|
Post by Fawn on May 26, 2013 15:43:58 GMT -5
CHERRYPOOL Senior Warrior. LightningClan. | It was only during the early morning that Sun Stones was actually bearable; by sunhigh the warm well-sought-after rocks retained so much heat Cherrypool was of the opinion that if they dropped a fish from one of RainClan's precious rivers, it would've fried before it was time for an evening patrol. A coarse pink tongue rasped over a pale ginger and white coat, a slim alabaster she-cat grooming a smaller, fine-boned tom in a way that was almost motherly, her reservations with any kind of physical interactions having seemingly disappeared in light of yesterday's battle. The taste of dried blood forced the albino's muzzle to scrunch slightly, but she kept up her cleaning, conscious of any scratches or cuts dealt at the claws of her brother's apprentice.
Suppressing a grimace, Cherrypool's thoughts were a tangle of guilt, intense feelings of dislike towards that malevolent pair, and a certain amount of disappointment in herself for not training Goldenpaw properly. Due to the difference in skill and ferocity between her apprentice and Whiteshade's miniature demon in the making, Cherrypool had been unable to meet the crimson gaze of her brother, preferring to coldly avoid him rather than look into those mocking, vicious eyes for too long lest she lose all remaining confidence in herself. "I am sorry, Goldenpaw, that I allowed you to fight Nightpaw. I should have selected an opponent more to your level." The albino feline finally spoke up, the stiff hairs on her shoulders that stuck up signifying just how unsettled she was over the entire scenario. That battle occurred because of my selfishness. If I hadn't wanted to put on such a good show for Whiteshade, Goldenpaw wouldn't look like this.
As unfortunate as it was that Cherrypool's confidence in her mentoring abilities continued to waver, even at such an age as nearing 50 moons, it wasn't without reason. Goldenpaw had gotten hurt, and the wicked gleam of Nightpaw's eyes radiated a bloodlust and intent to kill she had not expected the young tom to possess. He had gone from an average feline to a slaughter machine after a bit of provocation from Goldenpaw, and Cherrypool hadn't been able to hold her place any longer.
It was a sight she never hoped to see again - the tom she had been entrusted to take care of being badly beaten down by his own peer - and the fragility Goldenpaw exhibited towards the end of the battle still left her shaken to the core. It was something she didn't know how to fix. It was something she wasn't sure could be fixed. He would probably always be a tom built more for hunting and running errands rather than actually lifting a claw to strike another cat. But even if he doesn't develop any sort of love of fighting, he can't hide away in the nursery or with the elders if we're ever attacked at our own camp.
If LightningClan was suddenly invaded by their neighbors - how high were Goldenpaw's chances of actually surviving it?
| I FEAR WHO I AM BECOMING. |
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2013 21:53:48 GMT -5
Goldenpaw found himself in an interesting predicament, earlier he had received one of the biggest beat downs of his entire life. In all honesty it was without a doubt the single biggest nothing previously had ever even come close. It was painful of course however he also found to be one of the scariest things he had ever experienced in his life. In with his loving mentor close and ready to jump in the ferocity that was demonstrated on his poor golden pelt, the way Nightpaw had chased him as he tried to flee making his pitiful noises even more so. It was traumatizing to say the least, completely crippling to say the most. However with all that said he was lying in a nice warm spot, and most of the pain had subsided. The greatest part had to be the crazy amounts of attention he was getting from Cherrypool; he had never believed he could get so much attention, let alone physical attention, but alas it was happening. As she apologized again he couldn’t help but purr out softly, “It really is fine, how were you supposed to know he was a total psychopath?”
|
|
|
Post by Fawn on Jun 5, 2013 15:22:54 GMT -5
CHERRYPOOL Senior Warrior. LightningClan.
| "Because Whiteshade trained him." She replied darkly, the name sounding sour upon her tongue. All things considered, with Cherrypool having known the full extent of Whiteshade's inner monster, of the cunning, terrible ferocity he could exhibit upon those he felt worthy of such attention - had it really been such a far cry to think he would pass on these teachings or encourage similar traits in his own apprentice?
Cherrypool's mistake had been in believing the only cats capable of unspeakable violence was herself and her fellow red-eyed kin, somehow thinking that this strange trait of theirs was genetic and therefore followed some type of pattern. Bitterly she could recall the feeling of bile rising in her throat when Goldenpaw had tried to run away and Nightpaw had pursued - a darker side of her had taken over at that instant, and had she not regained her senses, she likely would've killed both of them (unless Whiteshade intervened, to save his precious little protege). Suppressing a shudder of revulsion, the prey behavior Goldenpaw had exhibited in whimpering and crawling away had been too much for her system to handle back then, that monster that lurked beneath the surface had practically grown rabid to put him out of his misery.
But then the compassion she clung tightly to like the only dry land in a vast lake had returned, and her anger and blood-lust had been concentrated on Nightpaw rather than Goldenpaw as well. It might not be safe for him to be my apprentice for much longer. Cherrypool had come to grips with the fact that she liked him, and because high levels of concern and care for the fluffy golden tom had developed over time, Cherrypool was liable to lower her guard, to let a little of the blackness slip through unconsciously. What if during their next sparring session, she took it too far?
Despite all that she had witnessed from the son of Darkcloud and Firebird, the albino female was of the morbid opinion that it was nothing compared to what she was capable of. Whiteshade knew. Perhaps in agreeing to that sparring session, perhaps in suggesting they let their apprentices 'battle each other for the sake of their mentors' honor', he had been subtly twisting her? Trying to push her to the edge, to join him in the darkness and the blood and the destruction? Cherrypool would never claim to be an angel, but she would also never admit to being a demon of the pit like Whiteshade took such pride in.
I must be giving him far too much sentimentality - he does not care what I do or who I kill unless it wrecks that carefully constructed mask of his.
Whiteshade hadn't been pushing her... Had he?
Eager to change the subject, Cherrypool cleared her throat, having finished with the grooming, his pelt restored to it's pristine condition (ignoring the external injuries, that is). "Have you had any more nightmares?" She obviously meant since the night he'd actually crawled into her nest mewling about rabid bunnies.
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2013 11:00:42 GMT -5
Goldenpaw didn’t particularly want to talk about nightmares when asked, in response to her actual question the answer would have to be no. Since he had told her about his attraction to Snowpaw and other toms in general he hadn’t had nightmares involving being eaten by bunnies, mice or any other small rodent for that matter. However if he interpreted the question in a slightly different way he could easily inform her he was living in a nightmare. During his fight with Nightpaw there was a moment, which he was proud of by no measure, that he started to flee. Crawling away and whimpering like a kit trying to get away from the evil tornado of pain that was his opponent; in doing so he earned himself more punishment for his cowardice as the dark apprentice leaped on him. Before that happened however he had a moment to look back and he caught sight of his mentor, and what a sight it was. He knew the look in her eyes very well as she stared him down, it was the same look that he had seen in Nightpaws eyes. It was easy for Goldenpaw to say at the moment he didn’t feel quite safe around his mentor, and looking into her eyes now all he saw was the blood red that he usually saw. For a moment that is, but out of nowhere he could see that look in them again, whether it was actually there or he was imagining it out of fear he didn’t know. He couldn’t help but look away as he whimpered like a kit, shutting his eyes tight and trying to crawl away from Cherrypool without ever answering her question.
|
|
|
Post by Fawn on Jul 29, 2013 19:13:38 GMT -5
CHERRYPOOL Senior Warrior. LightningClan.
| At first, his rather dramatic physical response baffled her, blood red gaze soaking up the crouched, kittenish form and the desperate crawl as though he'd suddenly been struck helpless and mewling. Was it something she'd said? Was it the way it had been worded? Unable to see how the particular arrangement of her statement could have impacted the golden-furred tom in such a way, Cherrypool stood up, but made no effort to move towards him, regarding him with such a look of perplexity it was as if she were gazing at an entirely new species. "What is it? What's wrong?" mewed the albino, coming to the conclusion that the subject of nightmares must've set him off somehow. Maybe she had accidentally reawakened some long-buried anxieties he'd been fending off since kithood? Or maybe he's finally come to his senses and started to fear you. Hissed a poisonous voice at the back of her mind.
Feeling a sudden scratchiness beneath her feet, Cherrypool's crimson gaze flitted down to notice the ivory tips of her claws poking out just slightly from snow-white paws, the action having been unconsciously provoked by Goldenpaw's extremely prey-like antics. As though something had tightened around her neck, Cherrypool's fur prickled, throat feeling closed and her shoulders heavy, drawn back as her posture changed into one of defense, backing up to put some distance between herself and her protege. Memories of the sparring session between the golden tom and the tuxedo tom flashed across her blood-thirsting subconscious in a way that felt like she was going blind, as if the world around her was fading, the sensation of blood pulsing in her ears making Cherrypool want to screech and yowl. Get a hold of yourself, pleaded the cat who still cared about morality.
You don't get to shut me out, not this time. Snarled the one who cared only for the kill.
Inhaling deeply, Cherrypool's ears flattened out to the sides, shaking her head as though to prevent Goldenpaw from approaching - not that he looked in any condition to do so. Space. They both needed space. She had unintentionally caused him to be have like this, and his behavior was causing the guilty snow-white feline to feel as though her fur was getting ripped off piece by piece, unveiling the horror within. I need to get out of here.
|
OOC: Sorry for this taking so long, Smoke! Busy July!
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2013 12:39:47 GMT -5
Goldenpaw found it hard to turn and face his mentor; he was still hunkered down with flattened ear. He was spooked and mewed out in an accusing tone, “You have the look in your eyes now! You want to hurt me!” He shuddered as he took a few steps backwards while still facing her, he didn’t dare turn his back to her while he was like this. “It was the same look I saw in your eyes when I was fighting Nightpaw; you had the same look he did. You wanted nothing more then to pounce on me and break my neck like a piece of prey!” He stared at her with wide eyes almost unable to believe he had to have this conversation with Cherrypool; he loved her almost like a mother and had never feared her before now. Sadly he did fear her now and having made the promise to never judge her for her appearance because he knew she wasn’t a monster was breaking his heart, because he didn’t judge her for her appearance… she really was just a monster.
|
|
|
Post by Fawn on Aug 12, 2013 11:22:42 GMT -5
CHERRYPOOL Senior Warrior. LightningClan.
| Horror and pain flashed across blood red eyes, all the fur along her body prickling in that one, singular instant – Goldenpaw's words cutting as deep as Demon's teeth. How can you possibly be surprised? Leered a voice inside her head, Cherrypool trembling with the weight of her shock, the pressure of all her guilt; Did you really think that with one apprentice, everything was going to change? Did you really think anyone could ever accept you when you look like something that crawled out of the deepest parts of the Dark Forest? Did you really think Goldenpaw was any different then the rest of the Clan?
What stung the most, like nettles dipped in poison to make her skin itch and crawl and burn under he pelt, was Goldenpaw's claim; that she was trying to kill him even now, when no such thought had ever crossed her mind since that battle, no underlying desire to end Goldenpaw's life where he stood.
Balking under his accusations, Cherrypool let out a low, miserable howl; he may not've been willing to show her his back, but Cherrypool had no such qualms – and fled the sunstones. Chest aching as though she'd crashed into every rock in LightningClan's territory, the albino stumbled away, regaining her balance after a few drunken, shell-shocked steps into the surrounding moorland.
When it came to such a shock, a complete situational reversal, Cherrypool was not recounting what had possibly led up to this moment; she was not going to hunker down in a corner of the worst and wail out how could this possibly happen? Because in her heart of hearts, the answers were all there, and somehow, this hadn't been unexpected. Having been feared and hated throughout the entirety of her life, to have been so foolish as to think any cat would regard her as anything resembling a friend was a mistake solely on her part.
A mistake. It had all been a mistake.
She was not fit to have an apprentice, and no apprentice would want a she-cat like her. No one wanted to be trained by a monster.
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2013 20:08:26 GMT -5
Goldenpaw was more than a little surprised that Cherrypool was the one retreating this time, he watched her run off without a word obviously having some sort of internal conflict. The golden apprentice wasn’t quite sure what he had seen in her, or what was going on inside her at the moment but he was sure there was an internal struggle of the likes which he had never seen before. She was a complex cat and the heart breaking noises she emitted before turning tail and fleeing the area suggested he had hurt her far worse then she had hurt him. So Goldenpaw sat in silent contemplation thinking that maybe she wasn’t as black and white as he had earlier thought, in his silence he could almost audibly hear a click as it all fell into place in his mind. Cherrypool loved him, of this he was sure, but there was something inside her she fought against to keep him safe. It was a rough guess but he presumed it to be true as he charged in the direction she had fled. She had a few minutes on him easy but he wouldn’t give up as he called her name tearing through the lighteningclan territory. “Cherrypool!?” He would call as loud as he could with his soft paws thumping against the grass underfoot.
|
|
|
Post by Fawn on Aug 13, 2013 17:15:48 GMT -5
CHERRYPOOL Senior Warrior. LightningClan.
| The alabaster warrioress chose not to answer immediately, her reckless charge away from her cowering apprentice having shifted into a more precision-based action, her steps not necessarily slowing, but became more careful, more purposeful with the intention of getting as far from Goldenpaw as possible. Why would he have followed her? To confirm the look he supposedly saw in her eyes just then? To test her boundaries? Or to get a look at her face to see how much pain he'd caused?
You are a fool, Cherrypool. You have no one to blame but yourself.
That was the truth. She couldn't even bring herself to blame Redstar for trusting her with an apprentice to begin with – the young leader had no way of knowing just how dangerous she could be, just what monstrous acts she was fully capable of. Gaining Goldenpaw as an apprentice had been an act of charity, a test of Redstar's to prove if she was mentally and emotionally sound enough to have her own apprentice, to prove the rumors true – and as of right now, she was feeling like a failure.
Cherrypool was the kind of creature who, after spending a lifetime under the fearful, hateful, ignorant glares of her own peers, had come to clutch onto an extremely fragile kind of peace – acceptance that the world would leave her alone if she avoided getting involved in the lives of others, that she would never truly be welcomed back to the Clan with open arms every time she brought back fresh kill, but would be tolerated, liked only when a battle was on the horizon and she returned victorious. To have that peace shaken up by the presence of Goldenpaw, whose on successful warrior ceremony probably meant more to her then the young tom in question – the stress, the pressure to succeed in the only challenge anyone's ever given her since her own warrior ceremony, it was all starting to shake her to her core.
When she caught the scent of Goldenpaw quite close by, the albino she-cat stopped, blinking deep crimson eyes with an expression that was serious and cold, wanting to emotionally remove herself from the situation, to wall herself in and avoid everything that dared to judge for being the unnatural thing that she was. Even after somecat had gotten to know her, they still regarded her with fear and distrust, they had cowered before her, and that was a sight she would never forget.
Upon spotting the familiar soft golden form of her pupil, Cherrypool snapped out quickly, tail tip flicking in agitation. ”What do you want?”
To tell me I'm a monster to my face?
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2013 20:05:16 GMT -5
It probably wasn’t long in all actuality before the golden apprentice found his alabaster mentor, however to him it felt like he had been searching for ages. Every moment he spent searching a huge amount of time where he was possibly losing Cherrypool forever, he wanted nothing less then for that to happen. It was true she had scared him and he wasn’t convinced he was safe at all times with her, but as he was bordering the point of unconditional love for the second mother figure in his life he had no choice but to do everything he could to help her through such a problem as well as remain in her life. She deserved that much of him and so much more he began to realize as the darkness must have been in her all along; Cherrypool fought herself out of love for him. That’s what he hoped to be true at least. As his mentors words bored into him with their cold harsh tone he realized he had chased after her not knowing at all what to say. He sputtered and choked trying to get any words out, it was painful as if he was drowning and couldn’t get the breath he so desperately wanted. Finally the perfect word clicked in his mind that he uttered all by itself, “You.”
|
|
|
Post by Fawn on Aug 15, 2013 11:59:51 GMT -5
CHERRYPOOL Senior Warrior. LightningClan.
| It was nothing short of an added jab to the afflicted area, seeing her apprentice again merely heartbeats after the accusations had flew from Goldenpaw's mouth, the image of him cowering and looking her as though she were a nightmare made real had imprinted themselves heavily into her mind. Cherrypool had put her back to him, shoulders stiffening as she looked forward once more. I don't want to see you. Just go away.
Cherrypool had always been the type to run from her problems, to run from the things that caused her pain or made her question her own worth; it wasn't often that her problems chose to run after her into the moorlands shouting out her name. Gathering the strength she would need to deal with him, Cherrypool's blood red eyes roved to their corners, head slightly tilted to the left, catching sight of him in her peripherals, as though needing to see the tom only in very small doses.
"You."
"What?" She blurted before she could truly process that word, seconds later making the connection that it was his response to her harsh, resenting question she'd made without truly expecting an answer. Cherrypool's ears pinned back. Is he toying with my emotions? What was this awful push and pull he was trying to do, to hate her like the others did, and then to claim he cared for her the next?
Confusion buzzed through her brain as though she'd kicked a nest of angry hornets, her jaws tightening until they began to hurt, her expression grim. Goldenpaw had never lied to her, his honesty had been one of the many things she'd come to like about him - but she also hadn't expected to see him cowering in front of her some day, practically symbolizing all her pent up worries that she would one day be chased out of the Clan with proverbial pitchforks and torches.
It hurt more than anything to have someone you trusted look at you as though you were a freak.
Could she risk trusting him again? Who was to say that three moons from now, he wouldn't change his mind and drive a wedge between them? Could she handle it if such a situation occurred again? It would be like being stabbed in the back twice; Cherrypool thought bitterly to the tom she'd thought she'd fallen in love with, a black spot on her record, the StoneClanner having paid dearly for his betrayal.
The truth of the matter was... She didn't want to hurt Goldenpaw. Betrayal and rejection were things she could not handle like a normal creature - able to fly into a rage that would ultimately end in loss of life, and more than likely not her own. If killing an almost-mate had been disgustingly easy, then so would killing her beloved apprentice - and that terrified her almost more than Goldenpaw's abandonment and resentment.
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2013 19:57:31 GMT -5
As much as Goldenpaw hoped he knew exactly what was going through Cherrypool’s head, he had to honestly admit he had no idea. He got a short snippet of an angry reply in the form of the single word ‘what?’ and he feared that was all he was going to get from here before it was his turn to speak again. Watching her she seemed to peek at him occasionally but mostly they sat there in silence with her back facing him, her muscles tensed as if she was about to take some huge blunt force blow. He knew it was his turn to try and explain but for the life of him the words just weren’t flowing from his mind to his mouth, so he did his best to force an apology and an explanation all in one. “You act like my love for you has just disappeared instantly as if it was never there in the first place, that isn’t how it works at all. When I was fighting with Nightpaw, you scared me and you know exactly what you did, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you… I’m starting to realize there is a battle going on deep inside you.” He whispered the last line softly inching closer and adding, “I wish you would let me in…”
|
|
|
Post by Fawn on Aug 17, 2013 17:05:15 GMT -5
CHERRYPOOL Senior Warrior. LightningClan.
| "“You act like my love for you has just disappeared instantly as if it was never there in the first place, that isn’t how it works at all."
Oh but wasn't that how things worked? Having never known genuine love from anything with a pulse, somehow in her socially shunned mind, love could only last as long as she did not make a mistake, as long as she did not give a reason for that love to die - and once it did, it could not be revived, not with all the kindness and second chances in the world. This forest was a harsh, unforgiving place, and she would only get hurt if she started to view it as anything else.
When Goldenpaw spoke of letting him in, Cherrypool rejected that idea in an instant, doing so verbally for the hope that he would never suggest such a thing again. "You do not want to be let in, Goldenpaw - if I scared you during your fight with Nightpaw..." There was no reason to finish that statement, a haunted look flashing through those blood red pools of hers, like overly-saturated rubies, speaking of things he would not ever wish to find out or know the truth about.
It would bring only nightmares, more fear and more pain if she dared let him in. The only thing inside for him to find was a monster she was constantly at war with, and if she let him in too close, if she let herself be so vulnerable, that monster would swallow them both whole - her metaphorically, him, a little closer to the literal sense.
|
OOC: =/ Sorry for the shortness, really lacking Cherrypool muse lately.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2013 22:17:41 GMT -5
Goldenpaw was more than a little disappointed at his mentor’s answer, and he was even more surprised at how little time it took for her to shoot him down. He believed her that the things she harbored inside were without a doubt in his mind terrifying and much worse then he saw the first time; however he knew what made them scary was the unknown, the golden apprentice most certainly feared what he didn’t know. “Cherrypool… It’s scary because it’s a side of you I have never seen before.” He explained to her trying to get her to reconsider, “No matter how awful the thing you hide inside is, I want to help you fight it.” He said defiantly looking her straight in her blood red eyes, “I know it can be fought because… it isn’t the real you.” Goldenpaw felt deep inside that he did know Cherrypool, he knew the real her to the deepest depths of her soul. She was a good cat he was determined to show her that.
|
|
|
Post by Fawn on Aug 23, 2013 0:43:55 GMT -5
CHERRYPOOL Senior Warrior. LightningClan.
| You don't understand, Goldenpaw. It IS the real me. There were things about her that he did not know; he had not been at the battle that drove StoneClan into the mountains - if he had, he might not be so willing to help her fight it, to want to be a get to know the darkest parts of the alabaster she-cat in front of him. Cherrypool's pelt began to lie flat again, her shock quickly dissipating as gratitude for his desire to help soon took over. His eagerness to be a support system for her was touching, it really was, but... It would be too much for him to handle.
If she were to try to lean upon the young, would-be-warrior, the weight would crush him; all the terrible things that she had done or was capable of would drown him. The last thing she wanted, both as a mentor and as someone who had grown attached to him, was to besmirch that golden heart of his, to taint him with whatever foul unsightly thing that was always lurking at the back of her thoughts. "I appreciate you wanting to help," she mewed after a little while, beginning to regain her composure - unaware of how a little more darkness was slipping out of it's carefully constructed box - resolve hardening as she looked into his sweet, innocent face. "But this is not something that can be fought, Goldenpaw. Only held at bay. Let's drop it. I don't want to talk about it anymore, and if you still feel too frightened to be around me, I can find someone else to finish up your training." Would anyone in the Clan even be surprised?
It hurt her to consider the whispers that would come with such a decision, but it would hurt her more to watch Goldenpaw flinch in her presence, to watch him grow frightened whenever they did any sort of battle training. To have him look at her with anything less than friendliness in his eyes.
|
|
|