[Fate Admin]

Rushwhisker found himself idle. He hated having nothing to do. No assigned patrols and he was barely into his warriorhood so he didn’t have an apprentice to train or anything. He was looking forward to receiving his first apprentice more than anything at this point in his life. Icekit… Ashkit…. One would think he could have moved past their memories by now, but then his older siblings went off to look for them and never came back either. His mother was distraught and fretted over him whenever she saw him, the only kit she had left from two litters. She was afraid he was going to leave her too. Just like the rest of them. He and his father had butted heads when he was a kit, over Icekit. His father seemed to have seen his deaf son as a disappointment and Rushwhisker had always had something to say about THAT. Now that his kits were disappearing he had grown distant, as if pushing Rushwhisker away so he couldn’t become too attached, should his final kit disappear as well.

Rushwhisker sighed as he plodded out of camp, thinking perhaps he’d go fishing for a while. But as he padded away his paws took away from the river and toward StarClan’s Claws. He simply walked on, head low as his mind churned around thoughts of his siblings. He was no innocent little apprentice anymore. He no longer had any hope of any of them ever coming back. He broke into a run, feeling the wind whip through his whiskers, pinning his ears back against his head, running as if he could escape the dark thoughts that raged through his mind like a storm whenever he had a quiet moment to himself. He only stopped when the five spire stones of StarClan’s Claws loomed ahead of him, slowing as he padded closer to the great rock at the center of the Gathering place, panting from his desperate race through RainClan territory that he would never win.

He stood, still and silent, staring up at the peak of the great rock as if it might hold answers for him. The sun was on its way toward the horizon, not yet marking dusk, but closing in. He padded forward, eyes still locked on the rock’s peak as he leapt up, pulling himself atop the great stone and standing, looking over the valley spreading out in all directions, the mountains rising up all around him. His heart ached. They could be out there somewhere. Lost. They could be dead. He would never know, not until he joined StarClan and saw for himself if they were waiting there for him or not. If only he could find out before then, perhaps his heart could rest and the storm threatening his mind constantly could finally break to reveal sunlight again. He turned slowly, his pale green gaze searching desperately for a sign he knew he would never see. He had thought many times about leaving, about trying to find them… but he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave his Clan, leave his mother to this fate she shared with him, forever wondering and never knowing if she would ever see her kits again. RainClan had already lost four cats in his siblings, cats that could be serving and making RainClan stronger… he would not be a fifth.

Sandstar’s death had only brought these thoughts back stronger than before. RainClan needed all the loyal, able cats it could get right now. A sudden gust of wind tore at his fur and he flattened his ears once more, squinting out over the valley, no longer looking for anything in particular. His momentary burst of grief had run its course, slowly being replaced by the numbness he had become so accustomed to. His gaze fell to his white paws, in stark contrast to the dark stone beneath them, and he shifted to a sitting position, curling his tail over them. He no longer knew what to do, or what to feel. Letting them go was too hard, but keeping them locked away inside his heart was so painful. The day to day routine of life as a warrior was not enough to keep the pain away, to drive it out. He hoped more than anything he might receive an apprentice soon, a new, young life to bring energy and happiness back into his. But he also knew that was a very selfish reason to want an apprentice. He hoped when his time came to be a mentor he would do his apprentice justice and be the mentor they would need him to be. He knew he would try his hardest, but he wasn’t sure anymore if it would be enough… not if he had yet to let go, and to heal.

[Insidious]

B L U E P A W

Being an apprentice gave her all of this newfound freedom that she didn’t know what to do with. Never before now had she ever thought, had she ever wanted, to walk across TreeClan’s border and go somewhere she had yet to see. There was honestly very few occasions that she allowed herself to genuinely want something. It was so selfish of her. A blind cat could want its sight, a deaf cat could want its hearing, and here she was wanting nothing more than a chance to go off and explore - mind with each and every one of her senses in tact. She set off on her little journey regardless, trying to swallow down how badly she felt for giving in. She knew that she was lucky to have everything that she did. Every once in a while, someone like her undoubtedly deserved the chance to have some time to themselves. She simply didn’t know when she deserved that, and when she could go a little bit longer than she had acting selflessly and focusing on the betterment, on the healing, of those around her that needed her.

It felt good knowing that she was needed somewhere. Knowing that, if she was gone for too long, somebody would notice. Somebody would care. For all of the caring that swelled inside of her tiny chest, it was nice sometimes knowing that she wasn’t always just giving - there was some receiving to the process, too.

StarClan’s Claws was everything that she had expected it to be. The gathering place wasn’t particularly interesting when all five of the Clans weren’t present, but there remained something that was: she wasn’t completely alone. Startled, for this would be her first encounter with someone that wasn’t of TreeClan’s bloodline, she approached on hesitant, quiet paws. Her pale blue eyes were filled with alarm, though it eased considerably when she got close enough to get a good look at his facial expression. Was it just her, or did he look sad?

She was known to be rather good at fixing sad.

Bluepaw scaled the side of the rock that he sat upon with her usual liveliness, offering the same kind of smile that she would to those she knew back in her camp. She felt most comfortable when she was dealing with another’s emotions. Before now, she never knew that she could feel the same way towards those that were of a different Clan. Nobody deserved to have the kind of look on their face that he did. Certainly Lionstar wouldn’t frown upon her offering her shoulder to him just because he was of RainClan - she could be doing far worse, though her mind would always know to correct worse to good; the kind of good that others weren’t always willing to approve of.

“You’re early for the Gathering, almighty leader of RainClan.” Of course, she was only kidding - willing to test her luck and see if some simple humour would be all he needed in his remedy. A twinkle of contentedness, of fondness perhaps, was alight in her eyes, for she could not help but be as such when she was doing what she loved to do.

It was common knowledge that only leaders sat where the two of them had decided to take up residence. She didn’t figure that they were breaking any rules when there was no Gathering; but if only leaders were meant to place their paws where the pair of them were, then leaders they would be for the mere sake of small talk.

“You know,” her voice was calm, letting her underbelly rest against the cold rock, forepaws dangling over the edge. “I’m almost certain that there’s someone who would much rather be seeing you smile.”

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[Fate Admin]

Simply staring down at his tail covering his paws, Rushwhisker almost didn’t notice when company joined him upon the great rock. Then the wind shifted and brought the strong, fresh scent of TreeClan to him as the young she-cat stood behind him and he turned suddenly, eyes widening briefly with alarm. A moment’s study had his fur lying flat once more; he hadn’t even realized it had puffed out. She was indeed young, clearly an apprentice. She offered him a smile, but he could not muster one in return. He glanced toward the TreeClan border, wondering if she was alone, but when she settled herself down upon the stone he figured she was.

He turned back to her as she spoke. He blinked in surprise at her and it took him a moment, in his return to numbness, to realize that she was joking with him. A hoarse rasp of an amused purr escaped his throat and he realized just how long it had been since he had last performed the act. He had become a somber cat that was hardly any decent company. He regretted that, but wasn’t sure how to fix it. It was hard trying to live a normal life when he knew his siblings were not… if they were even still living. He always did his best to yank the friendly side of himself up from the depths when others took the time to interact with him, but it didn’t always work well, sometimes seeming forced and fake. He could tell on other cats’ faces, when they left him with an unsure glance behind them, wondering what they had done wrong.

‘Almighty leader of RainClan.’ The name Rushstar tumbled through his mind briefly before he pushed it away. At this point in his life he most certainly didn’t want such a title. He hardly had himself figured out; how could anyone expect him to make decisions for a whole Clan? Besides, it felt wrong to be even thinking about becoming leader when Sandstar death was so recent, Razorstar brand new to the title with nine fresh lives of his own. His ears twitched, the she-cat’s voice bringing him back from his thoughts. He looked over at her before looking down at his paws again. Would his mother rather see him smiling? Would his siblings, wherever they were, want him growing comfortable with the pain they caused him until he could no longer feel anything at all? He was pretty sure he knew the answer to those questions.

“You’re probably right,” he finally spoke, gazing up and out over the valley again, “But it’s hard to smile when they aren’t here to see it.” Though he did manage a small smile as he looked back at her, a sad smile, but a smile. They should have been here to see his smile. Icekit and Ashkit should be warriors, they should have received their names together, sat grinning like fools at each other in silence, scarcely able to wait until they could call each other by their new names. Instead he had sat his vigil cold and alone with the sound of wheezing, coughing Clanmates all around him, wondering if some of them would even make it through the night to greet him by his new name in the morning. Even his warrior ceremony had brought him little joy, as worried as he was for his countless sick Clanmates.

Still, it certainly wasn’t right for some random cat from another Clan to take on his burdens. He flicked his tail, as if whisking away all of these unpleasant thoughts. Perhaps for a little while he could try to be a normal cat that wasn’t letting their grief weigh them down like a stone tossed in the river. He always enjoyed talking to cats from the other Clans. “I’m Rushwhisker,” he offered, turning slightly so that his back was no longer to the she-cat, introducing himself like a normal cat would upon meeting someone new. He fished for something else to say, something to take the conversation away from himself and the thoughts this she-cat did not need to get herself involved in. When had conversation become so difficult?

[Insidious]

B L U E P A W

And the slightly anticipated, though tragic all the same, referencing of a loss was what met her ears in response. She shifted her body in the following quiet, wondering to herself why fate always had to be so cruel. She knew what it felt like to lose somebody important: Nighthawk had been such a supportive father. She even missed Ebonykit who, although had never been able to see the good in Pinkpaw’s heart, had been her sister nonetheless. Sometimes she thought to herself how unfair it was that Ebonykit had been taken from them all so early on in her life. Bluepaw had went into apprenticeship with her one sibling, and was rewarded with a mentor with her one sibling.

There should have been two siblings, one on either side of her. There should have been a father out in the crowd with so much pride swelling in his eyes.

It was so much worse, too, when her mind dwelled on that single word: they. It was never easy to let go of a him, or a her, but a they could make a whole lot of a difference. She knew firsthand how hard it was to wake up every single morning without two faces that should have been there. It was just one of those things that she had learned to deal with. They were always with her in her heart, and though it’d never be as good as having both her father and her sister directly in front of her, it had to count for something. It did count for something. It was only natural for him, for Rushwhisker, to be grieving. The hopelessness dwindled away with time, and with patience. Maybe one day, sooner than later, he’d recall her smiling face when he returned to RainClan, and then he’d know that someone out there believed him strong enough to get through the pain.

“I’m Bluepaw,” she offered in response, “and I’m really good at listening.” She often didn’t try and push things, but it was a lot easier to do so when she knew she wouldn’t be waking up in the same Clan as him tomorrow morning, unable to find him and see if a new day also meant a new willingness to open up. She wouldn’t feel right about herself if she left today, knowing that he wasn’t feeling even the tiniest bit better.

His smile was a nice start, but it sure wasn’t happy. It was forced.

“I have a they, too.” Bluepaw knew from experience that it was sometimes easier to speak up when, first, they had a chance to listen. It wasn’t about comparing losses; and trying to figure out who had faced more tragedy than the other. It was about realizing that you weren’t alone. “It’s not easy moving forward when I know I’m leaving them behind. But a memory is a precious thing, too. Besides, I know they wouldn’t want me to be sad for long. They’d want me to… live my life enough for the both of them, and see as much as I can and do as much as I can until, suddenly,” she looked at him, then. Her blue eyes were filled with the kind of sadness, the kind of pain, that he’d be able to relate to. But there was more to it than that. She still looked happy. She still looked like, despite what had went so terribly wrong so terribly fast, she was going to be okay. “I’m not all that sad anymore.”

She waited a little while, giving him enough time to absorb all of this, had he wanted to listen in the first place. She just wanted to make sure he knew that she wasn’t some random TreeClanner trying to be sympathetic and failing at it miserably. It was a feeling she was familiar with, and a feeling she remembered conquering. He just hadn’t quite gotten there yet. “Easier said than done, I know.” She looked down into the valley, suddenly shy of meeting his eyes after the topic of conversation had gotten so heavy. “But trying, believe it or not, is surprisingly worth the while.”

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[Fate Admin]

Bluepaw. His ears twitched forward at her next words. He was actually vaguely amused by them. She was an empathetic one then. Rushwhisker had no desire to spill the contents of his heart and mind upon the youth of another Clan, to expect her to sit and share his burdens with him. Perhaps he would have to a Clanmate, but he had no need to share these things with them because… well… they honestly already knew. Why complain more to them about something they had full knowledge of? At first he had no intention of returning to the subject that had begun their conversation, he would find something else for them to talk about, but then she returned to it on her own. She told him of her own losses, speaking with a sort of wisdom that seemed unnatural in one so young. No, they couldn’t have been very far apart in age, but she was still younger than he was, and he wasn’t very old himself.

He was not so blinded by his own selfish grief that he didn’t realize that other cats had their own losses and went on living just fine. He knew the possibility existed to move on and to live a happy life after losing cats you cared about. It was the not knowing that was killing him inside. He could try to think of them as dead, as looking down on him from StarClan, but that single flickering ember of hope that they were still out there alive somewhere just wouldn’t die. He had given up hope that they would never return to him alive, but he had not given up hope that they still were, somewhere out there. How could he leave them behind if they might still be alive? How could he grieve properly for their deaths if he didn’t truly believe they were gone?

So he listened to her speak of her own experience and wished so badly he could heed the wisdom he had already told himself many times. He shook his head, “I want more than anything to be able to be happy, to move forward, but….” His pale green gaze narrowed in frustration, “I can’t… I can’t leave them in the past… not when they might still be alive.” His head lowered as he stared again at his paws. Perhaps this was what he needed. His Clanmates already knew… he felt like it would be so redundant to explain all this to them… but here was a cat who knew nothing of his siblings and their disappearances, one who was learning of the tale for the very first time without any preconceived notions or dashed hopes from numerous search parties that turned up nothing. Perhaps he needed a cat like this to listen. It welled from deep inside him and came gushing out like the river bursting its banks.

“Icekit…,” his voice cracked and faltered. It had been so long since he’d spoken his brother’s name, “He… he was born deaf. I was told white cats with blue eyes often are. He could never hear… he could never speak properly. My father scorned him and my mother and half the Clan pitied him and treated him like he was capable of nothing!” Old angers rose up amidst his pain, at the simple injustice and prejudice his brother had faced and probably never even properly understood, “I was going to help him. I was going to make sure he became a warrior just like me and my sister. Just like every other kit. He could still walk, he could crouch and pounce. He still had claws and teeth. He could sit silently by a stream and use two good eyes to search for fish. I was going to help him show everyone what a great warrior he could be!” He nearly choked on his words, trembling from all the emotion surging through him. He slid down to his belly on the stone, still staring at his paws.

He shook his head, “He… he disappeared. He must have gone off to explore. Ashkit too… she must have followed him, to make sure he was okay. She was always protective of him. There were search parties. They never found any trace of them. We were so close… so close to being apprentices. The search parties kept going out, but finally they stopped…. My older siblings… they decided to look for them themselves. I heard them… I heard them talking. They were warriors… I was just an apprentice. They never even said anything to me, they didn’t want me to know, to try to follow them. They just left… they left and they never came back.” His head sank, his chin resting on his paws as he stared blankly at the smooth gray stone in front of his face, “They’re probably dead. Everyone else thinks so. But I can’t… I can’t….” He closed his eyes tightly, “And I’ll never know! I never got to say goodbye to any of them!” He shook with grief, his claws scraping the stone as if he could sink them in to steady himself.

He looked mournfully up at Bluepaw, “How can I give up on them? What sort of brother would I be? Just because the odds are against them doesn’t mean they’re dead! When they odds are stacked against you is when you need your family to believe in you the most! How…? How can I give up on them? How can I ever…?” He closed his eyes again, “How can I ever let them go...?” He looked over at her, pleadingly, “Would you? Would you give up on your littermates? Would you leave them behind as if they were dead when you didn’t even know if they really were? Would you mourn them as if they were looking down at you from StarClan when they might be lost in the mountains, trying their hardest to get back to you? How would you feel? What would you do? I don’t know… I don’t know what to do….” Finally his voice died and he raised his head to the sky as if he might find an answer there. But he had looked before, and it was as empty of answers as ever.

[Insidious]

B L U E P A W

When Rushwhisker finally broke down whatever barrier was keeping him from spilling his heart out and telling her everything there was to know, she gave him her full attention, blue eyes widening and softening throughout his story. Icekit reminded her of someone she knew. Someone that was similar. Where his sibling had been deaf and unable to properly speak, hers had been born an albino - unable to stand out in the sun for too long without flinching. The two problems were completely different from one another, and yet she felt herself drawn closer to him out of the realization that he had grown up relatively the same way. She knew that there was no chance of her being the only cat in all of the Clans that had a sibling that was different, but that didn’t mean that she ever expected to meet one of the other few.

But her sudden attachment to said similarity was immediately whisked away when he fixed his pleading eyes upon her, asking her to honestly tell him if she’d be able to give up if there was still a chance, even a chance, that they were somehow still alive. Closing her eyes, she could picture a world where Pinkpaw wasn’t dead… but lost. Search parties had been assigned to no avail, for all they ever did was return empty-pawed, returning this way until they no longer bothered to go out looking again in the first place. They’d look at Bluepaw with all of this sympathy in their eyes, and she knew that she wouldn’t want any of it. What she’d want was to go out looking for herself. To see with her own two eyes that it was hopeless. She needed Pinkpaw to be alive; she knew that she’d cling to even the smallest amount of hope that she could be.

Opening her eyes, it was nothing but a bad dream that she was so glad to wake up from.

And suddenly she knew how hard it was for him, because even behind her eyelids, there was nothing worse than that kind of uncertainty.

“I would never give up on my sister.” It was plain and simple. It was fact. “Actually, she reminds me a lot of your brother. She was born an albino, so she can’t be outside for too long before the sun starts hurting her. My mother always hated her for being different than me and Ebonykit - the one who died alongside my father. If it hadn’t been for me and my father, she would have had nobody. I have to be there for her at all times, to this very day, to make sure that… my mother doesn’t hurt her or do something equally unthinkable.”

The way that she looked out for Pinkpaw was something she thought he’d understand well, for was it not the same kind of responsibility he took upon himself for Icekit? “So, no, I wouldn’t be able to give up on her. I’m the one that makes sure she’s safe. That makes sure she’s one hundred percent okay. And when she isn’t, I’m always there to fix it. I don’t stand for anybody treating her like she’s worthless - I fear that I’m the only one left who’d really care if she just disappeared. The only one that would want to do something. That’d really want it.” She took her own words into consideration, wondering if maybe that’s what he wanted, too. Somebody to be at his side and go out looking to see for himself. Maybe it’d just prove being a disappointment in the end, but perhaps he just needed to see with his own two eyes. It probably wouldn’t fix anything, or even bring anybody back. But then at least he tried. And as she would continue to say, it was surprisingly worth the while to do so.

“If you want,” she looked at him from the corner of her eye, unsure of how he would take to the offer she was suddenly throwing on the table. “I will go with you to look in the mountains. I don’t know if it’ll fix anything, but maybe you just need to see for yourself.” Because I wouldn’t be able to sit back and accept the word of a patrol I wasn’t on. Not when my family was involved.

And right then, it didn’t matter that they were nothing more than two strangers who so happened to know one another’s names. She would be willing to help, because she knew what it felt like to care for somebody so much… to the point that there was nothing you wouldn’t do for them. She wouldn’t make him face all of that on his own.

[Possible next thread idea? x3 They could go to the mountains together and take a look just so Rushwhisker could say that he did something for them, and that he didn't give up.]

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[Fate Admin]

He tore his gaze from the empty sky to look back at his companion as she spoke. He felt a flicker, just a flicker, of relief that he wasn’t the only one who wouldn’t… who couldn’t give up on his family like so many cats had encouraged him to do. Then she explained how her sister was different too. His ears flicked backward and his eyes widened slightly when she spoke of her mother hating her sister, simply for being different. That she might hurt her own kit if Bluepaw was not there to keep her safe. His ears flattened angrily, briefly, as he fought to comprehend such a thing. What if his mother had treated Icekit like that? His father treated him mostly indifferently, looked at him like he was worthless, but never outright… abused him. Still it had caused tension between them. And Icekit couldn’t hear, couldn’t have understood any nasty words thrown his way. It would have been a small mercy. Bluepaw’s sister had a different problem, one that left her hearing in tact to hear every horrible thing said about her.

His claws scraped the stone again, angry just thinking about it. Bluepaw had not outright said her mother spoke badly about her, but if Bluepaw was worried her mother would hurt her own kit then Rushwhisker had to guess it happened, at least once. He imagined a little white kitten asking her mother what she had done wrong to make her so angry and the scathing response that could have followed and his tail lashed behind him. Why did cats that were different have to be treated so unfairly? Amidst his grief for his own siblings, his heart ached for Bluepaw’s sister and he didn’t even know her name. Life was cruel to innocent cats and Rushwhisker could hardly comprehend it, could not stand for it. It appeared that in this, he and Bluepaw were kindred spirits. Borders perhaps separated them, but in this they were united.

He was startled back out of his thoughts by her offer. He stared at her for a long silent moment and looked again to his paws. He had thought about looking for them countless times and always decided against it. He knew Russethawk would have gone with him, had he asked. He felt a pang that he had even withdrawn from his mentor after his older siblings left. He had been recovering from the loss of Ashkit and Icekit with his help when they had gone and reopened the wound. Russethawk was probably his best friend in RainClan as well as his mentor and he realized he was doing the same thing his father was doing to him. He was pushing everyone away in case he lost them too, so it wouldn’t hurt so bad. He almost yowled his anguish at the realization, but clamped his jaws firmly shut. He couldn’t leave his Clan. He couldn’t leave like his siblings had and maybe never come back. He just couldn’t. RainClan needed him. If Icekit was still alive, then he had Ashkit, and maybe even his older siblings with him. They had each other.

He looked over at Bluepaw and shook his head, “No. I could never leave my mother to worry like that. She has already lost four kits. I can’t leave her. I am all she has left. My siblings… if they are still alive… they have each other out there, somewhere.” He felt firm in those words, in that realization. “No… the best thing I can do for them… for all of them… is be here waiting if they ever come back.” Besides, he didn’t want to drag an apprentice from another Clan along with him into the mountains to face who knows what. Nothing, probably. His siblings would not be anywhere close to the valley if they were still alive, or they would have come home by now. He couldn’t just rush off with this she-cat with no idea where to even begin looking. It had been too long for any scent trails to be viable. He gave a slight smile, to show he appreciated the offer, “Besides… I wouldn’t want to take you away from your sister. It sounds like she needs you. I’m sure she would worry about you.”

[Insidious]

B L U E P A W

Even though her offer had gone unaccepted, she felt no less sure of herself in extending it. She believed that it had been the right thing to do. Although they weren’t so similar in that she had four siblings lost somewhere out there, too, she felt no less able to relate her own experiences to his. They shared a lot of common ground. She was just as likely as him to go around feeling empty inside with the fresh weight of new losses, though perhaps she was a tad more skilled in forcing a believable smile, shoving her problems away and locking them up so she could instead focus on the issues of another. She realized, then, how peculiar it had been for her to speak up about her own troubles. She had never so freely shared them with somebody else before. There was no explanation behind her having chosen a random RainClan warrior as being the right kind of a cat to talk about things with. It just somehow felt easier with him. More natural, maybe. She felt like, on some level, he understood where she was coming from when she talked about her albino sister, and her two dead family members. It was such a burden to share it with her actual Clan mates, who although didn’t feel the same kind of a pain, had lived through it all the same.

“I’m not so sure. I’m the one that does all of the worrying, not her.” Which, she took in with sudden surprise, was true. Did Pinkpaw worry about her ever? Did she do it as frequently as she worried about Pinkpaw? She was constantly looking out for her younger sister - she had even cornered her mentor, Gorsetail, to make sure that he didn’t try and pull anything funny. Her life revolved more around those around her than it did herself, which wasn’t necessarily something to be considered bad. The Clans could use a few more Bluepaw’s. Even Lionstar seemed appreciative of everything that she did, which obviously meant that there wasn’t anything for her to change. She just had to keep on doing what she did best: putting others before herself. “And it’s kind of what I do. Helping out, I mean. So if you ever find yourself needing to talk, you know where to find me.”

As if he’d ever come looking for her at TreeClan’s border. It was too dangerous a move to make. And what would he say when somebody found him? Just paying a visit to Bluepaw?

She didn’t need anyone having a reason to look at her suspiciously, suddenly unable to keep themselves from questioning whether her loyalties were purely TreeClan. Which, of course, they were without question. It was baffling how little it took to be labeled a traitor. One friend in RainClan, if they were even on the road to becoming such a thing to each other, and she was precipitously ‘undecided’ about where she wanted to be. Which, thinking about it as intently as she was now, was rather unnecessary.

Right now, she wanted to be exactly where she was with Rushwhisker - that didn’t mean she was second-guessing TreeClan.

“Can you tell me more about him?” There was nothing but genuine interest in her eyes - it almost seemed possible that she could care about somebody that she never met. If he wanted to believe it badly enough, he probably could. “Icekit. From the sound of things, he didn’t have it easy, so he was really lucky to have someone like you. It reminds me a lot of the relationship I have with Pinkpaw - that’s my sister.” No more focusing on the bad. No more focusing on the depressing. She wanted to have a glimpse into their fond memories with one another; the kinds of things that made being deaf, and being the crack of all the jokes, no longer the center of who Icekit was.

Pinkpaw was more to her than that albino, just like she was sure that Icekit was more to Rushwhisker than just another deaf sibling. He probably gave Icekit the kind of life that he needed in the shadow of his mother, his father, and the other Clan mates that frowned upon his disability. With Rushwhisker, maybe he had heard the kinds of things he didn’t need hearing for.

She was the first one that would say a disabled cat was not defined by their disability. She wanted to know who Icekit really was to his brother. She wanted to know how someone who wasn’t oblivious to the position Bluepaw grew up in dealt with it, and how he made it okay for Icekit in the end. How, when he just randomly disappeared one day, he probably didn’t do it without a smile, knowing that had someone like Rushwhisker waiting for him in RainClan.

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