Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2017 16:31:24 GMT -5
There'll be no rest, there'll be no love....
Tonight was the night Bluejay should be traveling to the Moon Tree. It only made sense that she would travel through StarClan's Claws to get there, it was the quickest route from TreeClan territory and allowed them to avoid their neighbors, who they were more likely to have hostilities with than StoneClan, who they did not share a border with. Rushwhisker stayed within RainClan's territory, aware that NightClan's medicine cat would also come this way, aware that Bluejay would have an escort and wanting to avoid having any awkward questions aimed at her because of him. He just wanted to see her, even in passing. It had been moons since he'd last seen her.
But when the little TreeClan patrol finally made its way through, Bluejay was not there. His ears pricked, his heart seemed to stop for a moment. Where was she? Where was Bluejay? He nearly stood, called out to them, demanded an answer, but he dug his claws into the earth and steadied himself, waiting for them to pass. Just because she wasn't there didn't mean she was.... The greencough outbreak had been hard on every Clan, perhaps TreeClan still had sick cats that needed tending and Bluejay had stayed behind with them. She would never leave any cat that needed her. Not ever. That must have been it. She'd sent her apprentice on with out her, that's all.
Still, worry nagged at his heart, and though he initially thought about returning to camp, his paws would not move. He witnessed the NightClan patrol pass through, and as soon as they were gone, he revealed himself into the clearing that was StarClan's Claws. He moved ahead, straight for the great rock from which the leaders addressed the Clans at every Gathering. He leaped up with ease, making a beeline straight for the very spot where he had first met her. At the edge of the stone he sat stiffly, gazing out into TreeClan's territory, trying to assure himself that she was fine. Perhaps he would wait for the TreeClan patrol's return and ask then. His fur lifted slightly with unease, afraid of the answer he might receive. She couldn't be gone.
Nightsky had been unable to sleep for even a moment since Bluejay's death. It had been two days and exhaustion dragged at his paws, but whenever he closed his eyes, all he felt was restlessness. He had spent the entire night after her death searching the night sky, trying desperately to find her. He started near his mother's star, surely she would be close to Pinkcloud, but he couldn't decide which of those nearest stars she might be, none stood out to him at all. He had turned his gaze to other parts of the sky, seeking her light, but had not been confident that he had found anything that could... that SHOULD be her.
He was restless tonight as well, but instead of sitting in camp staring at the sky, he headed out into the forest, something drawing his steps. He had watched Falconstorm leave with his escort, thought about offering to go with. It would take him close to the Moon Tree, closer to StarClan, to Bluejay and his mother. But in the end he had simply watched them go, silent as his name. Trudging through the forest, he wandered, unsure of where his paws were taking him. Eventually StarClan's Claws came into view, the shape of a cat perched on the great rock, outlined in moonlight, caught his attention. For a moment he thought it was Bluejay's spirit, that she had called him here to say her final farewell, but took only a heartbeat to realize it was not.
His ears flicked back, briefly disappointed, but still his paws drew him forward. His black pelt camouflaged him well in the night shadows, and when he finally leaped gracefully up to the top of the great rock to join the stranger awaiting him there, the other cat spun around in shock, eyes wide and fur fluffed out. Nightsky realized he wasn't a stranger at all. Bluejay had once introduced them at a Gathering. She had called him her friend. And as Nightsky recalled, he was RainClan's deputy. Allowing Rushwhisker a moment to relax, Nightsky waited until he had settled himself back down into a seated position. The older tom gave him a soft smile that didn't quite mask the worry in his eyes.
“Nightsky... I'm glad to see you're well. What are you doing out here?” Rushwhisker mewed, eager to ask him about his aunt, and still just as fearful to hear the answer.
Nightsky padded forward to sit beside him, unknowingly in the very spot that Bluejay had always occupied when they met here. The black tom curled his fluffy tail around his paws, gazing up at the stars, hoping to catch a glimpse of a clue as to Bluejay's whereabouts. He forgot about Rushwhisker's question. “This is a really great spot to look at the stars... no trees in the way....”
Rushwhisker's ear twitched, unsure how to respond to that. In the end he shrugged, “Yeah, I guess you're right.... You... is that how you got your name? From looking at the sky all the time?”
Nightsky pondered that a moment, “I suppose.” He had never really thought much about his name. It was fairly straight forward, leaving little mystery as to its origins. It wasn't really something worth thinking about. He kept his bright green gaze on the stars, “How did you become friends with Bluejay? She's always seemed rather fond of you, even though you're from RainClan....”
Rushwhisker's eyes perked slightly, wondering where that question came from. The younger tom seemed so... relaxed... maybe that wasn't the right word. There did seem to be a tenseness about him. Detached, perhaps, was the better term. Surely Bluejay was fine, or her nephew would not be so calm? The patched tabby allowed himself to relax slightly, wondering just how much to say. He did not like the idea of lying. He was sick of lies, sick of hiding things, hiding his feelings. So he told the younger tom the truth. Sorry Bluejay.
“I loved... I love her,” he mewed simply. Nightsky actually tore his gaze from the sky at that, studying the tom beside him, and Rushwhisker continued, “We met here, it seems like forever ago.... She was only an apprentice then, but... she was so wise for her age. I was... I was lost. And she found me. I was sinking into darkness and she was my light. She still is my light.” He didn't care who knew. He didn't want to cause trouble for Bluejay in her own Clan, but he was done hiding what was in his heart. He was sure she would understand. She always understood him, more than any cat ever had.
“She's dead.”
The words dropped from Nightsky's jaws suddenly and struck Rushwhisker like a bolt of lightning. He turned slowly to stare at the younger tom, his eyes wide, disbelieving.
Nightsky turned back to the sky, murmuring almost to himself, “She burned too brightly... she burned up into nothing... and now I can't find her....” A look of frustration passed over his features and he turned sharply to Rushwhisker, “Why can't I find her!?” He stood, turning in a circle to search the sky frantically, emotions seeping through his fractured stoicism in his exhaustion, emotions he had no idea how to deal with. He had never lost any cat so important to him before. He had lost his mother, yes, but he had been only days old, he could not even remember her. But Bluejay... Bluejay had always been there, and now she wasn't.
Rushwhisker was at his side, pressing into Nightsky's dark fur, even as his own emotions ran numb, overloaded by the news he had been so terrified to hear. Bluejay was dead. Nightsky had said it so plainly, so bluntly, he had been so unprepared. Bluejay was dead. He wanted to run, run from the truth and the cat that had brought it to him, and yet he knew how much Nightsky had meant to Bluejay, her sister's kit, the sister she had loved so much. He could not bring himself to just leave Nightsky here like this.
He touched his nose to Nightsky's ear, causing the younger tom to jerk around to look at him. Calm in his numbness, Rushwhisker pressed his nose to Nightsky's cheek and swore he found a faint trace of her scent there as he breathed in, “She's there, Nightsky.” His voice was rough as apparently opening his mouth to speak had let loose the flood gates of his emotions, the numbness melting away like frost in newleaf, “Even if you can't see her. She would never leave you.” He nearly choked on his words, his heart in his throat, “She's there.”
After a moment, in a rare show of affection, Nightsky rubbed the top of his head under Rushwhisker's chin and stepped back, his voice quiet as he studied the cat that had loved his aunt, “... I think she's with you, too.”
Rushwhisker closed his eyes and turned away, trembling as wave after wave of grief crashed over him, unrelenting and merciless. He would never see her again. How long had it been since he had last seen her, and now she was gone forever. What had he ever done to deserve this pain? Would it never stop? Why did StarClan insist upon stealing from him every cat he ever loved? In a small voice, he whispered, “I'm sorry, Nightsky.” Nightsky watched silently as he leaped down from the great rock and bounded back over the scent line to RainClan territory, letting his paws carry him where they would. He could not bring himself to care about his destination. His tattered heart could only take so much loss, and with Bluejay's death, he felt his heart shatter into too may pieces to ever put back together.
There'll be no hero in the end who will rise above.