[Insidious]

C R I M S O N S H A D O W

He never thought he’d fall in love. But, he also never thought that Grayowl would get banished from the Clan, or that it’d partially be his fault that he got banished in the first place, either. He’d messed up royally in the midst of the tomcat’s plans, but for some reason, it wasn’t bothering him anymore. He was beginning to care more about the fact that he had nearly partook in the killing of a Clanmate - of Willowfur. He felt freer than he had since he was a kitten. Grayowl wasn’t here to loom over him anymore, or to control him. In the absence of the frightening tomcat, he had began to remember what it felt like to be his own cat. Grayowl had made him into a monster, but he didn’t want to be that anymore. Was there still time to fix things? Was the damage done already too severe?

He could only hope that the answer to that question was no. He needed to find out for sure, which had been the driving force behind him waking up Gorsetail in the early hours of dawn, prodding and poking the fellow warrior until he opened his eyes, requesting that he meet him at Lionstar’s den as soon as possible. He owed the main apologize to TreeClan’s leader, himself. He had been nothing more than a nuisance ever since he stepped out of the nursery, and it was all because he had been blinded by this sick and twisted need to impress Grayowl. He had been willing to kill for him, and he nearly had up in the mountains when Cloudpaw had been pinned beneath his paws. Thinking about it now, his emerald eyes - once bright and sharp; always alert like the predator he had been trained to be - were thick with sadness and regret. All he wanted was to go back to how things had been between the two of them before. He wanted Cloudpaw’s forgiveness, even if he didn’t deserve it. But that was something to ponder on a different day. Now, he had to focus on the subject at paw. He needed to apologize for everything that he had done wrong, and try his best to make the two of them understand his point of view, before he told them that, within the next hour, he wouldn’t be a TreeClan warrior anymore.

He was going to StoneClan, and he was sending prayers up to StarClan on a continuous loop, praying for the chance to be accepted into their Clan so that he could hopefully repair his relationship with Cloudpaw and start anew.

Was that asking too much for somebody like him? Maybe the Dark Forest was waiting around the corner and he didn’t even know it.

“Lionstar?” The golden leader had no knowledge of Crimsonshadow’s intentions. He hadn’t so much as looked the Clan leader’s way ever since Grayowl’s banishment. He hadn’t known what to say, or what to do. Without Grayowl, everyone was looking at him like he was a sad little puppet without its puppeteer. It was probably true. Nothing could have stopped him from spiralling down the dark, bad path that he had been on, had it not been for his brutal mistake when they were hunting Willowfur. He liked to think, or rather hoped, that the slip had been planned to happen all along - like StarClan was watching over him, even when his loyalty to Grayowl had been on the verge of shattering the last of his faith in their warrior ancestors. If it hadn’t happened, then Grayowl would still be here, and he wouldn’t be sitting at the door of Lionstar’s den, looking over his shoulder for his unlikely company, Gorsetail. “I was hoping I’d be able to talk to you. With Gorsetail, too.” And now all he could do was wait… wait for the redemption that he probably didn’t deserve, but wanted so badly to try and get for himself regardless.

What had happened to him to have his life come to this?

Phoenix
Fawn

[Phoenix]

I WISH EVERYONE WAS LOVED TONIGHT

In a clan where most cats did their best to not inconvenience their fellow clan mates when they woke and left the den, it was a fairly uncommon occurrence to wake up as he had that day. Consciousness came grudgingly. One moment, he was watching Pinkpaw bask in the warm sunlight that also bathed his back, for once unbothered by the brightness, and Bluepaw was there, of course, the ever loyal sister. A moment passed and the image shattered, the warmth on his back fading into the realm of memory only to be replaced by something jabbing him insistently in the side. Half conscious, he mumbled something and shifted slightly, hoping it might dislodge whatever had ended up poking him. For all of his efforts, however, that thing merely followed him, and now, fully awake and somewhat irritated, he opened his eyes.

Only to see Crimsonshadow looking down at him.

He blinked drowsily, wondering if he was still dreaming. A request fell from the other tom’s lips, and Gorsetail, admittedly stunned, watched him exit the den. What was this about? He and Crimsonshadow did not have the smoothest of histories, and while they had come to a relatively uneasy truce as warriors, the older tom was hardly one the tabby feline would actively seek out for company. Curiosity began to nibble away at him. Rising to his paws, he took a moment to stretch his limbs and shake out any moss from his fur before gathering himself and picking his way between the sleeping forms of his clan mates toward the exit of the den.

A stark contrast from the relative warmth of his nest, the cool dawn air bit at him as he stepped into the clearing. Green eyes found Crimsonshadow, and just as the other tom disappeared into Lionstar’s den, he directed his steps toward the same location. Only when he had crossed camp did he pause and linger outside the den. There was the sound of quiet voices coming from within, and even though the spotted tom had indicated that he wished Gorsetail to join him in the leader’s den, the tabby did not want to step in and interrupt anything; at the same time, however, he was reluctant to keep the other warrior waiting. He shifted, ultimately indecisive, and stalled a few more moments before biting his lip and poking his head in the den.

Faced with his leader and former mentor and childhood antagonist, he found himself stuttering awkwardly, “Uh, you wanted to talk to me, Crimsonshadow?”

Gorsetail | TreeClan | Warrior | Better Days - Goo Goo Dolls
Fawn Insidious

A CHANCE THAT MAYBE WE'LL FIND BETTER DAYS

[Fawn]

Lionstar

48 Moons || Tom || TreeClan

---

        If this morning had been in any way foreseen or anticipated, it was with the assumed intention that Crimsonshadow would come before him to appeal for Grayowl's re-admittance to TreeClan. Lionstar raised an oversized golden paw to rub it along his facial features, tail giving a subtle twitch behind him before he let it wrap lazily around his paws, fixing Crimsonshadow with an imploring, golden stare. If what the spotted tom desired was to plead his former cohort's case, then he would hear none of it; Grayowl's banishment was for the good of the Clan as a whole, no amount of begging would ever convince him otherwise. Not even if StarClan themselves made an effort to persuade him to allow the sinister charcoal shadow a second chance, would Lionstar consider this. Just the idea of Grayowl and Crimsonshadow going after her again -- no, it wouldn't do to get so upset. Not when Crimsonshadow had not yet earned his ire, though he had earned his suspicion.

The arrival of his former apprentice, Wormp--Gorsetail, morphed some of his suspicions into a kind of befuddled curiosity, having rendered no scenarios in his head where this sort of group of cats would ever converse without malice or awkwardness or tension between them. He was no stranger to how Crimsonshadow and Gorsetail had interacted, in their youth; gesturing for Gorsetail to come into his den with a nod and a half-smile, his expression returned to an enigmatic blankness, open to listening to what the puppet of Grayowl had to say.

What happened to you, Crimsonshadow. Lionstar regarded the young warrior before him, feeling a note of remorse for the way he had matured, feeling a sadness over Crimsonshadow's besmirched potential at the unassigned mentoring of his one true foe; giving Crimsonpaw to Sunstride had been an attempt to curtail some of Grayowl's influence, but for all his good intentions and Sunstride's exemplary behavior, it had been nothing short of ineffective.
"You have my attention, go on." There hadn't been a time where Crimsonshadow didn't have Lionstar's gaze settled upon him; ever since an interest had been taken in Crimsonshadow's early moons by his enemy and Lionstar had caught them sneaking out of camp, those deep golden eyes had been looking in Crimsonshadow's direction.

He did not anticipate any sort of repentance, he did not anticipate any sort of acknowledgement that his loyalty and admiration towards Grayowl was wrong and misplaced; Lionstar expected Crimsonshadow to declare his departure from the Clan, even if only because of the looks he was now receiving from the others. the distrust that floated his way; it had been no secret that Grayowl had taken a special interest in the spotted warrior. This guessed-at declaration didn't explain Gorsetail's reasoning for being here, and Lionstar's eyes gradually slid away from Crimsonshadow's to settle on the other tom's, perhaps sharing in this strange, perplexing morning.

Ready to listen.

[Insidious]

C R I M S O N S H A D O W

Crimsonshadow swallowed the lump that threatened to rise in his throat, growing uncomfortable under the combined weight of Lionstar’s wariness and Gorsetail’s awkward perplexity. He sought to start with the latter of his thoughts, making his intentions known through fixating the young warrior with his emerald eyes. Looking back on the pair’s history, Crimsonshadow was in disbelief of his own behaviour. Gorsetail hadn’t been meant to have any involvement whatsoever in Grayowl’s plains for TreeClan. As soon as Grayowl had seen how reluctant he was to break the rules when he was a kitten - even with Lionstar’s approval on top of his own - he had lost interest in him rapidly. That should have been the end of it, but Crimsonshadow pursued him stubbornly. He couldn’t place his paw on why he always picked Gorsetail to torment. Was it because he despised the striped tomcat for having failed to be of any worth in Grayowl’s eyes?

Was it because he wanted a Crimsonshadow of his own?

“When we were younger,” the warrior began, unsure of himself. “I treated you like you were foxdung, and like you existed only to obey my every hostile command. It was wrong of me, and I’m sorry that I didn’t recognize that earlier.” The apologies felt strange on his tongue, but no less necessary. The awkwardness between them hadn’t quite fully subsided, though he couldn’t be certain that it ever would. He wasn’t here to try and repair a relationship that he had destroyed by his own doing so many moons ago. He didn’t expect that Gorsetail would be willing, or able, to forgive and forget so easily and call Crimsonshadow a friend. They’d most likely never hunt together, or speak with one another, with the same ease of close friends, because they weren’t close. Apology or not, he was still the acting antagonist of so many memories - he couldn’t apologize all of those out of existence. “I understand that we probably can’t be friends after all of this, so I’m not going to put you on the spot and request otherwise. I just thought you deserved to hear that I do regret what I put you through.” You deserve a better friend than I could ever be, Gorsetail. You deserve another shot at being an apprentice, without having to worry about me being there to ruin it.

Next, his eyes found the bright gold of Lionstar’s. This was, undoubtedly, the harder apology of the two to issue. Although he didn’t think that it excused the fact that Gorsetail was just as in need of one as the Clan leader, there remained far more… pressing subjects to discuss with this one. “I’m sorry.” There honestly didn’t seem like a better way to start than just getting the truth out of the way. He hoped that Lionstar would be able to see the predatory glint fading from his eyes; he wasn’t a monster anymore. He was trying to fix everything. “For always being so disrespectful to you when I was younger, and for letting Grayowl turn me into someone that could do nothing but hurt this Clan, and for letting him scare my sister to the point of not being able to reside here anymore without feeling in danger -” It was assumed that she had left, and she most certainly had. Crimsonshadow knew better than most that Grayowl had been the driving force behind her ‘disappearance’. The worst part of it all was that she left believing him to be a monster; she might never know that he was beginning to change. “ - and for supporting him, and every awful thing he wanted to do, until nearly the day of his banishment, and most importantly for threatening the life of someone that you care about.” With the gist of the events that he wished to recall thrown out there, he finally inhaled a deep breath, eyes meeting Lionstar’s cautiously to see how he was taking all of this in. Before, he had never been anything other than aggressively hateful of Lionstar, but now he almost appeared scared of being on the receiving end of his ire. He didn’t want to be the enemy of TreeClan anymore. “All of it was wrong, and absolutely none of it can be resolved by coming here to say that I’m sorry. I know that I’m probably one of the last to actually deserve forgiveness of any kind, but I thought you - both of you - needed to know that I’m trying to be different. I want to be.”

He wanted so badly to be. His history in TreeClan, however, could ultimately do nothing but continue to pull him down. There was too many suspicious glares, too many bad memories, and too much pain. Grayowl wasn’t here anymore, but he still was, and Mockingbird and Sootpaw still were. “You’re going to see him again. I got to see a lot of things his way, and one thing he most certainly wanted was you out of leadership. Also, you have to watch Mockingbird closely. She was just as much a follower of his as I was, if not more. It’d be wise to watch Sootpaw, too, but he never supported his father the same way that Mockingbird and I did.”

There was a final matter that needed to be said and done with. He found himself, in the last moments before he was parting his jaws to speak, wondering if he really wanted to leave TreeClan. Once he said it, there was no taking it back. “I’m leaving TreeClan.” He nearly forced it out of his mouth, not wanting to let himself be selfish and stay. A huge weight began lifting off of his shoulders, and it encouraged him to continue; he was making a good choice. “I don’t belong here anymore. I’ve done too much… irreparable damage. I plan to try my luck with StoneClan, and see if they’ll be willing to accept me, to give me a chance to try and start over, and to do better things than I ever dreamed of doing here.” He didn’t mention Cloudpaw, but the both of them would be blind had they not seen the flash of adoration that zoomed through his expression. His life, he hoped, was waiting for him in StoneClan - maybe she’d be waiting, too.

Phoenix
Fawn

[Phoenix]

I WISH EVERYONE WAS LOVED TONIGHT

With a polite nod and a smile to Lionstar, the young warrior stepped into the leader’s den, glancing around curiously as he did so. He had never been inside the golden tom’s den before – he had never had reason to do anything other than wait outside of it whenever executive duties had ever delayed his former mentor – and it was with faint interest that he noticed that the area seemed very nice. Not nearly as large as the warrior’s den, of course, but it was of a decent enough size that the three of them could sit within relatively comfortably. Then again, he had never truly felt comfortable in Crimsonshadow’s presence; old habits died hard, he supposed.

The other warrior turned and pinned him with an emerald gaze, and he found himself shifting slightly under the intensity, memories of the past rising, unbidden, to the surface of his thoughts. Previously, finding himself the target of such a look did not end particularly well for him, and Gorsetail could only wonder what would follow the other tom’s stare this time. Surely he wouldn’t try anything, not with Lionstar right beside them. If he had learned one thing about his childhood antagonist over the moons, it was that he was one of the more intelligent felines, and it did not take an impressive amount of sense to realize that targeting a clan mate in clear sight of the leader was not a good idea. Then again, if his intention was to follow in Grayowl’s footsteps even into exile, perhaps the warrior would consider an action of that nature.

Instead, it appeared as though the tom was planning on using words rather than claws, either taking the time to summon an adequate amount of courage or reconsider what he was going to say. When Crimsonshadow did open his mouth, Gorsetail faintly wondered how he did not fall over with shock. Of all the words he might have expected to come out of the warrior’s mouth, an apology was the last on his list. He blinked, and his mind seemed to have stalled on him, made him incapable of doing anything but stare. What had brought on this sudden change of heart? He had never enjoyed being targeted by a young Crimsonpaw, but the behavior had steadily been in decline until it had become little more than an awkward barrier through which none could pass – at least, that was how he had imagined it. The warrior had never felt any fondness toward his clan mate, but Gorsetail had let Crimsonshadow’s past actions go, finding any number of reasons why the apprentice would have treated him so: his once-constant companion in Grayowl, his own insecurity, the foolish cruelty of youth, and so on.

By the time he had remembered how to talk, however, the other warrior had moved on to address Lionstar with similarly uncharacteristically apologetic words. Green eyes glanced from Crimsonshadow to his former mentor, watching the reactions slowly spread across his features and the emotions – perhaps ones only he could see from moons of training under the golden tom – dance in his eyes. He turned back to Crimsonshadow, ears flicking as he listened to the apology-turned-warning. Why had he chosen now to reveal all? In light of Grayowl’s banishment, which only happened because of the disloyalty of the spotted warrior sitting beside him, perhaps he had realized – just as they all had – what kind of monster he had been following and wished to make amends. He found his respect for Crimsonshadow growing with the show of maturity and humility. Gorsetail tilted his head slightly as he studied the other tom, thoughtful. It would not happen immediately, but perhaps something like a friendship could arise from the ashes of their antagonistic relationship.

For some reason, it was like a claw to the gut to hear that the other tom was leaving TreeClan, and he faced that knowledge with conflicting feelings. Had he been told that as an apprentice, he might have breathed a heavy sigh of relief, but now, receiving the news as a warrior, he found himself a little sad as well. Perhaps it was because, despite Crimsonshadow’s behavior, he still regarded the spotted feline as a good warrior with the potential to be a good cat. Now there was evidence of him wanting to be that good cat, and Gorsetail would not be around to see the complete transformation.

“I – thank you.” Finally, the words forced themselves out. “It’s hard sometimes, apologizing, and I appreciate it.” And speaking the words, he found that he did far more than he had thought. He paused, taking a breath and looking the other tom directly in the eyes, his own gaze earnest. “I think – I think friends, one day, would be nice. I’d like that.” There was another pause as his voice died and he climbed to his feet, sensing the approaching conclusion of the meeting. He nodded to each before making his way to leave. “If you have no more need of me – And Crimsonshadow? Good luck in StoneClan.”

Gorsetail | TreeClan | Warrior | Better Days - Goo Goo Dolls
Fawn Insidious

A CHANCE THAT MAYBE WE'LL FIND BETTER DAYS

[Fawn]

Lionstar

48 Moons || Tom || TreeClan

---

        Down came the expectations built up over this conversation, toppling over like so many trees before a tempest, Lionstar left suspended in golden-eyed confusion in their wake. With a narrowed stare, he had watched the exchange between Crimsonshadow and Gorsetail, listened in slight disbelief over the spotted warrior's efforts to mend what had been broken so willingly in moons prior – or at least make Gorsetail see that he was no longer the hateful bully that had tormented young Wormpaw in those days of old. Such moments were the kind Lionstar found the most touching, the kind he had always imagined his Clan to be fully capable of; he would bow his head and admit to never imagining this sort of situation to ever come around on Crimsonshadow's account, but he was not at all upset at being wrong.

It spoke volumes, of the young shadow-hearted warrior, Lionstar capable of acknowledging this no small growth of character and maturity that unfurled right before his very eyes. Perhaps this is why he sought to hold this meeting in my den. Crimsonshadow wanted a witness to his apology, to the beginnings of what looked like a change of heart – no cat would have ever believed Gorsetail otherwise, if he went to share what had just transpired. The conversation was not yet over, but already the great golden feline began to view Crimsonshadow in a light that was not as dark as it was before – not quite so tainted.

There was hope for him, still.

“I’m sorry.”

Dark shaded ears twitched, drawn forward in a sign that he was still making good on his word – that Crimsonshadow had his attention. He had captivated it, more like, TreeClan's leader allowing the sound and the feeling in the young tom's words to float into his ears and reach through the hard layer he had built up as a result of Grayowl and his ilk. What had caused this emotional evolution? What had changed him from dark puppet to repenting respectful warrior, who had realized the error of his ways and was mature enough to attempt to apologize for his behavior. Mature enough to admit that he was wrong. Gazing upon him now, Lionstar saw the small spotted kitten he'd first seen 'escaping' TreeClan's camp, and the hostility that had blazed like fire in Crimsonkit's eyes with his timely interruption.

Already, the desire to respond had his jaws part slightly, the words building up against his tongue and eager to tip over the threshold, aware that he could ease a little of the young warrior's guilt by acknowledging and accepting his apology – but Crimsonshadow was not yet done surprising him. StoneClan? What would possess him to try that Clan in particu— Ah. That look in his eyes. Lionstar was familiar with it, he'd experienced it, he'd witnessed it flash before his eyes like the brightest light of StarClan. Understanding dawned upon him then, and as much as he wanted to change Crimsonshadow's mind, to let him start anew in the Clan he had been born into now that Grayowl was no longer a dark cloud hovering over the whole camp, Lionstar knew when the battle had been lost and there was no point to beginning.

”I forgive you, Crimsonshadow. It's not easy to accept the bad things we've done or may considered doing, and it's even harder to admit these out loud. I'm proud of you for doing both. I have never regretted the day I made you a warrior, Crimsonshadow.” A small sort of smile, benevolent, as he allowed any sort of resentment towards the younger cat to ebb from his heart. ”You have never given me a reason to. For attacking Willowfur, I should give you nothing but my wrath and possibly even my hatred – but you are not Grayowl. Though you've been his instrument, and I cannot fathom what sort of dark, twisted lessons he's instilled in you, I'm not going to allow his reputation to ruin your redemption. When you leave for StoneClan, you won't be carrying the weight and accusations of a traitor any more, and I sincerely hope you obtain this fresh chance to start over. I wish you luck and happiness in wherever your life takes you, and that you never have to stand in the shadows of Grayowl again.” This made him proud to be apart of TreeClan. He felt honored and humbled by the attempts of his family to make peace with one another, to rebuild bridges that had been burned and to pave a new path for themselves that was better than the one they'd left behind. "Thank you for being a better cat than Grayowl ever would have made you, and thank you for coming to face me and apologize like a proper warrior."

Crimsonshadow had made a reputation for himself here that was not particularly glowing, and it was even less so after the incident involving Grayowl's banishment – but Lionstar would not allow the whispers to get any louder. Even if the Clan could not see it, the spotted puppet of Grayowl was a puppet no longer. You've grown up, Crimsonshadow. He had come into his own being, and it was more than he could have ever hoped for or expected of a cat who used to hang on Grayowl's every word as if it would change the course of the stars.

He would walk with him personally to StoneClan's border, so that the valley would know there was no ill will between the two of them any longer – regardless of whatever the Clan would think of Crimsonshadow's self-removal from their ranks.

Insidious