[Justice]

He spent as little time in the medicine den as he could, mostly because there was little to do there with snow on the ground still. Though leafbare was coming to an end, and the sun shone brightly overhead, there were still no new herbs for him to gather, no webs to collect, and he wasn't digging in the snow for straight branches. He had enough, had prepared all he cared to just now. Right now, he wanted to check in with someone else. To see how he'd improved and what could still be worked on. He believed in Gorsetail's resilience and spirit, believed he would someday regain full functionality of himself. Speech was not an impediment, it was a gift. He could be taught to interact with fewer words and still be just as eloquent.

And so he went in search of the tom, wanting to see him and wanting someone to just talk to without thinking too much on war and death and his dark moods. He questioned sometimes, if he was still fit for this position, but without an apprentice well trained he couldn't risk himself. Couldn't step down, couldn't do anything. And after all this time, he didn't know what he'd do with himself without being a medicine cat. He'd already been through so much for the title, why give it up now?

The large tom sighed and set his mind to his current task; finding Gorsetail.

Phoenix

[Phoenix]

The metaphorical storm clouds darkening his sky had begun to thin, carried away by changing winds. Ever since he had made a routine of visiting Feathercloud and her kits in the nursery, light had begun to peek through, a welcome balm to soothe his troubled mind. Through regular lessons with Silentsong, he had not only begun to learn how she communicated but also started to develop a much deeper appreciation for the way she had managed to overcome such an obstacle; he was not sure if he would have been able to succeed nearly as well, had their positions been reversed. But there was a deeper, more fundamental change. Visiting Acornkit and Sagekit and spending time with Silentsong did more than let him improve his sign language: they kept him busy, kept him from laying around doing nothing – drowning – in the elder’s den.

Gorsetail stretched in a slow movement that was less awkward now than it had been a few moons ago, as he had gotten better at accommodating for his weakened right side. When Feathercloud’s kits had burned through their seemingly infinite supply of energy, nearly falling asleep where they stood, and the new mother herself looked as though she was about to follow them, he had quietly excused himself to let them rest. Standing just outside the nursery, he glanced around camp, not quite willing to return to the elder’s den and subject himself to Appleshade’s well-meaning attentions just yet. Though the she-cat was nice enough, she was, at times, a bit much, and he had come to learn that escaping her company during the day made it considerably easier to tolerate in the evening.

But what to do now?

Carefully taking a few laborious steps to the side so that he wasn’t blocking the entrance to the nursery, the small tabby tom allowed himself to settle down somewhat gracelessly. A sigh – he would have to work on that. Green eyes watched as Falconstorm emerged from his den and peered around camp as though he were looking for someone. When the other tom turned in his direction, he raised his tail silently in greeting, a smile on his face.

Justice

[Justice]

He caught sight of the other tom and actually smiled, a rare sight for him. He actually liked Gorsetail, and it was a pity he'd had to retire so early. He was a good tom, calm and friendly, and he hadn't deserved this fate. But, life was rarely fair, and he was the one tasked with putting them all back together again when bad things happened.

"I was looking for you. I wanted to see how you were improving." Not doing, not healing, just improving. Because his physical healing was nearly complete, but also because pity wasn't something the other needed. Pity was useless. He firmly believed that Gorsetail would get better, it was just a matter of time and the determination of someone. If he didn't believe in the other tom, then who would?

If someone else couldn't believe in you, how could you believe in yourself after such a devestating injury? He knew the other frequented the nursery, encouraged it even as he enjoyed the past time as well, but healing the heart and healing the body were two very different matters.

Phoenix

[Phoenix]

As the medicine cat approached him, he had the sudden urge to push himself to a sitting position to properly greet Falconstorm, but the inclination passed unacted upon when he considered the amount of effort that would take. Gone were the days of perfect balance and easy walking; he had never known until he lost them just how much he had taken such basic abilities for granted. The medicine cat’s words were met with a small smile and a nod. When he sat back and thought about it – which he rarely did – he could acknowledge that he had improved since those first harrowing weeks after the border skirmish.

Just, perhaps, not as much as he had hoped.

His speech or lack thereof still brought those creeping feelings of inadequacy and anger and frustration, and some days it felt like he was slipping down that cliff rather than holding steady. The regular visits to the nursery and sessions with Silentsong had helped, but sometimes – sometimes he still woke up longing for the days of the past.

“…S-Speak…” Face growing hot, he found himself searching for the word even as he tried to convey that his speech had gotten marginally better. The irony turned his smile bitter, and his tail lashed through the air once – Foxdung. I am so tired of this – before he forced himself to close his eyes and take a deep breath. His difficulty was probably answer enough anyway. “…Silentsong… h-h-helps…” With his tail, he pointed to the other tom, head tilted slightly as he silently returned the question. How was Falconstorm?

Justice

[Justice]

Falconstorm was pleased to see the other had eased up on his expectations for himself while he was recovering. He didn't have to stand straight and proud all the time if he didn't want to, and he wasn't about to rush anything the other said or did. Rushing it meant he got frustrated, and frustration would only exacerbate the problem further.

"Silentsong is a StarClan send for situations like these. And you have come a very long way from when you first woke up, I promise you." he didn't lie to those that needed reassurance. he had never been one to sugar-coat a problem. And that the other chose to use Silentsong's method of communication and that he understood it meant that Gorsetail was finally starting to adapt.

"I'm alright, anxious and as moody as always, but alright." He stepped close and pressed a nose briefly to the top of the other tom's head, an affectionate greeting to someone who he felt needed all the support he could get right now. Had Gorsetail been a she-cat, he'd have licked him between the ears. It was simply his way. Falconstorm had always seemed to have an easier time with she-cats than toms, but that was something to ponder over another time.

"You hold yourself less stiffly now, that's good, and I can see how much strength has returned to your limbs. You are getting better, I promise you." He sat down next to the other. "It may not seem like anything is improving, but I can see that it is. You will get there again, have faith."

Faith, he told the other. Faith spoken from a tom who no longer believed in the mercy and grace of StarClan, who felt betrayed and raw by their machinations to his life. But to others he could speak as a medicine cat should. Believe.

Phoenix