Give Me A Reason To Keep My Heart Beating [Russethawk] Jan 22, 2016 0:34:29 GMT -5
Post by Zeneka on Jan 22, 2016 0:34:29 GMT -5
Look how far we've made it, the pain, I can't escape it...
The pain was still as fresh as though he had just turned his back on her. It may have been mutual between Rushwhisker and Bluepaw, to end their very short relationship, but that didn't make it hurt any less. She had come into his life at just the right time, had been exactly what he needed, had pulled him from the darkness he had wrapped himself in and brought light back to his life. It had only been a few short moons together, but in that time she had healed him of what was once a gaping wound, and leaving her was like tearing off the cobwebs before the wound had fully healed. It was the right thing to do... he could never ask her to leave TreeClan and her sister for him, and he could never leave RainClan for her. If they continued this way, living separately, their loyalty was sure to be tested, and what if they had kits? His heart ached thinking about the pain it would put them through, to be half-Clan, to deal with that ridicule and mistrust from their Clanmates, and for him to not be part of their lives.
He stared down at his reflection in the cove pool, his image briefly broken up by the wind lightly rippling the water's surface, reflecting the turmoil within him. He had done the right thing... but if it had been the right thing, why did he have to keep telling himself that? Why did it hurt so much? Shouldn't he feel relieved? Satisfied? He closed his eyes tightly and shook his head. It had been so hard to walk away from her, knowing it was the last time they would meet like that, the last time he would feel the soft brush of her pretty blue fur against his, the last time he could bury himself in her scent and forget everything else for a little while, the last time her bright blue eyes would light up his world. His light had been extinguished, and he had done it himself.
He couched, burying his face in his paws. Each beat of his heart was like a painful blow. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he'd let her go. Peering mournfully across the little pool, he hoped Russethawk would show up soon. He had quickly discovered that he should not allow himself to be alone with his thoughts when he felt this way, he would only spiral deeper and deeper into darkness. He had to reach out, not push away, at times like these, or he would lose himself again. He couldn't let himself fall back into that place that the loss of his siblings had left him in. He had given himself a couple days since his parting with Bluepaw, hoping his loyalty to RainClan would somehow dispel this pain, but it had only gotten worse. So earlier he had asked Russethawk to meet him at the Wooded Cove so they could talk. He knew he could tell his mentor anything, even this... even how he had been breaking the Warrior Code and nearly betrayed his Clan, and made Bluepaw betray hers. He needed to know... he needed some other cat to tell him he had done the right thing, because right now, he just couldn't tell.
As the world falls apart around us all we can do is hold on, hold on...