looked to the stars before commenting on them. A slow, shy smile touched her expression and into her eyes before fading as she too looked up into the starlit night.



"They are beautiful, yes, but so silent tonight. I..." Her chest clenched in renewed pain and sorrow and she dropped her head onto the ground, blue eyes falling from the sky to the water below it. She didn't mean to speak her next words aloud, as she didn't want to bother this tom that was trying hard to do something for her. "Somehow, the stars look brighter when they're reflected in a clear pool of cool water. I wonder why that is. It's strange to think they are still up in the sky and also trapped in the water. Like the two are reaching for each other almost. It's...really beautiful, I think." She went silent again for a long time, then the words that sounded next into the quiet evening air were ones she couldn't help but voice. She didn't look away from the pool of water as she spoke, but clearly her words held a sort of desperate query. "Would you mind....sitting with me a while? You don't have to talk, I just...I miss knowing I'm not alone in this silence."

--


Words: 474
Tags: Phoenix  

My fate is unknown, but I will remain strong.

[Phoenix]

i'm an angel with a shotgun fighting 'til the war's won

At first, there was silence, and in the absence of a response, that insidious doubt, that idea that perhaps he had misspoken and done something wrong when he was only trying to help – it had happened before, in situations like these – began to weave its way toward him like a snake that knew exactly where to bite down with its sharp fangs to make it hurt. He knew that comforting others was not his area of expertise. Instead of talking through his challenges, of sharing his thoughts and the innermost workings of his mind, he was more inclined to solve his problems by brushing them aside in favor of work. And doing so was effective. He knew that others undoubtedly found him rather lacking in sympathy, but it if it kept his clan mates from running to him with every problem they had, he saw no reason to change that.

In instances such as these, however, he was entirely out of his depth. Though he had known her for a very short amount of time, he found himself starting to like Silverglade. He respected her; though he may have stumbled upon her at her lowest, she still maintained that quiet strength and dignity that set her apart from some of the other felines in the clan. The laughter of these new generations who had never known the ferocity and devastation of war had started to ring through the silence left by his own den mates, and Ospreywing knew that they – these younger cats like Honeypaw and those like himself – would never truly understand each other. They still maintained that innocence that had been shattered so early on in his youth, and while he would never wish such an experience upon anyone, he could not pretend that theirs were two entirely different StoneClans. Where the warrior looked around camp and saw a not quite impenetrable line of defense, hiding places, and perhaps the most vulnerable location of all, they saw stones upon which they could climb, dens lined with moss and grass, and a nursery full of warm memories. Silverglade, though, was different. He didn’t know what she saw when she looked around camp other than a means to best ensure the survival of her son, but he was getting the sense that perhaps she was more like himself than the others.

That, he could understand. That, he could handle.

Beside him, the pale she-cat spoke up, and his thoughts shifted once more from his clan to the mosaic of stars scattered high above them. Pinpricks of light against a dark backdrop, they glittered innocently, and he found himself wondering how anyone could even hope to interpret anything from them. Ever since he was a kit, he had been told that every star was that of a deceased loved one, that StarClan was up there, and that they watched over him, but he had grown up, had witnessed two wars – even fought in one of them – and lost almost everyone dear to him and StarClan had said nothing. They weren’t just silent tonight, he wanted to say, they were always silent. He had learned to not rely on some distant cats in the sky who couldn’t even – wouldn’t even – offer an explanation for why they had allowed everyone to die.

Yellow eyes shifted from the sky to the water beside them as she spoke, and her rather poetic words filled the air as he watched the reflection on the calm surface of the pool. He did not have her perspective. To him, the stars didn’t look like they were reaching toward anything, and instead they seemed to lay there as silently as the ones in the sky. They didn’t seem trapped or brighter or anything. They were just stars, just a reflection on a calm surface that he knew would ripple as soon as something touched it. Ospreywing didn’t say that either. He was beginning to wonder what he could say (for it was becoming quite clear that the conversation had developed a rather one-sided nature), when she spoke her next request – and something like relief filled him. All she wanted was for him to sit there, and he didn’t even have to say anything. She wanted companionship, something to make the world seem a little less lonely, a little less cold.

It was surprising how much he understood her at that moment. He knew what it felt like to be the only one left, to be the only one awake, still listening to the merciless silence of the stars and feeling utterly abandoned when the one thing he needed – just a sign, something little, anything, that he was not alone – never came. He had been there. Then he had realized that nothing was going to come for him, that if he wanted a sign – wanted anything – then he would have to get it himself. He had dug himself out of the hole, turned his back on that which would not help him achieve his goals. Never had he looked back to see what he might have sacrificed along the way.

”I can do that,” He answered quietly, and before he could think too much about it, he rose to his paws and moved a little closer. It felt foolish to be having a conversation – even a silent one – from so far away. If he was to offer quiet support (and that in itself was a foreign concept, for he couldn’t remember if anyone had ever come to him looking for any form of comfort), Ospreywing thought that he could at least do so from beside her, rather than a tail length away; he knew that it was a little harder to feel lonely when another living, breathing cat was sitting next to him.

i don't care if heaven won't take me back

ospreywing | stoneclan | warrior | Silver

angel with a shotgun | background image

[Silver]

Silverglade

I stand alone between my heart and the coming danger that lies ahead.

Loner || Queen || 22 Moons

Silence filled the clearing after she'd spoken and for a long time after that. It made Silverglade fear she had said the wrong thing and the empty darkness was coming to crush her under the weight of the guilt that had never left her. Her head dropped again, body going completely still and wondering if he'd walk away now that she was at her most vulnerable before him. When his quiet words to the contrary sounded a moment later, her head shot up and blue eyes turned to regard the large tom with quiet shock. He was...going to stay? That...he...a soft sigh left her as he rose back to his feet only to sit down next to her. A tiny, unsure smile crossed her features before fading into something much more vulnerable and lost.

For a moment she looked at him quietly before her azure gaze fell back to the water before them and the silent stars reflected. She shifted slightly closer until she could feet the heat that came from Ospreywing's larger form and hear the reassuring pulse of his heart. She wasn't alone. They weren't touching; she was very careful about that, she had just...needed to know there were other things here than her and the silent stars in the night sky. Her ears shifted upwards and towards him as she listened to the sounds of their breathing. His was more steady than her own, but that was fine. She needed that steady rise and fall to ease her own broken heart. It was good he wasn't a very chatty cat, since she didn't feel much up to conversation just now. She just...wanted to sit quietly and know she was safe.

The silence that came then wasn't so dark and frightening for the company she kept so near. The stars were still so quiet and unreachable, but they didn't haunt her with flickers of memory from those she'd failed. For the moment, that was enough for her. After the silence between them had lingered a while, she did venture a quiet comment without expecting anything said in return. She just...needed to let him know. "Thank you..." He would likely never even understand the gift he'd given her by coming after her and staying by her side when he certainly didn't have to. Safe, this relative stranger, he had made her feel safe; something she hadn't felt since before everything had begun to fall apart. It was a good feeling.

--

Words: 417
Tags: Phoenix

My fate is unknown, but I will remain strong.