[Insidious]

Each breath conflicted with his desperate need to see Coldgaze again.

It had been a matter of days since he'd done anything productive as RainClan's deputy – it felt like moons since he'd cared enough to even consider doing something productive anyhow. He mirrored that of a depressed, careless mess of a tom. A sorry excuse for a warrior if ever there was one, though it was notably obvious that he'd been anything but before the battle had taken such a precious life. By now, he was supposed to be better, or at least supposed to be functioning properly. Unless Sandstar required his assistance or his duties as a mentor to Fleetpaw had become long overdue, Razorfang had no drive nor will to be the admirable, productive deputy RainClan needed.

This was all Hawkstar's fault. StoneClan's leader deserved to die, he deserved it again and again until StarClan could no longer supply a life source for that heart beat. If ever there was a regret to be constricting Razorfang's throat, it'd be the fact that he had allowed that pair of amber eyes to open once again. He should've continued until there was nothing left for StarClan to fix. Why did he deserve to live? Why was it that while one life had been ended for good, his was able to be saved? Hawkstar had saved someone precious to him, someone he cared about. Razorfang couldn't say he wouldn't have done the same had he been in the StoneClan leader's position, but he hadn't been. Instead, he had to witness Coldgaze's death from a bystander's eyes. Hawkstar was very well oblivious to the pain he'd caused Razorfang – the pain Razorfang's teeth had caused the back of Hawkstar's neck simply didn't suffice in turn for what he'd stripped of RainClan's deputy. He deserved to die.

If the day of Razorfang's nine lives was ever to arrive, StarClan forbid he be gifted the opportunity to dwindle away each and every one to ensure an end to Hawkstar's.

It wasn't the first day these thoughts plagued the deputy's mind, though that was needless to say it didn't effect him all the same. There was no glisten of life alight in his gray-green eyes, dimmer than usual. Instead, they peered forward as if there was nothing to see – accepting of the blindness, despite honing the gift of sight. An abrupt halt marked an end to Razorfang's trudge, gaze flickering about the camp dully. He knew, for the sake of his reputation and RainClan in general, he needed to stop conflicting with his own mind. The clan needed a stable deputy, one that wouldn't sulk and plot such mindless revenge. That wasn't to say that Razorfang had taken to some miraculous, unexpected altering of perception in the last five seconds – his lust for Hawkstar's lives continued to flutter at the speed of hummingbird wings deep in the back of his thoughts. Simply, he knew it was time to at least act like he was still able to fulfill the role of deputy – this being what alerted him to the sudden idea of partaking in a clan-friendly hunt and/or border patrol with his choice in company. His sights landed upon someone whom he couldn't claim to be his first pick, but sufficing nonetheless. At least he knew that with this company in particular he wouldn't be prodded to the point of snapping – Roselight, although he did treasure their time spent together, just wasn't what he needed right now. She knew what had occurred with him, and there was no denying that she'd want to talk about it. This was exactly the push he needed to assist in making up his mind.

“Rippletail,” Razorfang beckoned, pivoting to approach the shy she-cat with fluid, purposeful strides. From the distance he remained, he appeared as if your classic deputy whom desired to form a clan beneficial activity. And though this was generally his intention, the closer he drew, the more clear it became that he was somewhat... distant. “The prey pile needs replenishing, and I plan on taking the matter into my own paws with the lack of success I've seen as of late.” The tip of his black tail flicked agitatedly, the accusation spiteful despite the details he lacked to back it up. “Tag along – two pairs of claws function better than one.” With the order lingering between the duo, Razorfang nodded firmly and turned in preperation to take the lead. It would come as no shock that his company wasn't going to be the most pleasant – the news of his actions had spread like wildfire, though those that weren't present at the battle failed to know anything surpassing the rumour – but he hadn't given Rippletail much of an option regardless. This situation was quite similar to the concept of 'Do Or Die', the lethal words on the tip of his tongue a mirror of the pain he'd never dare cause one of his own clan.

[Deleted]

r i p p l e t a i l

warrior, rainclan

Rippletail looked up in surprise as Razorfang called her out. She listened, head downcast, to her orders and set off behind him silently. Following her deputy at a comfortable distance, she padded in whatever direction he led.

She didn't particularly want the company of the tom at the moment, but she didn't particularly have a choice, did she? Besides, Razorfang was the deputy! No way would she ever deny him something. She opened her mouth to say something, but the words never left her mouth. She couldn't speak to authority. Who was she kidding? Sometimes, a part of her longed to be less shy, but most of the time she was content in her little shell.

[Insidious]

Silence was potentially comforting, though as of now it was purely frustrating. A gray-green stare was cast over broad shoulders, locking upon Rippletail's form in analysis, openly skeptical of her quiet behavior. Having not spent a large portion of his time in the she-cat's company, he couldn't claim to hold knowledge of her shyness, though nevertheless he was able to decipher this attribute about her with remarkable ease: the way her head was hung lowly portraying Rippletail's lack of confidence when involved with other cats. Razorfang averted his gaze elsewhere, believing that an elongated stare would do nothing but heighten her level of anxiety. The RainClan deputy wished not to bestow her with an awkward afternoon, factually pushing for small-talk here and there in his best efforts to avoid seclusion: him and his thoughts. Though if small-talk had been what it was he was searching for prior to this hunting expedition, perhaps he should have reconsidered Rippletail as being his choice in company.

A huff of impatience sounded from the tip of Razorfang's jaw, his tail gesturing with a slicing notion for Rippletail to accustom at his side as opposed to behind him – aggressive dominance was likely not the best way to get Rippletail out of her comfort zone, though Razorfang simply couldn't fathom a different method as being of equal productivity; not that he had the patience for a gentler method anyhow. “How are your hunting skills, Rippletail?” Razorfang questioned, his tone of voice a detached bleakness.

He would make it no secret that he was expecting a high success rate, having just earlier stated he was aiming to replenish the prey pile, not merely add a fish or two. Rippletail's warrior status was enough proof that she had completed her hunting training as an apprentice, however it did not fully satisfy the details Razorfang longed to receive. There was a fine difference between being an efficient hunter, and being an acceptable hunter: both would grant one with warrior status, though both would not in turn guarantee success. The large tom's ears swiveled backward to capture the she-cat's response, testing Rippletail's confidence in her own abilities before venturing any deeper into their outing.

[Deleted]

r i p p l e t a i l

warrior, rainclan

You're a stupid she-cat, Rippletail thought. There is no way I'll be able to make this an enjoyable patrol. I can't even strike up small talk! She made a resolution to change herself just for this one patrol. It didn't matter that she had to display her lack of hunting skills to the deputy, or that he was the deputy at all--

Who was she kidding? Rippletail wasn't really a warrior type. She wasn't really sure if she was a medicine cat type, either. Maybe she would be one of those she-cats who lived in the nursery and helped the other queens. But then again, she didn't like little kits with all their squirming and mewling and raising a general noise. How could she be expected to support and help her Clan when she didn't even know where she belonged?

Rippletail caught up to her deputy and continued their journey at his side. Old habits died hard, however, and she stayed a little ways behind him and kept a suitable distance between them so not to invade his space.

"How are your hunting skills, Rippletail?"

His question lingered in the air as she decided how to respond. She questioned herself, too. How were her hunting skills, exactly? "I suppose they're enough," she responded. "I mean, I certainly enjoying hunting one type of prey over the other, but overall is decent. I achieved warriorhood, didn't I?"

The question hung. She asked it as a reassurance. Rippletail, lacking self-confidence and boldness, compared her self-worth to the size of a poppy seed. There wasn't much there. She was a mediocre hunter, useless as a fighter, and found no interest in raising kits or training apprentices.

Where could a cat like her find a place in the Clan?

---

notes: I think Razorfang will help Rippletail develop. A lot. This'll be fun!

[Insidious]

“What type of prey is it that you enjoy hunting over the other?” Another question was fired the she-cat's away mere seconds after she had finished speaking, disregarding how she had phrased the part about warriorhood as a question in need of answering entirely. She could, with ease, answer it herself. If she stood before him now, her name Rippletail and not Ripplepaw, then she had obviously proved her worth to some extent. The tom halted abruptly, whirling backward to face the she-cat – even after he had gestured for her to be at his flank, she instead remained a short distance behind. Is she truly that shy? The deputy pondered the possibility, his gray-green eyes firm within her own.

He wished not to make Rippletail fear him, but as of now there was simply no other way for him to be acting. His entire body was numb, seemingly cold and empty of all emotion. Missing Coldgaze wasn't even enough to explain the true depth of how dearly he longed for the white cat's presence, but some wishes simply could not be granted, no matter how deeply wished for they were. And so here Razorfang stood: his eyes void of all sentimentality, fixated almost angrily into the she-cat's submissive gaze. As deputy, it was wrong of him to be treating one of RainClan's warriors with such hostility, but he genuinely didn't mean to. He could only hope that Rippletail would be able to look passed this and not hold it against him throughout their future exchanges, but who was he to assume such a thing would occur?

Razorfang remained there, seemingly paralyzed, for a prolonged amount of time before facing frontwards again. He had been waiting for the she-cat's reply before setting off, but impatience had bested him. Whatever type of prey it was that she preferred, she could stick to that if it'd guarantee more success. Right now, Razorfang was only bothered with caring about the outcome of this hunting expedition. That was all he was bothered with. There was nothing else. He wouldn't allow anyone to tell him differently.

[Deleted]

r i p p l e t a i l

warrior, rainclan

Rippletail searched for words at Razorfang's rapid reply. What prey did she like hunting? She supposed fish, but more often than not she stared at the water rather than pluck the fish from its depths. The rivers and streams on their territory really was relaxing... Maybe she liked birds? All the leaping required extra energy, though. The she-cat wasn't sure what prey she should say--

Razorfang's face loomed in close as the tom faced her. His abrupt about face brought her extremely close to his body, their noses almost touching. She squeaked involuntarily, immediately clenching her teeth to stop any other noise from coming out. What did she do? His gaze locked onto hers, and she tried to hold it, she truly did...

Rippletail looked away just as he turned to face front again. She could sense there was something there, but she wasn't sure... She shrugged it off, instead trying to fix what she did wrong. Razorfang had looked at her angrily, like the made the most inexcusable offense.

"I-I like catching fish the most, Razorfang," she ventured quietly. "I think I spend more time staring into the water than catching fish, but it's something I could do forever. Where do you think we should hunt?"

What did I do wrong?

The question danced about Rippletail's lips, daring the shy feline to express her inner worry. But then again, maybe suck a question could provoke the already volatile mood her deputy seemed to find himself in. I wish I could help...

[Insidious]

Razorfang had, with unusually cold ease, dismissed the fright that had engulfed his companion's features upon his uncontainable rage having managed to accidentally slip free. Up until this point, he had done so well keeping it hidden deep within himself. But perhaps that was just it? It was getting worse the longer he allowed himself to pretend it didn't exist. Of course, there was no reason to unleash the entirety of it upon an innocent, shy RainClan warrior that would probably prefer to be anywhere else right now. But he was running out of other options; he didn't know where else he could put it all, if not upon the shoulders of some randomly elected company.

“Fish.” Razorfang mimicked, juggling the idea in hopes of deciding whether or not it was worth doing: fishing required patience, which was something wearing thin for the deputy. But even as he stopped for a brief moment to smell the air, he could not detect any nearby prey scents, neither fresh nor faint. He snorted to indicate his distaste, tail slicing through the air before he sharply angled his paws in the direction of their river. “If it's what you prefer, then I assume it's what you're best at? We'll hunt at the rivers today, though try to do more catching than staring.” It was like lecturing a kit, his words harsh and demanding – it reminded him of his days trekking through the forest with Russetpaw (now Russethawk) at his heels, his words always a piece of advice whether or not it was of any use to the tom's pending warriorhood.

The pair arrived at the river briskly, this mostly due to the deputy's doubled pace. He slowed to a quiet trot as he approached its edge, lowering himself closely to the ground as he peered with a careful, aptly tuned eye into the flowing water. He, with what he could classify as pure luck, spotted one just up stream approaching steadily. He readied his right paw, claws unsheathed and prepared to strike the water as soon as the fish neared into a closer proximity. “Find a place to fish. Or you can observe quietly for a refresher lesson.” He didn't mean to speak lowly of Rippletail's abilities, but he found himself almost... naturally mimicking how she had spoken of them earlier. Unlike his first words, these were not spoken as a demand. She was not required to watch if she did not wish to do so, Razorfang merely willing to extend the invitation if she lacked the proper amount of confidence to immediately venture off and begin her own hunt.

[Deleted]

r i p p l e t a i l

warrior, rainclan

Rippletail sighed. She knew she would muck things up. Sensing the emotion inside Razorfang, she thought she should have reached out, but the rage and anger that filled her companion's eyes kept her from doing anything.

“If it's what you prefer, then I assume it's what you're best at? We'll hunt at the rivers today, though try to do more catching than staring.”

His tone bit into her, and she started slightly. He was so...friendly earlier, she mused. He even wanted me to walk beside him! And now, he was resorting to mocking words and lower speak to address her. Nullifying any warm feeling Rippletail had begun to hold for the tom with her, she slowly retreated.

During their brisk trot to the river, Rippletail fell behind Razorfang, refusing to run by his side again. Reaching the shore, she paused to take in the sight in front of her. She wouldn't waste time, but she certainly wouldn't ignore such a relaxing landscape in front of her.

“Find a place to fish. Or you can observe quietly for a refresher lesson.”

Hmph. If he wanted to speak low of her abilities, so be it. She didn't understand why the deputy was being so bipolar, and it actually irked her. The one time an authority figure had shown her some kindness, he turns around and changes his tone completely.

"I'm not a completely incompetent mouse," she retorted. She had become a warrior, after all.

[Insidious]

The she-cat's words burned deep beneath the deputy's thin fur, able to feel the immense ire that swelled in his chest and slowly dispersed through the rest of his muscled frame. There was absolutely no way this was a normal; not even he could be set off so easily. Dull gray-green eyes shut tightly, what he had expected to be sheer blankness instead formulating into an image of Coldgaze. Caught by surprise, his eyelids instantaneously fluttered apart, finding a wide-eyed reflection staring back at him from the depths of the water. The fish he had been tracking had reached a point of where it was safe to swipe, but he was no longer bothered with the creature. Razorfang couldn't withdrawal his gaze away from the reflection he saw in the stirring river, unable to determine if the newly established calmness that settled atop his arising anger was due to disappointment or sadness regarding the void feline meeting his fixed stare.

He was the deputy of RainClan. He was meant to be a strong, level-headed member of the clan's authority that, in turn, held the respect of his warriors. Yet here he was, gazing into the river expressionless, one of said warriors standing mere lengths behind, clearly displeased with the way he had been addressing them. Rippletail didn't deserve the way she was being treated, and he hadn't realized that until having reconsidered his words. This realization was accompanied by one of far grander importance, however: ever since Coldgaze had passed on, he hadn't been acting like a proper deputy – Sandstar didn't elect him so that he could mistreat the loyal cats of their clan.

Razorfang turned to face the she-cat standing nearby, dull eyes fixated upon her, though newly empty of the arrogance that had been fueling his statements as of late. It couldn't be claimed that he had taken to some miraculous shifting of perspective – his body remained slouched, the depression clearly having taken a toll on his body – but he had certainly made an improvement. Who would have ever guessed that a shy, normally submissive she-cat like Rippletail would have ever given him such a shove in the right direction? All she had to do was stand up for herself and have him contemplating how far he must have had to push her to have her addressing him in such a way; it was so utterly out of character, from the knowledge he held upon the warrior.

“I'm sorry, Rippletail.” The deputy huffed, his jaw visibly tightening, though not of our anger as much as it was a sting of unfamiliarity, being unused to apologizing on the behalf of his own actions. “I --” The tom paused, not entirely sure how to finish his sentence. The last thing he wanted to do was bring up Coldgaze – that would make for a long, bitter conversation that Rippletail wasn't entitled to be on the receiving end of. But it was the true purpose behind why he had been regarding her so harshly, and if she desired an explanation, that would be it. Though Razorfang would try and work his way around it; a pain he had been disguising so well over the past moons just barely making an appearance in the back of his glassy eyes as he continued to evenly match the she-cat's own. “ – I didn't mean to offend you. I shouldn't have said that.”

Whether it was due to some odd embarrassment or an arising disinterest in prolonging this awkward apology, he pivoted to face the river once again, his eyes skimming the surface – not for a fish, believe it or not, but a change in that reflection staring back.

[Deleted]

r i p p l e t a i l

warrior, rainclan

Disbelief plagued the she-cats icy eyes as she registered what had just come out of her mouth. Did she really just say that? To her deputy? Razorfang should be livid that she spoke to him in such a manner! Yet, even with the immense regret that threatened to overwhelm her, she felt a glimpse of warmth spark deep inside her heart. It wasn't easy to identify as it spread through her body, but Rippletail felt that is was pride. She had stood up for herself, an act tht did not come easy to a cat of her nature.

Always so unsure of herself, Rippletail finally felt a driving force had emerged that could push her to new heights. Self-motivation was a powerful tool, and as she caught her first taste of the sweet emotion, she became addicted. Razorfang merely had to push her over the edge and into the world of defending oneself from the criticism of others, and suddenly she felt like leader of her own life. No longer would she allow cats to push her aroun--

Who was she kidding? Rippletail couldn't change her whole outlook on life in one jarring moment. Razorfang had certainly planted a seed within the young she-cat. She turned her attention to the river and peered out into its depths, focusing more on the fish than on the ripples she saw in its surface.

Razorfang's sharp words were like a pebble dropped into the water, really. They started a pattern, that like the first set of ripples, spread outwards until they reached the far corners of the water. This simple outburst (that was quite unnecessary, she thought) would continue to affect her life until it had permeated every part of her existence.

Eyes focused on the fish swimming under the mock-protection of the river's surface, she darted a paw out and snatched a fish from its leisurely swim, killing it with a deft throw to the ground. While it normally pained her to do such actions because of the chaos it caused to the little world under the sea, she wasn't in a mood to care. She was in a mood to prove her worth. Several more scaled swimmers met their fate at her claws.

Sensing a shift in focus from the deputy some lengths away, she tensed, ignoring the eyes she felt burning into her pelt. Mentally, she prepared herself for a verbal lashing that rebuked her for such speech towards a member of high rank within the Clan. However, the apology that crossed the tom's lips shook her to her core. Having been slouched over and practically shrinking herself in an effort to reduce her imprint on the world, she was totally unprepared for the three words that lingered on the air long after they were spoken.

"I'm sorry, Rippletail."

Why was he apologizing to her? Rippletail was the one who did something wrong! She was the one who snapped at him. She was the one who talked back to him. But then again, she was prodded to the point of snapping. She didn't know what do, so she kept staring at the river in front of her.

“ – I didn't mean to offend you. I shouldn't have said that."

You're right, Razorfang. You shouldn't've said that. The venom dripping from her thoughts surprised even the mild she-cat. That wasn't a way she could respond, even if she felt like it. He deserved respect at all times, even if she didn't receive it herself. It was just like Fishpaw used to tell her -- she should stand up for herself otherwise cats will walk all over her for the rest of her life.

Remembering the half-hearted cheers of her Clanmates at her warrior ceremony, Rippletail felt that spark from earlier rise into a small flame.

"You're right, Razorfang, you shouldn't have said that," she finally mewed, mirroring her thoughts as she turned her head to look at the tom that refused to meet her gaze. "Why did you say that? You seem like you're sort of...off," she finally finished. While conversational, Razorfang seemed rather distracted and distant, even more so than she expected considering she was his company.

Looking at the pile of fish beside her and feeling the remains of a fire within her heart, Rippletail decided that this patrol had been more of a success than she had ever dreamed possible. She settled back, eyes locked onto the tom next to her while she waited for his response.

---

notes: 743 words

[Insidious]

Razorfang

May I align with the stars soon, Coldgaze.

He appreciated her advice. It was kind of her to risk recalling some of her own memories for the sake of appeasing her deputy, colder than ever so it seemed. He was always so damned cold—as though the lake water had become a permanent part of his blood, and it now coursed through his veins, never to rid itself of its icy tinge and the cloak it supplied upon him. Everything had been looking up for him recently. Roselight had become a humongous part of his being; an eternal figure in his life that consistently ignited his heart with a warmth and a happiness that had once been foreign to it. Russethawk, though their relationship had reasonably diminished given current circumstance, had become his little brother. He cared about Roselight's kin more than was possibly imaginable. He couldn't begin to even consider what he would do to the cat that ever thought themselves in the right mindset to put so much as a claw on him. The two had become a part of his family, and though he treasured them more than himself at times, they did not quite mend this “hole” that Rippletail inferred to.

Eventually, from the overwhelming pit of his own thoughts and his own miseries, Razorfang looked to the she-cat from the corner of his eye. She had managed to catch yet another fish—perhaps his anger hadn't been wholesomely lacking of any good, as they now had more than enough prey to replenish the pile—and he caught himself wondering whether or not hunting was how she relieved herself from the daily stresses, or even the semblance of ire that the deputy had managed to surface from her through treating her as though she was the equivalent to the dirt beneath his paws. He regretted treating her as he had, though obviously such an emotion had surfaced too late to be properly mended. Regardless, he could only apologize so much. Frankly, he was out of apologies. She had every right to be irritated with him, but he was finished with merely feeding her the words she wished to hear from him to explain himself. He was in a bad place. The verbal abuse that had risen from places he knew not to exist had numbed his pain, and it had felt good. Now, to direct it upon an innocent she-cat of his clan that had absolutely no involvement whatsoever? That had been wrong of him. But, here she stood. In the midst of her rage for the deputy, she attempted to give him some of the advice that he needed to hear—a truly empathetic explanation as to how one that had faced similar loss had coped.

“How long, exactly, did it take you to move on?” He followed Rippletail's eyes into the sky, and he searched diligently, hopelessly, for a sign of him. The RainClan deputy was heavily burdened. His eyes were made of glass, and his entire body was at its breaking point. He was curious of the answer to the question of which had been directed upon her, but he did not look toward her in wait of such a response. He would take a moment to enjoy the silence, and to enjoy the view of the sky. Coldgaze would be among the stars tonight, and although he was so terribly far away, he would be with him nonetheless.

He would be with him. He would be there to comfort him in all of his darkness.

[/div][/font][/blockquote]

[Deleted]

r i p p l e t a i l

warrior, rainclan

“I don't know why I said it. It wasn't necessary, and I don't have an explanation for you there.” 

Rippletail's stare took a surprised air. How could he not know why he said that? To say something without a reason, why, that made no sense! Everything in life had a reason. Rippletail, so quiet in speech, only spoke if she had a reason. There was no need to speak words that had no backing, no foundation, for they became as empty as the open air. He must have a reason for speaking as he did. Everything in Rippletail's life, every taunt, shove, and breath, had led her to this point.

“Just know that my coldness is not entirely absent of a purpose. I assume that you remember the battle we faced? The one that had drove out StoneClan. It's because of occurrences in that battle that I have acted as I have lately, and though it is not enough to excuse my behavior, it is true.” 

There was that reason she searched for. Picking a tone out of his speech that Rippletail recognized all too well, she dropped her intense hold on Razorfang's eyes and turned to the river. Peering into its depths, she sought out something to latch onto, something to help her keep control of the monster screaming inside her head.

Thoughts of Fishtail forced her to pause, and she gave into the memories that swirled inside her brain. There was Fishkit, on the first day they met, the little silver and blue tom racing circles around his new friend. There was Fishpaw, sitting next to her proudly at their apprenticing ceremony, sharing glances that held the promise of adventure. There was Fishtail, on his side in the medicine den, barely breathing as he fought to keep a hold on the fragile tendril that was his life.

And there was Fishtail, in the skies above, waiting for his best friend to come home.

“I don't think I can talk about at this time, Rippletail. I'm sorry, I know that you want to know what caused my words, but I can't. Just know that I am trying, and that I truly apologize.”

Her eyes still on the river, her paws quickly darted out and snatched a fish from the liquid trail it followed. A swift bite killed it, and she felt a little bubble of something inside of her rise up. She exhaled deeply.

"I lost someone too, y'know," she finally mewed quietly, barely audible above the murmur of the river. "I'm sure you remember the apprentice-warrior who died many moons ago. He was my best friend and he is the reason why I'm not dead." She sat back on her haunches and looked up into the skies, wishing she could see the stars right now. "The only thing you can do is move on. That hole that threatens to consume you? You can't do anything about it. Nothing. No other cat, thing, whatever can heal that hole and make you feel the same way you did before you lost whoever it was. You can only do one thing: hang on to life and know that someday, somehow, you will join them once again when you hunt among the stars."

[Insidious]

Razorfang

May I align with the stars soon, Coldgaze.

He appreciated her advice. It was kind of her to risk recalling some of her own memories for the sake of appeasing her deputy, colder than ever so it seemed. He was always so damned cold—as though the lake water had become a permanent part of his blood, and it now coursed through his veins, never to rid itself of its icy tinge and the cloak it supplied upon him. Everything had been looking up for him recently. Roselight had become a humongous part of his being; an eternal figure in his life that consistently ignited his heart with a warmth and a happiness that had once been foreign to it. Russethawk, though their relationship had reasonably diminished given current circumstance, had become his little brother. He cared about Roselight's kin more than was possibly imaginable. He couldn't begin to even consider what he would do to the cat that ever thought themselves in the right mindset to put so much as a claw on him. The two had become a part of his family, and though he treasured them more than himself at times, they did not quite mend this “hole” that Rippletail inferred to.

Eventually, from the overwhelming pit of his own thoughts and his own miseries, Razorfang looked to the she-cat from the corner of his eye. She had managed to catch yet another fish—perhaps his anger hadn't been wholesomely lacking of any good, as they now had more than enough prey to replenish the pile—and he caught himself wondering whether or not hunting was how she relieved herself from the daily stresses, or even the semblance of ire that the deputy had managed to surface from her through treating her as though she was the equivalent to the dirt beneath his paws. He regretted treating her as he had, though obviously such an emotion had surfaced too late to be properly mended. Regardless, he could only apologize so much. Frankly, he was out of apologies. She had every right to be irritated with him, but he was finished with merely feeding her the words she wished to hear from him to explain himself. He was in a bad place. The verbal abuse that had risen from places he knew not to exist had numbed his pain, and it had felt good. Now, to direct it upon an innocent she-cat of his clan that had absolutely no involvement whatsoever? That had been wrong of him. But, here she stood. In the midst of her rage for the deputy, she attempted to give him some of the advice that he needed to hear—a truly empathetic explanation as to how one that had faced similar loss had coped.

“How long, exactly, did it take you to move on?” He followed Rippletail's eyes into the sky, and he searched diligently, hopelessly, for a sign of him. The RainClan deputy was heavily burdened. His eyes were made of glass, and his entire body was at its breaking point. He was curious of the answer to the question of which had been directed upon her, but he did not look toward her in wait of such a response. He would take a moment to enjoy the silence, and to enjoy the view of the sky. Coldgaze would be among the stars tonight, and although he was so terribly far away, he would be with him nonetheless.

He would be with him. He would be there to comfort him in all of his darkness.

[Deleted]

r i p p l e t a i l

warrior, rainclan

“How long, exactly, did it take you to move on?”

Rippletail paused, caught off guard by the question. This conversation wasn't exactly somewhere she wanted to be. She wanted to be done with this patrol, away from her deputy. Maybe she would go out with Speckledleaf later; that would shake this whole situation from her mind. Razorfang had caused too much pain and brought up too many memories.

Perhaps this was a good thing, after all. Have I moved on? Rippletail didn't know. Fishtail showed up in her dreams almost every night. Her best friend couldn't fill the hole that her childhood companion had left when he left the world. No one could. Her only hope was that she would hunt with him in the stars, many moons in the future. 

She opened her mouth to speak, but words just wouldn't come. How did she comfort someone who was obviously in great pain? Razorfang surely couldn't be this mean all the time. His surly manner must be caused by this lack of someone in his life, but how can she fix it? Could she fix it? Rippletail herself didn't fully understand where she was in her grieving. It had been moons -- seven moons, to be exact -- since Fishtail had left her. She had just barely gotten to the point where he didn't fill her thoughts all the time. 

"I-I haven't moved on yet," she finally mewed. "It's only been seven months. That hasn't given me nearly enough time." That wasn't very encouraging. Rippletail could see the pain in his eyes. "It takes time. He doesn't stalk my thoughts anymore. The pain will slowly fade to a dull ache, and you will be able to function like a normal cat again." She looked at him suddenly, blue eyes catching his own dark gaze. "You have to believe that. Without the hope of things above and things future, it will consume you, and you will succumb."

With that, she looked down again, mainly at the pile of fish that lay between the two. She turned to the river and looked into its depths, following the invisible trails that the scaled creates below swam. She wanted to delve into the water with them and follow their path, away from the pain that held her here. But she couldn't.

"Moving forward is the only way to move on."

[Insidious]

Razorfang

The deputy nearly chuckled, though he held his tongue, as such an outburst would have been performed for all of the wrong reasons. There was nothing funny about this conversation, yet it was apparent that he didn't think there was anything else the duo could possibly do in order to lessen the burden. It had managed to provide him with a false sense of security over the time he had suddenly been left alone. Not completely alone. Yes, he still had many a cat in his life that he cared about—many a cat that, suddenly, he knew he could not keep safe. There had been a time where he had thought the world of his abilities. Egotistical, certainly, but he had let himself think in such a manner for reasons that only the most dedicated deputies could do. He thought that it would be simplistic to keep those that he loved safe. He had never, not even for a few seconds, believed that their lives could possibly encounter an untimely fate when they had him to rely on. But, those thoughts had turned-tail on him in a heartbeat and showed him the darker side of life. He had entered the battle of StormClan and StoneClan alongside his beloved mentor, friend and father (no blood relation existed between them, yet he treasured him so). They had exchanged a glance with one another before the deputy was swallowed whole into the catastrophe. He had thought that he could handle his own weight, and all the while ensure that no harm was dealt upon those partaking that he cared about. He had thought this until the point that it was drilled into his mind and formulated into something almost believable.

Because of that, Coldgaze was dead.

There was nothing he could have done to stop it, save for clench the neck of StoneClan's leader between his jaws and claim one of his lives in vengeance. But, even that was not enough.

The silence was growing unbearable, and in the midst of it the deputy found himself rising from his seat and approaching the she-cat's side. He looked upon her intently, but his eyes were void. Even if he was one day able to move on from this, he was not entirely certain that their glow, their sharpness would fully return. “I look forward to the day that these elements you speak of may dawn upon me. But for the time being, I am afraid that it is out of my control precisely how often I shall lose myself to this... this.” Razorfang spared a thoughtful glance into the stars, and with this a heavy sigh left his muzzle. His ears flattened, and they remained so for a moment even when he returned his neck to its former elevation to once again match the warrior's gaze. He did not elaborate upon what it was that he had started and not finished. She had, somehow, helped him. That was enough for now. But he knew that he would awaken the next day and this step in the right direction would suddenly be numbed once again. “We should return to camp. Sandstar will be pleased to hear of your success.” With a curt gesture toward the pile of fish at her paws, he offered to aid in carrying it back to the heart of their camp by lowering his neck and looking toward her for acceptance or denial of his help. There was no need to prolong this futile exchange. They would both need time away from one another to cool down and forget: Not their words, but their pain.

Some things simply did not go away.

[End thread? Or, you can post one more time. Either way is fine with me!]