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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2016 23:22:56 GMT -5
I remember the days, new beginnings on an open page...
Rushwhisker hadn't liked how his conversation with Bitternwing had ended at the Gathering. She had given her own opinion on the matter of him sharing RainClan's problems with Bluejay and then she'd just... left. Part of him had wanted to go after her while another part of him had wanted to stay with Bluejay. In the end he'd decided that maybe he should leave her be for now and talk to her back at camp. If he followed her right then he felt their talk would only escalate into an argument in front of all the Clans.
It had given him more time to think on it as well. He knew he had done nothing wrong... but he also wasn't certain he would ever be able to convince Bitternwing of that fact. She would never know Bluejay like he did... but the fact that he knew Bluejay so well would only cast more doubt on his loyalty to RainClan. He had returned to camp feeling weighed down once more, unsure how to approach Bitternwing about what had happened, but knowing that he really had to do so. He didn't want her to think he was disloyal, because he wasn't... he had given up so much for the sake of loyalty to RainClan. It honestly hurt that she might think he was anything but loyal to his Clan after everything he had been through.
He had curled up in his nest with that pain, wishing he knew what to do about it. He couldn't change the past, that he had met Bluejay, that he had fallen in love with her, that he still... cared about her, trusted her like one of his own Clanmates. Seeing her at the Gathering had only rekindled those feelings he had been trying so hard to bury. The next few days, he had left Bitternwing alone. Every time he saw her he was reminded of how she must think he wasn't truly loyal to RainClan, and how he still didn't know how to prove to her that he was. She seemed a bit more... distant when they did interact. It only reinforced his worries.
Finally he couldn't take it anymore. He really liked Bitternwing, had been enjoying their budding friendship, and now it had come to a screeching halt. He wondered if all of his relationships with his Clanmates would end up this way. Would they all start doubting his loyalty? Well, Russethawk wouldn't, he knew that at least. He felt a rush of affection for his mentor, who had been the only consistent, stable thing in his life so far. Even when he'd pushed him away, he'd still been there for him when he'd reached out again, had forgiven him so easily. He was immensely grateful for the ruddy tom, but he wanted more than just Russethawk's friendship. Being in a Clan was about more than just one cat. He had to make Bitternwing see, somehow, that he was as loyal as any RainClan cat.
Spotting the she-cat across camp, he took a deep breath and forced his paws toward her, “Bitternwing....” He paused in front of her, “Can we... can we talk? I really don't want to lose your friendship....” He looked at her hopefully, praying she wouldn't deny him. He took a step toward the camp entrance, “Maybe... we can go hunting?” It may be newleaf, but leaf-bare had yet to loosen its claws on the valley and prey was still pretty scarce.
With something to prove and nothing to lose, not a soul to betray.
Newleaf 2 Fawn
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Post by Fawn on Mar 11, 2016 12:37:07 GMT -5
B I T T E R N W I N G Warrior of RainClan. 18 Moons. She-Cat.
If there's love in this life there's no obstacle,
-----
Bitternwing had just finished changing the bedding in the nursery, and Rushwhisker (in her mind) could not have picked a worse time to approach. With an internal squeak of mortification, Bitternwing hastily shook out her pelt, hoping whatever appearance-ruining bits of moss and feather and reed were gone from her fur by the time Rushwhisker was close enough to speak.
"S-Sure," she stammered, smiling a little to show that there was no great ill-will between them (at least not on her end), but there was a bit of distance in their friendship now. It looked like Rushwhisker wanted to close the gap somewhat, and Bitternwing, ever amicable and kind, would be happy to do so.
But perhaps, too, it would be better to drop the subject of Bluejay entirely? Try as she might, that name had stuck in Bitternwing's head for days after the Gathering, and her thoughts had centered around Rushwhisker's behavior towards the beautiful TreeClan medicine cat apprentice; the more she thought about it, the more her heart lamented the obvious. She knew affectionate feelings when she saw them, and Rushwhisker definitely felt something for Bluejay.
Whether that was platonic (doubtful) or something more scandalous, Bitternwing had tried her absolute best not to dwell on it. It wasn't her business, and the truth she was pretending not to know would only sting in the end.
Trying to get her mind on hunting, she glanced at the tabby tom from the corner of her wide, green-and-yellow eyes. How was this going to go? Would it end in frustration and a greater divide? Bitternwing dearly hoped not. Following Rushwhisker to the camp entrance, she nodded politely to the cats that passed, sparing a fuller smile for her brother Gullswoop, before the territory opened up before her and Rushwhisker held most of her attention.
What if he tries to convince me to see his side of things? The possibility of another argument made her ears twitch nervously, but the fluffy she-cat kept walking, vowing to remain optimistic despite the times.
-----
That can't be defeated.
Word Count: 355 Words Tags:@zen Notes:
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Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2016 23:48:51 GMT -5
I remember the days, new beginnings on an open page...
Giving a soft sigh of relief at Bitternwing's short agreement, he turned and led her out of camp, wondering where to start. He had to approach this differently than he had before. He had no desire to argue with her again; he wanted to fix things, not make them worse. His steps slowed a bit as he tried to figure things out until he finally just turned to look at her, the question tumbling from his mouth before he could stop it, “Do you doubt my loyalty to RainClan because of what happened at the Gathering?” It was not accusatory, though the slight strain in his voice gave away just how worried he was about the answer. He had been wondering about it ever since Bitternwing had so abruptly left him beside Bluejay.
He wasn't really sure why, either. He knew he was loyal. He had never felt like he needed to justify himself to any of his Clanmates, or prove himself to them. He had, and always would, put RainClan first. For some reason though, he found himself worried about Bitternwing's perception of him. Perhaps it was because he had found a kindred spirit in her, someone he could relate to almost as well as he could Bluejay. Maybe even just as well, but only time would be able to tell, and they hadn't had much of it together just yet. He wanted more than anything to find that again, not necessarily the love, because he wasn't sure if he was ready to let go of Bluejay completely right now, but the connection, the understanding, the openness and trust.
Especially now, with RainClan split into two camps and this crazy Clanwide feud, he wanted someone he could talk to as easily as he could talk to Bluejay. He knew Russethawk was always there if he needed him, but he felt like he'd been relying his mentor too much, dumping all of his problems on the older tom after bottling them up for far too long. He needed more cats in his life he could talk to as easily as Russethawk. He and Bitternwing had been getting along so well until the Gathering, and while a lot of cats might not have noticed the slight distance in their relationship that had occurred after, Rushwhisker had. Perhaps too keenly. Or perhaps he was imagining it, in his worry about losing what had been such a promising new relationship. He wasn't certain. His tail twitched anxiously as he awaited her answer.
With something to prove and nothing to lose, not a soul to betray.
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Post by Fawn on Mar 12, 2016 15:11:49 GMT -5
B I T T E R N W I N G Warrior of RainClan. 18 Moons. She-Cat.
If there's love in this life there's no obstacle,
-----
The strain in his voice made her heart pang, and she very nearly held her silence. The chance of stressing him out further kept her jaws glued shut, but it was not in Bitternwing's nature to lie to Rushwhisker. Did she think he was disloyal to RainClan? No, or at least not intentionally. It was a tricky situation. With a soft unassuming tone, her paws slightly kneading the muddy earth, Bitternwing answered. "I... I think it's a good thing Bluejay's a medicine cat, and not a warrior."
The first rule of the Warrior Code dealt with friendships in other Clans. They were allowed, but they weren't allowed to come between a warrior and his Clan—and Bitternwing feared that the pretty TreeClan cat might have, if she'd been a warrioress and not a healer. So that was something to be relieved over.
Before this conversation could spiral into a depressing pit of angst, however, Bitternwing spoke up again, her large eyes settled on Rushwhisker, the words spilling out faster than she'd originally intended. "I—I don't think your friendship with Bluejay is bad, as long as it stays at the Gatherings, but with the way the Clan is right now..." A soft, disheartened shake of her head. "Every cat is so tense and distrustful of the other, so I know why you told her. I know what it's like to want to get something off your chest. I think maybe you told Bluejay a little too much about us, but... I know that you trust her very much."
Even more than his Clanmates? Bitternwing didn't ask, she merely waited for the warrior's response, quietly praying to StarClan this didn't end in an argument. Would it not be better then, to just pretend the issue with Bluejay hadn't happened? Go back to living and serving their Clan, to being friends? Oh, deep down Bitternwing envied Bluejay. Maybe it was the convenience of the Gathering, but she had been the first cat Rushwhisker turned to, confided in—not Russethawk, not her...
She would have liked to have been that cat.
-----
That can't be defeated.
Word Count: 371 Words Tags:@zen Notes:
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2016 17:35:59 GMT -5
I remember the days, new beginnings on an open page...
His ears twitched uncertainly at her answer. He wasn't sure what she meant by that. If Bluejay was still a warrior, would it have changed how their conversation at the Gathering had gone? Would she doubt him more? Her answer only elicited more questions. He shook his head slightly, trying to get them out of his mind. They didn't matter, ultimately. She continued then, distracting him from his thoughts briefly. She was... understanding, at least. He was grateful for that.
He sighed, “I'm sorry. I....” He understood her side as well. He didn't feel like he had done anything wrong, because he knew Bluejay wouldn't betray him or RainClan, but that didn't change the fact that sharing such sensitive information with a cat outside the Clan, especially so soon after it had happened, was... not entirely the right thing to do. He should have thought things through a little better, but he just fell back into how easy it was to talk to her, even after not seeing her for moons, and... he hadn't really thought much at all.
“I... shouldn't have told her,” he meowed quietly, “Everything just happened so quickly, and she's always been easy for me to talk to, so when I saw her I just....” His gaze flicked away and back again, unsure how much he should tell her. He wondered if she suspected their past relationship. He hadn't exactly been trying to hide it when he'd been with Bluejay at the Gathering. If she had asked him, he would not have lied to her, but he wasn't sure if he should get into it right now.
“She helped me... more than any cat, in the past... when my siblings went missing. She offered me an outside perspective, from someone who cared but was removed from the situation. I suppose I just wanted that from her again, when it came to... what's happening now.” He took a deep breath and looked at her seriously, “I hope you know and understand that I would never have talked about our problems with just any cat. Bluejay is different.” He cut himself short, glancing away again.
“Maybe you already know...,” he murmured, “I loved her. I still care about her, and I won't ever stop caring about her.” He turned back to Bitternwing, “But we both chose our Clans over our love. Neither of us could have ever left our Clans for each other, and...” studying Bitternwing, his voice softened, “I have too many Clanmates who have been hurt by having parents from different Clans to ever allow my kits to have to go through the same pain.” He didn't mean to insult Bitternwing's parents for their choices, but he would rather suffer on his own for his lost love than make his kits suffer for his happiness.
With something to prove and nothing to lose, not a soul to betray.
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Post by Fawn on Apr 21, 2016 18:58:23 GMT -5
B I T T E R N W I N G Warrior of RainClan. 18 Moons. She-Cat.
If there's love in this life there's no obstacle,
-----
Rushwhisker's words sent a ripple of tension down her spine. She had held her breath, listening and waiting, her heart pounding louder as the inevitable dreaded words seemed closer and closer to leaving his mouth.
“I loved her. I still care about her, and I won't ever stop caring about her.”
And then her heart sank, withdrawing quietly where it could nurse it wounds and avoid further injury. Of course she knew those words were coming. Of course. She was no fool, and as much attention as she paid Rushwhisker on a day-to-day basis, especially at the Gathering, there wasn't a snowflake's chance in a firestorm she would have missed the truth.
That didn't mean it left her unscathed.
To make matters worse, Rushwhisker's final words, though entirely sensible, felt almost barbed and directed at her parents. Bitternwing's pelt bristled, the she-cat unable to help herself, her dense coat fluffing to act as a defense against this conversation.
"I understand," Bitternwing managed, speaking at her paws. She wanted this conversation to end before her grazed heart started leaking vitriol, before she tried to latch onto his words about her parents and twist them into something cruel.
Before she started getting angry with him for no legitimate reason.
Did she truly understand, though? Bitternwing, ever the empathetic creature, tried for a precarious moment to put herself into Rushwhisker's pawprints. If she had loved a cat in another Clan as much as he loved Bluejay, and they had both agreed to choose their Clans over the love they both felt, and then she saw that cat at the gathering... Right when she needed that cat most...
Bitternwing uttered a soft sigh. Oh yes, she did understand. "I'm glad she was there for you when no other cat was," mewed Bitternwing in a hushed voice, more speaking aloud her thoughts than trying to convince him she believed him. "I'm sorry there wasn't anyone in the Clan at the time who could have been there for you. I... hope you stay good friends with Bluejay," she cleared her throat. StarClan, those words were hard to say. "She seems like a wonderful cat. I really am glad she's a Medicine Cat, Rushwhisker. This way you'll never have to fight her." And neither do I. Thank StarClan, she would never have to raise a claw against this she-cat who meant so much to him.
Out of words and feeling a little scraped raw by this conversation, Bitternwing watched him, wondering if she should leave before his affections for Bluejay became even clearer. Now that the truth was out there, Bitternwing wasn't so masochistic she'd stand there and listen to him talk about her even more.
Even she, one of the more patient cats in RainClan, had her limits on what her heart could take.
-----
That can't be defeated.
Word Count: 468 Words Tags:@zen Notes:
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