[Insidious]

He could rest easy knowing Bluejay of all cats would be the least likely to hold a grudge against him. Admittedly, he had been a little unsure of himself when Dawnblossom asked him to be her escort. It was a great way to further prove that his loyalty lied with StoneClan, so there was no way he would refuse, but it felt like some kind of test just the same. He hadn’t seen any TreeClan cats since he left—outside of the Gathering he was allowed to attend, that was—but even then he hadn’t spoken a word to any of them. It wasn’t because he wanted to be rude, but rather because he couldn’t think of anything to say. He wasn’t worried about Bluejay, but he could only absently wonder who the bluish-gray medicine cat apprentice’s escort was going to be as he wove a path through StoneClan’s territory with Dawnblossom at his side.

As was to be expected, the TreeClan she-cat had greeted him with a friendlier smile than most of his new clan-mates, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of her escort: Gorsetail. He swallowed the lump in his throat, and then shyly averted his eyes to the ground. The two of them had left off on a good note, at least, that’s what Crimsonshadow chose to believe, but it was awkward nonetheless. He explicitly remembered himself saying that he would like it if they could try to be friends, but he hadn’t seen him since, and neither of them were the type to push borders in an effort to follow through on empty promises. As the four of them traveled to the Moon Tree, Crimsonshadow was lost in thought; Dawnblossom and Bluejay chatted to fill the silence, but the uninviting line of his lip was sturdier than a boulder.

A part of him wanted to plead with Dawnblossom to stay behind—to under no circumstance leave him alone with Gorsetail—but he could practically imagine the confusion and the hurt etching itself into the TreeClan warrior’s eyes. A heartbeat of silence passed, but it wasn’t entirely unlike the rest of their journey had been. Lifting his head, he cleared his throat, hoping that would be enough to capture the other tom’s attention. “So…” It wasn’t the best opener, but it was better than nothing. “… How has TreeClan been? How have you been?”

Date: greenleaf nineteen
Tag: Phoenix

[Phoenix]

i wish everyone was loved tonight and somehow stop this endless fight

Gorsetail was not proud of the way his stomach sank when Bluejay told him that he was the warrior she wanted to accompany her. It was an instantaneous reaction – he couldn’t help himself. But he knew that, if he wanted to look that deep into himself, the reason why it happened. It was a lot easier to pretend that Pinkcloud was out hunting or patrolling than face the alternative. He could pretend that her nest was empty in the warrior’s den at night because she had decided to spend the night with Bluejay instead. He could – and liked to – soothe his aching soul with false explanations for her conspicuous absence (he hadn’t realized how much he just enjoyed seeing her around, even though they had not been able to talk as frequently once she had become a warrior and he was no longer her mentor), and it was a lot easier to do so when he was not in the presence of her sister.

Every time he looked at Bluejay, he could not deny the hard truth. He noticed it lurking in her eyes and in the heaviness that sometimes invaded the air around her, and when he caught those glimpses of grief, waves of guilt washed over him. He had promised the younger she-cat that he would keep her sister safe. He had failed. He hadn’t been there when he’d been needed more than ever, and instead he’d been forced to stare brokenly, disbelievingly, at the aftermath like the rest of the clan. It had been a sight he would never forget.

No matter his reluctance, he had never been good at saying no (especially to this cat, after what had happened), and as a result, he now found himself walking silently in their awkward party of four. He had no problem with Dawnblossom or his own medicine cat’s generous offer to help with her training. It was the warrior with whom the StoneClan she-cat had decided to travel that had him glancing off into the woods or staring at the back of Bluejay’s head. The last time he had seen the former TreeClan warrior, they had parted on pleasant enough terms, but only a fool would believe that the potential for an unlikely friendship would completely erase moons of bullying and hard feelings. As far as Gorsetail had been concerned, their good bye on TreeClan’s border had been the last of any meaningful interaction with Crimsonshadow; that he found himself now padding alongside the other tom once more was entirely surprising and not particularly thrilling. He was so acutely aware of the now-StoneClan warrior’s presence that he could not imagine how the pair of she-cats could be completely oblivious to the painful silence that occupied the back half of the group while they chatted away like old friends.

They arrived at the mouth of the cavern that he knew led to the Moon Tree, and with a sudden jolt of realization, he desperately wanted time to slow down, for there to be some distraction that would prevent Dawnblossom and Bluejaw from walking into the shadows and leaving him alone with Crimsonshadow. He no longer feared the other tom – no, he trusted the gut instinct telling him that the feline had matured greatly from the apprentice he had been – but he did not want to spend the entirety of his time sitting in an awkward silence as they both tried to ignore the unpleasant history stretching between them. Conversation, however, felt impossible. What had they in common besides their past experiences which demanded their reluctant attention like an elephant in the room?

The pointed clearing of a throat caught his attention, and ears flicking, he turned toward the other cat. When Crimsonshadow spoke, it became evident that their discomfort was mutual. ”Um,” He began hesitantly. ”Well, we’ve been good I guess. Not much has changed, really.” Flicking his tail noncommittally, he glanced away. Everything had changed. Pinkcloud was dead, and his sister was grieving, and there was nothing he could do about it. Swallowing, he pushed away the rush of emotions that bubbled up in his throat at the thought. ”How are you and things in StoneClan? You like it over there?”

just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

gorsetail | treeclan | warrior | Insidious

better days | background image

[Insidious]

The awkwardness between them was far too palpable to be comfortably avoided. He couldn’t stand to look Gorsetail in the eye for more than a handful of seconds, but it pained him that he could tell something was off every time he dared to re-start those seconds and try again. He said that TreeClan had been good, and that nothing interesting had changed, but Crimsonshadow couldn’t shake the bitter feeling that he was being lied to. There had been a time where he would’ve harassed the truth out of Gorsetail, but he had shed that layer of skin a long time ago, and he was in hurry to disprove the theory that he could change for the better. It hurt that the happenings in TreeClan were no longer his business, but what hurt more was the possibility that his life in StoneClan could be taken away from him if he showed too much concern to be healthy towards his former home. A life without StoneClan, and without Cloudfall, was no longer imaginable. It hurt to be an outsider to those he had once slept beside, it did, but he had no desire to dig into Gorsetail’s thoughts for the real answers. It was easier to hear that everything was fine so he could look ahead without any doubts.

Gorsetail returned his question, and while he should’ve expected it, his eyes lit up in surprise; and there was a sudden burst of warmth in his expression, too, that likely wouldn’t go unnoticed. This is what he wanted. It was the perfect opportunity to let go of TreeClan and fully embrace StoneClan. “I really do. I like it more than I expected to.” He resisted the urge to laugh like somehow his leaving and everything leading up to it was a twisted joke. “I thought it would feel different, but it’s like I’ve been there the whole time. I don’t think everyone trusts me quite yet, but it’s something I know I’ve just got to work on.” Dawnblossom was making it a little better by choosing him of all cats to be her escort, and alongside a TreeClan party no less; when he returned with her, as committed to StoneClan as he was before he left, he hoped he’d get a smile or two more than usual before he retired to the warriors’ den for the night.

“I’ve got someone over there that I really care about.” Crimsonshadow offered as an ice-breaker, throwing Gorsetail a sheepish, nervous smile so unlike the cockiness that had propelled him forward as an apprentice. If his label as a full-time antagonist was still fresh in the striped warrior’s memory, he could imagine what he must have looked like with the effects of love melting all the anxiety off of his face induced from this forced meeting. “I think she is a part of what makes it feel so natural. Every time I step off of the territory, I can’t wait to get back so I can see her again.” Oh StarClan, he was pouring his heart out, and he realized that in the same amount of time it took to draw an embarrassed breath into his lungs. “I’m sorry to dump all of that onto you.” I know you probably don’t care that much. He wanted to say it, but it sounded… rude, almost, after they had agreed that they could move forward from the past and be friends.

Words 573
Tag: Phoenix

[Phoenix]

i wish everyone was loved tonight and somehow stop this endless fight

Theirs was a conversation addressed to their surroundings more than each other. If he wasn’t staring at the nearby undergrowth, then Crimsonshadow was watching the rocks at their feet. It was unusual since most cats seemed to prefer eye contact, but Gorsetail could not help but feel rather grateful for it. Never had he been counted among the particularly skilled liars in the clan, and he thought perhaps he might manage to sneak this one by if the other cat was distracted by something else. He found himself waiting for the challenge, dreading the next words that were going to come out of his mouth. The Crimsonshadow he remembered had always been very perceptive, and he had always seemed to know when the smaller feline was trying to hide something. He didn’t want to talk about Pinkcloud, not to him. He didn’t even want to think about her in front of him. His memories of her were painful enough, without the StoneClan tom wielding them like a weapon against him.

But there were no prying questions.

Crimsonshadow simply answered his inquiry, and the sudden shift in the atmosphere had him glancing up at the other tom. And then he found himself staring. He looked happy, truly genuinely happy. The small mention of StoneClan had his face lighting up with an expression Gorsetail had never seen on that particular cat’s face before. As he continued describing his new life, how he wasn’t entirely trusted yet but he seemed to be staying optimistic, the TreeClan warrior felt a small smile begin to touch the edges of his own lips. Moving to StoneClan had marked the introduction of an entirely new chapter of Crimsonshadow’s life – they had both known that when they parted ways so many moons ago – but he hadn’t quite realized how much of a new beginning it really was until now. In StoneClan, the spotted tom didn’t have Grayowl’s legacy hanging over him, and he was free to start over again with cats who he had not alienated in one way or another. He must have found it so refreshing.

”Well, I think you’ll get there one day,” He found himself saying, tail flicking. ”Things like that take time.” He knew they both knew that trust not come over night; dependability and loyalty built up until eventually that invisible line was crossed from simply being reliable to being trustworthy. And once tossed away, that faith was hard to earn again. But they were trying, at least. StoneClan at least seemed willing enough to offer Crimsonshadow a chance, which was all one could really ask for in that situation, and Gorsetail found himself growing a little more hopeful that something other than animosity could exist between the two of them.

Crimsonshadow continued speaking, and if he was taken aback by the expression on the other tom’s face when he thought of his new home, the TreeClan warrior was completely stunned at the somewhat apprehensive grin he saw now. There was that slight hesitation that he knew he never ever would have seen when they were apprentices, and then every trace was washed away with a glowing radiance. Gorsetail blinked. Crimsonshadow was in love, and he was telling him. It was utterly bizarre, and yet, he felt a little warm inside. Why the other tom had decided to open up to him of all cats, he didn’t quite understand, but it was kind of nice having a relatively normal conversation. ”That’s great,” He said, hoping the awkwardness in his delivery didn’t completely hide the fact that he was genuinely happy for the other tom. ”That you found someone you love, I mean. I think you—“

What was he going to say? That he thought he deserved it? Did he? Gorsetail wasn’t sure what he thought; the words had just slipped out. ”I think you’ve clearly found somewhere where you’re happy, and I’m glad for that,” He rescued himself, meeting the other cat’s gaze. The warrior wasn’t sure if he thought Crimsonshadow deserved the happiness, and he felt bad for thinking that. It must not have been easy with Grayowl lurking over his shoulder and whispering who-knew-what into his ear, and he was never one who liked to claim that someone didn’t deserve joy and love in their life. But his tongue was stalled by memories of those nights in the den or those patrols where he found himself on the receiving end of the apprentice’s sharp words, and the conflicting emotions muddled his thoughts. Friends, He reminded himself again. You want to try to be friends. That meant there really was only one question he could ask, right? Glancing up toward Crimsonshadow again, Gorsetail asked rather sheepishly, ”So, uh, does she like you back?”

just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

gorsetail | treeclan | warrior | Insidious

better days | background image