[Phoenix]

WE'RE ALL OK UNTIL THE DAY WE'RE NOT

They liked keeping them closed in inside the nursery, and it was slowly killing him. As they were nearly apprentices, the den would have started feeling small regardless of the special circumstances that had recently arisen, but with nothing to keep his mind distracted, his thoughts latched onto that subject and refused to let go. And everything that came from that dangerous path – all of the emotions that were near boiling over – was slowly becoming the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. Little chased away the simmering ire that had sparked into existence the moment it became clear that not only was there nothing he could do to better the situation, but they also refused to even let him see his parents and his sister one last time. Some foxdung about there being too much risk of them catching the greencough that had stolen his family members. His tail lashed at the thought, and he could feel his heart starting to race as the heat of his anger began to seep into his blood. He forced himself to pause, to take a breath and stop thinking about it. He needed to get out and do something, anything, before his fury refused to be tamed and he exploded.

Under the watchful eye of their newest prison guard, the almost-apprentice paced along a wall of the nursery. His furious pace slowed as he reached the entrance, green eyes turning to peer out into the open camp that had once been his playground. It hit him again how much times had changed. To think that he had scorned the camp’s boundaries at one point – had even managed to sneak out with the help of a friendly apprentice – and now he would do almost anything to even set foot back into the clearing. How often is it that a kit will merely be satisfied with seeing camp? The silver tabby mused bitterly, pausing to glance down at a lingering puddle from the night before. His father gazed back at him, and he froze. His heart shattered all over again, and he stared at his reflection. Others had told him he looked just like Windstrike, but he had never considered it a problem. His father was not an ugly tom.

A striped paw rose without a conscious command, and he swiped violently at the puddle, turning away as water sprayed across the ground.

It wasn't fair. The kit cast a glance back at his remaining family, his three brothers who had suddenly become all the more valuable in his eyes - even Blazekit, with whom he had frequently disagreed in the past. Grief had changed their relationship; that much was clear to anyone with eyes. Despite their rivalry, an underlying brotherly support seemed to have developed. Consciously, Gustkit was barely aware of its existence, but he felt inklings of it during moments like these, when he looked back and realized once more just how hard he would take it if he lost another family member. Even if it was Blazekit.

Pausing by the entrance to the nursery once more, he turned to cast a longing look back out at camp. Why were they keeping them in the nursery? He couldn't understand. There was nothing left for them to catch out there, right? He had been told that the outbreak was under control and, for all intents and purposes, over. A sudden feeling struck him, one that had been slowly building. Tossing any care for the consequences to the wind, he glanced over his shoulder. Seeing the queen on duty distracted by her own kits, Gustkit took the opportunity and slunk from the nursery, keeping to the shadows and studiously avoiding any puddles. It would be quite a long time before he could look into one of those again.

Gustkit | LightningClan | Kit | Audience of One - Rise Against
@ghostlight

THE SURFACE SHINES WHILE THE INSIDE ROTS

[Deleted]

Galebird

The Voice of Reason

You want a shy little thing, a pretty little high heel thing,

Gonna cry if I don't polish up.

Tough.

---

A soft gust of wind rolled over the grasslands of Lightningclan, giving a fresh breath of life into the cats that lived there. It held the scent of water and prey, the sky was bright but there where quite a lot of clouds lingering here and there. Perhaps Starclan would be sending rain, making sure more prey returned to the moors. With the weather slowly warming up, the fresh-kill pile was slowly getting larger and larger as warrior brought more food in for the clan.

Galebird padded into the camp with a couple other warriors, her jaws heavy with a couple of rabbits that had been a bit too slow for her long legs and quick claws. The white warrioress placed her catch in the pile as her daughter padded up to her. Galebird was pleased to see the long legged tabby walking up to her, with the horrible green-cough epidemic, the older warrior was afraid of loosing her remaining kit the same way Bramblethorn's sisters and father had been lost to her.

She'd like to say that Lightningclan got out with less losses than the rest of the clan, but there was no telling how true that could have been. If the epidemic was as bad for them, it must had been just as bad for the other clans as well. Bramblethorn flicked her tail, catching her mother's attention and following the tabby's tail to the sulking gray tabby kit who had snuck out of the nursery. "I guess Firebird wasn't watching the kits very well." 

Galebird's green eyes flashed at her daughter's tone as she watched Gustkit sneak away from the Nursery. The older white she-cat knew the nearing six moon old tom's dead mother. They were somewhat friends, her and Dovewing. She had been there when they pulled the bodies of Dovewing, Windstrike and young Galekit's bodies from Rookfrost's den to have the buried. "It's not Firebird's job to watch them..."

The senior warrior padded away from Bramblethorn, grabbing a rabbit as she went past. Galebird didn't agree with keeping the young cats locked up inside the nursery as if it were their fault, or the outside world was too dangerous for them. They were to be warriors for Starclan's sake, there were worse things in the valley than Greencough and loss of family. They didn't need pity, they didn't need protection, they needed to be free and excited, ready to take on the world when they turned six moons.

Galebird dropped the rabbit in-front of Gustkit before he got to far away. "Hungry?" She asked, green eyes void of any emotion other than friendliness. No point in getting onto him for sneaking out, better talk to him and see how he's doing. Being cramped up in a small place for so long wouldn't be fun to anyone, even the young kits who just learned to play and jump around. She had heard other cats voice it, but now she could see how much Gustkit looked like his father.

A shame that they couldn't see their kits grow, but no need to linger on it. Galebird was no stranger to loosing family. She had lost bother her parents, her former mate and two kits. It was tough but how they were treating the kits didn't help the situation.

---

Tough, I ain't never been nothing but tough, all my edges have

Always been rough.
Oh backbone, there ain't nothing wrong with a woman that

Got a little backbone.

[Phoenix]

IN THE WASTELANDS OF TODAY

Admittedly, his escape was rather anticlimactic. A sort of expectation had slowly developed during his prolonged imprisonment, he realized, and all of the anticipation and excitement he had put toward managing to slip past his ever vigilant guard had prompted him to expect a miracle in his successful endeavor. He had hoped, perhaps, that in leaving the confines of the nursery, he would also abandon the emotional burden that had settled so heavily upon his shoulders, but that was never to be. Instead of the freeing lightness for which he longed, faint disappointment and a question greeted the kit as he stepped into the wide world for the first time in a long time: what now? Hardly expecting such success, he had not planned beyond taking any advantage he had to escape, and now that he had a buffet of opportunities and choices before him, he could not decide which one to make.

Should he attempt to rediscover all of the nooks and crannies of the camp? Should he go find Spottedpaw in hopes that she might take him out of camp again? Visiting Snowheart was out of the question, for his older brother would merely return him to the prison he from which he had just managed to escape; all the same, he had no desire to subject himself to even the mere possibility of having to endure Rookfrost's presence, and he hardly wanted to enter the den where too many of those dearest to him had taken their final breaths. It was far too soon to confront such matters - he wanted, instead, to forget. The moment after the realization, a wave of powerful longing crashed into him, soon followed by an equally strong one of guilt. He wanted to be a normal kit, to lift the grief from his chest and prevent it from smothering him, but it seemed almost disrespectful to their memories. A part of him felt as though he should honor them, and he could hardly do that if he was running and playing around as if nothing had happened. As if they meant nothing to him. Lingering in the shadows, the young tom bit his lip as he deliberated, eyes flicking around the scene before him.

In the end, he did not have to make a decision at all; Galebird made it for him. A plump rabbit dropped to the ground at his paws, and rudely jolted from his thoughts, he could do nothing but blink at it for a moment, uncomprehending, as his mind climbed out of the rut it had worn. The one word question prompted him to raise his head and meet the amicable gaze of the she-cat in front of him. He considered it. Was he hungry? No, not really - it seemed as though he was never hungry these days. “I'm fine,” The kit responded, guarded but not rude. He had to be careful; one wrong move, and she could return him to the care of Firebird just as easily as Snowheart. “But thanks, though...” Gustkit added, and the momentary pause stretched on as his voice trailed off, mind searching frantically for the name of the warrior in front of him. He had seen her around camp, of course - one would be hard pressed to not learn to identify their clan mates - but he had never needed to match a name to the face. Until now.

With an outstretched paw, he nudged the piece of prey toward the she-cat. “You can have it. If you want.” Although he made a half-hearted attempt at politeness, he was hardly in the mood for a conversation. Gustkit let out a mental sigh as his eyes moved from the feline before him to peer around her at the bustling camp. If someone had asked him what he did not want to do, he would have no problem answering. The issue was finding an activity that would catch and hold his interest, and so far all of his efforts had been in vain.

Gustkit | LightningClan | Kit | Wastelands - Linkin Park

WHEN THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE

[Deleted]

Galebird

The Voice of Reason

You want a shy little thing, a pretty little high heel thing,

Gonna cry if I don't polish up.

Tough.

---

Of course, Gustkit would be a stubborn little one. It brought a light of amusement into Galebird's green orbs as she sat down next to the young tom near her. She figured he didn't want to have anything to do with anybody at the moment, just to be free of the nursery, and perhaps the Lightningclan camp. Galebird was pretty sure she could deliver for Gustkit, but she had to make sure he ate first. She didn't need a nearly six moon old cat passing out on her while they were out on the moors.

"Share it with me." Galebird nudged the rabbit again, wrapping her tail around her paws as she turned her green orbs from the rabbit to the kit. "If you eat something, i'll take you out on the moors for a bit. I'm sure you need your space from everything." She said gently, her eyes portraying her emotions, which were simply easy going and warm.

She would give Gustkit no grief if he still wished not to eat, nor to be around her, and she certainly wouldn't pester him into telling her how he felt. If the young tom felt the need to talk to Galebird while they were out walking among the moors, then she would listen and try to help, but as far as she was concerned, as far as the clan was concerned, Gustkit needed no sympathy or help from anyone.

"Or..." Galebird continued, "We don't have to. I'm sure you'd rather wait until you gained your mentor." She purred softly, lightning up the mood as she went to take a bite from the rabbit at her paws. "It's quite a lovely rabbit though." She winked one of those motherly orbs at Gustkit as she twitched her whiskers in a playful and mischievous way.

---

Tough, I ain't never been nothing but tough, all my edges have

Always been rough.
Oh backbone, there ain't nothing wrong with a woman that

Got a little backbone.

[Phoenix]

WASH THE SORROW FROM OFF MY SKIN

Ears flicked and he returned a thoughtful gaze to the rabbit. Deep down, he knew that there was no decision to make, but for some unexplainable reason, he found himself hesitating. He did not understand it; the trade was heavily in his favor, and it was all he could have asked for. All he had to do was eat, and then he could escape into the relative refuge of the moors. A moon ago, he would have leapt at the chance, devouring the prey before him with the eagerness of a famished beast in order to avoid wasting another moment. Perhaps it wasn't just his lack of appetite that had him pausing as though the decision were life or death.

He both knew and didn't know what he wanted. He had wanted to leave the suffocating confines of the nursery, so he had, without a thought of what was to come next. He had hardly expected the greater offer to leave the wider prison of the camp, and now faced with the decision, he hesitated. The Gustkit of seemingly ages past shouted at him, asking what his problem was. The Gustkit of the here and now couldn't find a response. Things had changed. He had changed. He wanted to leave the camp - he really did - but the forced listlessness of the past few days seemed to have suddenly seeped into his limbs. He wanted to escape, he realized, but it was the effort of doing so that had him pausing. He wasn't hungry, and he did not want to force down a rabbit. He just wanted his parents and sister back, wanted his family to be as whole and happy as it was before the epidemic. And as the thought struck him, he realized with a jolt just how much he wanted it. The longing desire weighed upon his shoulders, and he wanted it more than he could ever hope to voice. It caught in his throat, twisted its claws into his heart with a merciless ferocity. The wave of grief hit him again, as he stared blankly at the rabbit, lost in the depths of his own mind. But he also wanted to leave camp, and he could control whether or not that happened. His desire for that adventure seemed incredibly weak compared to his longing for what could never be. And the question: could he settle for second best?

A hollow chuckle escaped him, and he bent his head and took a bite. He was a mess. All of this over a rabbit. He wanted to shake himself out of it, but it almost seemed like too much work.

The kit ate what he thought he could, taking his time as he forced the bites of tasteless meat down his throat. The process of eating a few bits of rabbit was far more tiring than he remembered. It was not until he finished that he looked back up at the warrior, nudging the piece of prey back toward her with a paw. “I'm done, thanks,” He explained, perhaps a bit unnecessarily, voice carefully level once again. His parents wouldn't want him to forget his manners, he mused, unable to totally ignore the bitterness that laced the thought. He sat back slightly, waiting for the warrior to eat her fill. He had held up what he could of his side of the bargain, forced down a few painful bites of rabbit. It was up to the warrior to see that she would follow through with her side as well.

Gustkit | LightningClan | Kit | Castle of Glass - Linkin Park

AND SHOW ME HOW TO BE WHOLE AGAIN