[Deleted]

NOTE: THIS THREAD TAKES PLACE IN LEAF-BARE.
Insidious

let your heart, sweetheart, be your compass when you're lost

---

She'd met him once at a Gathering, when StoneClan finally returned home. It was the second time she had seen him, and she'd recognized him immediately. How could she forget that red-orange coat with those dark spots and those green eyes so pale? He had noticed her, too, and had quickly slipped beside her. "The mountains, where we met. Three nights." And then he was gone. Vanished into the mass of cats gathered in the circle of stones.

Three nights after the Gathering, she snuck away from camp uncertainly, following a fearsome but undeniable desire to meet him. And meet him she had. Most cross-Clan, cross-valley relationships grew beneath the towering sentinels of StarClan's Claws, but their secret place was farther away, on the mountains, at the base of the cliff where they had met. They had spent many nights together there, arriving after dusk and leaving before dawn, where they were undisturbed and unable to be caught. She had grown attached to him, his suave words and careful treatment of her, like she was fragile and liable to break at the slightest touch. She had learned to trust him, to love him. He knew her secrets, all of them, her hopes and her fears. He was the only one she'd told about her nightmares, her memories of her mother. She'd confided in him, and he made her feel safe. She needed him, more than he knew. She looked forward to their meetings, waiting day after day, just going through the motions and praying their night would come sooner and last longer.

Tonight would be the same. The sun had set, and she was lying in her nest, feigning sleep as she waited for the camp to fall silent. Once all she heard was slow, steady breathing, the silvery apprentice rose and ghosted out of the den, pausing at the entrance. A warrior stood guard just inside the camp, and she waited until he turned and began a circuit around the perimeter. She slid through the broken beams of moonlight and ran until she was out of sight of the camp. She stopped for a moment and looked back, breathing rapidly. Once certain she hadn't been followed, she moved on.

She knew the route by heart, and could probably make it with her eyes closed. The moon shone down through a partly clouded sky, the scattered beams turning the land silver. A light rain had begun by the time she reached their secret place, and she waited beneath a small overhang in the cliff he had her backed into when they first met. She could barely remember how she had ever feared him, knowing now she had nothing to fear. She trusted him now, she loved him. And he loved her, she was certain of it.

---

C L O U D P A W

[Insidious]

Crimsonpaw

Once twilight had befallen, the apprentice slithered away from TreeClan’s camp like the snake he was, traveling to the pair’s meeting place up until dusk had begun to ascend into the sky. He had walked this very path, and had taken these very steps, on so many previous accounts that he could have navigated his way there blind. She, of course, was doing it for love, and she probably believed him to be doing the same. His affections were promising; charades so well sculpted that he’d bet his life on the fact that she was falling for it. Grayowl would be pleased that he was taking so much time to make this as perfect as it could be. Cloudpaw probably trusted him with her entire being, her whole life, and it was rather ironic where that particular trust would have her winding up tonight. Because tonight he was through with playing his games. Tonight he would no longer be playing the role of the sweet, loving, handsome apprentice that she’d grown so fond of.

Tonight . . . she would be dead.

He caught whiff of her scent, and immediately his pace heightened. He reached his destination and ducked beneath the overhanging of frozen leaves, the reds and blacks of his fur easy to pick apart from their pure white surroundings. His pale green eyes zeroed in upon the silvery she-cat, having been waiting patiently for his arrival, and he forced a look of longing into his features as he approached. Crimsonpaw purred as he pressed the weight of his muzzle gingerly into the side of her neck, lowering his body into a sit directly at her flank, allowing the tip of his tail to climb over his paws and rest at the side of her own. His eyes were full of these raw, unexplainable emotions, placed there for the simple purpose of ensuring that Cloudpaw believed that he cared about her. Over these past few meetings, a part of him had actually warmed up to her beauty. She was rather easy on the eyes, so it didn’t take too much effort on his behalf to fake a look of desire. He did desire her. He desired to see her dead and covered in blood so that he could make his puppetmaster proud. But that would all come with time. First, he needed to make her as comfortable as possible so that it’d be the last thing that she was expecting. “These last three days have been crawling by painfully slow. I’ve been dieing to see you again.” He nuzzled her behind her ear, doing everything in his power to ensure that they were as close to one another as possible. He wanted to make her feel like she was walking on air. Like she was melting under the heat of his loving gaze, to the point that she’d be nothing but putty in his paws. “Tell me how you’ve been. I want to hear everything so that I’ll have as many thoughts about you as possible to take back to TreeClan.”

[Deleted]

give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around

---

She heard a shift in the rocky ground, pebbles disturbed by a paw, and looked up. There he was, moving toward her, and her heart quickened. She purred as he nuzzled her neck, and she leaned into him. She drank in his scent, a wild smell that told of trees and grass and small creatures and was so alive. It was dizzyingly overwhelming, but she wouldn't trade it for anything.

"These last three days have been crawling by painfully slow. I’ve been dying to see you again." Cloudpaw giggled softly as he nuzzled behind her ear. "I've missed you too." She closed her eyes and leaned against him and purred and just was, happy and content to sit there with him forever.

"Tell me how you’ve been. I want to hear everything so that I’ll have as many thoughts about you as possible to take back to TreeClan." He was so sweet, he cared so much about her. She loved it, she loved him. It was so perfect.

"Everyone's been sick lately. Plantfoot and Aspenfrost have died already. Wolfclaw took Aspenfrost's death kind of hard; she was his apprentice, I think. Firepaw's really sick, and Houndpaw's always with her. I think he might get sick too. I hope she doesn't die. She's my best friend. Kind of the only one, too. Other than you, of course." She looked up at him with so much love in her icy blue eyes, trying to assure him that he was the only one she loved.

"Wolfclaw's sister Pantherstep is kind of sick, too, but Ivywhisker thinks she'll survive just fine. Eagletalon took me hunting in the woods, and he taught me how to climb the trees there. Of course, we don't have as many trees as you do, but he still thinks it's a skill that's good to know, just in case. Kind of like when we were in the mountains, Maverick taught us new hunting skills, such as disguising ourselves with mud to blend in. That was icky, by the way."

She continued to ramble on, describing anything and everything she could think of. She couldn't help it. She was typically shy and withdrawn, but she felt so safe around him, that she could open up and show her true colors, that she was an excitable, talkative cat who didn't exactly know when to stop.

He made her feel safe. He made her feel secure. She trusted him. She loved him. And nothing could change that.

---

C L O U D P A W

[Insidious]

C R I M S O N P A W

She was so open; she wasn’t afraid to be honest with him about anything and everything that crossed her mind. She told him personal things, like the deaths of some of their warriors and the illnesses that threatened more lives, the kinds of things that weren’t meant for the ears of a TreeClan cat. Through her words, he was able to feel as though he was a part of StoneClan - like he was seeing through her eyes and into every fallen warrior’s face, and into all the hurt and the worry buried inside of those that still lived and grieved for those that they had lost. For a moment, it could have been like he wasn’t the TreeClan cat that he was. He wasn’t serving under Grayowl’s reign in the place of Lions.tar. He wasn’t plotting the demise of this she-cat that cared about him. Genuinely cared. He didn’t have those kinds of privileges. Grayowl certainly didn’t treasure his existence. He couldn’t even be certain that Onyxpaw cared anymore, or Copperpaw either. There just wasn’t any time for them anymore.

“I hope that Firepaw recovers well, if not for her sake than your own. I would never wish for anyone, particularly yourself, to have to endure the loss of a best friend.” He watched her pretty eyes, alight with this fierce passion and adoration, and almost found himself willingly reciprocating it. He was taken aback by the unwelcome emotion, burying it away, wanting to destroy and disintegrate any remaining pieces of it so that it’d never think to surface again. He wasn’t allowed to think those kinds of thoughts, or feel those kinds of sentimentalities. Nothing was supposed to get in the way of what he had planned for her. If he was beginning to grow soft - what an unthinkable thing to happen - then he had to work faster and put an end to it before it had any time to actually grow and sprout into something that would work to change who he was. He instinctively shuffled a small space away from Cloudpaw, a mental defense he was putting up in order to properly block anymore of his previous thoughts from returning. He ensured to hold her eye contact so that she wouldn’t think anything of his movements, searching the depths of her icy eyes and wondering how Firepaw would feel if the tables suddenly turned and she lost her best friend instead. She’d find out soon enough, because it was only a matter of minutes until the life in Cloudpaw’s face, the beauty, was drained entirely.

“You see, Cloudpaw, our time spent together as of late has been so incredibly important to me. . .” The tom rose to his paws and stalked a tight circle around the StoneClan apprentice, a steady purr vibrating in the back of his throat to keep her thoughts trained on this idea that she had: this idea that he would never hurt her. Once he reached her front again, he took it upon himself to s.tart walking yet another circle, this time stopping when he was directly behind her. He could feel his claws itching to free themselves from within his paws, preparing for the moment that they’d hook her flesh, making her realize how mistaken she had been when she decided he was trustworthy. His purring slowly ceased, blinking the affection out of his eyes, his expression morphing into something hungrier and more lethal as each second passed. All she would need to do now was turn around to get the inklings of an idea as to what was coming next, but Crimsonpaw wasn’t wasting anymore time.

One moment, he was standing behind her, completely still and silent. The next, he was whispering a chilling phrase into the back of her ear - “You have collaborated excellently. I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for making all of this possible.” - before lunging forth with a sudden burst of speed, intent on pinning the she-cat beneath his weight so that she’d have no chance for escape. He wanted one last look into her eyes, those surreal and stunning eyes, to witness the sheer panic and confusion inscribed upon her face as she realized that it had all been this big fat life, this pathetic charade. One last look . . . before she was dead.

(I was thinking that he could successfully pin her down, and then in my next post he'll hesitate, allowing time for her to escape before he gets the chance to actually kill her?)

[Deleted]

give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around

---

She spoke and spoke and spoke, spilling herself to him entirely, telling him about every facet of her life. That's what he wanted to hear, everything, so he could take those memories home with him, to hold them close until they met again.

"You see, Cloudpaw, our time spent together as of late has been so incredibly important to me..." He rose and her word faded out, and she looked up at him, slightly confused. He wasn't leaving just yet, was he? There was so much more to talk about, and the night wasn't over yet.

Then he started to purr and walked a tight circle around her, and though still slightly confused, she found herself surrounded by his scent, stirred up and around her by his movement, and she melted. She closed her eyes and purred, drinking in his scent, as he began another circle around her. Nothing matter. Just him and her and the night and that wild, familiar smell that made her head spin and her legs weak.

She was drunk on him; she always was. He was the only cat who had that affect on her, could make her crumble with just a touch or a look or a word. She was lost in a haze, and so when he moved closer to whisper into her ear, her mind took a moment longer to process what was happening, but by then it was too late.

One moment, she's swaying on her paws with her eyes closed, and the next she was pressed against the ground, the side of her face scraped against gravel and a sharp rock stuck somewhere down her side. Her blue eyes flew open and she glanced around, certain they had been ambushed by someone. But she saw only rock and shadow, and then she looked up.

He was holding her down, covering her, preventing her escape. His eyes were dark, and with the scattered moonlight backlighting him, it was scary. The moment felt surreal, like a dream or a vision from someone else's eyes. Cloudpaw's young mind, already fragile from kithood trauma, wasn't properly processing the situation, and she didn't fully realise her life was in danger.

She met his dark stare, her eyes a mess of emotion. There was shock, confusion, and as the severity of the situation dawned on her, growing fear. But beneath it all there was one constant: pain. Not the pain that comes from physical harm, but the pain of a strike through the heart. The pain of betrayal, of broken promises and uncovered lies. Pain that could only be caused by a loved one. She loved him, adored him, treasured him. He was precious to her. And now he was taking all that from her, in one fell swoop.

Yet in that instant, she couldn't find anger. She couldn't find hate, or rage. Her gaze shifted from pain to sadness. For some reason, she only wanted to forgive him. Wanted to ask him his motives, and hold him and help him through whatever he was going through. She wanted to make the Crimsonpaw she knew and loved come back.

And then her mind caught up, and she realised what was happening. He was on top of her, claws extended and eyes dark. He wanted to hurt her. Probably kill her. Her blue eyes finally widened in fear, and she began to thrash beneath him, now desperate for an escape. There was still an ache in her heart, though. She couldn't accept the fact that he actually had truly dark intentions. After all, he loved her, right?

Right?

---

C L O U D P A W

[Insidious]

C R I M S O N P A W

This was it. He was no longer messing around; no longer playing the role of her innocent, cross-clan lover. Here, and now, she was wedged beneath his paws without an escape route, looking around frantically, as if this was all some practical joke that would be over soon. His lips pulled back from over his teeth, leaning dangerously close to the she-cat. In a matter of seconds, she would be dead, and he could take news of his triumphant kill back to TreeClan with him, and hopefully make Grayowl proud. In a matter of seconds. A matter of . . . why did she look so sad? Emerald eyes narrowed considerably, his violent sneer fading to make way for a facial expression that fully revealed his confusion. Wasn’t she supposed to be fighting desperately for her life at this point? Wasn’t she supposed to look angry at him? Or even angry at herself for falling for him when it was now clear that he had never truly meant to be with her? He was frustrated that she was not acting as was expected. Reddish-black ears flattened against the top of his head, searching for some kind of an explanation. Surely, she wasn’t still battling with her emotions? She couldn’t possibly still care about him after this?

Could she?

He had never known there to be a love in this world that was quite so powerful. It took an adoration Crimsonpaw couldn’t bring himself to understand, in order to look into the eyes of her killer and still be hopeful that this wasn’t the real him - that this wasn’t what he wanted. And yet, up until this point, it had been precisely what he had wanted. He had been working tirelessly to make all of this perfect. It had been so perfect - it was better than anything he could have hoped for! But now that it was actually happening, and now that she was stuck beneath him, eyes filled with not the suspected anger, but instead this unbearable sadness . . . he felt himself hesitating. Did he actually want to end the life of the only she-cat that had ever cared about him? That had ever wanted to have a life with him? He couldn’t be sure, and yet wasn’t it too late to go back on what he had done? There was no means of cleaning up the mess that he had just made. If only he could have been questioning himself sooner, he could have spared them both this whole dilemma and allowed himself to forget that there had ever been a time when he was plotting to have her dead.

He saw the sadness in her eyes finally - finally - shifting to something akin to fear, but he didn’t want that anymore. The hesitation he was feeling in his limbs, and in the slacking of his jaw, was beginning to travel into his eyes. He peered into the beautiful, icy eyes that had once looked at him with an endless supply of affection, but all of the affection was hazed over and replaced with this fear. This fear that he had instilled. No longer certain that he wanted to go through with ending Cloudpaw’s life, but equally unsure of what would happen should he let her up, he simply stood exactly where he was, with Cloudpaw pinned beneath him, now having a much easier means of escape that Crimsonpaw couldn’t be bothered to block. Maybe a part of him wanted her to spur into action and get away. Maybe he deserved for her to never wait up here in the mountains for him again. He had blown it. The weight of that realization was heavy in his heart, and finally . . .

Finally . . .

He understood what it felt like to love her back.

[Deleted]

give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around

---

He was hesitating, his hold on her loosening. Fear in her eyes she looked up, seeing his face twist from deadly to confused. There he was, the Crimsonpaw she knew. He was still there, locked deep within, chained up and consumed by a monster that she somehow knew hadn't always been a part of him. It was a monster placed within him, how or when or by whom she knew not, but she knew with certainty it wasn't him, it wasn't his own creation.

She twisted free, scrambling to her paws and bounding away from him. A few fox-lengths away she stopped, turning back to look at him. He stood frozen, face still caught up in confusion. Her fear abated, and she watched him a moment.

Her heart twisted, and she was torn between her flight instinct and the incredible urge to return to him and hold him until the monster let him go, until he was hers again. She watched him, the fear in her eyes disappearing almost completely. She hesitated though, uncertain whether he still felt what she though he felt.

The very small rational part of her mind was beginning to break through, telling her that he attacked her, so that must mean he didn't love her. He couldn't love her. Love doesn't hurt, love shouldn't hurt. You can't hurt someone you love. You can't kill someone you love.

Can you?

Though her mind was telling her no, her heart still urged her toward him. Her eyes were filled with a mix of sorrow, love, longing, and confusion, so she remained still, still caught up in her emotions. She would have stayed there forever, waiting for him to make a move, to figure out his own swirling emotions, but the sky was changing. Through the scattered clouds, the sky was lightening, and she knew it was time to return home, before anyone realized she was gone. With one last look at Crimsonpaw, she turned away, bounding off toward StoneClan, leaving him still standing there frozen.

---

C L O U D P A W