[Phoenix]

Bravebird
settle down it’ll all be clear
pay no mind to the demons
they fill you with fear

- - -

”Swanfeather?” In a voice that vaguely resembled the way he would ask for her as a kit, he called into the familiar den, blue eyes peering into the shadows that seemed so dark against the bright sunlight illuminating the rest of the word. At his paws rested a fish, its freshly caught state evident by the small wet spot that had begun to form underneath its silvery scales. Prey was plentiful and the hunting easy, so he felt no guilt at bringing the medicine cat a bite to eat instead of leaving it on the pile for those in the nursery or ones who rested among the elders. Besides, it was the least he could do for the she-cat who had practically given him his life. If all went according to plan, perhaps he could even convince her to vacate her den for a little while and get some fresh air. As much as anyone, he understood the importance of training an apprentice, but the last time he had truly spent any time with the she-cat had been far too long ago.

Admittedly, he could not ignore the jealousy that burned in the most shameful reaches of his heart at the new addition to Swanfeather’s life who stole away a fair amount of his time with her. He couldn’t find it within himself to hold a grudge against the little she-cat though, for she had not done anything except become the medicine cat’s apprentice; besides, it wasn’t like she was particularly insufferable or anything either. That was the crux of his one-sided issue with Fernpaw. He wanted to dislike her, his jealousy drove him to dislike her, but he could never bring himself to completely do so. In the end, it resulted in conflicting emotions regarding the young she-cat which made him feel awkward whenever he interacted with her and caused him to try to avoid as many encounters as possible. It was frustrating; he wished dearly that that was not the case, that he could simply, whole-heartedly accept Fernpaw.

Ducking his head, he picked up his catch and moved deeper into the den, letting the familiar scents of herbs wash over him. Though he had no real fondness for the plants, their smell had never bothered him as much as it seemed to annoy the other warriors, and he attributed it to the fact that the medicine cat’s den had been to him what the nursery was to everyone else. He had simply become accustomed to the powerful, earthly scents and connected them with comfort and safety rather than disgusting tastes and horrible medicine. ”You in here, Swanfeather?”

- - -

Hellion

if you get lost you can always be found
just know you’re not alone
cause i’m gonna make this place your home

[Hellion]

Swanfeather

---

Fernpaw had asked to go herb hunting on her own, unwillingly Swanfeather agreed, only if she took a warrior with her, the pretty she-cat took two warriors with her a she went on her duties. The black pointed she-cat flicked her tail goodbye as she headed toward the pack of her den. Moments of silence and loneliness such as this had hardened the blue eyed she-cat as she sat down, her back toward the entrance. Falconleap was cared for, her two kits growing strong, all and any injuries here cared she found that an empty den was not what she wanted. Pondering on the idea of leaving and joining up with Fernpaw, she stopped herself, the young and quickly learning she-cat needed to take care of herself, Swanfeather wouldn't be around forever.

Despite the smell of the medicine den, Swanfeather couldn't in a million moons forget the smell of her one and adopted son. Licking down her fur so it laid presentable and flat, she cleared the sadness in her eyes and turned to meet him, but she stopped. He looks so much like Frostfang, emotions caught in her throat as she stared at him. Realizing in that moment just how long it had been since she saw the tom cat up close, Swanfeather closed the gap between him and fur, avoiding the fish to nuzzle his cheek, a soft but sad purr in her throat.

"You have grown up so well." She said softly, stepping back to just look at him, taking in all the changes warrior hood had brought on him. He was bigger, taller and more muscular compared to him moon ago. His eyes were those same blue that carried in the lineage he shared with Frostfang, his almost pure white pelt marked the only difference but from a distance it would easy to mistake the two of them. "Both your mother and uncle would be proud." She praised him, trying to avoid too many memories of Frostfang, instead she wanted to focus on the warrior before her. "How are you my s-..I mean How are you Bravebird." She wanted to call him her son, but it seems so long ago since she thought of herself as his mother, clearly he wouldn't like it since he wasn't so naive anymore, he'd know the truth. The tom that stood in front of her wasn't the same little kit the curled up beside her on those cold nights are asked her to tell him a story when the storms raged and he couldn't sleep. He had grown so much but question was would he care for her in his life anymore?

---

In my head I see your baby blues
I hear your voice and I, I break in two and now there's
One of me, with you

Word Count:: 476
Tag::Phoenix
Notes::...kind sad

[Phoenix]

Bravebird
settle down it’ll all be clear
pay no mind to the demons
they fill you with fear

- - -

There was that single moment where she stepped into view, and they both stopped and stared at each other. The emotion, which he could not completely identify, that welled up in Swanfeather’s eyes warmed his heart, and he swallowed, standing slightly taller under such scrutiny. Fond blue eyes took in her familiar appearance, and as he took the half-step forward to meet the she-cat who had stepped so willingly into the role of his mother, he realized with a jolt that he was now just as tall as she. A powerful purr formed deep in his throat, countering her soft one as he shut his eyes and reveled in the familiar, comforting scent of the medicine cat. The smile on his face grew in size as he pressed his cheek against hers, the fish forgotten at his paws. Far too long.

Then the initial reunion was over, and as she stepped back, he took that as his cue to do the same. His trembling tail and pale blue eyes betrayed all the emotion he could not put into words as he stared at the she-cat before him. She seemed smaller, more vulnerable, than he remembered her, slightly frailer and slightly older, as if time had taken its toll on her while it had brought him into his prime. He felt stronger, better than he had ever been before, when he had previously visited the she-cat. He was lean and muscled from moons of training, and the abundance of prey had given his fur a healthy shine. He was a warrior now, he marveled. He had come so far since he had spent nights curled up by Swanfeather’s side, cowering at thunder and lonely on cold nights. So much had changed; it hit him again.

And so much had stayed the same. He still flushed when she complimented him, ducking his head briefly and breaking eye contact to lick at his chest fur in embarrassment. ”Thanks,” The tom murmured, voice tight at the mention of the she-cat who lurked in the recesses of his memory as nothing but a vague sensation. It pained him to admit that he barely remembered anything about Mama, but time had not been merciful to the memories of his three moon old self. An ear flicked at her question, and Bravebird did not miss the near slip-up. Swallowing past the flood of emotion that constricted his throat – my son – he blinked, not trusting his voice to speak in that instant. My son. She had almost said it, almost voiced what neither of them had in the whole time they had known each other. Multiple times, he had come close, so incredibly close, to addressing her the way he sometimes did in his head – Mother – but guilt had always caused his words to catch in his throat. He didn’t want to completely forget Mama, as distant of a memory as she seemed.

”Better,” Bravebird spoke, once he trusted his voice. ”Better, now that I’ve seen you.” Should he address the slip-up, acknowledge that he had noticed and understood it? He wanted to. He wanted to tell her it was okay, that he was honored that she considered him her son. He wanted to explain how it warmed his heart in ways that he couldn’t wholly explain. ”And you, Swanfeather?” The young tom returned the question, wishing he had the courage to say everything he wanted to, wishing that doing so did not mean that he was renouncing his bond with Mama. Does it really? He didn’t know. ”How have you been?” Mother.

- - -

if you get lost you can always be found
just know you’re not alone
cause i’m gonna make this place your home

[Hellion]

Swanfeather

---

There was so many things that had changed, Flickerpaw's untimely death surely he knew about it, everyone did but no one had asked how she was recovering from it, then again many cats assumed since she was a medicine cat the loss of a cat wasn't as traumatic but they were so terribly wrong. Flickerpaw had been her apprentice, he was clever of course his limp made it difficult to actually do a lot of traveling but he was getting better, perhaps if he had spent more time training he'd be able to survive the battle, but then again Flickerpaw had visited her once in her dreams, he was happy but Swanfeather did miss him.

The memories that were brought forth by Bravebird look so much like his uncle had a lump forming in Swanfeather's throat. He could have been my true son, Frostfang would have been proud. Staring at the tom for a moment, Swanfeather wanted to say so many things to him, explain to him why she had distanced herself. Explain to him why she was cold but welcomed Bravebird int her life. Flicking her tail she looked down for a moment creating pleasant words before just simply talking to him.

"I'm doing alright, Fernpaw is learning quickly and Falconleap welcomed two strong kits into the nursery. She ended her bland statement by rejoining her gaze with Bravebird's a delicate flick of her ears. Would he be upset if she told him? Would he see her differently? How would the tom she raised feel knowing that his adoptive mother could have been his true mother, that his name was meant for her true born kit. So many things raced in her head, she wanted him to know. She needed him to understand that Frostfang was something more then a friend, that he was the light of her life, surely Bravebird wouldn't hate her it was the past, but then again cats held grudges. Telling him her past could possibly ruin the future, the pointed she-cat wasn't sure if she'd be able to take losing Bravebird, even if he was never voiced, he was her son, the son in her heart.

---

In my head I see your baby blues
I hear your voice and I, I break in two and now there's
One of me, with you

Word Count:: 393
Tag::@insertname
Notes:: ---

[Phoenix]

Bravebird
settle down it’ll all be clear
pay no mind to the demons
they fill you with fear

- - -

Bravebird flicked an ear as she spoke, a small smile replacing the brief flicker of worry that crossed his features. To someone who had not grown up in her den under her care, she might have sounded alright, like she had claimed, but something in the tone she had used triggered something in his gut that told him that perhaps she was not as alright as she wanted him to believe. And then, he reminded himself, perhaps he was simply reading too much into the situation. She was a medicine cat, after all, and she could take care of herself. Right? A thought struck him, a thought that never would have occurred to him when he was a kit, when this seemingly insecure air would never have existed around Swanfeather. Who takes care of the medicine cats when the medicine cats are unable to take care of themselves?

”That’s good,” He murmured, voice soft. ”I’d heard about Falconleap; word travels fast. There were no complications, I assume? I know you’re brilliant at your profession.” Pausing for a moment, he nudged the forgotten fish toward her with a paw. ”Here, I brought you this to eat. Thought you might be a little hungry.” The warrior folded his hind legs beneath him, lowering his haunches to the ground as he sat. His tail wrapped delicately around his paws as he studied her, head tilted slightly to the side in thought. Something seemed slightly off with Swanfeather, and he could not place quite what it was. Maybe she was simply tired – or perhaps it was his own perception that had been skewed slightly. Their conversations had never been the loudest or most lively, but he could not recall one that had this little energy. ”I was thinking maybe you’d want to go take a walk with me, Swanfeather?” The invitation came out more like a question than a statement. ”Get some fresh air?” A playful grin flickering across his lips, he took a big breath of air in an exaggerated manner and crinkled his nose, mimicking the expression a kit would make upon entering a den so full of earthly and herbal scents. In the next moment, a purr rumbled deep in his throat and his tail flicked lightly behind him.

Who did take care of the medicine cats when they fell ill? Possessing knowledge of an art with which most others were unfamiliar, those renowned few who walked such a path held the weight of the clan on their shoulders in a fashion not wholly dissimilar to the responsibility carried by the leaders. It struck Bravebird as kind of a lonely profession. Surrounded by cats who only stopped by when they were sick, wounded, or in need of her services for some other reason; very rarely did anyone visit Swanfeather for the sake of visiting. With a guilt nipping at his conscience, he realized that, swept up in his warrior duties, he had fallen into that category. Her own son – or close enough, as far as anyone cared. If anyone should have dropped in for a conversation, it should have been him. Bravebird swallowed.

He did not know who was supposed to take care of medicine cats when they could no longer take care of themselves, but he knew who would look after Swanfeather if the unthinkable happened, if this strong-willed she-cat was weakened to the point where she required assistance. Not Sandstar. Not Fernpaw.

Me.

- - -

if you get lost you can always be found
just know you’re not alone
cause i’m gonna make this place your home

[Hellion]

Swanfeather

---

He was watching her, she could feel his baby blue eyes on her pelt but they felt uncomfortable not because she was getting attention but because they reminded her of Frostfang. The awkward tension that she only felt wasn't easily banished but she did her best, a distraction in the form of the fish had her brain remembering of her hunger and how much she hadn't eaten in the past couple days. Giving a nod in thanks the she-cat bent down and pulled the fish closer with a forepaw and carefully tore into the silver fish and gobbled down half the fish, moaning in comfort as it filled the empty feeling her stomach, a meal never tasted so good. It didn't take long for her to finish the meal and was partly surprised in herself that she devoured the fish so quickly and made a lady-like show of grooming herself right after, trying to avoid the gaze of Bravebird for the time being.

Clearly unable to cope with him reminding her of Frostfang she scooted back a little to see him better and the wave of emotion over took her but she quickly built up a temporary wall in order not to break down in front of Bravebird, she had to remain strong for him. "Falconleap is a strong mother and I've checked in Britenkit and Gullkit they are quite the active duo, very charming kits." Swanfeather spoke fondly of the two bundle the occupied the nursery. Most of her life Swanfeather had a very soft spot for kits and that clearly displayed in the fondness of her voice as she talked about them, even a slight hint of admiration for Falconleap but that wasn't so clearly noted.

Now in full control of her emotions Swanfeather made an effort to look at Bravebird more clearly, ignoring the feeling in her heart that Frostfang was alive in the young warrior, but she knew that he wasn't, Bravebird was her son not her mate but she'd like to pretend in her dreams that Bravebird was her true son, a little of her and a lot of Frostfang, a sad dream that would never come true, but she had to at least pretend for the sake of going from day to day.

He was adorable in mentioning of taking her for a walk, get out for something other than looking for herbs or teaching Fernpaw to defend herself with her limited sight, Swanfeather was going to take him up on the idea and rose to her paws before answering him, then the idea hit her, she needed to get something off her chest before she buried it again for too many moons.

"I know I haven't been the best mother figure to you, I mean I kind of lost touch after you became an apprentice which is no fault of yours." She paused looking down at her paws, feeling small compared to her warrior adopted son. "I wanted to say I am sorry for not being a bigger part of your life, but I couldn't be anymore proud of you Bravebird, I would have been proud to be your mother if things have gone a different way." Her words were true and filled with a longing to be the true mother of Bravebird, but surely he'd just be okay with her being his adopted mother. Bravebird didn't know the history of Frostfang but she kind of wanted to tell him, let him know everything that she kept bottled up, lean on him as she did with Frostfang, but a mother wouldn't do that to her son and Swanfeather wasn't about to start now.

---

In my head I see your baby blues
I hear your voice and I, I break in two and now there's
One of me, with you

Word Count:: 642
Tag::Phoenix
Notes:: ---

[Phoenix]

Bravebird
settle down it’ll all be clear
pay no mind to the demons
they fill you with fear

- - -

He had turned to face the entrance in preparation for their departure, but when the words hit him, he froze mid-stride, paw raised in the air as he craned his head around to stare at her dumbly. He could feel the blood rushing to his face, heating up his features until they felt as though they were on fire, and he could only stand there with an odd expression on his face, slightly parted jaws accompanied by wide eyes. While his tongue refused to form the protests bubbling up inside of him, he worked to try and figure out where Swanfeather had gotten the idea that she was solely at fault for their infrequent communication. For barely a moment did he consider her pseudo-apolgy before dismissing it, and as though he had only just become aware of his awkward position, the warrior lowered his paw - rather hard - and turned back to face the medicine cat head on, eyes slightly narrowed in consternation.

"Why do you think you need to apologize for anything?" He questioned her, voice firm and tail twitching behind him. A touch of uncharacteristic irritation trickled into his voice, and its presence confused him. Had she apologized for any other action, he would, of course, have acted more gently, but this was so wrong, so unnecessary, and it stung him. Irritated at himself for being irritated at her, he continued forcefully, "Look, I owe you everything[i/], Swanfeather; if there's anyone who should be saying anything, it should be me. Nothing said you had to help out the little kit you found on the border. Nothing said you had to convince Deadstar to let him stay and join the clan. Nothing said you had to shelter him in your own den, let him sleep in your own nest."

Blue eyes stared at her, willing her to understand. "You did all of that on your own, and you did more. You've done everything and you didn't need to do it - there is nothing, and there will never be anything that you have to apologize for. It should be me who is apologizing to you." Although his voice became softer, it lost none of the conviction. "I took it all and didn't even find the time to say thank you, to show my appreciation - until - until now."

Swallowing, he took a half step toward her, his gaze earnest and steady. "Thank you for helping out that little kit you found on the border, and for convincing Deadstar to let him stay, and for letting him stay in your den and curl up next to you during thunderstorms. Thank you for supporting him, and for being there whenever he needed you, and for giving him the opportunity to become a part of such a great clan." Bravebird swallowed, the hesitation - a childlike fear of rejection - clear in his voice. "Thank you for everything - Mother."

- - -

if you get lost you can always be found
just know you’re not alone
cause i’m gonna make this place your home