[Insidious]

Bluejay wasn’t the type of cat who crossed boundaries carelessly. Ever since she was a kitten, she knew she wanted to be able to help those around her, but she knew her nose wasn’t always welcome in everybody’s business. Oftentimes, she chose to let cats come to her by their own doing when they needed advice. It was simpler that way and, ever since she had been faced with her own grief over Pinkcloud’s death, she understood that privacy was something that needed to be respected. However, it was hard sometimes to mind her own business. She only wanted to help, and it felt wrong to sit in silence when there was something she could be doing to make problems easier and more manageable.

At the end of the day, the well-being of her clanmates was more important than keeping quiet. When she had seen Littlestep on the outskirts of TreeClan territory, caught up in conversation with a NightClan tom she recognized as Hazeheart, she had almost been willing to dismiss it as nothing more than friendliness—if not for the light in Littlestep’s eyes. For a moment, it had made the medicine cat apprentice smile, because it reminded her far too much of a non-TreeClan warrior who had the exact same effect on her. That thought, however, was shortly afterward accompanied by sadness; it wasn’t very often that Bluejay wore an expression of melancholy, but the feeling inside her chest was far worse than the appearance on the outside, and she wished it upon nobody.

“Littlestep!” The bluish-gray she-cat called to her clanmate cheerfully from the opening of her den, tipping her head in a means of invitation to join her inside. “Do you have a minute?” If a medicine cat requested a moment of your time, it wasn’t often that the offer was refused. However, never one to exercise force, Bluejay met the warrior’s eyes evenly in wait of a response. Littlestep could easily have something else in dire need of her attention, and if that was the case, the medicine cat apprentice would be willing to make arrangements to have this conversation with her later on.

Date: greenleaf twenty-one
Tag: Phoenix
Words: 359

[Phoenix]

it just takes some time, little girl, you're in the middle of the ride

Littlestep was having the perfect day. By offering to hunt instead, she had managed to avoid being sent on a border patrol, and if she had started consistently hunting around NightClan’s border, no one needed to know. Just as she had hoped, a certain tortoiseshell tom had also happened to find himself in the vicinity, and, well, she might have not been as productive as Lionstar would have appreciated. Talking with Hazeheart always brightened her day and just being near him made her feel so light that she could walk on water. Surrendering to her feelings, she had given up trying to pinpoint what it was exactly that made her heart race and her words tumble awkwardly over her tongue and decided that it was simply him. Everything about him was wonderful. One day, that tom had entered her life, and her entire world had changed. Something had clicked. Suddenly she found herself counting down until she could talk to him again. She carried him with her in her thoughts, and somehow a spring had found its way into her steps. Life was good. For the first time in a long time, Littlestep was happy, painfully, wonderfully happy. She was soaring so high above the clouds that nothing could touch her.

What? The sound of her name caught her attention and she turned to see Bluejay poking her head out of the medicine cat’s den. After glancing around as if there was another Littlestep the other she-cat could possibly be talking to, the warrior nodded and changed direction, moving toward the younger cat instead of her empty nest in the warrior’s den. More sobering emotions bubbled up with in her as she drew closer, cutting cruelly across the wonderful lightness that had fallen across her these past few days. Bluejay made her remember Pinkcloud, and Pinkcloud brought back a whole collection of memories she would rather not consider. She hadn’t done anything – not even screamed or run for help or tried to move the branch – she had only stood there, frozen…

Now the she-cat’s sister wanted to talk to her, and Littlestep found herself mildly concerned. About what? The warrior didn’t want to talk about her late clan mate, and though the two of them had always been cordial to each other, they were hardly good friends. The small tabby feline didn’t know much about Bluejay beyond the general familiarity of the clan mate. "Hey Bluejay. You want to talk to me?” She asked as she stopped before the blue-gray feline. Maybe she just wanted to catch up or something; it had been quite a while since they last talked. She was a medicine cat, and it was her job to look after the well-being of the clan and its inhabitants. This was probably just a chance to make sure all was well with one of the quieter cats in the clan.

everything will be just fine everything will be alright

littlestep | treeclan | warrior | Insidious Fawn (for Haze)

the middle | background image

[Insidious]

Bluejay had been more than a little anxious to confront her clan-mate. She hated to think of herself as accusatory, or nosy, but it was her job to be involved in the lives of her peers; she couldn't be held responsible for bringing attention to something that had caught her eye. She didn't want to see Littlestep get sucked into a situation that would hurt her in the end. She knew what it felt like. She knew how easy it was to get comfortable, and even happy.

She knew it never lasted for two cats that were beyond loyal to their clans, and she liked to think Littlestep was one of those cats despite how much it would constrain her heart.

The tabby popped her head into Bluejay's den, and she beckoned her to take a seat with a gentle wave of her tail. It was crucial that this conversation take place in private. "Yes, I do." She paused for a moment, searching Littlestep's expression intently. A part of her was curious to see if she'd know what this was about and, if she did, whether or not she would look guilty or defensive. "I was collecting herbs the other day and happened upon you and... Hazeheart, is it?" Bluejay maintained a calm and friendly disposition, wanting to make sure Littlestep knew she had no intention of punishing her. She tipped her head to the side, inviting honesty as best as she could. "I'm glad to see TreeClan warriors overlooking borders in times of peace and making friends, but if there's anything you need to get off of your chest, it's what I'm here for." She took her job very seriously, and hoped Littlestep would trust her enough to be certain she would keep this between the two of them - if there was even anything to be kept secret. Again, she wouldn't make assumptions until her suspicions were either confirmed or denied.

Tag: Phoenix
Words: ##%

[Phoenix]

it just takes some time, little girl, you're in the middle of the ride

Oh. Oh. At first, she was relieved that Bluejay did not want to discuss Pinkcloud or her untimely death, but a moment later that relief was replaced with unease. The blue-gray medicine cat had seen her talking with Hazeheart. A bolt of alarm tightened her throat, and she found herself peering closely at the other she-cat, tail tip twitching anxiously. Did she know? Did she suspect? Littlestep had thought she’d been doing a pretty good job keeping everything quiet; when she planned to try her luck at the NightClan border, she always checked to make sure she was alone, and she always made sure to return with some prey lest anyone question her absence. But perhaps her vigilance faded during her time with the tom – yes, she could see that happening. She already knew that she lost track of time with surprising ease when she got caught up in her conversation with him, so it was entirely likely that she lost track of other things as well. That realization put a small frown on her face and a bad feeling in her gut. Had anyone else seen them? She didn’t want to get in trouble, but she didn’t want him to get in trouble either.

And what to tell Bluejay? Now that she had been seen, Littlestep couldn’t deny meeting Hazeheart on the border, and she knew that she wasn’t a good enough liar to try to sneak anything by the perceptive feline in front of her. Even if she could, the warrior didn't want to. She respected Bluejay too much for that, and the poor she-cat didn't deserve such obvious distrust from her clan mate. She only meant well, Littlestep knew. It was just that this type of situation into which she was reluctant to have other cats looking. "We’re… uh… we’re just friends,” She mewed finally, voice small. It was true – they were just friends – and she wasn’t lying if she left out the second half of that sentence, right? It was the half where she admitted to herself that, despite the restrictions of the Code, she hoped they might become a little more than friends, and that maybe he would feel the same way. She didn’t want to make him break the rules, and she certainly had never been eager to intentionally cross that line, but maybe, if he felt what she felt, things would work out in their own way.

The silence stretched on for another moment, and words bubbled up in her throat, spilling over onto her tongue. Now there was an urge to justify herself and defend her friendship with a cat from TreeClan’s rival clan. ”You know when I got this,” She gestured with her tail toward the scars along her flank. ”There was a NightClan patrol who saved me, and he was on it.” A pause. ”He really is a nice cat.” Being with him made all the bad things in the world go away… Littlestep mentally turned a rueful grin on herself. Oh StarClan, am I in trouble.

everything will be just fine everything will be alright

littlestep | treeclan | warrior | Insidious

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[Insidious]

The medicine cat apprentice’s staring probably did next to nothing to ease the guiltless warrior in her attempts to deny Bluejay’s suspicions, but she was looking for an expression that didn’t match the striped feline’s words, because even though her actions hadn’t necessarily amounted to anything to feel guilty about, her thoughts could’ve already ventured into uncharted territory. She offered her companion a sad smile, a knowing smile, because the position Littlestep was in was painstakingly familiar to her.

She had known what she would share about her personal life long before she called Littlestep into her den, but a part of her still fought against the urge to admit to her own past mistakes. She had let herself hope that Littlestep would be honest with her, completely honest, but it was because Bluejay could relate to what she was feeling that it was okay she hadn’t been.

“There aren’t a lot of cats that know this about me…” Bluejay began with hesitant eyes and a quiet voice, “but there was someone who I truly think I could’ve loved before I became Littletimber’s apprentice, and I’d like to tell you a couple of things about him.” She tipped her head to the side, wondering if Littlestep was curious about why she of all cats had been chosen to hear this. It was knowledge that would benefit her in the long-run, Bluejay assumed, and if her life experiences could help a clan-mate, then she was more than willing to revisit buried feelings. “He was kind, too, like Hazeheart is. He never saved me, per say, in the literal sense, but he did help me with my family troubles—” She tried her best to breeze by the topic, knowing it would be hard for Littlestep to acknowledge Pinkcloud after what happened. “—and I like to think I did the same for him. It was what brought us together, and what kept us together. Nobody understood like he did.” She shook her head, overcome by emotions she hadn’t expected to feel. It was easy to let him go (when it had been the right thing to do for her clan), but it was hard to reflect on everything she had lost in doing so. “It was too bad that he was a RainClan warrior.”

Bluejay averted her eyes for a moment, as if she was ashamed of the confession, but it couldn’t be farther from the truth. When she returned her eyes to Littestep’s, she hoped her clan-mate would be able to see how much she treasured every moment she got to spend with him. “We so desperately wanted to give ourselves a chance, but the end result was far too clear to risk it: Our clans, in the end, were more important to us than each other, and we didn’t want to hurt ourselves any more than we already had to.” She took a long, deep breath, trying to build up to the point she sought to make. “Do you see what I’m trying to tell you with all of this, Littlestep? It might hurt when he takes a mate, but it’s what was best for not only us, but our clans—our families—and all we ever wanted was to see each other be happy.”

Tag: Phoenix
Words: 546