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Post by Fawn on Aug 9, 2018 20:58:02 GMT -5
curiosity is not a sin... ...but we should exercise caution with our curiosity Shadowchaser Three sets of paws squelched through the sodden marshlands separating NightClan from RainClan. Sablefoot and Thornscar flanked the young medicine cat - one more protectively than the other - as they found their way to the border. The scent-line was pungent, and likely aggressively renewed after yesterday's rain weakening boundary markers. It did not smell as though a patrol had been by recently, and Shadowchaser craned his neck to see where the forest thinned out into their neighbor's lands, expecting to catch a few glimpses of approaching cats.
"Guess we're waiting a while," rumbled Sablefoot, the stocky sleek-furred tom's tail twitching with impatience. It was a good day for frog-hunting, not sitting around waiting for another Clan to take notice. Shadowchaser absentmindedly dismissed him, watching without proper focus as Sablefoot happily went off on his own. His role, it seemed was done.
They were required to hunt in pairs, and Shadowchaser turned to give his sister a softer, encouraging smile. "You can go with him, if you want. I'll be fine here. I smell so much like a medicine cat, RainClan shouldn't attack me." Of course, that wasn't all they had to worry about. A flash of ginger and brown stalked through his memories, catching and ripping apart any semblance of a good mood he'd had today.
"What brings you to our border?"
A RainClan patrol had appeared, and Shadowchaser found himself looking into emerald green eyes, Russethawk seeming to be the cat who had questioned him. Beside the senior warrior was Lotuswhisker, whom Shadowchaser knew in name only as he did with most of RainClan. If they hadn't gone with Swanfeather or Dewpaw as an escort for the seasonal meetings, Shadowchaser was woefully unaware of the Clan living by the river.
"I would like to speak to Dewpaw, please. It's not urgent."
The ruddy tom nodded and beckoned him over with a sweep of his tail; Shadowchaser found his sister's gaze, and said his goodbyes, promising to wait for the next NightClan patrol rather than go home by himself. If he needed it, RainClan would likely provide escorts - but Shadowchaser wasn't thinking that far ahead.
He was thinking of the grim-eyed she-cat at the meeting seven sunrises ago, and he was thinking of the pain their roles seemed to cause - in the cats they tried to heal and the families of those left behind. And, especially, themselves. Following the patrol to RainClan's camp, Shadowchaser's thoughts were drowned out by the aggressive roar of a nearby river. The sight of it left him in awe, stopping in his pawsteps as the cats boldly found a place to ford it. "Sorry," he caught the patrol leader's attention, grimacing. "I'd rather not try to cross, if that's alright. I can wait for her here."
A few snickers and shared glances circulated through the patrol, but Shadowchaser paid it no mind. There was something about that much water, so deep and with an obvious current, that made him hesitate. It was frightening. And maybe, despite all the awful things that had flooded his life recently, he didn't really want to find out what drowning felt like.
It was more private, anyway, if they spoke here by the river.
medicine cat of nightclan williams | jk rowling | background image | table by phoenixOOC: Long starter post, sorry about that! The rest can we short so we can get their HRCs done ^^
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thanks for the two years <3 |
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INVENTORY
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Post by williams on Aug 10, 2018 0:40:42 GMT -5
dewpaw, Dewpaw worked. She found her thoughts could settle into something manageable if she kept busy. Her paws kept a consistent rhythm, entire being focused on sorting the herb storage of Rainclan. It didn’t need to be as thorough as she was doing but having the den cleaned out for whatever the next season brought them felt right for the young she-cat. Each pile was inspected, the remains swept out to be collected by whatever cat Dewpaw could capture for the task. Several warriors had been charged with it, but there seemed to be an understanding to not question her words, more so than her rank as medicine cat apprentice requested. She ignored it though, thanking each of them politely for their assistance.
”Dewpaw.” A voice beckoned, and Dewpaw leaned back with a sigh. “One second please.” The pile tucked back safely into its hole, she trotted out to meet who she identified as Russethawk. The smells of the herbs swirled around her with each step, head tilting in a silent question of why she had been disturbed. ”Shadowchaser has requested you, he’s waiting by the river.” Dewpaw blinked, why does he want me? She thought, giving the warrior a nod of dismissal as she trotted quickly out of camp.
Her pace was fast, made so in hopes that her thoughts wouldn’t leap out of her head again. Before her thoughts could run away at all, the river swam into view, clenching her heart up and stealing her breath away. They weren’t in the same spot, she reasoned with herself. Crowblaze is happy with Starclan, I know that. This is just the river, the comforting and familiar river.
”Hello Shadowchaser,” Dewpaw greeted across the waters with a small wave of her tail. She nimbly crossed the currents, using the small rocks that peppered its surface. Her paws gained a bit of moisture, but she knew it was not pleasant to talk to a cat with wet fur, nor was it comfortable to sit and chat with a drying pelt. ”How can Rainclan help you? Do you need me to get Swanfeather? I think-she’s probably out checking up on some plants upstream.” Her words were soft, still lacking the vibrancy from before, but at least the rushed sense of wanting to get everything out before the thoughts had swam away had returned.
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Post by Fawn on Aug 10, 2018 4:14:06 GMT -5
curiosity is not a sin... ...but we should exercise caution with our curiosity Shadowchaser Dewpaw nimbly crossed the river via rocks he hadn't noticed, despite having had time here to take in his surroundings while he waited. She made it look so easy, Shadowchaser couldn't shake the sensation that he'd been too cowardly, and would have crossed just fine if he'd simply followed the RainClan patrol's lead.
"Actually I'm here to talk with you, Dewpaw." Shadowchaser dipped his head in greeting, his heart heavy but his paws light at the opportunity to have a real conversation with her. Shadowchaser's last visit to Sandblaze had been several seasons ago, and with Falconstorm being less than welcoming, Shadowchaser felt cut off from the other Clans' medicine cats.
Here, however, was a chance to form a bond, and to maybe shine some light on the dark thoughts that had been plaguing them both. "There wasn't any time to, after the meeting. You were quiet and reserved, back then. I don't have to know you well to notice that was a little unusual. I thought, perhaps," Shadowchaser's luminous golden eyes found Dewpaw's lake-blue, "I could offer myself up to be confided in, if you needed someone to listen." The tom forced a sheepish smile, apologizing. "I'm sorry if this is too forward. Truthfully, I was hoping to... confide in someone too. Someone who might understand what it's like when what you've learned just isn't enough."
Newtstripe's desperate, eviscerating pleas still made him shudder inside. They still chipped away at his heart and everything he'd ever believed about himself as a medicine cat. He had failed. He had let down not just Newtstripe or his family, but Sunstorm as well.
Shadowchaser's shoulders tensed up near his ears, tail sidewinding in fretful sweeps. Maybe he'd made a mistake. But he'd thought back then that Dewpaw had experienced the same thing; the helplessness of watching a Clanmate's life slip right through their paws. medicine cat of nightclan williams | jk rowling | background image | table by phoenix
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thanks for the two years <3 |
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INVENTORY
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Post by williams on Aug 10, 2018 14:03:25 GMT -5
dewpaw,
Dewpaw tilted her head as she listened to Shadowchaser talk, the surprise of being the cat requested fading as his words washed over her. Her shoulders sagged, she had hoped no one had noticed her behavior at the meeting. But it had come so suddenly after the events by the river so her feelings had yet to ebb away. They were still there, she noted, and a rush of appreciation for her fellow medicine cat filled her heart. She gave him a soft smile, one of the first in the past few days that wasn't faked.
"Someone who might understand what it's like when what you've learned just isn't enough." The she-cat breathed out slowly, feeling the weigh of the words settle on her heart. There could never be enough lessons on how to process grief the right way. ”It's not too forward,” She said, pushing all of her thanks in her voice."It's, I-" A sigh. "It's been really hard. I watched, I tried to help save Crowblaze. But he was gone when I had arrived-and I keep thinking back to what Owlpaw said, if we had just gotten there faster- gotten him out faster, helped fight the fox- anything. He would still be here. But I knew he was already dead. and I still-I still tried to save him. I thought my training could bring him back. He didn't even die from the fox." Her words turn bitter, staring angrily at the currents passing them by. "He drowned. The fox knocked him unconscious and he drowned. And I lost him, in front of my sister. In front of his nieces. In front of Starclan." Dewpaw fell silent, the emotions behind her words overwhelming her for a moment. She wasn't sure what Shadowchaser could say that hadn't been said before, but she already felt better having said her piece. She let out a little choked sound, the start of a sob that wouldn't come out. I love them Shadowchaser. I don't ever want a single cat to love, just my clan. But it hurts so much."
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Post by Fawn on Aug 14, 2018 3:36:27 GMT -5
curiosity is not a sin... ...but we should exercise caution with our curiosity Shadowchaser Pain. Bitterness. Frustration. Sorrow. Her heartbreak was an echo of his own, and he welcomed the weight of grief reflected back at him. It was true; misery loved company. Shadowchaser had found a kindred spirit just as raw and punctured as his own; it was a bittersweet relief, but not one he intended to wallow in.
For two cats at the bottom of the gulch, struggling to climb free of the black, oozing mud, awareness that they were not alone in this struggle could mean the difference between success and surrender.
"Last season, I had my first solo kitting." Shadowchaser's restless movements began to still, as if by the very act of speaking he was managing to expunge a little of the excess energy pressurizing his heart. "The kits were too big for Sootfeather to handle. I lost her, right in front of her mother and her newborn kits. I feel--" Shadowchaser choked, throat raw as if he'd gone days without water "--I feel like I orphaned them. Smokefur did her best to console me, to help me see that we can't save everyone. That doesn't make these wretched feelings of failure and grief go away."
Dewpaw's vulnerability was a mirror into his own. Shadowchaser numbly stepped forward, and gently brushed the top of his head against hers. I hear it. I hear all of your grief. We are not alone in this.
They had had little interaction prior to this moment, but did that truly matter? Medicine cats were linked. They shared a bond that could not be broken unless StarClan themselves decided to break it; anyone else, and he would have hesitated to try to comfort them physically, but this was as much for himself as it was for Dewpaw. Their jobs were hard.
Carrying on in spite of failure's bristling shadows was even harder. medicine cat of nightclan williams | jk rowling | background image | table by phoenixOOC: xD Sorry realized this only worked if she'd bowed her head. I can edit that out or make it a different gesture if she didn't! I apologize for that! I just got carried away with the feels ^^;
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thanks for the two years <3 |
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INVENTORY
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Post by williams on Aug 16, 2018 12:30:51 GMT -5
The parallel in their situations made Dewpaw ache with a connection she hadn't realized could be found. Rainclan was not the only clan who lost cats to unfair moments, and though that thought hurt, the young she-cat was able to find some comfort in it. Are we meant to suffer forever? She thought, leaning into Shadowchaser's touch. There was no hestiation to return the comfort, her tail curling over his paws. They were connected by a thread that would be deeper than anything Dewpaw had experienced. Her own family's connection paled in comparison simply due to the different path she chose to follow. Shadowchaser and the others understood. He had been chosen by Starclan to protect his clan in a different way, the same promise Dewpaw held close to her heart. He chose to come find her after seeing her expressions at the Moon Tree, and she felt a deep appreciation for the gesture. "I dislike-well, hate that we both feel this way." Dewpaw murmered, unsure what vocal assurances she could give the Nightclan tom without it being a repeat of what his mentor said. "Can you see Sootfeather in her kits yet? Maybe physically she's gone but her spirit remains with the clan. She won't be forgotten and that's, that's what's-" She couldn't find the right word to explain how it felt, huffing instead. "Our spirits are what make us special, yknow? Not our bodies." It wasn't perfect, she decided, but she felt like it was close to what she wanted to say. -- I love the head touch!! no worries about it <3 Fawn
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Post by Fawn on Aug 23, 2018 0:54:57 GMT -5
curiosity is not a sin... ...but we should exercise caution with our curiosity Shadowchaser Shadowchaser felt even his grief take a moment to pause and process what she had said. Could he see Sootfeather in her kits yet? He... truly hadn't considered it that way. He'd thought of them as separate from their mother, severed from her by Sootfeather's untimely death. Yet Dewpaw was right; it was the spirits the bodies housed that made every cat distinct. There was a little of Sootfeather's soul in all three of her kits. Overcome, Shadowchaser bowed his head, needing a moment to work the words past the lump in his throat; it was a happier tone than the one he'd expected, but it felt fitting.
"I spoke to Sootfeather at the Moon Tree." His purr was soft, made husky by tears he was doing his best to hold back. "I remember how bright her eyes were. All of her kits are fluffy like she is, but Privetkit and Gracklekit have their mother's eyes."
Sootfeather was still here. Living. Breathing with every breath her kits took. They had lost someone important, someone irreplaceable, but they had not lost Sootfeather forever. Shadowchaser put his faith in Gracklefire, Ashfang and Coalmask to help keep Sootfeather's memory alive, to let her live with her kits through stories and fond memories.
Shadowchaser's regret (how had he gotten so many? They bred like fleas) was not spending any time getting to know Sootfeather more before the disastrous kitting. It would have made the grief even sharper (was that possible?), but it would have given him something he could give to her kits. Stories and memories. But even in death, Sootfeather was looking out for her offspring; he would pass along their mother's love as best he could, with Sootfeather's bright green eyes still fixed in his mind's eye.
Thoughts of their meeting threatened to sour his fledgling hopes for the future. A haunted look put the NightClan healer on edge. "Sootfeather wasn't the only one I lost. I... I misinterpreted StarClan's warning. My best friend--his father--he lost his father to a fox. I couldn't do anything. He begged me to save Sunstorm, but I couldn't. I couldn't, and it's killing me."
Ashamed of himself and his helplessness, Shadowchaser extricated himself from the closeness with Dewpaw. He whispered, soul weary and beginning to bruise under the constant pressure of sorrow, unable to meet her eyes. "I haven't spoken to him since that day. I miss him, Dewpaw. But I fear... things cannot go back to the way they used to be."
To a time when he hadn't failed his best friend in so wretched a fashion. medicine cat of nightclan williams | jk rowling | background image | table by phoenix Taxx (Sootfeather mention!) Phoenix (Newtstripe mention! </3)
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thanks for the two years <3 |
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INVENTORY
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Post by williams on Aug 31, 2018 2:04:33 GMT -5
A smile found its way to Dewpaw's face, watching Shadowchaser's eyes grow wet from unspent emotions and his voice grow soft and happy at the mention of Sootfeather's kits. "They sound perfect," she murmured, not wanting to speak too loud and break his train of thought. It wasn't the best she could do, but any sliver of joy was something the she-cat was going to celebrate. She felt her own heart lighten. There was joy in sorrow, though it was hard to find it. We're going to have to find it. She realized as Shadowchaser shared what was truly eating at his heart. The warmth lost from their shared closeness made Dewpaw lurch back, fluffy tail curling tightly around her paws. Her eyes narrowed in thought at what he said, hoping for a series of words that could fix the hole in his heart that was so preciously bared for her to witness. "If, if things stay the same-then- well, it's not very interesting, right?" She started, blinking out at the river. "The very lands we live in shift with the seasons. Sometimes there's ice on the river, sometimes it floods over its banks but it's never consistent and is well-sometimes frustrating to deal with." She shook her head, getting lost in her own metaphor. "What I'm trying to get at, is that you tried, Shadowchaser. I don't believe Starclan has the power to call cats to them, but they'll at least lead his soul safely to where it needs to be. You-you being there at least helped with that. And," Dewpaw sighed, not sure what she said next would actually help or not. "And you gave him a memory to share. Death-as I'm learning-sucks, but you, you both were there for Sunstorm's passing. He didn't go alone, and Newtstripe has someone who experienced it with him. Like me having my sister for Crowblaze's death." Her tail flicked over to Shadowchaser, an offering of support that let him decide what to do. "I don't know if any of that helps, but I think Newtstripe can't hate you forever. You're friends, and presumably, the only cats who witnessed the death. He might need your shoulder to lean on too."-- dew tries to give advice Fawn
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Post by Fawn on Aug 31, 2018 6:39:23 GMT -5
curiosity is not a sin... ...but we should exercise caution with our curiosity Shadowchaser Here was Dewpaw, several moons younger than he, and doing her best to give him advice that would put his grievances into a different perspective. He wasn't so lost in his own misery as not to appreciate it. Shadowchaser's heart did not lighten. In keeping with her metaphor, Shadowchaser murmured to the trees marking NightClan's border. "It's hard to imagine ever being warm or happy again, when you're trapped in the snow." Greenleaf felt so far away into the future, and so long ago in the past.
His memories with Newstripe - the good ones - felt like this.
Shadowchaser closed his eyes, and immediately regretted it. Flashes of Sunstorm's last moments wrapped themselves up in Newtstripe's miserable pleading voice, and Shadowchaser flinched. Locking gazes with Dewpaw, if only to find an anchor point to keep himself from drowning, conceded a weak, thin line for a smile. "I wish I could be a shoulder for him to lean on. Nothing would make me happier than healing whatever I can. Especially when I... let him down so terribly. I worry, Dewpaw, that one black day will nullify all our bright days up to this point. Like an eclipse that won't fade."
Newtstripe's associations with him couldn't have still been positive.
Words like failure, useless, helpless, disappointment had come to roost in his friend's head, he was sure of it.
"Did you talk to your sister about Crowblaze's death?" It was a soft curious inquiry. "I'm sorry you've been bound by a dark moment. Life is... Life is complex, that way." The medicine cat sighed as though he'd been aged a hundred moons in the past two sunrises. "No one is ever guaranteed a life without difficulties or dark moments."
The trouble, Shadowchaser realized, is whether or not they overcame those dark moments - or if the mercilessness of life swallowed them up, dragged them down, and let them struggle till they broke. medicine cat of nightclan @tagged | jk rowling | background image | table by phoenix
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