Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2015 23:21:22 GMT -5
Give up your heart left broken and let that mistake pass on...
Rushwhisker paused with one forepaw raised over the scentline, his pale gaze trained across the border, past StarClan's Claws, toward TreeClan territory. In the back of his mind he knew he would not find her there, waiting for him, but still he searched for any signs of a familiar blue-gray pelt in the trees beyond. His heart still ached from letting her go. He and Bluepaw had both agreed that the friendship they had, which had begun to grow into something much more, wasn't something they could continue if they wished to be loyal warriors to each of their respective Clans. There were plenty of tales of such romance ending in various disasters in the past. There was a good reason it was against the Code. At that moment he recalled the story of Silverstream, who had fallen in love with a TreeClan cat when they had been called ThunderClan, and who had died during her kitting. Her kits had been the cause of dispute between the two parents' Clans and had nearly led to war. Rushwhisker couldn't imagine how he would feel being the cause of so much strife for his Clan, nor for Bluepaw's. And neither of them would ever leave their Clan to join the other, that was perfectly clear. There simply was no happy ending in their future, no matter what they decided.
It may have been a mutual decision for them, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. He wasn't sure he could ever find anyone who would understand him like Bluepaw did, who could make him feel like she made him feel. It had been Bluepaw who had helped him begin to heal, and he would always be grateful for that... he felt as though he would always love her for it, despite the logical protests in his mind against such feelings. He tore his gaze away from the TreeClan border and forced himself back into his own territory, his paws feeling as heavy as stones sinking into the river. Sometimes they simply led him back here, wanting so badly to take back the decision they had made and be with her, but he always managed to turn back, to keep them both from making a terrible mistake. Half-Clan kits were rarely treated well by most... even if one of them had joined the other's Clan, what sort of life would they be forcing on any kits they had? There were a number of half-Clan cats in RainClan, and while Rushwhisker certainly thought no less of them, he knew there were others in the Clan that did, that shot them nasty glances for no other reason than their parentage, something they had no control over.
He had thought over this decision for a long time. It had been the hardest decision he had ever made in his life. He could not ask Bluepaw to leave her Clan and her sister Pinkpaw for him, nor could he leave his mother and his Clan behind for her... his mother had already lost so much. He could not force their Clans into some sort of war over custody of any kits they might have, had they kept up their romance but remained in their own Clans. He could not force an unfair life of prejudice onto his kits when he could so easily prevent it from ever happening. He was young, it wasn't as though he had no hope of ever finding a mate in RainClan who could perhaps fill the hole in his heart left by letting go of Bluepaw, but right now it was just too raw for him to imagine it ever actually happening. He had never dreamed he would fall for a cat from another Clan, and he understood all too well how some cats could risk everything for it, but he and Bluepaw were in agreement over this: choosing to stay together could negatively impact far too many others for it to be the right decision.
And so they had spent one final night at StarClan's Claws, watching the sun rise and wishing it could rise a bit slower just this once... and then they had said goodbye and silently promised never to meet like that ever again. They were not going to cut each other out completely... certainly they would see each other at Gatherings, they could be friends, like they used to be, but they would be kidding themselves if they didn't think things would be different now than they were then. He glanced up, finding himself at the willow that Russethawk had brought him to some few moons ago. Reaching up, he placed his paw over the four marks he had made for his siblings. He knew he had his whole Clan to go back to, and yet he could not help but feel so very alone.
Cause the love that you lost wasn't worth what it cost
and in time you'll be glad it's gone.
and in time you'll be glad it's gone.