Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2016 10:16:51 GMT -5
I have changed, I have changed, just like you, just like you...
Fawn (since you wanted to read)
It had been nice to see Lotuswhisker again, even under the circumstances. She had managed to avoid drawing more suspicion to herself, remained carefully neutral so that the cats around them would not become hostile toward her before she could speak with her father, and at long last he had returned from his patrol. As she turned to see him push into the makeshift camp, part of her had wanted to rush to him and press into his fluffy white fur, like when she was still a naive little kitten. And part of her had wanted to grab him by the scruff and shake him until he came to his senses.
She had denied both, however, as Whitewater stopped immediately on sight of her, staring in disbelief with wide eyes, and simply stood where she was, gazing at him with the same passive interest she showed any other cat in the purist camp. When it became clear he was not going to be the first one to speak, she stepped toward him, “I've come home, father.”
He started, taking a half step back before grounding himself, forcing himself to stay still as his daughter moved closer. It was as though she had come back from the dead, as though a ghost moved toward him now. She was larger, muscles lean beneath her pelt, scars marring her pretty tabby and white fur, but there was no mistaking her unique fur pattern and the scent beneath stone and wind that was clearly Ashpaw. “You're... alive...,” he murmured, still staring at her, unblinking, as if closing his eyes for even a heartbeat would make her disappear forever.
She closed the distance between them and touched her nose lightly to his cheek, “I'm not going anywhere. I'm home.” She purred softly, reassuringly, and took a step back, “Can we take a walk? There is so much for us to talk about.” Se glanced back at the rest of the purist camp, “Can your... campmates spare you for a while?”
He blinked at last, at her touch, realizing that this was real. He glanced briefly at the cats behind her as well, but nodded even as he did so, “Come. We do have much to talk about.” He led her out of his new camp and was the first to speak, not fearing if any cat would hear what he said as Ashpaw did, “Have you come to join us here? You're a pure cat, Ashpaw. This is where you belong. And your siblings? Creamtail and Peachflower, have they returned as well? You should all be here with us at the wooded cove.”
The fur along her spine rose, but she forced it back down nearly immediately. They were still too close to the purist camp for her to let her true feelings be known about that idea. Instead she focused on his question about her older siblings, noting how he had failed to mention Icepaw completely. Her ears flicked back briefly, frustrated that he still clung to his disdain for his deaf son even after he had disappeared, “I don't know where Creamtail and Peachflower are... I was told they came after us, but I never saw them.”
He looked away, a flash of anger and pain on his face, and they padded on in silence for a time. They were well away from the purist camp when Whitewater forced himself in front of her, causing them both to stop, “You did not say whether you would join me in Swanfeather's camp.”
Her ears flattened angrily, that this seemed to be the most important point on his mind after she had finally returned, “No, father. I will NOT be joining you there. The Code is pretty clear to me. It says that a Clan leader's word IS the Code. It says NOTHING about turning your back on your Clan and your leader if they were not born in your Clan. Do you not remember the stories EVERY Clan tells of Firestar from TreeClan? He was a kittypet and he became such a great leader he is known throughout the valley! This is complete FOXDUNG!”
Whitewater bristled, his lip curling, “How DARE you return and try to lecture me about the Warrior Code! You are not even a WARRIOR, Ashpaw. You abandoned your Clan for the sake of one cat!” He stepped closer, thrusting his nose a mere mouse length from hers, “You dragged your siblings into your futile chase and lost RainClan not just one useless mouth to feed, but three able warriors!”
Ashpaw's paw struck out, slapping her father's muzzle, hard, before she even realized she was doing it. They both stared at each other, equally stunned, until Ashpaw backed away slowly, “How dare YOU... speak about Icepaw like that! I found him, you know! I found him!” Her eyes glazed over with pain, “But then we got lost on our way back... and an eagle took him. He was NOT useless. He made me a better cat! If you only let him in, he could have made you one too!” She glared at him then, “How could you abandon mother? Rushwhisker? You know the pain of losing cats you love, and yet you still walked away from them!”
Whitewater snarled, “They were both welcome to join me! They belong with us as well. Their blood is pure! Your brother has disgraced me by choosing to remain loyal to that NightClan fox!”
Ashpaw hissed back, “No, YOU have disgraced ALL of us by turning your back on us, on RainClan, and the Warrior Code!” She turned, glancing back to spit at him, “I hope your pure blood keeps you warm in your nest at night, all by yourself. I wanted you to know I was back... now you know.” He stepped toward her and she turned back to him, standing firm, awaiting whatever it was he would say or do.
His blue eyes, so alike and yet so unlike Icepaw's, were cold, “If you are only going to turn your back on me, on what's RIGHT for RainClan, then I wish you had never returned.” He turned sharply, padding away alone, back to the purists.
Ashpaw took a step back as though she had been struck, not expecting such cruel words to be aimed at her. Whitewater had been distant from Icepaw before she left. He had paid him little attention, but to cast disapproving looks at him now and then. He had never been outright cruel. Her ears flattened, wondering what had changed him, and then remembered that it was her. It was her fault, as he had said. She had dragged nearly all of his kits away from him, into an unknown fate that remained so for her older siblings. She liked to believe they were alive... they were warriors, and they were together. She was an apprentice, and alone, and she had made it. Why they had not yet returned, however, was a worrying factor in the story. They should have been able to make their way back long before she had.
Watching her father's fluffy white tail disappear into the ferns, she turned back toward RainClan's true camp, toward her brother and her mother, and padded home. Her father was a lost cause. She had hoped that maybe her return could help persuade him to come home, but when the first words out of his mouth were to ask her to join the purists, she knew she had no chance. She supposed her arrogance had flared again, for a moment, thinking that somehow her return would mean anything to him, that it would mean enough to make him abandon his fishbrained ideals. She shook her head and took off at a run, wanting to be home and away from another one of her failures. It seemed that no matter what she did, she was constantly reminded of how she had made the wrong choice. She had never imagined her leaving would affect her family so much.
As she slipped into camp, Rushwhisker noticed her immediately and bounded over, “Ashpaw! I was worried. No cat knew where you went. Did you go out alone? I told you shouldn't-”
She whisked her tail over his mouth, cutting him off, “I know. I won't do it again. I'm sorry I worried you.” She butted her head against his shoulder and pushed her nose into his neck fur, closing her eyes. This was family, this was what it was supposed to feel like.
Rushwhisker peered at her, concerned, “Are you all right?”
She took a step back, her ears twitching, “I spoke with Whitewater.”
Rushwhisker's ears flattened immediately, his pelt bristling, “Tell me you didn't go to their camp alone, Ashpaw.”
“I did. It was fine, they didn't know where my allegiance was. Don't worry, Rushwhisker, it turned out all right, and I don't plan to go back,” she assured him as he opened his mouth to argue. She sighed, “I just wanted to see him... to let him know I was back.... I wish I hadn't gone. Rushwhisker he's so... he's so cold, so cruel....”
Rushwhisker added his sigh to hers and stepped closer rub his cheek against hers, “I know. He's closed himself off completely because he couldn't deal with the pain anymore. You shouldn't take anything he says to heart, he's just doing it to push everyone away.” He nudged her, “Come on... let's share a fish. Maybe I can help you practice later?”
She purred softly, “Yeah... I could use all the practice I can get.”
He laughed and bumped his shoulder against hers affectionately, “I know.”
She followed him over to the freshkill pile, feeling a bit better. This was family. This was home.
I'm still alive, I'm still alive, I cannot apologize, no....
Fawn (since you wanted to read)