[Hellion]

` Gullswoop:

words . Ghost the Undead Goddess

The elders buried her nearly five days ago, He watched as they carried the former Lizardleap to her final resting place. Invisable strings tugged at his heart, a familar pain of loss filled him. His own mother had been carried out much the same, a sickness so quick there was nothing anyone could do. One day she was there, the next gone. Gullswoop couldn't stop himself from picturing his mother all over again, her brown tabby pelt dull and lifeless. He missed her still.

Prior to the burial and at her vigil, Gullswoop hung back and allowed the young toms that were her son to mourn her in peace. Gullswoop thought about comforting his apprentice Wavepaw, offer him condolence but found himself unable to find the words. Even with so many moons since his own mother's death, the wound left behind was still raw and painful. Only recently healed with his son's birth. The spirit of his mother carrying on in his name. 

Hope remained Gullswoop had proof of that. He had overcome his own loss and he had faith Wavepaw would do the same. Given time. 

That was the reasoning behind Gullswoop not approaching his apprentice for a few days since Lizardleap's death.

Now as he stood outside of the apprentice den, his towering form casting a cold shadow over the entrance.  Gullswoop ducked his head in and called out to Wavepaw. 

"Wavepaw, will you join me for the noon patrol today?" His words were soft despite his impressive frame. Gullswoop was very much a gentle giant. As he waited he could hear the distant meows of the warriors joining them on the patrol. Wolfheart and Berrybreeze were both eager to leave but knew the delicate situation. 

`ooc notes; type notes here.

table (c)ulv of adoxography

[Ghost the Undead Goddess]

Wavepaw

Let the River Run Free

As a child you would wait

And watch from far away

But you always knew that you'd be the one

That work while they all play

---

His heart was broken.

It literally felt like some cat had torn the beating muscle straight from the cavity of his chest. The weight of a thousand waves came crashing over the young tom, threatening to buckle his legs every time the image of his mother rippled through his thoughts or his dreams. Honestly, without the comfort of his brother and father, even Gullswoop the young blue-gray tom didn't know how he would have made it through her vigil.

It had happened so quickly the young tom wasn't even sure if it was real. One day Lizardleap had been fine, moving around the camp like normal and going on patrols with Rainsplash. The next she was in the Medicine Cat's den unable to breath, the sound of fluid on her lungs obvious even to those who weren't practice in healing. And then the next day...

Gone.

The blue gray tom stood shell-shocked next to the familiar figure of his brother, Sunpaw, as the sun rose over the valley while they mourned her still form. She looked as beautiful as ever, her pelt groomed and herbs aided to keep her scent fresh as the icy wind tugged at her fur. It almost seemed as if Starclan was trying to weed out all of the impurities within their family, that all started from Sunstride so many moons ago.

It had been a few sunrises since Lizardleap had been lowered into a hole in the ground, dirt covering her body as her spirit left to run in the fields and rivers of Starclan with own sister and parents who waited for her. Wavepaw hadn't known what to do with himself over the last few days. Sunpaw had remained in the apprentice den, tail over his nose and wrapped in a tight ball as he sadly remembered his mother.

He was grateful when Gullswoop finally called him from his cloud of misery. He had wanted nothing more than to get his mind off of his mother by hunting or fighting or something productive to help his clan during Leafbare. He hated laying around like a helpless kit.

Pain still evident on his face, the blue tomcat pulled himself to his paws and departed from his warm, mossy nest. His tail brushed against a few feathers he had stolen from Lizardleap's nest before they dragged it out of the Warrior's den. Green eyes, normally bright but dull at the moment, caught sight of the larger tomcat known as Gullswoop, his mentor. There was the slightest flicker of the young cat's ear as he saw the other warrior's waiting rather patiently.

"A patrol sounds like a good idea." Wavepaw finally spoke, his voice cracking from not using it since the death of his mother. He had preferred if it was just Gullswoop and him, but he understood the need to have more cats just in case something were to happen.

Within time Wavepaw would return to his normal, mischievous self but for now he wanted to focus on working his hardest. To be the best apprentice he could for Gullswoop and for Rainclan. He had to make it through this leafbare, not only for his own healing but also for Lizardleap. She'd be proud of him, watching down from her new perch within the stars.

Giving a slight nod to his mentor, Wavepaw padded forwards to join up with the others who waited. His green gaze avoided any kind of looks they might have given him, the apprentice wasn't in the mood for pity or apologies. His tail dragged the icy ground behind him while his shoulder's drooped, but Wavepaw managed to keep his head up as he attempted to work through his pain and to get on with his young life.

He wasn't about to let Gullswoop down, and perhaps a nice patrol would be good to get his mind off of everything.

---

In youth you'd lay
Awake at night and scheme
Of all the things that you would change
But it was just a dream!

Hellion

[Hellion]

` Gullswoop:

words. @ghost

A tiny smile appeared on his face and his tail flicked over Wavepaw's shoulder. A sign of how proud he was the Wavepaw had decided to put aside his grief for now. Nodding for Berryfrost to lead the patrol, he was careful not to use his long stride to easily outpace everyone. Instead, he kept back with Wavepaw as the foursome ventured to the stone stream.

There were moments when Gullswoop pointed out well-worn paths through the reeds. Explaining where each of those paths went, they could be explored in the future. Wolfheart paused the group and scented the air, they were close to the border now. The two older warriors continued on to the northern part of the border, leaving the shorter length of the border to the south for Wavepaw and Gullswoop.

"Border patrol is easy, you just find the older markers and make them strong again. StoneClan and RainClan have a long history and it hasn't always been easy," Gullswoop explained, pointing to a scent marker with his forepaw, a way of asking Wavepaw to give it a try.

"You are too young to know this but I'm technically half-clan," It wasn't ideal to tell every clan cat in the valley of his mixed blood but he didn't think Wavepaw would care or if it did it wasn't really important to his training. "My mom...her name was Falconleap and she used to be the deputy of StoneClan and then she met my dad and left StoneClan," He continued, finding his voice tight as he thought more about his mom. He missed her more then he thought.

He wanted to tell Wavepaw that his mother died just like his, but the words refused to form instead he found his way around them.

"I know how you feel and I want you to know that I'll always be here for you even after you earn your warrior name," His words were sincere, a warm but hurting expression in his green eyes. The same color as his mother's.

`OOC notes; type notes here.

table (c)ulv of adoxography

[Ghost the Undead Goddess]

Wavepaw

Let the River Run Free

Life's like a novel with the end ripped out 

The edge of a canyon with only one way down 

Take what you're given before it's gone 

And start holdin' on, keep holdin' on

---

Was it bad that the young tom really had no interest in what his mentor was saying? Sure, he listened to Gullswoop, he responded when spoken too and he paid attention so that he could grasp the knowledge and the concept.

He just didn't care.

And it wasn't like Wavepaw wasn't a good apprentice. He loved to learn what was offered for him as a future warrior for Rainclan. He had goals, dreams and ambitions as every young cat should around his age. He was a hard worker, he had shown that by making sure he did what he was told, asked if he could do anything else, put all his effort into what he was doing at that moment in time.

But he couldn't get his head to wrap about the idea of enjoying the current lesson Gullswoop had to offer. Which of course made him feel guilty for letting his emotional turmoil get in the way. Wavepaw didn't understand it, or know how to describe the feelings within his chest, within that broken heart of his. He was sad, hurt, lost, even angry.

He was mad at Starclan for taking his mother from him.

And it all swirled within the young, blue-gray tom as his green pools vaguely took in the scenery around him, though he actively forced himself to listen to his large mentor. Despite knowing that being productive and active would help him, as Wavepaw didn't have to think about it, all he really wanted to do was curl up with Sunpaw and sleep away the pain. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way and Wavepaw was well aware of that fact as the young tom moved forwards towards an faint marker to re-scent it with both his own and Rainclan's scent.

An ear flickered when Gullswoop spoke again, and this time it drew Wavepaw's full attention. Green pools watched as the older tom spoke about his mother, Falconleap, both the emotions of love and pain crossing his features while remembering the passed warrior. It was a raw feeling, one that the younger tom was all too aware of at the moment and it caused his chest to hurt again as he thought of Lizardleap.

Though this time, a faint smile managed to touch the blue maw of the tom, "Lizardleap was half-clan too, she said it was one of her favorite things because it showed that love has no boundaries." He had fond memories of being curled up against his mother's flank with his brother, their eyes wide as the moon as she told them stories of Rippletail and Sunstride, her own parents.

Was this what Lizardleap felt like when they had been killed during the Civil War?

Moving forwards, Wavepaw lowered his head to softly press it against his mentor's shoulder. The blue-gray tom felt a little better from the larger tom's confession, something Wavepaw wasn't even aware he needed to hear. It had caused a little of the pain to ease, it had brought forth fond memories and even a small smile that gave improvement upon his mood. He didn't hardly look as gloomy after Gullswoop spoke about his mom.

But the blue-gray feline didn't miss the look within his mentor's own green gaze. "Does... does it ever stop hurting?"

---

'Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
'Cause it's all you can take

Hellion

[Hellion]

` Gullswoop:

words . Ghost the Undead Goddess

At the mention of Lizardleap's own cross-clan heritage, reminded Gullswoop of her parents. Their murder and the murder of his father started so much pain for RainClan. Even leaving the lasting scar across his face. Rumors of Salmonclaw's death brought an odd comfort to Gullswoop, a sick joy that such a vile tom was gone.

He had worked hard to deal with the bulk of it of the civil war. The trauma pushed back and left to deal with only in his nightmares. Having his own kits helped. Owlpaw, Falconehart, and Swanscreech had soothed the hurt. Now that they were older and didn't need him as much, he worried more for them. He wanted to pester them and insist on sharing a meal to ensure they ate enough, but it was important he didn't hover too much. The three of them were old enough now. Owlpaw had refused her warrior name for reasons unknown to Gullswoop and he didn't have the heart to ask her way. But he could see it, in her soft eyes. The pain of losing someone, a pain Gullswoop was sadly used to.

Even if he the loss of his father and brother was newer, it didn't feel as raw. In fact, the pain came from the loss of what could have been. Gullswoop had been near Wavepaw's age when he lost her. He never got to know her as Vultureback or Crowblaze had. Greencough robbed him of that possibility, adding salt to a wound.

At his apprentice's touch, Gullswoop tucked his head to offer the same comfort. Then a words came from the young tom that made his heartache.

"No, it doesn't but you'll get used to it to the point you'll forget about it, "Gullswoop answered. He drew a breath to calm his nerves.

"You will go moons without feeling the pain but then out of the blue it will fall onto your shoulders and the world will feel too big and your body too small, it will hurt worse because you'll feel bad for forgetting about it," His voice caught, he forced himself to swallow the lump in his throat.

"The only advice I can offer you is to find a place and time to remember. Maybe a favorite spot, somewhere you can just sit and think about her and the happy times. Never forget those," His words had gotten soft, sound equal parts advice and reminder for himself.

`ooc notes; type notes here.

table (c)ulv of adoxography