Post by Fae Magic on Mar 29, 2020 16:45:04 GMT -5
"You are a disgrace Mousekit! We are the strongest of warriors among our clan and expected to bare strong and proud kits for this clan and we ended up with something like you?!"
"You make us look weak with your pathetic excuse of a backbone! Grow up and learn your place here!"
"You will never be a daughter of ours if you do not learn to grow a back bone. You have a place in this clan just as we do and if you cannot see that and own up to it then you are just as worthless as your name and will become fox food before you know it!"
Pale amber eyes flashed open in the darkness and she panicked when no air would reach her lungs. Was she dying? Was she drowning? Why wouldn't her lungs work in to gather air?! Mousepaw flailed a little in her nest as she struggled to sit up and realized where she was. The apprentice den where the others were still sleeping. With that realization her chest expended and she inhaled too sharply the air that her lungs craved making her cough in surprise. Her heart hurt within the confinements of her rib cage; whether it was from the lack of air or the memory of the nightmare. But it wasn't a nightmare she knew. Those were some of a few words spoken behind closed walls that her parents had so graciously bestowed upon her. Too proud and too confident in themselves in their positions that they didn't care who they hurt. They had been ashamed of her outcome. Of who she became. The white and grey apprentice shrunk back into her misshapen nest and clenched her teeth to hold back the tears that wanted to fall from her amber eyes. She did not mean to become a disappointment to her parents. She couldn't help who she was. And sadly she couldn't help who she was born to. All her life she had been raised with the notion that all the cats within NightClan were paired up to become strong members and grow stronger kits to keep up the blood lines of the clan. Some romances of course did happen but 9 out of 10 they were paired up to make strong future warriors. Her parents; another paired couple, ended up with a disgrace of a litter. Not only was Mousepaw the only one within the litter. She was too small, too weak, and most importantly, nothing like her parents. But was it her fault? Had she done something wrong to make them hate her? Why couldn't she have had parents who loved her even if she didn't meet the notion of having to be something big?
She had been so happy to finally get away from her parents whenever she turned 6 moons. But, even after becoming an apprentice. The nightmares didn't stop. The disappointed glares and stares from her parents never ceased to not be able to find her. She had them shadowing her even from across camp. Why though? Why torment her with the reminder that she wasn't good enough for them? Oh that's right, because she wasn't good enough for them. They made that very clear. Their upbringings and their harsh words were the reason why she fit her name so well couldn't they see that? she didn't care to be the biggest or the baddest warrior out there in the future. She was just wanting to be herself...she wanted to be happy and live her life happy and content knowing she had friends and family who loved her and would experience life with her to make memories. But instead, she grew up with harsh parents who disowned her. Grew up too scared to open up to anyone. Too scared to dare to make friends when she was finally out of her parents clawed clutches. She was just scared. Like the little mouse that she was.
The little apprentice sank her claws into the earth beneath her nest through the rumpled material and looked towards the entrance of the den with longing. Would she ever be good enough for anyone? Would anyone ever love her for her? Would she ever be happy or loved like she wanted to?
"Do I even deserve that?" her voice came out in a soft whisper not realizing she said it out loud and quickly looked around the den hoping no one had woken up from her sudden voice in the darkness of the den.
She finally rose to her paws and padded towards the entrance of the apprentice den. She didn't dare leave past the thresh hold but she sat down at the edge and stared up at the sky outside above her. The weather was pretty and she closed her eyes briefly enjoying the warm gentle breeze hoping that it would chase away all her worries. She knew it wouldn't but a little she-cat could only dream couldn't she? Her amber eyes opened again to fixate on a star above her shining brightly and a sad smile came onto her face. Wondering if the ancestors above smiled down on the clans or if they too looked had a grudge against them. Were they just as harsh as her parents? Or would one day she be able to say that she was being watched over by someone up there who cared enough for her like she desired?
"I don't want to be worthless to anyone...I don't want people to think i'm weak and that I'm scared...I don't want to be a disgrace like my parents say I am....If anyone is listening...I sure would love a sign to know that I am actually worth something to someone out there." she murmured staring at the sky internally begging with her heart and every fiber of her being to see something in those stars.
"You make us look weak with your pathetic excuse of a backbone! Grow up and learn your place here!"
"You will never be a daughter of ours if you do not learn to grow a back bone. You have a place in this clan just as we do and if you cannot see that and own up to it then you are just as worthless as your name and will become fox food before you know it!"
Pale amber eyes flashed open in the darkness and she panicked when no air would reach her lungs. Was she dying? Was she drowning? Why wouldn't her lungs work in to gather air?! Mousepaw flailed a little in her nest as she struggled to sit up and realized where she was. The apprentice den where the others were still sleeping. With that realization her chest expended and she inhaled too sharply the air that her lungs craved making her cough in surprise. Her heart hurt within the confinements of her rib cage; whether it was from the lack of air or the memory of the nightmare. But it wasn't a nightmare she knew. Those were some of a few words spoken behind closed walls that her parents had so graciously bestowed upon her. Too proud and too confident in themselves in their positions that they didn't care who they hurt. They had been ashamed of her outcome. Of who she became. The white and grey apprentice shrunk back into her misshapen nest and clenched her teeth to hold back the tears that wanted to fall from her amber eyes. She did not mean to become a disappointment to her parents. She couldn't help who she was. And sadly she couldn't help who she was born to. All her life she had been raised with the notion that all the cats within NightClan were paired up to become strong members and grow stronger kits to keep up the blood lines of the clan. Some romances of course did happen but 9 out of 10 they were paired up to make strong future warriors. Her parents; another paired couple, ended up with a disgrace of a litter. Not only was Mousepaw the only one within the litter. She was too small, too weak, and most importantly, nothing like her parents. But was it her fault? Had she done something wrong to make them hate her? Why couldn't she have had parents who loved her even if she didn't meet the notion of having to be something big?
She had been so happy to finally get away from her parents whenever she turned 6 moons. But, even after becoming an apprentice. The nightmares didn't stop. The disappointed glares and stares from her parents never ceased to not be able to find her. She had them shadowing her even from across camp. Why though? Why torment her with the reminder that she wasn't good enough for them? Oh that's right, because she wasn't good enough for them. They made that very clear. Their upbringings and their harsh words were the reason why she fit her name so well couldn't they see that? she didn't care to be the biggest or the baddest warrior out there in the future. She was just wanting to be herself...she wanted to be happy and live her life happy and content knowing she had friends and family who loved her and would experience life with her to make memories. But instead, she grew up with harsh parents who disowned her. Grew up too scared to open up to anyone. Too scared to dare to make friends when she was finally out of her parents clawed clutches. She was just scared. Like the little mouse that she was.
The little apprentice sank her claws into the earth beneath her nest through the rumpled material and looked towards the entrance of the den with longing. Would she ever be good enough for anyone? Would anyone ever love her for her? Would she ever be happy or loved like she wanted to?
"Do I even deserve that?" her voice came out in a soft whisper not realizing she said it out loud and quickly looked around the den hoping no one had woken up from her sudden voice in the darkness of the den.
She finally rose to her paws and padded towards the entrance of the apprentice den. She didn't dare leave past the thresh hold but she sat down at the edge and stared up at the sky outside above her. The weather was pretty and she closed her eyes briefly enjoying the warm gentle breeze hoping that it would chase away all her worries. She knew it wouldn't but a little she-cat could only dream couldn't she? Her amber eyes opened again to fixate on a star above her shining brightly and a sad smile came onto her face. Wondering if the ancestors above smiled down on the clans or if they too looked had a grudge against them. Were they just as harsh as her parents? Or would one day she be able to say that she was being watched over by someone up there who cared enough for her like she desired?
"I don't want to be worthless to anyone...I don't want people to think i'm weak and that I'm scared...I don't want to be a disgrace like my parents say I am....If anyone is listening...I sure would love a sign to know that I am actually worth something to someone out there." she murmured staring at the sky internally begging with her heart and every fiber of her being to see something in those stars.