[Deleted]

The gorgeous golden apprentice stumbled out of the aptly named den where he resided after the sun had set beyond the horizon. Even after a large magnitude of blinks he couldn’t rid himself of the sleep that clung to his eyes like he was in fact going out of style. The entire idea is outrageous as Goldenpaw could never go out of style; no Goldenpaw is just too fabulous for such a thing. He was obviously on a mission as his lack of sight didn’t stop him from trying to move through the camp silently. Even though he was stumbling along as if he had ingested his own weight in poppy seeds he remained fairly silent, it was as if he was a pretty ballerina. Of course he as a cat would have no idea what a ballerina was, but if he knew Goldenpaw would obviously agree that he was infact a very pretty ballerina. Light on his toes he pushed through the entrance to the warriors den, he was most likely heading to find his mother but instead found Cherrypool, his mentor, first. So with his blurry gaze set on the white warrior he stumbled over to her side and collapsed burying his muzzle in her fur. Giving her a soft nuzzle to wake her, she had probably been awake for a while as a tired kitten stumbling to her nest couldn’t possibly have gone unnoticed by the paranoid she-cat, Goldenpaw whispered to her softly, “Cherrypool…” mewling like a small kit, “I had a bad dream…”

[Fawn]

CHERRYPOOL Senior Warrior. LightningClan.

Cherrypool had begun sleeping with one eye open after the apprentices decided to make a game out of trying to wake the 'demon' of LightningClan. There was nothing more agitating then having pint-sized wannabe warriors poke and prod and tug her ears just to get a reaction out of her, finding the idea of almost getting eaten to be just so much incredible fun. They had stopped, fortunately, when some of the other warriors were having their own precious sleep disturbed and put a halt to their antics - a rare one or two possibly even taking pity on predicament. No, they never dreamed of disturbing Whiteshade. But she? Well she was fair game, apparently; she did not exude the charisma or the cold predatory aura that was entirely her brother in a nutshell. Whiteshade was too well 'respected' (some even fearfully so) for such nonsense. Cherrypool by comparison was more like the lowest dog in the pack, only worth the scraps left behind after everyone else had taken their fill. Despite her wariness, the red-eyed white devil had fallen into a dreamless sleep, undisturbed until a tiny voice and a muzzle burying into her fur made the she-cat jump. Fur on end, blood-red eyes stared through the gloom at the thing that had interrupted her slumber, claws unsheathed and prepared to actually swat a few apprentices away if they were playing stupid tricks again - but the familiar golden fur made her hesitate. Goldenpaw? Oh for the love of... Though her initial response was annoyance, those too soon settled like the raised fur along her spine and tail, the she-cat settling back down and tucking her paws beneath her body, slightly curled around him. "A bad dream? About what?" She had had plenty of those, so she was experienced in the realm of night terrors, like a weary traveler who had been through and back one too many times, but she hadn't exactly had a helping paw to reach out and pull her out when things got a little too frightening. The concept of comfort was a foreign one, but Cherrypool had been doing a lot of 'firsts' since Goldenpaw had come into her life; perhaps now it was time for a first compassionate moment between mentor and apprentice that did not revolve around training? Er...or something like that.

I FEAR WHO I AM BECOMING.

[Deleted]

Goldenpaw was a bit surprised at the level of attentiveness Cherrypool had started off with, a big part of him expected something along the lines of ‘you are an apprentice act like one, go to bed, what is you problem’ or his personal favorite ‘were you dropped on your head as a kit’. None of these were the reaction he got however; quite to the contrary he seemed to get a semi-warm welcome as she asked him to elaborate on his dream. He was all to happy to oblige, although he did fear he would leave certain parts out. “I dreamed I was walking around the camp… and then all our clanmates were here… and they had giant sharp teeth…” He said pausing before he got to the real meat of his dream, “Then they started tearing me apart and eating me. Did I mention the scary rabbits too?” He said shaking his head; the dream was kind of fuzzy. “I think they were all rabbits actually.” The big information he was holding back was the reason why they were tearing him apart, he had never admitted he liked toms to Cherrypool, or any one besides his sister for that matter.

[Fawn]

CHERRYPOOL Senior Warrior. LightningClan.

Nightmares were no stranger to the bone white she-cat with the blood red eyes. In some cases, she was the victim of an awful, greedy, merciless monster - ripped from neck to tail by piercing fangs, forever unable to cry out. Sometimes her brother, Whiteshade was there looking on approvingly - or with no face at all, claws unsheathed, a devil like the thing that attacked her. And sometimes, she was the monster, the Clan her victims, Whiteshade an alabaster devil encouraging every death-bringing slash of her claws or sink of her teeth into anything with a pulse. Cherrypool, if forced to choose, preferred the nightmares in which she became the victim and not the murderous black-hearted devil her dreams assumed she could be. Listening closely to Goldenpaw's recount of what had brought him fumbling out of his nest and crashing into hers, the albino feline's vermillion gaze narrowed in thought, ignoring the gloomy nightscape outside the warrior's den to focus on what Goldenpaw's dream could possibly mean. "Did you eat something that disagreed with you before bed?" Contrary to popular belief (or whatever), Cherrypool had a perfectly sharp intellect, like that of a TigerClan cat's claws, ripping into a morsel. In this case, that morsel was Goldenpaw's dream, Cherrypool opting to shred it down to it's bones to see what lay hidden there. A dream where he's getting eaten...not by a monster, but by his own Clanmates... He thinks the Clan is going to turn on him over something. "Your sister and myself, did you see us turn into killer rabbits too?" mewed Cherrypool, attempting an intermediate psyche evaluation of the young tom. She couldn't necessarily call this Rookfrost's territory - his was of the 'prestigious' pursuit of all things medical or scientific, though with his intelligence he could likely assess the mental state of her apprentice in no time at all. Still, somehow the idea of approaching the Medicine Cat in the dead of night with apprentice troubles sounded about as appealing as swallowing pine needles. I'll have to figure this out on my own then. Though her eyes were beginning to itch with tiredness and a grogginess settled at the edge of her mind like a mist preparing to sweep over the moorlands, Cherrypool kept her focus on the young, golden nestled against the cat who, quite frankly, had never had this kind of affectionate interaction with anyone else.

I FEAR WHO I AM BECOMING.

[Deleted]

Even though it had only been a few moments ago that he had stumbled from his nest to Cherrypool’s it felt like a lifetime away. Farther it seemed was his dream, all the little details were fleeing from the grasp of his mind no matter how hard he tried to remember the fine points. He struggled to come up with an answer to his mentor’s question as his face scrunched in concentration as he thought hard about the whereabouts of his Cherrypool and Mousepaw during the whole ordeal. “Mousepaw wasn’t part of the crowd of killer rabbits…” a strange sentence Goldenpaw never thought he would ever have to utter to his mentor, “You however were…” he said softly almost afraid the knowledge would offend her. He quickly whimpered and snuggled into as he tried to explain and save her feelings, “It wasn’t because you are a scary monster though… I swear. Please believe me?” He was practically begging her not to take it the wrong way, he knew she could easily figure it was her looks that made her part of the crowd that was devouring him in her dream.

[Fawn]

CHERRYPOOL Senior Warrior. LightningClan.

Despite the young, sweet apprentice's attempts at quickly rebutting his words as no more than happenstance and not in direct correlation with her frightening countenance, Cherrypool still felt her heart sink within her breast. Ouch. She hadn't expected that to hurt so much. Because of the closeness she felt with her first apprentice, the young, kindly tom who had, against anyone's better judgment, had sought her out to tell her of his troubles, trusting her to help him, to hear Goldenpaw state she was one of the monsters in his nightmare cut as deep as the teeth of a tiger, the urge to claw at her own skin in emotional pain squeezing the breath from her lungs. Attempting to recover, especially at his pleading for her to believe him, Cherrypool sucked in a deep breath, calming her nerves and trying not to bite through her own tongue, a few misery filled thoughts flitting across the forefront of her mind. Things along the lines of, See? He's just like the others. But that wasn't the case. Trying not to make this about her and turn the focus back to him, Cherrypool managed a small, pained smile, the expression in her blood red eyes making it evident that she didn't want to discuss her being a monster anymore. "I believe you." She mewed with absolution in her tone. "It sounds like you're afraid of your Clanmates turning against you - is there something you're afraid they won't like about you, Goldenpaw? Are you afraid of disappointing them?" Cherrypool's intellect finally having it's chance to shine outside of the usual rigamarole of battle training and hunting techniques. Attempting to cast aside her own feelings was easier said than done, and it kept breaking her concentration, Cherrypool drawing inside herself a moment to try to sort through those conflicting, bruised thoughts. The feeling of Goldenpaw snuggled against her side was able to break through the dark mist of distrust she was forever shrouded in, the little golden tom her little golden light in the midst of all this darkness. Smiling softly, the expression a little funny looking on a cat so unused to smiling at all (let alone having a reason), Cherrypool decided she believed Goldenpaw. She knew him well enough to be comfortable with putting her trust in the little tom-kitten. That wasn't all she knew, however, a large part of his character that he had kept hidden outside of his sister, Mousepaw, finally drifted up to the surface of her memories like driftwood. That might be the source of his dream! She concluded, feeling all the world a detective having just found a break in a particularly puzzling case. If she knew what a detective was, that is.

I FEAR WHO I AM BECOMING.

[Deleted]

Goldenpaw was massively pleased that he got the perfect answer from Cherrypool, he needed her to believe him. “Thank you for believing me…” He snuggled into her side and gave the biggest nuzzle he could muster in his tired and frightened state. He listened as she probed, rather intelligently, his little brain for the reason for such a vivid and strange dream. Goldenpaw hadn’t let on that he knew exactly why they were tearing him apart, and it was tied directly to his sexual orientation although he didn’t really know the sexual part of it. He just knew he liked toms much, much more then he should have. So as she asked about losing clanmates approval he couldn’t help but speak up, “Cherrypool there is something… I think I have something to tell you.” He looked up to meet her gaze showing that he was one hundred and ten percent serious about this. “I d-don’t know if we should talk about it here though, what if someone hears?”

[Fawn]

CHERRYPOOL Senior Warrior. LightningClan.

In a single silent gesture of agreement, Cherrypool nodded, uncurling from her still-warm nest to stand, tiptoeing with all the stealth of a true LightningClan warrior, gently nudging the golden and white tom-kitten with the edge of her muzzle in a small gesture of affection. The seriousness in his voice, from the normally bubbly if not a little capricious apprentice had struck a chord within the abrasive, standoffish feline's heart. For a few delirious seconds, Cherrypool stepping out into the calm night air, the sound of nocturnal animals reaching through the velvety blackness to cause her ears to prick, Cherrypool ran through a list of possible reasons behind the seriousness. He's decided to leave the Clan. He doesn't want to be a warrior. He's unhappy with me as a mentor. A dozen more chased their tails behind vermillion eyes as Cherrypool led her apprentice to the other side of camp, near the hill top upon which Redstar would often make her announcements, wishing to talk in private in the midnight blue shadows distinguishing the outer edges of the camp. Turning to face him, Cherrypool sat, her breath stilling in her chest. Somewhere amidst the possibility of him running away to join a new Clan and wishing for a new mentor, it occurred to the alabaster she-cat a much more likely cause of his distress, the last piece of the Goldenpaw puzzle clicking audibly into place. He was in love with Snowpaw. Cherrypool's stomach lurched with the realization, that private moment between siblings not something she would have normally intruded upon if worry, low self-esteem and fate had not made it so. That would explain his dreams. It is unusual for a tom to like another tom in the way that he cares for Snowpaw. Some of our so called Clanmates might view it as a perversion of their friendship, and doubly as offensive considering Snowpaw's rank. No wonder his Clanmates - er, rabid rabbits with jagged teeth - were ripping him apart. I'm only sorry that he thinks I would be among them. Unknown to the serious golden tom standing in front of her, Cherrypool had overheard the entire conversation, she had stored away this knowledge since that moment, not knowing when it would ever become useful, but somehow instinctively aware that it would surface as a topic for discussion sometime in the near or far future. That day had arrived, apparently. At least, Cherrypool was inwardly hoping it was this day, and not the day Goldenpaw decided to run away and join a weird tribe of cats or go on some sort of dream quest.

I FEAR WHO I AM BECOMING.

[Deleted]

Goldenpaw didn’t dilly dally as Cherrypool started to stir so they could take the conversation somewhere a bit more private, he did however get a bit saddened that the snuggling was over he found it really comfortable. He had very rarely shared such closeness with Cherrypool and he saw it as a shame, if he had the choice he would never stop curling up in her white fur with her strong protective frame draped overtop of his. Goldenpaw felt safe around her and he wanted her protection, more so he wanted her affection and in that moment he was getting both. With the moment gone however and her leaving the den he followed closely after her getting ready to tell her his big secret, he had no idea that she knew but it didn’t matter in either case this was a big moment. He was putting his trust in her and he secretly wondered if this wouldn’t drive a wedge between them in their relationship. The golden tom was preparing himself for either a very uplifting moment or total defeat as he followed her up to the spot where clan meetings were called from, so much important information had been given there that it almost seemed fitting for him to spill his secret to his mentor for the first time in its presence. He looked up into her eyes as he prepared for one of the most awkward conversations of his life, and without looking back he launched right into it. “Cherrypool I like toms… like how I should like she-cats.” He confessed looking down at his paws, “One tom in particular… I love Snowpaw.” The truth was out and he couldn’t take his words back if he wanted, so now he would have to wait and see if the whole idea was a mistake.

[Fawn]

CHERRYPOOL Senior Warrior. LightningClan.

Rather than vocalize her acceptance or rejection, Cherrypool did something that, had some random warrior told her 6 moons ago she'd be doing to a fuzzy golden apprentice who was as silly as he was cute, she would've skinned them for fur to line her nest with. Leaning forward, Cherrypool licked the top of the younger tom's head, the gesture awkward and brief, but there had been meaning and emotion behind it, two things Cherrypool very rarely felt and expressed with another Clanmate in a way that wasn't negative or cynical. "I don't care." Her voice came out strong and certain, not harsh or angry as he might have been expecting, a low, raspy purr thrumming out of her alabaster throat, the moonlight painting the white cat in an even brighter, if not eerie light. The moonshine reflected itself in the bloody pools she had for eyes, Cherrypool resuming speaking in a lowered tone for the sake of privacy, though her sureness on the subject had not wavered. "I do not care if you have fallen in love with mad rabbits, that does not change anything between you and I. You are still my apprentice, Goldenpaw. I accept you and your differences, just as you have accepted mine." Only a warrior ceremony or death could take that away. Cherrypool was not certain of how she felt towards her first apprentice's impending advancement into the warriors' den. On one paw, that would allow him the opportunity of finding a nest near hers and they could walk beside one another as equals - surely any mentor would want that of their apprentice? - though Cherrypool was dreading having to go through the whole awkward beginning process all over again. Who would be her second apprentice? Cherrypool considered herself wholly fortunate, a little too fortunate to have gained an apprentice that had accepted her when no one else had, that had managed to worm his way into her thorn-patch for a heart and struck up a feeling of friendship the alabaster feline had never thought she would have. She was far from being LightningClan's 'number one mentor', that was for sure, but Cherrypool had at the very least been able to prove herself capable of tutoring one of LightningClan's youth. Refocusing back upon the fuzzy golden and white tom, a peculiar thought managed to break through her concerns over her second apprentice, this time revolving around the secret he had just spilled. If he tells the whole Clan, will I be blamed for this? Would they consider this 'fault' of Goldenpaw's to be her doing? It wouldn't be the first time Cherrypool had been unnecessarily blamed for something. Already she felt the tip of her tail spike outwards, as though it might become a whip or a mace ready to strike down anything that sought to falsely accuse her or ridicule Goldenpaw.

I FEAR WHO I AM BECOMING.

[Deleted]

Goldenpaw couldn’t believe the rush of feelings that were welling up deep inside him, he hadn’t felt the rasp of a caring tongue across his head very many times prior and the fact that it belonged to Cherrypool made the gesture all the more powerful. There was a torrent of things building up inside him threatening to break loose at that moment, feelings of anxiety and fear that had been building in him since he first accepted his difference from every other cat he knew about in the clans. So as he neared the point of breaking down he was becoming even more sensitive to his mentors affections, and the things she said following the lick caused a total mental breakdown in the golden tom. It was going to happen no matter her reaction, however as he had received such positive treatment from her it could be said that the breakdown was almost a good thing. He lost all control of his mental and emotional state as he buried his muzzle deep in Cherrypools’ blizzard-white fur. They accepted each other, each different and special in their own way and because of it they were both better off with each others company. “I love you Cherrypool…” Goldenpaw managed to choke out as he lost the rest of his speaking ability for some time. The breakdown was a rearrangement of information in his mind that he couldn’t have even imagined before, he couldn’t comprehend a world where he would receive acceptance for what he was. He had from Cherrypool however and he would never be the same after that day.

[Fawn]

CHERRYPOOL Senior Warrior. LightningClan.

For a short while, the whole world dissolved around the alabaster she-cat, ruby reds as rounded as a full harvest moon hanging in the sky; Goldenpaw... The words he had spoken, the emotion and the weight they carried had struck her like a lightning bolt; wholly unprepared, Cherrypool could not respond for her throat had tightened, constricting words but not feelings from reaching the surface. His heart was truly as pure as his name, she could earnestly conclude, standing there in silence with the tom who was as different - but a thousand times more accepting - as she. Thank you, Goldenpaw. For being in my life. Without him... She surely would have lived up to the Clans' expectations, an unfeeling monster, a demon, a devil who could never hope to have, never even fathom such a moment as this one, when two cats united by their differences could express their incorrigible support for one another. One did not have to have a bizarre, unearthly appearance to be different, to be unique, sometimes it took a lot more courage to embrace that which made you different then it did to try and blend in. He may not have been the strongest fighter or the meanest warrior or even the smartest of cats, but he was certainly the bravest, in her wholly, irrevocably biased opinion. Holding her standing position, Cherrypool numbly pressed a nuzzle into her apprentice's shoulder, tail still, body as motionless as if she had been turned to marble when they weren't looking - the mentor still attempting to recover from the tom's heartfelt outburst. Blinking through the emotions that had momentarily overwhelmed her, embarrassed a little, the blizzard-white feline cleared her throat to signal the nuzzling session could come to an end now. "Does Snowpaw know?" asked Cherrypool with a quiet sort of concern, sitting, voice low as she swept a long bone-white tail around small paws of the same color. "Know your feelings for him, I mean." Better yet, does he reciprocate them, or are you alone in these kinds of feelings, Goldenpaw? Cherrypool could not withhold the truth; finding another tom who preferred the company of toms to the company of she-cats would not be easy - both because it did not seem to be a common difference, and because of the trouble it would stir up, those who were different would not be particularly excited about the prospect of making their differences known. Was Snowpaw one of those cats? Cherrypool was already certain most Medicine Cats and Medicine Cat Apprentices were completely committed to the idea of celibacy/nothing resembling a romantic relationship, but with Goldenpaw's preference for toms, could there possibly be a loophole here?

I FEAR WHO I AM BECOMING.

[Deleted]

Time seemed to come to a standstill as the two cats embraced, the older she-cat dwarfing the younger tom and adorning him with affection and caring gentle contact the likes of which he had never known before. Even more interested was the fact that Cherrypool was the one he was receiving such things from, Goldenpaw had always been an affectionate one however he figured even if Cherrypool cared for you more than anything such public displays of affection were far beyond her to dole out. He couldn’t believe how wrong he was however as he found she was doing just that, as best she could anyway. Goldenpaw couldn’t fault her for not being particularly adept at snuggling his golden form; she was nothing if not out of practice assuming she had ever had any sort of practice at all.

As the moments seemed to drag on for what felt like a lifetime it was eventually the white she-cat that ended the affections, breaking away from Goldenpaw she posed a certain question, “Does Snowpaw know?” she asked in a very serious tone, clarifying a moment after “Know your feelings for him I mean?” The younger tom took his time to answer but he knew the answer very well, and eventually shared it with Cherrypool “No. I don’t think Snowpaw knows a thing.” He said simply as he drew a circle with his paw in the dirt at his paws. “I was gunna bury my face in his soft, white fur I figured he would get the idea if I did that.” He admitted softly.

[Fawn]

CHERRYPOOL Senior Warrior. LightningClan.

Cherrypool's whiskers twitched as the beginnings of a frown settled onto her moon-white features; as someone who had often times been the victim of misinterpreted actions by her peers, Snowpaw's chosen method of expressing his feelings for Snowpaw did not seem like the right way to go. Though severely lacking in terms of social interaction that could be classified as 'affectionate', Cherrypool was intelligent enough to grasp tightly onto the situation that existed between Snowpaw and Goldenpaw. Though it felt as though her apprentice was the one feeling the brunt of any affection or feelings between them, which would put Goldenpaw in a prime position for rejection and hurt should Snowpaw not react as desired. "Honesty would be the better route, Goldenpaw. There's always a chance that Snowpaw will become confused by your behavior. There are plenty of ways to misinterpret a nuzzle." The she-cat's tail-tip twitched, her haunches still folded into a stiff sit, the glimmer of bloody eyes having grown conflicted. She did not think of it as too big a stretch to imagine Snowpaw viewing Goldenpaw's nuzzle as something like brotherly or friendly affection - after all, why would he suspect another tom of viewing him in any sort of romantic light? It was uncommon, unheard of, rather. Not to mention the entire situation being between a medicine cat and an apprentice - was that just her, or did someone just scream taboo? Cherrypool closed her eyes for a few heartbeats, mentally distancing herself from him so that she might look at the situation without such enormous bias or any strings of attachment. Goldenpaw, a tom apprentice, had serious feelings for Snowpaw, the tom Medicine Cat apprentice of LightningClan. The idea that the feelings between them would be mutual and of the romantic kind sounded farfetched, from Cherrypool's perspective. Perhaps it was not worth risking their friendship over such a thing? If their feelings were of the same vein, could they even be happy together? The Five Clans in the forest were a bigoted, selfish lot. If they felt hostility towards others simply based on appearance, then this was likely to cause... ...problems. Cherrypool eyed Goldenpaw for a moment, as if she might see the long, unpleasant road stretching out before him. He was likely to become ostracized for his feelings, and Snowpaw too would likely suffer for his feelings as well if they were the same as Snowpaw's. If they could keep it a secret - which Cherrypool wholly preferred, next to Goldenpaw simply refraining from any confessions at all - then there was a chance their closeness could pass under the radar of their traditional-minded Clanmates and not draw attention to themselves... But if it did get out... Albino fur bristled.

I FEAR WHO I AM BECOMING.