[Fae Magic]

Wisteriapaw - 16 Moons - Gorgeclan

"Just because no one else can heal or do your inner work for you doesn't mean you can, should, or need to do it alone."~Wisteriapaw

She'd heard the news. I'm sure everyone at this point had heard the news. Draftshade wasn't exactly quiet about the announcement. The tom sure could talk a lot. But it was a time to celebrate was it not? A new litter of kits was always a reason to celebrate. It was a scary thing but also a delight to know there would be more to join this merged clan; as the clan itself constructed itself and built each other up stronger Wisteriapaw knew these kits will be raised in a new era. At least they did not have to suffer through the quake; they were alive and well from what Wisteriapaw had heard. Their mother on the other paw.... was a concerning matter. Draftshade spoke a lot about the cuteness of the kits and what they looked like and who they resembled most but he did not say much overall about how Foxfire was holding up. She must have been exhausted and full of conflicting emotions. Wisteriapaw never knew the joy of being a mother; she was still young of course and it would never be in her cards for her future. But that was another matter entirely. The blind molly would be happy enough to stick with just taking care of the kits and playing with them. It had been a few days since the birth and Wisteriapaw was excited to go visit but wisely stayed away from the nursery to give the new mother and kits space. But it had been a few days since then so it would be alright right? Not like Wisteriapaw had much to be able to do anyways besides getting to know the feel of the land from camp walls anew every day with every part of the walls being re-enforced.

She was delighted when a hunting party returned and she managed to snag a carcass from the pile. Nosing through the different scents to be find something that she hoped Foxfire would enjoy. She came up with a bird of some kind; that much she could tell from the feathers that tickled her nose. She eagerly grabbed it and retraced her steps to be able to use the feel of what she knew of the boundaries to head towards the Nursery. Her nose was not much use in this matter because currently, feathers were having a blast tickling it. She was trying not to sneeze and had to quicken her steps towards the nursery. She paused when she felt the entrance arch of the den and sighed a relieved breath only to drop the bird to be able to turn her head to sneeze from the feathers having overstimulated her nose. Sighing again once she collected herself she grabbed the bird carcass and padded through the archway; using her tail as it brushed along the walls and materials of the den itself to navigate. She was getting the hang of it thankfully. She paused a few steps in and her ears went up; twitching everyone once in a while to be able to listen to the sounds within. The sound of breathing and the noises of kits off to the side made her turn her head towards the location of the sound. She could not see obviously but she could scent the presence of the new mother and the warm bodies of the kittens that smelled like milk.

She wished to could see them desperately but at least she was satisfied to know that they were healthy. There didn't seem to have any sort of rattling or anything with their breathing or the strength of their heartbeats so that was a relief. The white molly padded closer with almost hesitate steps before she set the bird down. She wasn't currently aware of just where the mother and kits were but she'd figure that out in a moment; she had her ways. Clearing her throat as if trying to draw Foxfire's attention to her although the new mother probably would have already seen her coming anyways.

"Sorry to intrude Foxfire, I heard about the kits and wanted to come to congratulate you," she said softly and her lips turned up slightly in a shy smile. "The hunting team just came back too so I grabbed you something from the fresh-kill pile. I hope you are hungry." she reached out a paw to nudge the carcass of the feathered dead animal in front of her.

"I figured you could use the feathers to put in your nest too to make it softer for more comfort," she added.

Wisteriapaw had not talked to Foxfire since the merge so this was the first time they had seen/spoken face to face. Wisteriapaw knew that Foxfire was part of the former Treeclan that merged with Stoneclan to become what they were now so it was no surprise that the blind apprentice had not met the new queen yet. So perhaps the snowy feline didn't know just what she was getting herself into when coming into this den today. Her good heart wanted to make sure the new mother was taken care of while the hustle and bustle of the clan camp itself probably didn't make things comforting to the Somali after what she had to endure. Honestly, the young she-cat admired the feisty queen for her determination to be able to come this far with how heavily pregnant she had been during the earthquake and thanked Starclan and all the stars that she'd made it alive and the kits were safe as well. Sitting down where she stood Wisteriapaw tipped her head to the side; ears searching for further sounds coming from the den.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay. I know things have been pretty chaotic recently too and hope you aren't too stressed. I can't imagine the kind of stress you've been dealing with." she said softly and lightly pushed the carcass out in front of her. "It'd make me feel better if you ate something though...I-I mean unless you aren't hungry and then I totally understand! You can save it for later then maybe? I dunno, I suppose I am just trying to find an excuse to be able to come to check up on you...although I know we haven't officially met before; my name's Wisteriapaw, I'm Whitehawk's apprentice." she snapped her jaws shut realizing that she was nervously ramblings and clearing her throat. She wasn't used to speaking with others outside of Whitehawk's presence. She didn't realize how much her mentor's presence helped keep her calm in others' presence until he wasn't there anymore.

She lowered her head staring blankly down at the ground in front of her paws. "My apologies...I don't mean to ramble." she raised her head to stare ahead of her unsure if she was looking at Foxfire or not from this positioning. "Would you prefer if I leave you to rest in peace?" she asked.

Word Count: #1,159 || Tag: Abyss || Notes: Tada

~☣~~☣~

[Abyss]

A few days had passed already. Though it felt like it had been weeks. The day that everything happened, it had been relatively quick. And once the deed was done, the rest of the day was spent listening to high pitched mewls and tiny pulls at her stomach. That was all practically every day had been. When they weren’t tugging at her or meowing their little tails off, they were curled up against her, fast asleep. She’d only had the chance to move or get up and walk a few times, which was the worst part about it all. She had already been stuck in this damned nest and den for longer than she wanted to be. Granted, it was nice to know that she was separated from everyone else and didn’t really have to deal with anyone else. Minus Ebonyheart who occasionally came to check on them.

She still held harsh feelings towards that whole ordeal in her chest. Having the black Medicine Cat sit there and watch her writhe in pain in her nest, waiting to be able to do what was just her job. She had said it herself; she wasn’t there to help Fox make it through the birth, she was there to keep the kits alive. How awful it would have been if the first kits of the clan had passed away. What a bad reputation that would have earned. It almost made her roll her eyes.

Thankfully the kits weren’t big enough, strong enough, or even smart enough to be able to leave the nest. Their eyes weren’t open, they couldn’t speak, they couldn’t walk, they didn’t understand words. They were hardly even cats. It was strange to think that at any point in her life she had been just as small and weak.

That was one thing about them being so little: they didn’t have a whole lot of energy. Wake up, eat, pee, meow, sleep, repeat. A pretty simple routine, save for the fact that it happened multiple times throughout the whole day and night. Luckily, being asleep made up a large portion of the routine. Once they were out, there was a good bit of time before they would wake again.

As for herself, most of her time was spent just…laying there. And she despised it. She wanted to get up and move, she wanted to go out into the valley and just hunt. She wanted to do things that seemed so mundane, but was held back from doing even those. The kits needed warmth, they needed fed, they needed watched and checked up on. It was extremely annoying having to just lay there and go with whatever happened. When they woke up, they woke up. When they ate, they ate. It wasn’t as though she could stop them or make them sleep for even longer than they already did. She was stuck. Her time was spent watching movement outside of the den. Cats waking up, cats leaving the camp, cats coming back to the camp, cats sitting outside and sharing tongues. She hadn’t done that in a very long time, though she didn’t want to. On rare occasions someone would come near the Nursery and peek inside to get a look at the kits, but no one really came in except for Ebonyheart, Driftshade, and Squirrelskip.

One deep red ear flicked at a sound just outside of the entrance, her eyes turning almost uninterested. A sneeze? Don’t tell me these idiots are already getting sick. It isn't even Leafbare yet.

A coat of white fur came into view, and she half expected it to be the oh-so-caring one-eyed white tom that was half in control of the clan. He had already felt the need to stop by and see the kits once, and had actually stepped into the Nursery too, but he hadn’t gotten too close. Which was probably a good thing. But no, this was not the same cat. This one was a good bit smaller and had more feminine features. Foxfire found herself puzzled, as the white she-cat didn’t come right to the nest, nor did she even look over. She had walked into the den, but she almost seemed lost. If she recalled correctly, she had seen a little white cat following Whitehawk around a lot, like a mini version of himself. Maybe that's who this was. Then again most white cats looked the same from a distance, just like other cats with similar pelts.

But when she turned, the red molly almost felt unsettled. The smaller she-cat had light blue eyes, but they were very strange, almost as if they were glossed over with a thin sheet of ice. Her own orange gaze narrowed. She must be blind.

The other got closer, looking downwards as though she were searching. Was she trying to see where the kits were? Or even where she was? Had she even meant to come here? The Somali didn’t move or speak, she only watched the other she-cat as she approached. She carried a bird in her jaws, which she laid down near Fox’s back feet. And then she spoke.

You want to congratulate me? What is there to congratulate? They are just kits.

She kept going, giving the origins of the bird and attempting to give ideas for nest decorating. It was almost comforting to know that she could roll her eyes and the other wouldn’t know.

She watched the other she-cat sit before she started talking again. At first she was just trying to….what, comfort her? Act as though the stress of traveling across the valley with a giant stomach and then giving birth was too much for her to handle? Please. But she kept going. And going. With each word the other’s voice almost grew more frantic and fast-paced, even a tiny bit louder. Foxfire felt herself tense up, peeking down at the three balls of fur that were still thankfully passed out.

She looked back to the white she-cat, a single fang poking from her top jaw. The little molly made it far enough to introduce herself before she stopped herself, though the red Queen partially interjected as well.

“You talk too much. They are asleep.” Her voice wasn’t quite a growl, though it held more of a corrective tone to it, maybe with a fleck of annoyance. The Apprentice lowered her head, unseeing eyes looking to the ground. And then she apologized. It almost felt strange hearing someone do that. Typically no one talked to her long enough to be able to ramble, much less to apologize for it. There was a look of regret, maybe embarrassment more so, that crossed the other’s face. It was only then that what she had said actually registered.

Why…do you feel the need to check up on me? Or make sure that I eat?

In a way, this little white she-cat reminded her of her brother. He did this a lot too, came to her carrying prey and soft things, telling her that she needed to eat and that he wanted her to stay healthy just as much as the kits. Drift sometimes did the same, but he wasn’t exactly subtle about the fact that she needed to be healthy in order for the kits to be too. He cared about her health for the kits. Squirrel cared for her health and the kits’.

Without realizing it, her gaze softened some. She watched the Apprentice remain with her head lowered for a moment. When she lifted her head again, she wasn’t quite meeting Fox’s eyes, but she was surprisingly close to hitting the mark. Impressive for someone who couldn’t see, even if it wasn’t really intentional.

She asked if she wanted her to leave. Her first instinct would be to say yes, but she didn’t speak. Was that her answer? Did she want her to leave? She stared at Wisteriapaw in silence for a few moments, probably leaving the other in more suspense than she really thought about. There was something about this she-cat that felt different. Maybe it was just that she was blind. She couldn’t see the angry red cat that laid before her. She couldn’t see the nasty scars that adorned her head in the form of a large facial gash and nearly a whole missing ear. She couldn’t see the kits that rested at the Queen’s stomach. Most of the time others would come to look at the kits and then move on. But this Apprentice had come even though she couldn’t see them even if she wanted to.

She glanced away, her eyes narrowing again, her voice quiet. “You can stay.”

It felt way more awkward than she cared to admit. She tried to give the more neutral answer of ‘you can’ rather than ‘I want you to’. Maybe it was meant to give herself more ease in the answer. More or less it gave her a way to not answer, since she didn’t really know what it would have been otherwise.

She shifted a tad, reaching back and grabbing the bird by its wing, pulling it around to be in front of her. She started plucking at the feathers, pushing them to the side as she started to gnaw at the little avian. She got a few bites in when her gaze shifted slightly, looking to Wisteriapaw again. She was silent for a minute, unsure of what to say. She almost felt weird in the quiet. Normally she would have been perfectly content with not talking to her company and them returning the favor. But this wasn’t quite normal.

“You can…touch them, if you want. They won’t stir.” Or at least she assumed they wouldn’t. As far as she could tell, kits, or at least these ones, were starting out their lives as heavy sleepers.

TAGS Fae Magic
WORDS 1643
OOC Notes

[Fae Magic]

Wisteriapaw - 16 Moons - Gorgeclan

"Just because no one else can heal or do your inner work for you doesn't mean you can, should, or need to do it alone."~Wisteriapaw

She hadn't heard much about Foxfire but she certainly seemed to match the name of someone with a feisty personality. Perhaps she wasn't like that before the kits were conceived or perhaps she was. Who was the apprentice to even judge after everything that's happened? They were clanmates now though and the white molly had a sneaking suspicion that not a lot of people came in to stop to see how Foxfire was doing and probably more for the kits. Everyone was so busy they wouldn't make the time no doubt. Or Wisteriapaw was blowing it all out of the water and there was too many visitors that the firey queen was mentally tired and cranky from all the visits. Who was to say? She certainly couldn't tell what the other was feeling since she had no eyes to see her expression or body language. So when Wisteriapaw realized that she had been rambling and probably making a fool of herself in front of her new clan mate that her first impression probably wasn't the best. Who could blame the blind feline; she was rather rusty with meeting others and there was a sinking doubt in the back of her mind that whispered that people would find her weird because of her lack of sight and the awkward presence she carried. Frankly, sitting in front of the queen she felt like nothing more than the little blind and helpless kittens that slept at the other's belly. She hadn't felt like that in so long but so much had happened that even Wisteriapaw's calm and motivational energy was slowly cracking.

The silence was a little heavy after the white feline spoke asking if her presence was needed away from here to allow the Somali a chance to rest. But the gently scrape and plucking sounds of the queen picking at the bird that the apprentice had offered her made her a little more at ease even as the weight of the heavy silence still lingered in the air. Should she go? Was the silence her answer? Was she unwanted here? She opened her jaws to say something but stopped realizing there was nothing she could say that wouldn't make her seem as if she was intruding so she began to rise to her paws to leave when Foxfire's voice finally broke the silence saying that Wisteriapaw could stay if she wanted. But do you want me to stay? That's what Wisteriapaw wanted to ask but stopped herself because even if the words were not phrased in a clear way Foxfire was still giving her approval that Wisteriapaw's presence was not too hindering right now even if the statement did not make it clear or not of whether if it was wanted. So she sat back and looking off to the side wondering what she should say now. Should she ask about her health? Or maybe offer to help watch the kits if she ever needed a break? It was in Wisteriapaw's capabilities to watch over kits despite her lack of sight. Even if she could not see the kits young or old she could still hear them and since they were not yet walking or had their eyes open if Foxfire ever needed a break to walk around camp or something then Wisteriapaw wouldn't mind helping out. Of course though there were other queens who could help just as well if not better as they were more suited for the role than Wisteriapaw was but the sentimental offer was still there at the tip of her tongue.

Her ears perked up when the Somali spoke up softly with the offer of seeing the kits if the apprentice wished. It came to her ears as a bit of a surprise as the queen didn't seem too friendly at first and acted as if the apprentice was a hinderence and too loud to be around the kits hence why the white furred feline had kept her mouth shut since she sat down. But a part of her itched to know what the kits would smell like or give a picture in her mind of what they could possibly look like from the descriptions Driftshade had rambled on about for the past few days. It was hesitation at first that crossed her face. Clearly unsure if she should take the offer; something holding her back. But eventually Wisteriapaw inched forwards; using her sense of distance with her whiskers and other senses so that she didn't bump into foxfire or step on the kits. Her paws lightly dragging on the ground until her toes brushed the edge of the nest that the other laid in with the kits. She could feel the warmth coming from them as they lay curled up against their mother's belly. Wisteriapaw cocked her head thoughtfully as she listened to them breath evenly in their sleep. Slowly as if testing the waters the molly curled her paws under her making her look like a white cat loaf in front of the nest and her pink nose inched forwards a few inches until it touched the fluff of the nest. She refrained from the sneeze that wanted to explode and took a tentative sniff. They smelled warm and like milk. It was a comforting smell; one she remembered when she was a kit herself; blind and oblivious to the world around her and it's dangers.

"They are so small. It is hard to imagine that one day we all were as small and innocent of this world at one point in time. But they seem healthy and strong so that's a good thing!" she withdrew her nose and stared down at them without the actual ability to see them.

"Thank you for allowing me to see them" she said with a small smile as she tilted her head slightly; her gaze drifted somewhere over Foxfire's shoulder; not quite looking at her face. "Have you chosen names for them yet?" she asked curiously keeping her voice down so as not to wake the kittens up and withdrawing her presence so that she was not crowding the mother or her kits and instead casually shifted her weight to stretch out to the side with long limbs resting out in front of her while her head laid itself on her paws. This way she was not in the way of Foxfire. Being mindful to keep her distance and allow Foxfire to give her subtle hints as to what or where the queen wanted her. This wasn't a coping mechanism but more out of respect for the other so that Wisteriapw didn't overstay or overstep anything. It was clear this was not the first time the apprentice had done this and sort of out of habit now so that she did not get in other's way and cause a scene or have others angry with her.

"I'm sure the names will fit them perfectly; they are very beautiful kits." she added with a lazy smile. She didn't even think to wonder what Foxfire's reaction to that statement would have been. A blind cat saying something was beautiful would boggle anyone's mind as if she could actually seem them but she didn't elaborate on that statement because she didn't see anything wrong in it but instead closed her eyes and laid there waiting for Foxfire's voice to break the silence with her answer or lack of answer; whichever one the queen chose to react with. Wisteriapaw wasn't here to see the kits but more checking up on said queen. She knew the kits were be perfectly fine because frankly, 9/10 felines were naturally instinctive to taking care of the kits and since she hadn't smelled or heard anything wrong with them upon closer inspection she knew they were alright but she found that the queens took it the hardest after the delivery especially first time moms. Starclan only knew how Wisteriapaw's mother made it as she had all these moons having to raise her blind daughter and her other siblings without the help of her mate who frankly didn't want much to do with Wisteriapaw; the stress it had put on her mother was more than anything she would have been willing to express. Perhaps that's why Wisteriapaw had come out here today. Regardless of whether the new queen was of her former clan or another. Life was still brought into this world and since the snowy feline was part of the clan they were born in she felt it was her duty to make sure they and more importantly their mother was alright.

Word Count: #1,440 || Tag: Abyss || Notes: #

~☣~~☣~

[Abyss]

Seeing the young she-cat’s reaction to her statement almost made the Queen feel even more uncomfortable. Similarly to the white molly, though she didn’t know it, Foxfire wasn’t exactly the most in-tune with any form of social interaction. She avoided communication with just about everyone at nearly all times of the day, or at least as much as she could. There were some she couldn’t avoid whether she wished to or not. But that was just it. She knew how to avoid others, how to drive them away, how to prevent herself from having to engage in idle pointless chatter that would just lead to them leaving anyway. Even if she did want another cat to stay in her presence, she didn’t know how to say that. And even if she did know how, that didn’t mean that she would.

She could see the other she-cat thinking as she stared off, expression almost as awkward as the Queen felt. Even though Wisteriapaw reminded her of Squirrelskip, they definitely had their differences. Squirrel had a way of reading her that she honestly couldn’t understand. He could tell when she didn’t feel comfortable, and he could tell when she truly wanted time alone. Somehow he had the ability to tell if his presence was wanted or accepted even without words. The same could not be said for this she-cat. Her brother more than likely used body movement and facial expression, or at least that was her best guess, though even then in her opinion her face was always the same. Regardless, Wisteriapaw did not have that power. She couldn’t see who she was talking to, which probably contributed to why she was willing to interact with her in the first place. She couldn’t tell if she was actually welcome here or not. Though, even if she did have sight, it probably wouldn’t help her. Not here.

As she took a bite of the bird at her paws, her eyes peered sideways, watching the white Apprentice grow closer. In a normal situation, if another cat had moved this close to her, she would have snarled and swiped. But this wasn’t quite “normal”. This other cat wasn’t moving closer to her, they were moving closer to the balls of fur at her stomach. She watched the other closely, gnawing at the wing quietly.

It was almost interesting to watch the blind Apprentice find her way. The way her paws shuffled against the ground, how she curled up chest pressed against the nest, how her nose came close enough to almost touch them but didn’t. If that was how the she-cat had to go about the rest of her daily life, Foxfire somehow doubted that she made it far. Then again, if this little cat really was the one who had been following the one-eyed snow-cat around, she had seen them leave the camp a few times. That steep fall over the path with one misstep, climbing up the gorge, climbing down the gorge. A normal cat could easily fail at any moment in any of those. But a cat who couldn’t see? Her orange eyes narrowed.

Her ear flicked at the other’s statement, glancing away almost in shame that this Apprentice had the same thought she did. But her next words caused the red Queen to look back at her, bird wing let go and head completely turned. See? Was what she had done her way of “seeing”? She momentarily had the wonder of whether or not a cat who lost one of their senses caused the others to grow stronger. Could this Apprentice “see” the kits through her scent? It was an odd question, but in her head it made sense.

Wisteriapaw turned, eyes locked on the crimson she-cat’s shoulder rather than her face. She moved after asking the question regarding the names, stretching herself out next to the nest and resting her head, looking ahead. Even now Foxfire couldn’t quite place what she thought about this cat. She was an oddity, that was for sure. Though whether this strangeness came from her deformity or the traces of what she had seen of her personality, or a mix of both, was unknown. Whichever it was, it didn’t quite feel right.

Her gaze shifted to the furballs curled together at her stomach. She was silent for just a minute when the other made a comment about the names fitting them. Her mouth just barely opened to speak, but she stopped. Her sentence would have began with “the one with-” but that wouldn’t help. Wisteria couldn’t actually see what they looked like pelt wise. It didn’t matter which one she was talking about. In the eyes of someone without sight, especially at the stage that these tiny things were, it wasn’t as though there would be a difference. Her expression hardened a tad, glancing towards the entrance where she waited any second for that fox-hearted brown tom to come prancing around the corner at the mention of his precious children.

“Emberkit, Coyotekit, and Todkit.” She tried her best to keep the venom from her voice in saying their names. It was where the names came from that irritated her so much, and she almost couldn’t help but unsheathe her claws. That bastard thought that naming them after her would make her act as “part of the family”, or even make her feel more like their mother. He thought he was so hilarious, such a gentleman. Hilarious.

Just as awkward as the silence had been before, it was the same now. She wasn’t sure what else to say. Unless the other asked her a question, what else was she supposed to say? For a minute or so, the Warrior-Queen tried to think of literally anything to say. She could describe what they looked like? What good would descriptions do? She grimaced to herself, eyes turning back to the resting white cat. She stared for a moment, her voice and thoughts quiet.

“How…do you see?” She cursed internally to herself. What the hell sort of question was that? It didn’t even make sense, asking a blind cat how they saw. That was the point: they didn’t. She couldn’t exactly take it back. All she could do was presume that the Apprentice would find some weird way of interpreting the question, or just wouldn’t answer.

TAGS Fae Magic
WORDS 1057
OOC Notes

[Fae Magic]

Wisteriapaw - 16 Moons - Gorgeclan

"Just because no one else can heal or do your inner work for you doesn't mean you can, should, or need to do it alone."~Wisteriapaw

She wasn't sure if Foxfire would answer for how long that the silence took to her question. Perhaps she offended the other somehow? Was it a too commonly asked question from everyone who came to see the new mother? Or perhaps she was just tired in general of answering questions. Who knew, without the ability to read her expression or body language Wisteriapaw didn't have much to go off of but that was alright; even if it made it a little awkward. It gave the white molly the chance to truly make an effort into getting to know the other and figuring out the actual meaning behind words instead of having her eyes misinterpret whatever it would have seen. So as she laid there staring into oblivious patiently waiting for the other to respond the apprentice half-listened to the sounds of others in the background; geez was this what Foxfire heard every minute of the day as others worked around? Such sounds wouldn't have bothered the apprentice much in any other situation but for the fact that the queens and kits inside this den could hear the buzz of voices beyond the walls of the nursey and it was rather bothersome. Perhaps, she could figure out a way to help out the others as they re-enforced the camp so that others did not have to hear that when they were trying to take a break from camp without wanting to leave its walls.

When Foxfire decided to finally respond Wisteriapaw's ears perked up and she took note of the way her voice seemed to growl out the names. Did she not like the names? Was she not the one who chose them? Hmm, it did not make sense. She wanted to ask why the new mother seemed to dislike the names so much and another part of her wanted to ask what they looked like; did they look like more of their father or her? But Wisteriapaw did not want to agitate the other too much and instead gave a warm smile as she turned her head towards the sound of her voice as she spoke.

"Those sound like strong names!" she replied nodding and then her smile dropped a little as she chose to risk the next statement. "Although, from the sound of your voice you are not happy about the names." she felt the last bit out of her statement about who named them because she did not want to offend Foxfire and at the same time give her a chance to add on if she felt like it.

Wisteriapaw did not say much more after that and just chose to enjoy the silence and give Foxfire a chance to cool off and regain her composure as she ate her prey. It was not like Wisteriapaw had anywhere else to be, after all, she was not needed in the camp and could not navigate yet the new territory so it would have been pointless for Wisteriapaw to excuse herself. Besides, if the rudy molly wanted her gone the white feline figured she would have already told her to go away. The silence was broken with a question that Wisteriapaw hadn't heard been uttered in a while and her ears perked up as well as the rise of her head as it turned towards the sound of the warrior mother's voice. People didn't tend to come up to Wisteriapaw to ask her that; not since she was a kit herself. Others generally just avoided the question so that they didn't offend her or think they were picking on her or something. Wisteriapaw didn't mind at all the question; in fact, she honestly wished others would have asked it more frequently. But since Foxfire was not from her clan that the apprentice grew up with the question was one that Wisteriapaw was excited to talk about; it showed Foxfire actually had an interest in understanding the younger feline. Not a lot of others did. They just brushed her aside or treated her as a cripple despite her determination to learn and be tau use my paws and my tail to guide me by touch to make sure I don't run into things. Whiskers like radars to sense where things are before I run into them."[b/] she explained raising a paw to idly rub at her nose thoughtfully. "Although, sometimes I don't use my senses because I want to try and be normal and I end up hurting my nose more often than not. But I'm training to hone my other skills to be able to...well to live." she said softly lowering her paw from her face.

There was a sort of thoughtful longing on her expression as she stared at the opposite wall of the den as she thought about how she still managed to make it this far. A small smile graced her features but it was kind of a sad smile as she added. "Don't get me wrong, I can't take all the credit for how long I've lasted. My mom helped me out a lot while my siblings grew up normal and got the attention from my father that he never gave me. I did not have friends to help me as I grew older and left the nursery so I was forced to train and hone my abilities by myself. Using creativity and my imagination to picture certain things. I probably would have given up during my first training session if it weren't for Whitehawk giving me a stern talking to and giving me the ultimatum...I could forfeit my rights as an apprentice and become an elder at an early age or I could just jump in with all four paws and learn with an open mind and open heart." for the first time since she'd been there her eyes fell on Foxfire with an almost unnerving gaze as if she could actually see her; blind eyes staring into the other's golden eyes.

"The one thing I learned the first day of being an apprentice under Whitehawk's guidance is that no matter what you look like, what abilities or lack thereof that you possess. No one is worthless or incapable. I made my choice. I wasn't just going to give up my life without having the chance to start it. I didn't choose to be blind when I was born but I sure as heck can choose what I do with that ability and how it'll affect my life. So perhaps my lack of sight confuses others...but frankly, I think it's the best thing that a cat can experience because it opens up a brand new world for one person to experience. I may be blind, But that doesn't stop me from giving myself the best opportunities I can to live." she fell silent and her gaze dropped down until they seemingly gazed down at the three bundles at Foxfire's belly.

Foxfire hadn't expected such a long dialogue, did she? But what was she to expect when such a simple question had such power? Did Foxfire like some others think that Wisteriapaw was useless or getting special treatment by Whitehawk because of her disability? They would be wrong. She once thought of herself as such and pitied herself and Whitehawk for having to get stuck with her as an apprentice but there was something in her that their leader had seen watching Wisteriapaw grow that allowed her the grace to fight for herself by becoming an apprentice and proving others wrong. The blind apprentice didn't want to make others think that she was anything special because she got this far as a blind warrior in training; because no one got far without effort. Blinking a moment she turned her gaze towards the sound of paw steps out of the entrance of the den listening as others chatted and passed by.

"So, why did you sound like you didn't like the names of the kits?" she spoke up after a pause and turned her attention back towards the new mother and tipped her head. The seriousness about the situation was gone now as soon as the white molly turned around to face the other as if the explanation she had given about her blindness hadn't happened at all. Just showed how unbothered Wisteriapaw was about her condition and that she didn't care if others spoke about it. She held a sort of determination and pride in herself for what she had gone through to end her up here that she did not need to explain herself for pity or gratification. That much was clear the way she seemed to dismiss the topic that left it hanging in the air on whether Foxfire would want to continue digging around in it or leave it alone.

For someone lacking sight she was an intuitive and smart girl. On top of that Wisteriapaw was kind. Her heart and her soul a lot more in others than a cat ever could with their eyes and she acted accordingly as she could at the moment she had. She was relaxed and calm; not minding if Foxfire wanted to ask more or get more explanation about it or if she simply wanted to toss that aside satisfied with her answer that she got and move on to other topics. Frankly, Wisteriapaw appreciated the chance to be able to sit down and have a conversation with another cat without feeling the eyes of pity or having the air of uncertainty and awkwardness around them.

Word Count: #1596 || Tag: Abyss || Notes: #sorry it's a little more dialogue than usual

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[Abyss]

Glaring orange eyes looked away from the white she-cat in irritation. It wasn’t so much Wisteria herself that brought forth the irritation, but the way she had said what she did. But even she didn’t know how true the statement was. That was what brought forth the anger.

It…wasn’t that she didn’t like the names. Honestly she found them pretty fitting. Each kit’s name pertained to their appearances pretty well, it was almost impressive. But while the names did fit what they looked like, it was more so the hidden intention behind them that angered her. She had gotten unlucky in the sense that all of them looked similar to her in some way, which gave him the chance to force Fox, in an indirect sense, into his so-called “legacy”. She didn’t need to be connected to these kits. She didn’t have to be a part of his plan. She gave him what he wanted. If she truly felt like it, once they were weaned she could just leave, go back to being a Warrior, leave them in the paws of their manipulative father. She could be rid of all of this. She wouldn’t have to be a mother. She could just be…….what?

Her body tensed. What would she be? Herself? But who was that? Who was she? A Warrior? She hadn’t truly been a Treeclan Warrior in a long time, even when that was the title she held. And this new clan, how would it be any different? She would leave the Nursery and just go back to being solitary, doing everything by herself, hunting by herself. Being alone. Wasn’t that all she needed? She didn’t need Gorgeclan. She didn’t need Driftshade. She didn’t need…..Something in her chest tightened and Squirrel’s face popped into her head. She…she didn’t need…

By the time she had even made it have way through her thought, enough time had passed that the white Apprentice near the nest began to speak, answering the dumb question she had asked. Though, from the way she started to talk, she didn’t see it that way.

She looked back to the little molly, but as she spoke, her eyes narrowed. She didn’t speak, but the Apprentice seemed to have plenty more to say anyway. At first she answered the question directly, but then it started devolving into her life story and some other sentimental dirt. She partially listened as the she-cat rambled on about her kit life and cats she claimed had gotten her so far, almost rolling her eyes. But she stopped, listening to the last portion of that section of speech. She could have lived an easy life. She could have went straight to the Elders den and lived a life of luxury. Getting groomed, brought all the food she wanted, treated as one of the highest members of the clan. But she didn’t.

It was almost unsettling as the blind molly looked directly to Fox, managing to aim her gaze in the exact right spot. It sent a small shiver down her spine. Maybe she could see after all, in some way. And then she said something that caused most of the feeling in the Queen’s body to vanish for just a moment. ‘No matter what abilities or lack thereof that you possess, no one is worthless or incapable.’ In her head, she remembered back many moons ago, back when Lionstar was still alive and Treeclan still stood. Back then, those words didn’t hold true. Back when Foxfire’s purpose as a cat and as a Treeclan Warrior was to take control of the clan. And when she didn’t do that, she was tossed aside. The days of seeking power and authority were long gone, but…

As quickly as these things came to her, they disappeared. Wisteriapaw kept going for a little bit, talking about how she chose to live rather than let her blindness control her. And then she went quiet. Yet another silence passed between them. Foxfire wasn’t exactly known for being super sentimental. She didn’t have any super fond memories to think back on, she didn’t have any special story of how she ended up where she was, nor did she hold others close. While this Apprentice went on about her family and her precious mentor and her willpower, all the red molly could think was that she had already told this cat that she talked too much once. The first time the white cat had rambled on it was a bunch of nonsense and stammering over her words. At least this time she was speaking for a reason, even if that reason was lost on uninterested ears.

Wisteriapaw had turned back to her, meaningful words and stare gone and replaced with the same normal look she had before. As she asked about the names again, the red Queen felt a small kick against her side, her eyes glancing to the side. One of them, the darker orange tabby, had rolled over on her back and stuck out her legs, sprawled out with at least a paw touching both of the others. She sighed, looking out into the camp.

“The names are fine. They fit their appearances well. But, ” she took in a breath and a very tiny pause, saying the rest through another sigh. “-they're named after me.”

More than likely this cat didn’t see how having your kids named after you was a bad thing. No one probably did. They didn’t hear what Fox did. They didn’t hear the purpose in Drift’s voice when he came up with the names, or see the sly look he gave her when he said them. It was something she had hated experiencing, and going into a meaningful talk about why all of it brought anger to her was the last thing she needed or wanted. She didn’t know this cat. She wasn’t even originally from Treeclan. She didn’t know who Foxfire was or what her life was like. Then again, that also meant that she probably didn’t know why everyone came to see the kits and not her. Why no one ever came into the den unless they had to. She doesn’t know how others view me.

But, that also brought the thought. She isn’t here going based off of bad experiences with me or what others have said. She is getting a first impression.

Somehow that didn’t make her feel any better. But at least the whole situation made more sense. How would a cat know to avoid her if they were never told to?

The sound of pawsteps found her ears, pausing momentarily. She turned to see her brother standing not too far away, looking from a distance in at where she laid with some random white cat next to her. A big smile formed on his face, and he started making weird movements with his paws. She bore her teeth at him, watching him giggle before he kept going in whatever he was doing. Idiot.

She glanced back at Wisteriapaw, lost in thought even she couldn’t quite pinpoint for a second. She turned away, but this time she spoke.

“There’s…..one she-cat…and two toms. Ember is the girl…she has…” She went through her mind, thinking of literally any descriptive word she could. “..warm colored fur. Dark orange with stripes. Tod is…less warm, but still orange with stripes, just lighter. And Coyote…he is…earthy…red and brown. He…looks the most like me.” She considered for a moment, glancing down at her paws. “And I…..I’m dark red…” She tried to think of anything she could compare herself to. A thought came to mind, but seeing as Wisteria was blind, she wasn’t sure if she would even know what she was talking about. “Like…the color you see if your eyes are closed…but your eyes are facing the sun.”

She was quiet for a minute, her claws digging into the nest below her. She was tense for a minute, but it eased up a tiny bit.

“And, for the record, ‘normal’ isn’t a word that applies to any cat. There is no ‘normal’. The only thing that is ‘normal’ is how only you live.”

TAGS Fae Magic
WORDS 1360
OOC Notes

[Fae Magic]

Wisteriapaw - 16 Moons - Gorgeclan

"Just because no one else can heal or do your inner work for you doesn't mean you can, should, or need to do it alone."~Wisteriapaw

She sensed perhaps throwing up all of her sentiments towards that simple question wasn't exactly answering it too well. Perhaps, it was Wisteriapaw's way of trying to explain and it just ended up a speech and dialogue as if she was telling her entire life story. She hadn't meant to end up like that but the words just came out whether they made an impact or not. She had talked so much with Whitehawk about how things were going over the earthquake disaster during their stay at the tribe that perhaps Wisteriapaw was trying to comfort another cat without truly understanding if they needed said comfort or not; with Whitehawk she knew how he felt; this cat here was a stranger, who was Wisteriapaw to think that she got gone or not gone through something that messed her up in need of a pep talk from a new clan mate she didn't even know? It shouldn't matter though; Wisteriapaw did not regret her words and whether Foxfire took any of it to heart or not she'll never know but that didn't matter. At least she listened. Hopefully.

Foxfire's voice brought her back to the present and she cocked her head a little at her words. The apprentice was happy that at least the other was opening up a little bit to her; whether out of true need for conversation or our of obligation after Wisteriapaw's rant to say something she was not sure but the white feline appreciated that the other spoke regardless. She sat up from her lounging position as Foxfire offhandedly answered her question. They resembled their mother and their names fit their appearance huh? That's always nice. Wisteriapaw often wondered how parents came up with the names they did for their children; whether it was for a prospect of what they could or should become or because of how they look without much regard for their future endeavors. As Foxfire began to describe what they looked like she could pick point that the older she-cat was actually making an effort to describe what they looked like to the blind apprentice in however way she was capable all things considering since Wisteriapaw could not see them herself; that tidbit she appreciated. The snowy feline smiled ever so slightly as she listened with a look of concentration as she tried to image what the mother was talking about.

"Well, I do not see a reason as to why their names should be a problem or if they look like you. I would think a mother would be happy her children look like her?" the statement came out at little more as a question as she tilted her head in a confused but thoughtful manner. "I cannot picture clearly what any of you look like but hues I can imagine. I do not see a problem with the way any of you look in all honesty. Colors I think sort of represent aspects of the world we live around so from the way you described yourself and the kits I can only image what fire, the sun, and the earth would look like just by the feeling they give off. If that makes sense." she frowned looking as if she was confusing herself too before laughing lightly and shaking her head.

"Well, if anything; I think all of you guys sound beautiful to me." it wasn't that she could see or imagine what they looked like; she had no capability for that. She didn't know that Foxfire was scarred and missing pieces of herself. She did not see the different shades of colors of rust, browns, and reds that the kits possessed that looked like their mother. She did not need to. In her opinion when someone lives in their world filled with darkness the aspect of beauty was altered.

"If you don't mind my asking Foxfire, what of the father of the kits? He seems very happy about their birth but I have heard him out in camp a lot boasting and full of noise. Doesn't he ever come to see you or the kittens? Check up on you or anything like that?" she asked curiously thinking back to her days that she'd be sunning herself in camp listening to the going ons as cats milled about or walked past without a glance her way. The things she hears in camp would surprise someone for sure if she ever cared to spill their thoughts. But she hadn't. But those days that she had noticed Driftshade's presence it was loud and she did not like it. It was too frequent too but from what she could tell the tom hadn't come to the nursery as often as a newly expected father would have to check up on the kits and his mate. Ebonyheart and another tom that she wasn't familiar with visited but other than that it was sporadic and not very many people came inside.

She didn't know though. Wisteriapaw was not aware of the things Foxfire had been through or Driftshade's ways. She hadn't seen anything wrong. But Foxfire was so bitter for some reason. She could chalk it up to the pregnancy has taken a toll on the newly named mother with having to watch the newborns but it wasn't the exasperated or tired way a new mother would have acted. There were so many ways this could have gone or have something behind it. Frowning the snowy female turned her head towards the rusty red mother.

"You're right there is no normal. People think there is because it's what people are used to. They normalize routine." she agreed. "That's okay though, normal and routine is boring. We got only one life so why live it doing the same old things every day right?" she snorted

"I'm tired of routine for one but I'm still working on where I want to go from here. Everyone is still getting used to the new merge so we'll eventually find where we are most happy. What about you Foxfire?" she asked wondering if the other had settled into the new camp okay and if she had made any sort of friends from the other clan that merged with hers. Whether Foxfire was happy more like it and if she found what she wanted to do with herself once the kits weaned.

Word Count: #1,067 || Tag: Abyss || Notes: #

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[Abyss]

The blind Apprentice didn’t understand, though that came as no surprise. No one did, not even Squirrelskip. It was expectation that had been placed on her shoulders, a responsibility she had no desire to bear. The title of being a mother. Spent multiple agonizing moons growing bigger until you could barely move, giving birth, naming the product of your labor, cherishing them, taking care of them, reminiscing on who they looked like and what their names meant and their futures. All of it was so exhausting to even think about. The moment you spoke out of turn, even hinting that the kits or their names were undesirable, you were questioned. What kind of mother thought badly of her own children? One who had never wanted them in the first place. But, of course, even that wasn’t good enough.

“That’s always the question, isn’t it? How could a she-cat who gives birth possibly be unhappy? Kittens are a gift, having children is a blessing, how could anything possibly be wrong!” Her voice was nearly a hiss, her control over her temper heavily wavering. “These kits and their names are not a gift, they are a curse. Physical proof that I’m a fool.”

She stopped, eyes side-glancing to the white she-cat. She couldn’t expect a cat who didn’t know her to get it. Wisteriapaw was not originally from Treeclan, nor had they ever met prior to this visit. She didn’t know the circumstances behind this situation, nor did many cats. In truth, she hadn’t actually told anyone what had happened or why this scenario had come about. Foxfire of Treeclan having kits? The thought probably made many of those who did know her laugh.

She sighed, coming out partially as a growl. “They are not the result of some happy couple who wanted a family. They weren’t born for the sake of happiness. They were born so that some egotistical family of foxhearts could pass on their legacy, and they…he…used me to do it. Driftshade saw opportunity and he took it.”

Her mind drifted back to the conversation that she and the tom had. When he asked her to have his kits. She was still trying to get over Scorchwing’s death, she was lost. Honestly she still probably was, even now. But it was worse then, and he saw it. He played it off as if doing this would benefit them both. And she was foolish enough to fall for it, to think that his plan would work. Raising a couple of kits who could tarnish a dead tom’s name just to spite him? Whether Foxfire liked it or not, no one would ever forget that old fool, not in her lifetime. Multiple of his kin walked in the Gorgeclan camp as a constant reminder of that, and there would likely be more down the line. All his descendants.

“Them being named after me…it’s his way of shoving my weakness in my face. Reminding me that, whether I like it or not, I’m connected to him and these kits.”

A mew of protest filled her ears and she side-eyed the kits. While Coyotekit laid curled in a tight ball, Emberkit’s head on his back, the small she-kit’s body stretched out, her back legs kicking Todkit near Fox’s back leg, the tiny tom swiping weakly at her. A part of her chest tightened and she looked away.

“I never wanted a family. I never wanted whatever sort of joy others spoke of when they talk about their families. All family has ever done for me was ruin me.” Her claws clutched at her nest. Her manipulative father, her selfish and hypocritical mother, her foolish cousins, and…..her grip loosened on her nest. “I…don’t know what happiness feels like, or where it comes from.”

She was silent for a minute, her eyes drawn to her paws. She didn’t know what she felt when she was around Squirrelskip. Her brother had been far more present in her life since their time in the Tribe. He checked in on her, talked to her, laughed around her. He had even laid with her a few times. She had never talked about it, but she did feel something when he came around and interacted with her. It…kind of reminded her of her back getting warm in the sun. A feeling that she didn’t pay any attention to unless she actually thought about it. Even still, it was…warm.

“The kits…..I don’t…hate them…this isn’t their fault. They are as tangled up in this as I am.” She looked to Wisteriapaw, her eyes narrowed. “I thought about leaving. Multiple times. Even before they were born. When the clans fled to the Tribe, I wanted to disappear, to go off on my own, leave the clans behind. At least then if I had them I could deal with them without Driftshade. But…I didn’t. On the way here I thought about leaving after they were born. Giving them to some other cat who could take them and leaving the clans. But…I haven’t. And now…..I don’t know. Looking at them…I guess I feel responsible for them…even if I wanted to leave…I don’t know if I could anymore…” She turned, leaning her head down and laying her chin on the side of the nest.

She didn’t know what she wanted. She didn’t want to be in the clans, but she didn’t want to be a rogue. She didn’t want to try and become some amazing Warrior again, but she didn’t want to just go back to the way she was in Treeclan. She didn’t want to have a family, but she also didn’t want to leave her brother behind…or the kits…

TAGS Fae Magic
WORDS 948
OOC Notes

[Fae Magic]

[googlefont="Redressed"][googlefont="Nunito"]

WISTERIAPAW

She had such anger in her. Wisteriapaw did not need to have eyes to see that. She may not fully understand where the anger and mistrust comes from; the feeling of lack of interest and loss of hope or faith in something...as if she could not find happiness anywhere made the smaller feline confused and sad. Confused because she truly did not understand Foxfire, it seemed not a lot of people did whether due to intentionally distancing oneself from her or because they simply did not care. The feeling of sadness that the white apprentice felt came from knowing she wasn't happy. It wasn't just anger that this new mother felt it was something else that she harbored that she did not express in so many words about. The blind molly was no way shape or form a mother so she did not understand the feelings that the rusty colored mother did at this moment; it was not simply something that Wisteriapaw could blurt out some sort of encouraging speech to bring up the mood as it had worked many times over with others. This was territory the younger feline new nothing about personally outside of her own mother's behavior. She sat silently listening as the rudy molly began speaking; her words dripping through a hiss filled with despisement and temper. Her words unbeknown to her actually affected Wisteriapw a little more than she had originally expected to get a reaction out of the apprentice because unknown to the new queen those words she spoke actually cut deep. When she spoke them it was not her own voice she heard but the voice of a tom's saying something very similar. 'She is not a gift from Starclan! She's weak, she's blind! What could you possibly expect out of her as she grows?! What can a disabled weakling like her achieve in her condition?!' She blinked absently shaking her head as if to get rid of the voice. His voice. Foxfire did not need to know that though and instead the apprentice turned her attention towards what she was saying.

Foxfire really was in trouble now wasn't she? As she spoke about the family ties to these kits the picture became a little more clearer and the more she heard about what kind of life she lived Wisteriapaw could feel her anger spike. She was not one to get angry very easily but the more the rudy molly described what she was enduring; whether for herself or for her newborn kits the younger female could help but feel that anger boiling over. Why would she endure all of this to begin with? When she realized what was going on had she already gotten in too deeply to the point there was no going back? Why did Foxfire stay in this life? Listening to the queen made Wisteriapaw realize that this world was just as unforgiving in it's occupatants as the predators and territory of mother nature. Who would have known those that you could have grown up with or known through your clan who was supposed to be your ally and comrade could use you in such a way. She was not dumb; the white apprentice knew that having kits was no easy or one time deal. Those were lives that got brought into the world. She of all people know how it felt to be unwanted even if her and her siblings production was planned. No one should ever have the mind to trick and manipulate their clan mate like that.

She was silent for a good while as she listened to the other lemant and speak her feelings. A part of her glad that she opened up to someone; opening up about such feelings to another whether friend or stranger could be therapeutic because it was airing out the dirty laundry. Forces you to think and face whatever it plaguing your mind. Taking a heavy breath Wisteriapaw shook her head; not in a way of pity but of resignation as she listened. Starclan help this queen. She'd been through so much and even more that she probably hadn't even spoken about to Wisteriapaw. "I know I should not be apologizing. But, I am truly sorry that you'd gone through that. I do not know your full story but from what you've just told me...it's enough for anyone to want to give up and lose hope. To have that anger that you feel. No one deserves such a life that they never asked for." she said softly.

Turning her head to the side as if to look elsewhere than the other she added after a thoughtful pause. "I may not understand the length of what you've been through or your full story. Driftshade certainly isn't a saint either but please rest assured he'll have retribution coming to him when times comes. I believe everything we give this world will return tenfold good or bad. Although, I know it will not ease the stress you must be going through in this moment. Please believe me when I say that I do not judge you for having those feelings even if I do not fully understand them because I do not walk or live in your pawsteps." she said softly.

What kind of struggles had Foxfire faced in her life alone for the majority of it? That strength she had to find in herself because no one else gave her the confidence or the faith to put in them to live a trusting life. "I am thankful though that you chose to stay...I do believe everyone deserves what is owed them. You have been through much alone from what I gathered from just your story. I'd like to offer my presence if you'd allow it. Whether you just need an ear or just someone to sit quietly with you so that you do not feel alone...or for a friend if you feel so trusting enough of me to call so. Believe it or not I do know what it feels like to be unwanted by those that one should have trusted with your life to stand by your and protect you. I do know how it feels to be used and bullied for something you were born with...how it feels to be abandoned by family. But that is the past and past haunts people like a ghost...one thing I learned from my mentor is that the past does not define you." she lifted her head to face the other as she heard the kits shifting in the nest.

"It maybe something that you grew up on but it does not define the person you can be in the future; you create yourself. I do not wish for you to feel alone or like you do not have an ally here. I know we have not met since the merge until today and trust does not come easy; I am no mother so I cannot say such words with certain certainty but those kits did not choose the family they got but it does not mean they should not be given the chance to live their own life and choose their own family. N-not to say that you are a terrible mother or anything but as someone who doesn't know kits..I mean I was once a kit who was unwanted too and..." she fumbled a moment before falling silence; a look of concentration on her face showing she was trying to find the right words to say.

"What I'm trying to say is that I'd like to be your friend if you'd like and help you with the kits; give you guys the chance of a better life worth living than anything Driftshade might have planned out you know?" she laughed a little awkwardly realizing she talked too much. It was easier to talk to Whitehawk than some strange she did not know much. Even if Foxfire did not accept her offer Wisteriapaw would have still been happy that the other would know someone else cared even if it was a stranger.

"This is Wisteria speaking." And this is Wisteria thinking.

Gorgeclan Apprentice

Abyss

1,255 | Abyss | NOTES

[Abyss]

The solemn silence that fell between the two felines and the tension that lingered in the air, she had known it was coming. She could never expect a complete stranger, and a young one at that, to understand. This Apprentice had many aspects of life pushing her away from the ability to understand. She was not originally from Treeclan, she was young, she was blind, and she didn’t know Foxfire. Everything that the red Queen had experienced and endured in her life was lost on unknowing and unseeing eyes here. Besides Squirrelskip, and perhaps Driftshade in some senses, she was alone in this fight.

She had expected the white molly to leave, to be taken aback by the Queen’s words and slink away uncomfortably. The likelihood of anyone remaining after a Queen told a very summarized version of the manipulation that resulted in unwanted kits? In her own head, it was slim to none. She waited for the pawsteps, for the shape of the molly to shift and depart. But she didn’t. Instead, the Apprentice began to speak.

She was apologizing? For what? The scarred molly’s brows furrowed, but she did not shift from her position or turn her gaze. She half-listened to the Apprentice as she spoke, talking of how most would have given up already and that no one deserves that sort of life. She continued, making mention of how Driftshade wasn’t exactly a perfect specimen, which she lightly huffed at. What Wisteriapaw spoke of, the idea that justice would be served to the dark brown tabby in time, in her mind she viewed it as karma. She hated to think of it, but it was a concept she was quite familiar with at this point, as most times it was herself at the other end of its whiplash. As the sort of cat that she was, it was often funny to watch others get what was coming to them. Though when that idea came back at her, suddenly things took a darker turn. Perhaps that made her a bit of a hypocrite, but what more was yet another title? A fool’s daughter, a villain’s kin, a fox both in name and nature, a murderer, a traitor, a Warrior, and now a mother. Might as well add to the list.

Her breath caught for a moment and her eyes just shifted, side-glancing to the white Apprentice. She was thankful? That was a new one. "You don't even know me, " she growled beneath her breath. The more she spoke, the less that Foxfire understood. What good did this random Stoneclan Apprentice get out of being near a Treeclan cat with a dark history? Sure, they may be considered a part of the same clan now, but even still. The only thing worth any mind within the Nursery was the kits, she knew this all too well. So what did this little cat expect to get out of anything she offered? Maybe this innocent-looking blind cat was more deceitful than she let on; perhaps she would turn around and then expect Foxfire to give her something. Somehow, she wasn’t sure if she would be surprised. She knew quite well what wearing a mask could do for you. Then again, she also knew that it wasn’t always as effective as it was meant to be.

A friend. The thought almost made her want to chuckle. What need did she have for friends? Just as she had experienced with family, friends weren’t much different. Where Scorchwing, Rowanflower, Redbird, Foxfur, and for a time Squirrelskip had turned their backs on her, similar things had happened with others. Years ago in her Apprentice years she vaguely remembered one or two other young cats who could have been considered “friends” who proceeded to leave her behind when she took influence from Scorchwing. A few Warriors in her adulthood had done nearly the same. For a short time the idea could have been twisted that the group of Treeclan Warriors who had planned to bring on Darkstar’s death were “friends”. Brackenstride, Timberfrost, Foxfur, and multiple others. But even that was laughable. And then there was Driftshade. He had been the one to approach her, he had initiated their interactions, he had spent time with her. Then, of course, he turned around and showed his real intentions. Foxfire’s rapport when it came to other cats wasn’t exactly a pristine record.

In truth, she couldn’t understand what Wisteriapaw was trying to accomplish with all that she said. What good was convincing someone that they could choose who they are when they didn’t know how? Foxfire didn’t know how to have friends or keep them or be one, she didn’t know how to make connections, she didn’t know how to be a mother, she didn’t know what being a “good” cat was. But the Apprentice did have one thing right in her speech. These kits didn’t choose their family. And, in one aspect, their family hadn’t chosen them either.

She continued to listen, flicking her only ear on occasion. So this Apprentice wanted to be her friend. A part of Foxfire wondered if she would still be offering such a thing if she did know what Fox had done in her lifetime. Sure, she knew little of what came with friendship and trust, but from what she knew a part of that was trust, and honesty. Say this little conversation they were having did result in something. Say they did become friends. Later down the line when Foxfire had presumably gained the trust of this she-cat, if she randomly decided to tell the white molly that she had once murdered someone, would Wisteriapaw question her offer and choose to take it back? Would she view Foxfire as a monster? That was something she could only know the answer to in time. That is, if she went forward with this cat’s ideas.

She huffed again, rolling her eyes with a tiny fleck of amusement. “You make it sound as though you plan on being their new father.” While most often Foxfire’s voice was gravelly and on the verge of a growl naturally, in this scenario a tad bit of the amusement in her gaze filtered into her voice.

She went silent, thinking. This Apprentice made it all sound so easy when she knew that it wasn’t. Getting over the past, looking to the future, making friends when you know nothing of the process or maintenance of said action, withstanding the ill intentions of the “mate” she never asked for, choosing who you are. How did one choose who they want to be when they didn’t even know?

She peered sideways at the Apprentice again. She was young, she was naive, and she didn’t know any better. She didn’t see or know who she was talking to. She was likely doing and saying all of this just to be nice, to glaze past all that Foxfire had said. Maybe she was offering to be a friend just because she was so used to being told yes. Whatever the reason was, really there wasn’t much Fox could do if she just did what she wanted anyway. She could almost guarantee that there would be far more consequences for hurting a blind Apprentice than there was in attacking an old bat that no one liked. Though, there was a small voice in her head that said that regardless of what she thought of herself, even Foxfire wouldn’t stoop so low as to attack someone who couldn’t see. And even if Wisteriapaw hadn’t been blind…..somehow she doubted that she would do it. Or that she could.

“You are right about one thing. Trust doesn’t come easily.” After all that Foxfire had experienced over her moons, trust was futile. In the end it meant nothing when anyone could turn on you at any moment. She had let her guard down with Driftshade, and look what happened. Even now, she and Squirrelskip had grown closer, yet even now that inkling feeling in her chest asked her when he would do the same: forget her.

“You are free to visit or watch over the kits whenever you want. If you come just to see them, or not, then that’s your choice.” She phrased all that she said around the little balls of fur at her stomach, for even now she didn’t see what good would come of visiting the Nursery to see the kits and their hot-headed mother. “If you came to…talk…..or just sit…..I wouldn’t be against it.”

TAGS Fae Magic
WORDS 1425
OOC Notes

[Fae Magic]

[googlefont="Redressed"][googlefont="Nunito"]

WISTERIAPAW

If Foxfire would have had the courage to speak up and tell the apprentice what she truly felt the doubts inside of her might have been set to rest if only for a little. But Wisteriapaw was not a mind reader. Even if she could often feel the emotions that she could not physically see with her own eyes even an inexperienced apprentice such as herself could miss a thing or two. She did not know Foxfire beyond this visit. Meaning Wisteriapaw did not understand the hatred and the darkness that surrounded her. She didn't know her personally, so words from a stranger meant nothing to her. That much was evident the more Wisteriapaw opened her mouth. It wasn't as if she was all-wise and everything but she was young and her feelings about the world were only from her perceptive of someone who'd endured something different than others. Wisteriapaw and Foxfire did have one thing in common though and that was trust issues and false claims made things harder for the both of them to make friends. The difference between them in that aspect though was that Wisteriapaw did not allow that to stop her from experiencing the personalities both good and bad of others around her; she did not fear interactions even when the prospect of rejection and distaste was a factor in every new personality the apprentice met. But even so, the apprentice could not find it in her heart to walk away from the older female; any time a fragment of doubt crossed her mind to whisper that perhaps she was talking to a stone wall or that she was wasting her time she would always shove it away because frankly if the snowy feline had a personality that gave up so easily to bend to those doubts and false whispers than she would not have made it far. She held strong to her resolve though because if she gave up on someone who put up a face like Foxfire had to ward people off then Wisteriapaw would be a hypocrite to herself because even if they were vastly different in personalities and experience she knew that beneath all that anger and standoffish-ness Foxfire's inner kit needed someone's presence that gave her the time of day without ulterior motives. As cheesy as it sounded in the apprentice's mind Wisteriapaw could only imagine both their inner selves as kits just needing each other.

Foxfire's grudging growl about Wisteriapaw acting the role of a father to the kits made the smaller feline's fur aflame in embarrassment; not because it ashamed or made her look like a saint of sorts but because Wisteriapaw didn't know a thing about raising kits. An awkward laugh escaped her as she shook her head with a playful roll of her crystal eyes. "Well perhaps not like a father per se but I'd like to be involved in their lives even as a friend." she ducked her head a little with a sad but knowing smile on her face as her lifeless gaze stared somewhere below her on the ground as she added softly; almost too soft for the queen to hear. Almost.

"I just...don't want you or the kits to ever feel as if you are ever unwanted or unloved in this clan regardless of what others have to say about it; it's a lonely....lonely existence to live." she knew all too well how unwanted someone could feel even in a big clan just because of something that they could not control.

Clearing her throat she lifted her gaze back up to the queen and forced a smile back on her face; she did not wish for the den to feel so dreary and smothering. So instead she tried to change the subject a little bit to lighter topics.. "I would love to stop by; it will give me something to do." she tipped her head "Not that you're a chore or anything like that!" she hastily replied realizing it may sound like it and she gave a little laugh that was filled with a little bit of embarrassment as she added.

"Because of the new territory my training experience is back at level 0 as if I'm a brand new apprentice who's never been outside the camp walls...But because of things being so busy recently with getting camp settled for the season's change and all I haven't had the opportunity to be able to go train and explore much to gain experience in our new territory. Whitehawk hasn't had the time and well I'm a little ashamed to say but I've been a little nervous to try and ask anyone else so I've sort of just been...visiting others who aren't busy." she shrugged a little bit and laid back down on the ground nervously shifting around to get comfortable. She did not like talking about her lack of activity within the clan because frankly, she felt as useless as a lump of a log at this point.

"Perhaps whenever the kits are old enough to leave with others you would like to go for a walk with me? Give us both a chance to stretch our legs and check out the land?" she offered more as a tentative question than a statement. Wisteriapaw did not wish for the rudy molly to think that the apprentice was solely here for the kits. The mother needed some attention too; that is one thing Wisteriapaw came to notice quite often that the kits are the main priority firsthand and then the mother; the mother only was cared for so that she in turn guarantee the survival of the kits and the apprentice did not think that was fair. Humming a little bit the white molly turned her attention to the kits; ears perking to listen to their soft breathing and shifting sounds with attentiveness.

Wisteriapaw was the smallest and weakest out of her litter and thus overlooked very quickly and easily. She wondered if growing up the kits would be okay in the clan let alone with each other. With the family they had, she was a little hesitant to think about how their upbringing would be. Not because Foxfire was a bad mom but even ones as young as kits could sense the tension between parents growing up that would subconsciously alter the way the kits would act and grow even if there was no straightforward handling of them growing up. Humming a little bit when she was satisfied that the kits were okay her head raised a little bit to where she assumed Foxfire was before speaking.

"So, what do you think of the merging clans? Have you made any friends here since the merge?" she asked trying to get the topic of conversation to somewhere lighter so that Foxfire could relax a little bit. Wisteriapaw did not wish for the queen to think the apprentice had come in here solely to give her a heart to heart or whatever to make the air around them serious. She really did want to know more about the queen besides her dark past.

"This is Wisteria speaking." And this is Wisteria thinking.

Gorgeclan Apprentice

Abyss

1,195 | Abyss | NOTES sorry for the lateness!

[Abyss]

It seemed the little snowball finally recognized just how she sounded in all of her meaningful and heart-warming speeches. Narrowed orange eyes watched a tint of red flush over the younger she-cat’s face, and she wondered if this would bring an end to all of this touchy-feely talk at last. A part of her hoped that was the case, but of course she was wrong, her eyes rolling at the repeating of the word ‘friend’.

Though her gaze turned away, her ear rotated just enough to catch the Apprentice’s hushed voice. She did not outwardly react, she did not respond, nor did she act as though she had caught the whisper. But she did. And it caused her stomach to twist uncomfortably. Living the life of one who is unwanted had been her reality for nearly as long as she could remember. In some senses, Wisteriapaw was not wrong; it was lonely. A part of her knew that if she had been a different cat, if she had developed differently, perhaps it would have been worse. She would have actually acknowledged that loneliness and felt it on the inside and out. Thankfully, she had not followed that path. No, no matter what she felt, no matter how much she ached, she would not let herself feel lonely. She was not alone, and she had never been alone. She had herself, and that was all she needed. It had taken far too long for her to discover this, but once she had, it…well…it didn’t fix anything. But at least it had disappeared from her mind. The vase isn’t broken if you don’t see it or acknowledge it.

A single paw twitched as she felt herself pulled back into reality, the white cat’s voice finding her ears again, though louder and lighter this time. She took note of the fact that the young feline spoke as though she didn’t actually have anything else to do, when Foxfire knew it was quite the opposite. There were plenty of things she could do. She huffed, at first letting the thought cross her mind that the blind-eyed molly had a big oaf of a mentor she could go running to. But she huffed again, almost in amusement, at the fact that said oaf was always too busy for his little white shadow. Foxfire may have never mentored an Apprentice herself, but in her eyes it was pitiful. Just another cat so focused on their new-found glory and authority that they pushed aside those that came before. Sounded pretty familiar.

Just as she had suspected, Wisteriapaw only confirmed that her training was severely lacking, and that all of this commotion and change with the earthquake and the move had practically reset her training. The Queen’s fluffy red tail lashed in irritation. If all of that was the case, then there was most definitely better things this Apprentice could be doing. She could be out there hunting and marking borders, and actually figuring out where the hell she even was. Instead, she was tucked away in the Nursery, spewing sentimental and “therapeutic” words that went in one ear and out the other of a less-than-welcoming Queen.

“So instead of taking initiative and getting your training back on track, you are curled up in the Nursery talking about kitsitting and friendship.” Perhaps her words were a tiny bit of a harsh smack in the face, but even she couldn’t deny that she wasn’t as harsh as she could have been. She could have said so much more, but she chose not to. She had already dealt with all the pity-talk that this Apprentice seemed good at giving. The last thing she needed was to have someone crying next to her, since she had caused this to happen at least once or twice before when she let her lack of a filter take hold. Not that she really cared if she made the Apprentice upset, but she didn’t need to have someone waking the kits up.

She shook her head, glaring out of the Nursery. “You need to be out there getting used to all this crap just as much if not more than all of these other idiots. Busy or not, Apprentices need trained so they don’t grow into complete morons, and it already seems like half of these cats couldn’t care less.” Her voice shifted into a growl, but the defensive outlook she took was not necessarily for Wisteria’s sake. Truthfully it was partially for her own, and partially for the sleeping balls of fur at her stomach. She may not want to be a mother, nor was she the typical “loving and motherly and sweet” mother that most expect from a Queen, but even she knew that the last thing she needed was cats as dumb as rocks training the kits. Even if she hadn’t wanted them, even if she wasn’t or wouldn’t be a good mom, the least she could do was make sure they didn’t end up fools like a majority of the beings she saw walking outside.

She glanced to the side at Wisteriapaw, her eyes narrowing further. Blind or not, she was an Apprentice. Granted, she had already plenty proven that she wasn’t entirely stupid. But she had chosen to approach and talk to Fox, which, in the eyes of most, was a pretty dumb move. “You know what, a walk sounds just fine. Since all of these other fools seem to think it would take up too much of their precious time.”

As she stopped speaking, the red molly allowed her flank that by that point had risen to fall. She shook her head, clearing her thoughts from her head. She was not a mentor. She was not a teacher. She wasn’t even technically a Warrior anymore. She had no reason to try and assist this little white cat with her training. And that wasn’t even what she had asked for. She said they would go for a walk. And that was what they would do. Foxfire was already sick of this damned Nursery and she hadn’t even been stuck in it for very long. The thought of getting to leave the Nursery, and even better yet the camp itself, sounded great right about now. And if this opportunity led to a certain sightless little cat following her, then…..oh well.

Her ear flicked, and though she had the urge to laugh, she didn’t. They had already established up until this point that friends weren’t exactly Foxfire’s forte. But, admittedly, there was a cat or two that came to mind, causing a smug smile to cross her maw.

“Actually, yeah, I think I have. I personally think that your old clan’s stump-tailed Medicine Cat adores me. She always seems so thrilled when she gets stuck in here with me.” The slightest chuckle fell from her maw at the mention of Ebonyheart. She knew damn well that that grumpy bat probably hated her, and the feeling was mutual. Still, it was amusing to throw sarcasm in the unknowing Meddie’s direction.

TAGS Fae Magic
WORDS 1178
OOC Notes

[Fae Magic]

[googlefont="Redressed"][googlefont="Nunito"]

WISTERIAPAW

She'd like to think that she was getting somewhere by talking to the new queen. Was she warming up to Wisteriapaw or was the blind apprentice simply running in circles? She didn't want to admit it but she was getting nervous that perhaps she was just wasting her breath. She wasn't trying to come off as a sap truly she wasn't. The longer she spoke the more she wondered if she was trying to convince herself more than Foxfire at this point. She wasn't grown up so she didn't know the reality of the situation that Foxfire lived in. They were so different in comparison between the pair that it was almost laughable. But Wisteriapaw wasn't a quitter and she swore she wasn't going to walk out of this den without some sort of answer or a hope that the queen would be alright. Not that the apprentice could actually do anything for the queen besides giving her company at this point but there was a hope still lingering in her chest as if she was trying to hold off for something more.

She'd dropped the all-mighty act though with her words or at least tried to stop spewing the bull crap that no one wanted to hear at this point; she didn't know any other way to talk to people other than giving advice that she probably shouldn't even have the right to give all things considering and Foxfire of all cats within the clan didn't need to hear it or want to hear any sort of sympathy. So perhaps it was that very reason that Wisteriapaw was a bit surprised whenever she heard the anger that resonated in the other's voice. Perhaps it wasn't for Wisteriapaw entirely but it was still surprising when such emotion like that reflected in her words as if the queen was being a tiny bit sympathetic towards the apprentice's situation? Or perhaps the younger she-cat was seriously just trying to make it into something more for the sake of making Foxfire seem a little less furious in Wisteriapaw's mind.

"W-well I mean, yes it does certainly seems like it but it's not...I mean." she blinked a moment trying to diffuse the situation. "Everyone has been pretty busy with the camp and my mentor; Whitehawk, he's one of the sub-deputies right now and he has a lot on his shoulders right now so I don't blame him for it...I've mentioned the lack of training before to him and he feels guilty but I suppose it's two-sided here. I could always ask someone else to help me but I just...I feel as if I do ask around I may get rejected because everyone is focused on their own things yah know." she shrugged lamely

"But it's not Whitehawk's fault. Not fully anyway, so don't blame him for that. Truth be told, I'm a bit scared to go out there right now. It's a terrible excuse I know but please don't feel as if this clan is filled with morons. I think we just need a bit more time to figure out what's safe for us right now. But that doesn't mean that the clan is filled with morons or lazy warriors." she pleaded a bit; honestly part of Foxfire's words did hurt a bit. Wisteriapaw did love her clan and the other clan merging did set everyone back in many ways so outsiders wouldn't have seen what Wisteriapaw had within her own clan so she really didn't want Foxfire to think so badly of the clan so her comment about morons within the clan actually did kind of hurt because well, Wisteriapaw did feel like one most of the time.

Shifting where she lay the white-furred molly felt a little silly now after saying all she had and wondered if Foxfire was done with her yet. But when the older molly actually agreed to take a walk with the apprentice it made her a bit surprised enough to turn her head towards her. "Really? I-I mean that would be nice! We both can explore a bit." It would be much needed for both of them for different reasons but why not kill two birds with one stone while at it? Granted Foxfire could do it alone if she wanted to since the other seemed accustomed to being alone and didn't like company so it was a good sort of surprise that she'd agreed to go on a walk with Wisteriapaw.

The apprentice was thankful whenever her last-ditch effort to try to have a normal conversation was actually picked up on and not thrown away allowing a little bit of fresh air to come into the otherwise stifling conversation when Foxfire mentioned in the most sarcastic of ways about Ebonyheart's attentions and it actually made the smaller female laugh a bit. Ebonyheart wasn't half as bad as Foxfire made her out to be. Yes, pretty grumpy most days but there was more to the healer than what she probably expressed to Foxfire. Things have been rather stressful for everyone so perhaps the rudy female didn't see the best of what Ebonyheart actually had to offer.

"She's not too bad really. Honestly, if you guys decided to actually sit down to chat you might find you guys have some common ground." Wisteriapaw giggled. "I can only imagine how the pair of you act like two grumpy old elders whenever you talk to each other. But seriously, Ebonyheart does have a good heart once you get past all her prickles" she teased a bit imagining the pair sitting around bickering like elders whenever they were with each other "You'd like her if you gave her a shot. She actually reminds me a little bit of you honestly. Misunderstood and lonely." she cocked her head a bit. "Not that it's a bad thing of course. Just, I honestly don't think anyone has a right to judge simply by first impressions. Some people just don't have a good day when you meet someone new."

"This is Wisteria speaking." And this is Wisteria thinking.

Gorgeclan Apprentice

Abyss

WORD COUNT 1,010 | TAGS Abyss | NOTES: Sorry it might be a little lame