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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2016 21:07:18 GMT -5
I look ahead to all the plans that we made and the dreams that we had.
I'm in a world that tries to take them away, but I'm taking them back.
Rushwhisker was always happy to spend time with Russethawk. He would always consider the older tom his mentor, no matter how moons passed since he was named a warrior. And he was more than just his mentor. In the absence of each and every one of Rushwhisker's siblings, Russethawk had become his brother, an older brother he looked up to and respected and, he had to admit, came to with his problems probably far more often than he should have. But Russethawk never made him feel like a burden or like he was wasting his time. He never got frustrated with the seemingly endless amount of problems Rushwhisker managed to get wrapped up in. That was what family was supposed to do.
He thought of Ashpaw, and how thrilled he was to have her back, and couldn't wait for her and Russethawk to get to know each other better. Maybe he would be like a brother to her as well. He glad he had another cat back in his life who could rely on as heavily as he relied on Russethawk. Maybe he could finally give his poor mentor a break. Not that he wanted to overwhelm his sister with his problems just yet, with all she was readjusting to with being back in the Clan after being alone for so long. But at the moment, Rushwhisker actually had very little on his mind by way of problems. For once. And he thought it was about time he returned the favor and allowed Russethawk to lean on him for a change.
So as they padded along side by side toward the river, he looked over to the red hued warrior that had come to mean so much to him, his gaze soft as he finally brought up what might not be a very easy subject for Russethawk, “How are you doing... about Lilystream?” His voice was soft as well. He hoped Russethawk knew he wasn't trying to pry, that he just cared, that he wanted his mentor and brother to know he was here for him if he wanted to talk. And if he didn't want to talk, then that was fine too. He would drop it and they would talk about something else. But talking to Russethawk had always helped him, and he couldn't go on without letting the older tom know he would offer him the same support he had always so freely given.
Cause all of this time I've just been too blind to understand what should matter to me.
My friends this life we live, it’s not what we have, it’s what we believe in. Fawn
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Post by Fawn on Sept 4, 2016 21:47:14 GMT -5
And the world's gonna know your name, 39 Moons Warrior Tom Rushwhisker's question was a little like asking him if he knew about the huge slash on his left flank. Yes, he knew. And yes, it hurt every time he moved. Just when he felt like it might be closing up, it would start bleeding again and he would feel... back at square one.
Russethawk smiled, feeling as if his face were numb from all the smiling he'd been doing lately. It wasn't easy to do, but he didn't know what else to do. Cry? Hardly. He had to keep on going, even if it meant going without Lilystream's company, without their friendship being as tight-knit as it once was.
He was slowly mastering the art of moving on. Somehow.
"I'm, uh..." Russethawk looked across the river as if the right words were hiding in the rushes on the other side.
"I'm doing okay, I guess. There's nothing else I can do." The ruddy tom's whiskers twitched, still holding up that smile like it was a shield, like it was the only thing separating him from the full weight of... sadness. He hadn't lost her, but damn, it felt like it.
He could see what Rushwhisker was doing; he'd done this a hundred times for so many others, but he hadn't expected to be the one who needed it, not since he'd lost his parents... But then Razorfang's death had struck him just as hard. It was like losing a brother and a father all at once. Now Lilystream. She's not dead, you fishbrain. So why did he feel like he was grieving?
Russethawk didn't have enough stubbornness to resist a clear conversation opener, and he sighed, the smile deflating as he took a seat by the riverbank, watching with a kind of chilly sadness as a dragonfly hovered near him before taking off.
"I should've told her how I felt sooner. I should've made an effort to let her know. But I just got so distracted..." Razorstar's death. Training Pikepaw. The Clan breaking in two. Looking back on it now, there were a thousand-and-one chances he had to tell her how he felt, to show his best friend that he felt more for her than just friendship.
And he'd missed every single one.
StarClan, I'm as stupid as a rock. This was on him. He couldn't blame Ashclaw, and he didn't try to. The younger Russethawk would've been hurt, jealous beyond measure, and would've channeled it towards Ashclaw in some way. Whether it was ignoring him or even sharing a few snarky words with the other warrior. Those days were long gone, though. He was a senior warrior now. He couldn't be petty.
And, in the end, that kind of childishness wouldn't change a single thing. The mature thing to do would be to wish them well—and he did, with all his heart he hoped Lilystream got everything she wanted, he just wished that what she wanted had been him. Words: 487 Words || Tags: @zen || Notes: |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2016 23:19:16 GMT -5
I look ahead to all the plans that we made and the dreams that we had.
I'm in a world that tries to take them away, but I'm taking them back.
Pausing beside Russethawk as he stopped to look at something across the river that Rushwhisker was sure he himself would not be able to see, he waited patiently for Russethawk to continue speaking. The smile on the other tom's face didn't reach his eyes, but he kept forcing it for a while. Until he eventually gave in and let it drop from his muzzle into a more honest expression as he took a seat beside the river. Rushwhisker joined him, sitting close so their fur brushed, because Rushwhisker always found contact with those he cared about to be comforting, and he hoped he could impart some of that to Russethawk.
There was little more he could do for his mentor, besides listen. There were no words he could say that would take away Russethawk's pain. There was nothing he could do to sweep it away. He could only relate on the basic level of lost love, but the details of his and Russethawk's were entirely different. The ruddy tom lamented about what he should have done and Rushwhisker let a small silence draw out as he wondered what he could say. Russethawk had always seemed to know what to say to him, but Rushwhisker found it wasn't as easy as he made it look.
He found himself sharing in Russethawk's grief and gave a soft, humorless laugh, musing, “The death of love hurts just as much as if some cat had actually died.” He could see that in Russethawk, the same grief he himself felt over the loss of his own love, regardless of how it had happened. It wasn't as bad as it had once been, but at least Rushwhisker could thank StarClan that he would not have to see Bluejay every day, to hunt and patrol beside her, knowing she loved someone else. He could not quite imagine that pain.
Selfishly, he thought how lucky he was that Bluejay was a medicine cat, how she would never take a mate or have some other tom's kits. But had she not found her true calling in life as a medicine cat, had she found a tom in TreeClan to have a family with.... His heart twisted at just imagining it and he got some inkling of how Russethawk must be feeling. He leaned against his mentor's side lightly, “I suppose... we have to grieve the same way. But at least in the end, we can still be happy for the lives the ones we loved still live, and find joy in their joy... even if letting go is so... so hard.”
He gave a soft laugh again, “I'm sorry. I'm not... I'm not as good at this as you are.” He gave Russethawk an apologetic look, “I should probably just keep my mouth shut and let you do the talking for both of us.” He shook his head slightly, thinking he was probably just making Russethawk feel worse.
Cause all of this time I've just been too blind to understand what should matter to me.
My friends this life we live, it’s not what we have, it’s what we believe in. Fawn
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Post by Fawn on Sept 5, 2016 12:11:45 GMT -5
And the world's gonna know your name,39 Moons Warrior Tom “The death of love hurts just as much as if some cat had actually died.”
That statement was so abysmal, so overwhelmingly sad that Russethawk actually slipped outside of his own melancholia to stare at Rushwhisker. He knew the tom was very thoughtful, had a unique mind in the terms of introspection, but fish-dung, that was depressing.
Listening, a small silence lapsed between the two, the ruddy warrior contemplating all that had been said. He couldn't resist a low, heartfelt laugh, nudging Rushwhisker in the shoulder with his own. "You really are bad at this." If he didn't concentrate too much on what Rushwhisker actually said and instead concentrated on the thought behind it, he felt a... tad better. It wasn't heaps of improvement, but it was something. And right now, Russethawk would gladly accept something as opposed to nothing.
"Fortunately, we can find our own joy too." Emerald eyes showed a glimmer of the warrior's old self, his mouth moving into a sly smile. "I think you've proven that. You may have lost one love, but you've found another." He was talking about Bitternwing, obviously. The warrior had to have known. They'd gone to the willow stream, for StarClan's sake!
Even he knew it was a popular spot for couples, even if he himself hadn't gone there for any other reason than to fish or cool off. In spite of how impossible it felt to imagine himself moving on from Lilystream, he felt a low purr building up in his throat for his first apprentice. Russethawk didn't want to call the end of his potential relationship with Lilystream the death of love, he preferred to think of it as... the changing of love. The valley didn't die just because it was winter. He was experiencing his own personal winter, going through a blizzard right now, faintly wondering if newleaf would ever come, if he would ever feel warm and happy again. But newleaf always came.
Which means he wouldn't be miserable forever. Neither would Rushwhisker. For the tabby's sake, Russethawk hoped he had the good sense to see what was in front of him before the opportunity slipped away.
Words: 361 Words || Tags: @zen || Notes: |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2016 17:48:31 GMT -5
I look ahead to all the plans that we made and the dreams that we had.
I'm in a world that tries to take them away, but I'm taking them back.
Rushwhisker laughed again as Russethawk nudged him, agreeing with the fact that he wasn't doing a spectacular job cheering him up, and he apologized again, “Sorry.” He glanced over as Russethawk spoke of finding their own joy and smiled softly, giving a single nod in agreement. Ashpaw returning was the best thing to happen to him in a long time, and having her back had done wonders to beat back the depression that lurked in the dark corners of his heart, waiting to prey on any new weakness. But when his mentor continued, he could only stare at him for a moment, waiting for him to elaborate. A silence stretched out and Russethawk did not explain himself.
“Wh... what?” He laughed, wondering if Russethawk was joking with him, trying to lighten the mood, “What are you talking about, Russethawk? If I've found a new love, I'm the last cat to know about it.” He glanced out over the river, his whiskers twitching in amusement, but still feeling a bit confused. Why would Russethawk say that? If he wasn't joking, what could have given him that idea? He hadn't even been spending any time with any particular she-cats besides his sister and Bitternwing. He blinked in surprise and looked back at the red tom, “Are you talking about Bitternwing?” He shook his head and laughed, “I don't know what gave you that idea. I know we've been spending some time together but we're just friends.”
He thought of their time at the willow stream and how he had wondered if he was trying to use Bitternwing as a replacement for Bluejay, his ears twitching uncomfortably. He didn't think that was what he was doing, but that outing had made him realize how many similarities they shared, not in looks certainly, but their outlooks on life. A lot of what he loved most about Bluejay, he could also see in Bitternwing. His ears twitched again, unsure how he felt about that fact. He was sure Bitternwing wouldn't want him, knowing how he had nearly betrayed RainClan and the Warrior Code with Bluejay.
She had seemed so upset when she caught him talking to Bluejay at the Gathering about RainClan's problems, and understandably so, he wondered if she would ever really be able to trust him completely after that, much less... have any sort of feelings for him. He shook his head, trying to shake off those thoughts. Bitternwing wasn't like that. They had worked it out. They were fine now. But Rushwhisker had no idea why Russethawk had jumped to the conclusion of love.
Cause all of this time I've just been too blind to understand what should matter to me.
My friends this life we live, it’s not what we have, it’s what we believe in. Fawn
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Post by Fawn on Sept 5, 2016 18:22:39 GMT -5
And the world's gonna know your name,39 Moons Warrior Tom Rushwhisker was a little like a salmon that kept leaping up stream, but or some reason seemed oblivious to the other female salmon all loitering around him. Especially the one that just kept leaping up right next to him, and sending him salmon signals Rushwhisker was more or less oblivious to.
Russethawk laughed so hard he snorted, feeling the clouds part briefly on his own brand of suffering. "Rushwhisker, I say this with all the brotherly affection of your former mentor, but you're a fishbrain."
How could Rushwhisker not know? Bitternwing had been padding after the tabby warrior for moons. Actual entire seasons had passed. Russethawk shook his head, both impressed and a little concerned for the younger tom he considered a sibling. "Bitternwing loves you! Where were you the five hundred times she's gotten all flustered whenever she sees you? Or always smiles extra nicely when you're nearby? Or asks to share a fish with you?"
Clueless. Tempted to push him into the water just because he deserved it, Russethawk contented himself with snorting some more under his breath, emerald eyes alive again as he watched for the truth to finally dawn on Rushwhisker's face. Every cat in the Clan had a strong suspicion or just outright knew Bitternwing had feelings for him. It was so obvious.
Russethawk's pelt prickled, suddenly uncomfortable. Had the whole Clan thought the same about Lilystream and I? Nice. That meant he more or less wasted his one chance to be with her, and everyone he patrolled with or ever talked to knew it. Shelving that embarrassment for later, Russethawk allowed himself a tiny grimace before focusing on helping Rushwhisker not make his mistakes.
Russethawk had already waited too long, and his heart had paid the price. Rushwhisker was getting a second chance—claws crossed that he had the common sense to like Bitternwing in return—and Russethawk would sooner cover himself in tree sap and roll around in the dirt than let Rushwhisker give that up.
Besides, StarClan knew he needed something good in his life.
With Ashpaw's return, and Bitternwing's feelings maybe now would be the time in Rushwhisker's life where things would all get just a little... easier. Words: 367 Words || Tags: @zen || Notes: |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2016 21:40:30 GMT -5
I look ahead to all the plans that we made and the dreams that we had.
I'm in a world that tries to take them away, but I'm taking them back.
At Russethawk's sudden burst of laughter, Rushwhisker could only look at the other tom in surprise and a certain amount of bemusement, happy that Russethawk at least was good at shifting his own mood away from the somber since he had been no help at all. Until he was called a fishbrain. He didn't take offense to it, it wasn't his nature even if the cat telling him was dead serious and trying to upset him, which Russethawk wasn't. But it did surprise him, only leading to more confusion. What was going on? He felt like he'd walked in at the end of a joke and didn't get the punchline.
“Bitternwing loves you!”
It felt like some cat had kicked him in the gut. He started to deny it but Russethawk just went on. “No... she just... she always....” He studied Russethawk hard, sure he wouldn't be making this up, but wondering, if it was so obvious, how he had missed it? Didn't she always smile like that? And lots of Clanmates shared fish with each other, it didn't mean they were in love. Something Ashpaw had said suddenly came back to him then.
“That just means you haven't even been looking. I bet if you opened your eyes to the fact that other she-cats exist besides this... Bluejay... then you'd be able to find some cat in RainClan just as good, if not better.”
His ears flattened briefly at the memory, then flicked forward again, wondering if his sister knew about Bitternwing, since it was apparently so obvious to Russethawk. Surely she couldn't have known when she told him that? She had only been back for two days then. She barely knew Bitternwing's name much less knew what to look for in how she might act differently around him.
His pelt prickled as he thought of his time with Bitternwing at the willow stream. It occurred to him that mates liked to spend time there together. Had Bitternwing suggested they go there because she had feelings for him? Why didn't she just tell him? His ears flicked back again, Because she knows you still have feelings for Bluejay. He closed his eyes, thinking of the tom beside him and the pain he was going through because the cat he loved had chosen someone else. And his ears pressed flat against his head as he remembered asking Bitternwing just what she would do in that situation. His heart twisted at his own insensitivity toward her. He had promised Ashpaw he would try to see the she-cats in his own Clan, and he couldn't even see one padding after him?
“I really am a fishbrain...,” he murmured, looking out at the river. He had to apologize to her. He had to... had to what? If she really did love him, then what? It had been moons, and yet still he clung to Bluejay. A flash of frustration rippled through him as he wished he could just let her go. Bitternwing was wonderful. She really was. And he had been putting her through so much. It was still hard to wrap his head around, thinking that she had feelings for him. He hadn't so much as thought of another she-cat like that since Bluejay. It was... strange to be thinking of Bitternwing in that way. But it was time he kept his promise to Ashpaw and started looking for the love he wanted within his own Clan. How lucky was he that he had a friend already willing to give it, if only he gave her a chance?
And yet suddenly he was nervous. He didn't want to mess it up. He valued Bitternwing's friendship and was afraid he would do or say the wrong thing, that he would ruin what they already had. His feelings conflicted. Was Bluejay really that easy for him to replace? Then he shook his head. No, Bitternwing was her own cat, she wasn't just a Bluejay replacement. He liked Bitternwing for who she was, for the similarities and the differences to the cat he had loved first. As he thought about it, he really hoped he could return Bitternwing's feelings. He wanted a family of his own so badly, he wanted a mate to share his life with. He looked back at Russethawk, still not quite believing him, “Does she really...?” He wasn't sure if even after the hundredth time his mentor told him, if he would be able to wrap his head around it. Ashpaw was right. He really hadn't been looking.
Cause all of this time I've just been too blind to understand what should matter to me.
My friends this life we live, it’s not what we have, it’s what we believe in. Fawn
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Post by Fawn on Sept 6, 2016 10:49:30 GMT -5
And the world's gonna know your name,42 Moons Warrior Tom He really had no idea...
Baffled, Russethawk nodded again to reiterate the truth. Bitternwing did love him. "Don't believe me? Ask some of your peers, Rushwhisker. I'm pretty sure any young warrior is aware of her feelings for you—though I know she tried to be subtle about it." An amused tailflick to Rushwhisker's ear accompanied this remark.
"You really have been distracted, haven't you?" Russethawk was going to give him the benefit of the doubt here; the tom was a little oblivious, yeah, but no one could be that oblivious. No one.
Though Rushwhisker probably needed time to adjust and get his priorities in order, Russethawk couldn't help focusing on the only positive thing he'd encountered all morning. "What are you going to do next?"
He saw the uncertainty in Rushwhisker's eyes. Though he always considered himself an intuitive cat, the kind of warrior who paid attention to how his Clanmates were feeling, Russethawk couldn't guess what was going on behind his former apprentice's gaze. He looked... guilty? Nervous? Has something happened between them? His heart twisted with sympathy at the idea that Bitternwing had attempted a confession—and the very real possibility that Rushwhisker didn't know what it was at the time or gave her a kind of awkward refusal.
Russethawk didn't want to pry, though he was listening if the tabby warrior had something he wanted to get off his chest. Emerald eyes fixed on the water briefly, giving Rushwhisker time to collect his thoughts; he gazed at his own reflection, finding it strange to be counted a senior warrior yet still feeling so young. He hadn't achieved as much as he'd hoped to; he'd trained two apprentices (one of which he was still training), but he had failed to reach the rank of deputy, and had failed to tell Lilystream how he truly felt.
Enough is enough. Though his aspirations were taking a backseat in light of RainClan's chaotic state, Russethawk was determined not to let any more opportunities pass him by. What would his parents think? His mother would tsk softly and tell him to keep his heart open to new possibilities. His father would respect his dedication to his Clan, but also remind him that it was connections to others that kept a warrior strong.
Before he could get too deep into his own thoughts, Russethawk glanced up from the river, tearing his gaze away from the constant roiling flow of water to look at his friend.
Words: 411 Words || Tags: @zen || Notes: |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2016 12:08:55 GMT -5
I look ahead to all the plans that we made and the dreams that we had.
I'm in a world that tries to take them away, but I'm taking them back.
Rushwhisker's ear twitched as Russethawk's tail brushed over it and he sighed, “It's so hard to let go, Russethawk. I want to, more than anything... I want to let go of Bluejay and move on.” It was almost painful to say, but it was the truth. He could not live his entire life still clinging to her when they could never be together. And yet it was as through his claws were stuck in a particularly tough piece of a wood and no matter what he tried, he could not escape it. His heart kept circling back around to her, chasing its own tail and getting no where.
“And then with the Clan splitting in two and trying to figure out the best ways to train Frozenpaw, I just... I just haven't had the time, nor have I even wanted to think about finding... someone else,” he swallowed the lump of emotion rising his throat, “Part of me doesn't want to find anyone else... and part of me really, really does.” He paused and looked over at Russethawk, “I deserve to find someone else... don't I? It's not wrong of me?” It hurt so much to think about. He knew without a doubt that Bluejay would want him to be happy, even if that meant being with some other she-cat, but he wasn't sure if that made it easier or harder.
Maybe he would feel better about it if Bluejay HAD found some other tom and was planning her own family. They would be on equal footing then. He thought of one day introducing their kits to each other at a Gathering and being so happy for each other.... But she had chosen a different path, one he knew suited her even better, but still... it was hard to move on without her. Part of him felt like he should be alone, that he had met the one cat he was truly meant for and if they couldn't be together then... that was it. It was a stupid line of thought, he knew that, but he couldn't help it.
He shook his head, staring out over the river again, “I don't know... I don't know what to do next. I want to give Bitternwing a chance, I'm just.... I don't know if I'm in the best place to do that right now. I don't want to set her up to fail because I can't let go of the past.” He looked at his mentor pleadingly for answers, “What do you think I should do? She knows... about Bluejay. She knows I still... how I feel. I'm sure it's why she hasn't told me. At least part of the reason.” The other part he understood well himself. She didn't want to mess up their friendship either. “Russethawk I... I had no idea how she felt... I asked her what she would do... in your situation. I feel terrible,” he stared down at his own paws, unseeing.
Cause all of this time I've just been too blind to understand what should matter to me.
My friends this life we live, it’s not what we have, it’s what we believe in. Fawn
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Post by Fawn on Sept 6, 2016 21:48:56 GMT -5
And the world's gonna know your name,42 Moons Warrior Tom Bluejay? Russethawk again, gawked at Rushwhisker in astonishment. You just can't make anything easy for yourself, can you? He knew the tom didn't do it on purpose, but it was almost as if the tabby was cursed to live a life where even the simplest things somehow became incredibly complicated.
"I think you need to talk to Bluejay." Said Russethawk with a kind of certainty he hadn't expected to feel. TreeClan's medicine cat, for StarClan's sake... It wasn't his place to judge or criticize Rushwhisker's choice, of course. Sometimes love wasn't a choice. Sometimes love was unpredictable, like the weather. And sometimes there was just no getting out of it.
The ruddy warrior looked at him, thoughts churning like a powerful current, the answer somewhere in there amongst the waves. "If you really want to give Bitternwing a chance, then you need to close things off with Bluejay for good. I'm not saying you should stop being friends with her, I'm saying you should tell her about Bitternwing. Tell her you want and deserve to find happiness in your own Clan." He didn't know Bluejay very well, but he had faith in Rushwhisker's ability to see the good in others; there was no way the compassionate young tom would fall for someone hard-hearted or prejudiced.
"If she's as wonderful as you believe her to be, Rushwhisker, then she's going to tell you to at least give it a try." And maybe that's the cat you need to hear it from. Not me, not Bitternwing, not Ashpaw. Bluejay. Like it or not, she's still wrapped up in all of this, even without being here.
Nothing was ever going to get fixed if Rushwhisker did not go to the source. For your sake, Rushwhisker, I hope she's fiesty. I hope she wants what's best for you. Padding after a she-cat that you could not have for.... various reasons was a special kind of pain. It was self-inflicted, but breaking the cycle was a challenge Russethawk was still trying to overcome.
Words: 349 Words || Tags: @zen || Notes: |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2016 19:15:05 GMT -5
I look ahead to all the plans that we made and the dreams that we had.
I'm in a world that tries to take them away, but I'm taking them back.
Whatever he had been expecting the ruddy tom to suggest, it had not been what came out of his mouth. Russethawk wanted him to talk to Bluejay? Rushwhisker couldn't stop from staring at his friend for a long moment, before finally blinking out of his shocked stupor and turning to look out over the river once more as Russethawk continued, explaining just why he had suggested it. His ear twitched, uneasy about the thought of telling Bluejay he was trying to move on from her. But he felt that Russethawk was right. He needed to see her, to tell her. He was sure he would feel better about it after talking it through with her.
The question was, how long would he have to wait to do so? It wasn't like he could just waltz into TreeClan territory and ask to talk to their medicine cat about personal problems. His whiskers twitched, amused at the thought. He wished things could be that simple between the Clans, but he wasn't naive enough to think it would ever happen. Looking at his own Clan made that painfully clear. He sighed, “I just hope I'll get the chance to see her soon. I don't know how long Bitternwing is willing to wait for me to figure this out. She's already waited so long....”
His ears flicked back, wondering if he shouldn't talk to Bitternwing first anyway. He could tell her that he wanted more than anything to give her, them, a chance, but he just needed a little more time. If she could just wait a little bit longer, he was sure they could... they would have a much better chance. But he didn't want to leave her wondering anymore, whether or not he would ever return her feelings or even realize she had any for him. Whether they had any chance at a future together. He could assure her they did, he just needed to take care of his past first.
He purred suddenly, giving Russethawk a nudge with his shoulder, “How do you do that?” He looked over at his mentor with amusement sparkling in his eyes, “I didn't even think I was going to need any advice or cheering up today.” He was supposed to be the one cheering up Russethawk, and yet his mentor had completely turned the tables on him. He was still worried about how he was going to handle things with Bitternwing and Bluejay, but now that he had at least the start of a plan going forward, and more hope for the future he wanted than he had previously, he felt as though the future held more promise than pain, which he had had about enough of. He just had to get through this and hope Bitternwing could wait that long.
Cause all of this time I've just been too blind to understand what should matter to me.
My friends this life we live, it’s not what we have, it’s what we believe in. Fawn
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