[Fae Magic]

Wisteriapaw - 16 Moons - Gorgeclan

"Just because no one else can heal or do your inner work for you doesn't mean you can, should, or need to do it alone."~Wisteriapaw

She liked to pretend that her paws were sure footed. She liked to think that she was getting used to the new lands; the feeling of the texture of the new territory beneath her paw pads. But she wasn't. She hated it. But dear starclan, she hated it with a passion. She felt like a kit all over again having to learn to navigate a brand new world except worse off as she was an adult; her lack of knowledge of the new surroundings that the newly named Gorgeclan took as their own after the earthquake wsa hindered by the fact that she was missing one of her senses. She took it for granted, their old camp. The cats there that she knew and loved. Everything had changed. Even if the scents and faces of those loved ones she knew by scent had not she knew some did not make it and others altered by the events that transpired. It secretly worried Wisteriapaw the stress that hung in the air even now after camp and territory had been claimed. There was so much left to do to make this place their home. From re-enforcing walls to markings territory lines. Much still had to be done before the cats of the new clans could rest. The white molly worried that she was not doing much to help. Due to the new territory and camp that she was not yet accustomed to there was not much in the way of helping that Wisteriapaw could have done. She would have surely bumped into something or gotten lost one way or another and caused more work for everyone else that potentially would have had to clean up her mess. So she'd stayed put. Taking her time getting to know the new scents of not only the camp itself but the new clan cats that had joined the brand new merge while they went about in two different teams making sure camp and the territory were put into order.

She'd braved it though, made the suggestion to take a walk outside the camp walls. She had to eventually right? She'd have to get to know the new sounds and smells that their new home would have brought with it and despite being here for a hot minute Wisteriapaw struggled with the adjustment more than she cared to let on to anyone; especially Whitehawk. Her mentor was already stressed enough as it was with building up the trust and support of the clan and making sure everything went as smoothly for them as possible. Perhaps, it was her wanting to face the fear of the world she'd traveled not too long ago beyond the walls of Gorgeclan's camp. Or perhaps, it was her hiding behind the suggestion that Whitehawk needed a breath of fresh air and step away from the hustle and bustle of the events occurring currently. Or maybe the young she-cat was just lonely and missed his company. A little bit of everything really in some fraction of her mind made it all make sense so she did not feel guilty at having found Whitehawk earlier that morning right before the sun would have risen to find him in the warrior's den amidst the nests of other warriors; some familiar and others who's scents she still was getting used to. She'd made sure not to wake others up as she'd nudged him awake and told him to come with her. 

She didn't know where she was going. She knew the entrance of camp well enough at least to know where she was going through the campsite itself but as soon as she stepped outside of the entrance space the air around her shifted telling her that she was no longer enclosed in a safe place. Whitehawk must have sensed that; Wisteriapaw knew he always was keen to her shifts whether it was the tall tale of her body language or just the way she seemed to hesitate as she played off pausing a few steps outside of the entrance to sniff the air that clued the leader to be that she was uncertain in her endeavors. The sun had not yet risen and the gloomy darkness of mid-morning dusk made it hard enough to see without being blind so Wisteriapaw followed her mentor's lead. They'd walked. For how long or how far she was not aware of such timings. She was far more trying to focus on not stumbling over something or another but the presence of the large one eyes male beside her guiding her as he always had put her at ease; she trusted him with her life. That much was clear. From the faint brush of fur against fur or a gently tap of a tail here he led her along the rocky and bumpy ground space until she could hear the rushing of some sort of water source. 

The air also seemed to change; it got just the bit colder than the chill of the Leafbare at that current morning and she could almost feel the phantom mist of the waterfall that sprawled ahead of them. She sniffed the air a little bit; the scent smelling like something fresh but also something a kin to mud as odd as it sounded. Wet rock would be the proper way of describing it more like. She felt the shift of terrain beneath her paws just before Whitehawk stopped them. The apprentice shifted her gaze back and forth as if trying to see something but in fact was just sort of gaining the surround sound of the place. A large source of water was up ahead and she could physically feel the mist this time around as they had gotten much closer. 

"So, I was wanted to come out here cause I figured you might need a break from the chaotic mess that's been going on." she stated as they sat in silence for a good minute taking in the sounds and sights in front of them. 

"I also was a little worried about you to be honest. You've been making yourself very busy, I don't mind it. I know a lot has to be done with the camp and territory; I wish I could do more to help. But, you've dealt with a lot on your shoulders lately since we got into our new camp. How's Brackenstride treating you? I know it's kind of odd having to pair up with someone from another clan to help lead the congregation huh." she smiled slightly tilting her head down to her paws. 

She was struggling too; each to their own troubles that plagued them. She wanted to try and make friends with the other Lilybreeze the other resident blind feline in the conjoined clan but Wisteriapaw would often either talk herself out of it or full on just chicken out telling herself she'd meet her later. Not only that but the apprentice was wondering if her training would continue as she was getting much older; despite knowing that everyone's training was postponed for a bit as the clans got sorted Wisteriapaw knew she'd have to endure more training in the new territory to gain her confidence back in the new land. Although, to be fair the apprentice wasn't too worried about her training with the thought of knowing that there was far more important things to worry about right now for her mentor; she was a little biased and didn't want to ask anyone else for help.

"How's the construction coming along with the campsite anyway and the scouting for the territory? I only really have rushed whispers to go off of now since everyone is so busy. I wish I could be more help and actually do something that's not watching the kits or something of that sort." she sighed wrapping her tail around her paws and straightened up.

No, she shouldn't wish anything more than what she had right now. Everything was still in limbo and cats were getting to know each other and trust each other as days went by and their lives slowly but surely were beginning to fall into a new routine in the new campgrounds and territory. 

"Would you describe it to me? This right here. I hear water but I can't really picture what it could possibly look like." a distraction; her way of coping and trying to lighten the mood that she unintentionally thought she ruined by such petty and selfish questions. In reality, Wisteriapw knew Whitehawk was busy, he was stressed, and had a lot on his plate. But she could be selfish enough to miss her mentor right? She had that right even if she refrained from reaching out to others. Perhaps it was a terrible coping mechanism. She needed to know she can trust and befriend the cats of the newly formed Gorgeclan but she could not let herself go from clinging to the one cat that she knew she could trust. She needed a change. Whether in her own life or perspective of things because whether she wanted to admit it out loud she knew Whitehawk was smart enough to guess from her back and forth seemingly random conversation topics that to put it clearly; she had a big heart and she cared but she felt so lost in that moment she confided in her mentor. She felt guilty for even thinking such things.

Word Count: #1,568 || Tag: Abyss || Notes: #At long last.

~☣~~☣~

[Abyss]

He had passed out without a second thought. Waking up at the crack of dawn, spending nearly the whole day moving about and socializing, and then staying up until nearly passed moonhigh to ensure everyone had nests and were comfortable. By the time the one-eyed tom had finally settled, or more so fell, into an empty nest, he was asleep in seconds. His dreams consisted of an uncountable number of vines, branches, thorns, braids, twists, and turns, for that was all he had done for days. He couldn’t escape this dream, nor the deep sleep he fell into, until before he knew it he felt a nose nudging at his shoulder.

His singular eye opened slightly, met with mostly darkness save for a very dim light outside the den. His large head shifted slightly, spotting a blurry light-colored figure at his side. He blinked a few times, finding familiar clouded blue eyes meeting his own.

A part of Whitehawk felt guilty as he walked alongside his Apprentice out of the camp entrance. He and Wisteriapaw had been bonded together as teacher and student for a good while now. Over time they had grown rather close, which he couldn’t be more appreciative of, especially with the rocky start that they had. Thankfully his days of harshly scolding her over refusing to let him help her or get close to her were over. Anymore it was typically her that sought him out. And that was why he felt the guilt that he did. He had been so busy ever since their stay at the tribe, juggling his time between business meetings in the mountains, exploration patrols, organizing the clan for their departure, leading everyone home, claiming and building up the camp. Maybe it was just his worries taking over, but a small thorn in his chest made him feel as though he was failing his Apprentice.

Even as they walked, keeping himself on her left to ensure she didn’t walk too closely to the edge of the ascending path down the plateau, his chest felt tight. Both of them were silent for most of the walk, which he wasn’t sure if he felt was comforting or unsettling, or maybe both. He kept his eye out on their surroundings, watching for anything that could hurt either of them, or anything that she might run into. He did his best to make sure their pelts were slightly brushing so he acted as a guide. But even then he found himself nervous. Did she even want guidance? Or did she want to explore and get used to things on her own?

As they reached the Trickling Falls, which wasn’t really intentionally their destination but it was where they had ended up, Whitehawk let out a quiet sigh, trying to focus on the sound of the water that would likely soon be frozen over. He glanced to the side at Wisteriapaw as her head turned in all directions, her ears twitching. A small smile of pride shifted on his maw. He already knew that she was a smart cat who used her other senses to know where she was, but it was a good feeling to see it in action.

She spoke, making a comment about needing a break from the chaos, and he let out a huff. He didn’t say anything, looking down at the water near his large paws. His ears flicked when she spoke again, though they flattened a tad at her words. She was worried about him? Then again, that was who she was. Even though the roles should be, and mostly were, reversed, she had always shown concern for him. He could recall multiple times back in the tribe when she had curled up at his side or between his paws and they talked. She was a very wise and caring cat for being as young as she was, and she was always looking out for him. Though, he always had the suspicion that she showed this concern for others to hide her own worries and internal struggles. Not that her concern for others wasn’t genuine, but much like himself, she put more attention on others than she did herself.

“We have been working well together. He is a very dedicated Warrior who cares for his clan, and we balance each other out quite well. Originally from another clan or not, I am grateful that it was him who became my partner in all this.” His smile grew a tad larger thinking of the crimson tom back at camp. He had his moments, as all cats did. His emotions often showed clearly on his face and he could be a little bit snippy at times, but even still, he was a great Warrior, and his love for his clan was evident in all that he did. In everything that had happened, one thing that the large white tom had come to learn with complete certainty: Brackenstride was one cat that he knew he could depend on.

As her words continued and she asked about the state of the camp, his ears flicked again. And then she made that comment again. His smile faltered a tad as he looked over at his Apprentice, though. “Wisteria, I don’t want you to feel as though you aren’t contributing enough to the clan. There is more to what we do and what we need than just hunting or filling den walls with vines and mud. Watching after the kits in the Nursery, and helping Foxfire and Icefang, those are only two out of many things that you do. You may not realize it, but you do a lot, both for the clan and for me. Even just by being there.” His gaze turned back to the water, letting himself relax, the tension leaving his shoulders.

When she finally spoke again, she asked about the falls before them. He blinked a few times, glancing down at her. His yellow-green eye examined the small stream of water, thinking of how he could accurately describe it in a way that she could possibly understand or maybe picture.

“Well…..I’ve heard a few cats start calling this the Trickling Falls. It is our main water source closest to camp. The walls of the gorge are to either side of us, and they are smooth to the touch. The water is a small stream that starts at the top of the gorge, and it runs over the walls down here with us. There is no full indent where the water can stay, so there is a small pool right at the bottom where the water touches, and then it runs through the gorge on its own path.” Whitehawk looked down at his paws again, lifting one paw and placing it into the running water, sending a shiver up his leg. “The water is light colored, and it reflects off the ground it runs over, making it look warmer and darker than it really is. It isn’t a strong stream either. You could walk through it and it would just cover your paws.”

He lifted his gaze, looking around them, both in the gorge and above. “Right now it is very quiet and dark here. But soon the water will freeze over and snow will fall. And when it does, this water will become frozen, like time is moving forward without it. Bright white snow will cover the ground, and the ice will be bright light blue in color.” He looked over to the Apprentice with a warm smile, even though she couldn’t see it. “This place…it will remind me of you. The white snow and the bright blue ice…it will be beautiful.”

| "Speaking." | Thinking. |

| Words: 1281 | Tags: Fae Magic |
| Notes: notes here |

[Fae Magic]

[googlefont="Redressed"][googlefont="Nunito"]

WISTERIAPAW

She did not want to seem weak; she did not like to wear her heart on her sleeve so much because she knew some already looked at her as if she were weak because she did not tend to go on hunting patrols or anything of that sort when it came to building the camp. No one needed to speak a word to her to make her feel as if she were useless to the clan at this point. The white apprentice knew she could do more than what she was but she felt so out of place that she really didn't know where to start to begin rebuilding herself in their new homeland. She would have asked Whitehawk to help but recently she felt more of a burden on his shoulders; she did not wish to burden or worry him. The clan as a whole is more important to them both than their personal feelings. So when she's dragged his butt out here with her to take a walk and take a breath perhaps she hadn't thought to sense what time it was. It was cool for the season that approached meaning that it'll be harder to catch prey. She needed to make some sort of contribution to her clan. She was of warrior age already; just without the tighten and only half the training she needed. Granted, circumstances did not sit well for the clans so training was halted if not slowed considerably. When the white molly began speaking to break the ice and hopefully get some insight into what's going on within the clan outside of what she heard she realized that despite the struggle her mentor must have gone through; he really did have a good partner at his side if he spoke so highly of the warrior in question. Wisteriapaw wished she'd spoken with Brambleclaw. She felt a little entitled thinking about it as she often thought of herself as Whitehawk's daughter even if she did not express those feelings and notions aloud. She wanted to get to know the rest of the clan, especially those who were of higher stature outside of the nursery and younger folks around her.

She was grateful though that she had this time even if it was stolen and borrowed time for them both. She enjoyed listening to the one-eyed warrior speak of the going on at the campsite; of the warriors and apprentices that pitched in to help with rebuilding the lives they all lost at one point in this long journey. Her little glow of contentment as she listened faded a little as he addressed her off-handed comment of feeling useless to the clan and not doing more than she had at this point and her ears fell a little at his words; oops she needed to backtrack quickly. She hated to think that Whitehawk saw this side of her. She did not wish to seem weak in his eyes. But she should have known better than her comment would make him feel this way. She was thankful for his encouragement nonetheless though even if she didn't say it aloud. "Don't be silly! I mean, I know I could do so much more than what I am doing right now. It's just..timing you to know?" she floundered for some sort of an excuse. She felt a little embarrassed that she'd let it slip like that to make it seem as if she was griping or whining about her position. She wasn't trying to.

If there was something Wisteriapaw was good at though it was changing the subject; she was always trying to keep the spirits up. She didn't enjoy talking of dark or troubled subjects even if they were needing to be addressed. So whenever she switched the topic to the scenery in front of her she'd asked to be described what it felt like. As someone with no sight, she could only use her imagination; there was something that she didn't tell Whitehawk though; sometimes she dreamed in color. Even if she didn't know if said colors were truly what those objects were supposed to look like. Sometimes the sky was blue other times it was purple and the grass was sometimes a weird shade of yellow-green or red. It always looked funny to her but she didn't fully know the names to the colors to make sense so she sat there at the edge of the water listening to the waterfall somewhere up ahead speaking as it rushed water downwards into a large lake she listened as Whitehawk described she perked her ears listening to his words. She tried to imagine how he pictured it and tipped her head curiously trying to place names to colorations. So did that correlate that the color white that her mentor saw was akin to coldness? Her sightless eyes turned downwards as if to try and visualize the images in her mind of the scenery but came up short rather quickly; she didn't have much to go off of in comparison but her mind could wonder at least from the imagination of description Whitehawk gave her.

The little tone of awe that tickled her ears brought her back to the present in time to hear the last bit of his statement. The coming of Leaf-bare would bring a daily reminder of her presence huh? What a silly notion that was. Granted, Wisteriapaw never had seen herself or ever really come to think of what she looked like; did that mean that she could be considered cold as well? Surely not, she knew this but her mind wondered if there was some sort of correlation to such a notion. She gave a little laugh as his voice fell silent and she shook her head thoughtfully as she spoke. "I never thought I'd resemble a season." she joked. She wondered if others like herself in appearance gave way to memories of seasons to other cats and make them miss a memory or a cat that they lost that brought them pain.

"Whitehawk if the water freezes over as you say; won't it be harder for us to regain water and food for ourselves? I know Leaf-bare is always hard for everyone but we did sort of move to this land at the cusp of the season's change. Do we have enough food for us to bear the brunt of Leaf-bare?" her voice grew concerned as her brows furrowed. She fell silent for a long moment before turning her head towards her mentor with a serious look on her face.

"I know I may ask this of you in the worst of times but...I'd like to continue training. I know it will not always be with you as you are rather busy. But with the seasons changing so quickly, my personal fear is that we aren't ready...I don't want to sit back and do minimal tasks for the clan regardless of what you may say about my duties not being useless...I know that even keeping a metaphorical keen eye on kits and making sure the nursery and elders are set tight is important...but I want to try my paw at...warrior stuff." her claws came out to dig into the cold stones and earth beneath her paws.

"Even if it means starting from scratch again...I need to put my usefulness elsewhere too. It's time we get back on track with the apprentices. We need to continue to train; not just for hunting though. We are in a new land and it worries me in case the other clans decide that their situation in their new life maybe a little worse during Leaf-bare and plan on something or another." she wasn't just worried about the food, she was worried about the predators of this new land and she worried the other two clans may not see eye to eye during this new season that would draw more hardships over them all. She did not wish for an attack. Desperation, a growing number in a clan, and loss of stability within a clan are all it takes to draw in a bad seed to start something.

"I-I guess in a way my worrisome thoughts are coming from a good place but one also of impatience if I am to be honest. I'm itching to do more than I already am and I want to take that stance right now Whitehawk. Whether you train me in the meantime or I must find another warrior free to help train me then that's fine...but I'd like to contribute my skills elsewhere. I didn't become an apprentice just to sit around the camp while everyone works. I'm a warrior apprentice...not an apprentice that got stuck back in camp because of her disabilities like an elder. Of course, no offense meant toward the elders or the other ranks of the clan. But I'm tired of sitting still...I need to learn to work with the others on their level." she took a deep breath and rolled her shoulders as if to brush away the gloom of her words. Setting herself up straight she turned her head towards her mentor even if she could not see him and told him with a strong and firm tone that stated she wasn't taking no for an answer.

"It's time we get ourselves back on our feet. You and me Whitehawk. So that being said, I'm going to continue by training." she stated.

Of course, she wasn't going to go off recklessly without another to help guide her or help point out stuff whenever Whitehawk wasn't able to be there for her but she was done sitting around playing the damsel with no sight. She blinked a moment in the silence that fell between them at the last declaration of her words before she smiled slightly. Words were only one thing; she could talk all day long and bring the spirits up of those around her. But pulling herself up and physically doing the work was different and she thinks to herself it's well over time to do something about it. Her paw scraped out across in front of her allowing the cold water to roll over her paw making her shiver a little bit. It was a nice wake-up call for her.

"A lot has changed over such a short time hasn't it? Sometimes I feel as if we have changed a lot too; although, I'm still trying to figure out if it's for the better yet or not. Sometimes I try to look back to see how much I've grown as a person not just as an apprentice...I don't know if i like what I've seen of myself. Have you ever had moments like that before?" she commented softly. She they still needed a leader and a deputy to fulfill the roles to help make this clan official. Of course, the rebuilding was important too and Brackenstride and Whitehawk were doing their best already and things were starting to pick up. But eventually, something else must give way to a new change for them. Would any of them be able to take on such a role when it came time?

"This is Wisteria speaking." And this is Wisteria thinking.

Gorgeclan Apprentice

Abyss

1876 WC | Abyss | sorry for the wait; I don't know what I was doing with this reply lol

[Abyss]

You mean my lack of time management between being Deputy and being a mentor. The thought came to him quickly and unintentionally at her words. In all that had occurred and everything that came of the quake, Whitehawk truly couldn’t predict or even guess how things might have been if they had been done differently. If back in the Tribe Ebonyheart had not chosen him as the temporary Deputy of what was Stoneclan, would he and Wisteriapaw have spent more time training than they had? More than likely. Sure, she would be further along in her training, but what of when they got to the new camp? If someone else had led the clan there, if someone else had been in charge of organizing the camp and its construction? Would it have made a difference? The young white Apprentice had received training now in two completely different places, ones that were different in terrain, different in rules to follow, different in methods. Compared to Stoneclan’s old home, the Tribe’s land had been quite a bit different. To someone who depended on every sense except sight, the only thing he could come to was that her training had reset. Any specific ways she had learned to navigate Stoneclan were void in the mountains. And now, after leaving the mountains and returning to a land that wasn’t completely like Stoneclan or the Tribe…it was as though she had reset again.

It wasn’t as though he thought she had lost all she had learned. He knew she was an intelligent cat, she was one of the smartest cats he knew. He knew that she would get used to Gorgeclan, she would find her own unique ways to get around, to hunt, to patrol, to track. He knew that she could. But…it was as she said. Timing. Most of the cats of the clan were preoccupied with rebuilding the camp and securing the territory, himself among them. Other Apprentices were getting the chance to go out and help, but Wisteria…

He didn’t say anything, his ears flattening against his head. In moments like these he felt horrible to admit that he was almost thankful that the young she-cat couldn’t see the shame he felt. It was a balance, one that he had trouble accepting. As the temporary Deputy, his duties were to the whole clan. He was making sure the camp was secure, he was meeting with Brackenstride to ensure the territory was secure, he was helping in the reinforcing himself. But, in the process of doing all of this, his Apprentice was being left behind. The thought of neglecting his duties as a mentor to focus on the duties of a Deputy…he couldn’t come to terms with it. Maybe she was right, maybe it was just bad timing. They wouldn’t need to rebuild the camp forever. Eventually it and the territory would be secure enough that they could all relax. When that happened, time would free up, he would be able to spend as much time with Wisteria as he could. He could still have other duties to attend to, but they likely wouldn’t be as presently demanding as they were now. But what, between then and now?

“Leafbare is…well…it is cold, of course, and it brings hardship with it. But…it is also bright. Snow lights up the valley.” He glanced over at the smaller she-cat. “I…don’t know what you see. If you see color, if you see brightness, or darkness. I’ve heard before that blindness is like…looking into a void, blackness with no color. At least, for me it is partially that way. I don’t know if it is possible, but if you can imagine what the opposite of that is…that is white. That is snow. And that is your fur…and mine.“ The one-eyed tom slowly lifted his head, his singular eye peering towards the sky. “Snow may be cold, but it’s bright, it’s serene, it’s peaceful, it is pretty. That is why it reminds me of you. Because you are a bright light wherever you go…being around you…it’s like you bring a feeling of peace. Of comfort. For me, at least, ” he let a light chuckle fall from his maw.

He had managed to deviate his mind away from his self-doubts, but a small pang of nervousness returned to his chest. She was right. Leafbare was on its way. But as she asked the question of if they were ready to face the coming season, he didn’t know what to say. Because he didn’t actually know the answer. How does one figure out if you actually have enough food to last a season? How would one know if the dens actually were as secure and warm as they could be until the snow arrived? How was he meant to measure how effective their efforts were? He wanted to say that they were ready. But, because he didn’t know if that was really true, he didn’t say it. A slow breath blew through his nose. “I…hope so.”

A light shuffling caught his attention and he turned, finding that Wisteria was looking at him with a serious expression. She began to speak, and he was a little bit taken aback by her words. He understood her, he didn’t blame her. She wanted to get out and do more for the clan. She wanted to hunt, she wanted to secure the territory, she wanted to do it all. And he wanted that for her too. He wanted to be the one to help her do that. But her mention of continuing her training, even if it wasn’t with him…a sharp ache caught in his chest. He didn’t want to hold her back. He didn’t want to say that he wanted to be the one she trained with. In times like this, the idea almost felt selfish. She needed to train. She needed to get out and learn, no matter what.

He looked away from her, peering at the top of the Gorge. He listened to everything she said, but he didn’t speak. He had to find the balance he was looking for, the one that was needed, both for himself and for Wisteria. He had a decision to make, one that needed to be made as soon as possible. Silence passed between them, one that was deafening to the white tom. But he still didn’t know what to say.

She began to talk again, speaking of how they had changed. That was one thing he was certain she was correct on. Things had changed a lot. But he didn’t know how he felt about those changes.

“I’ve…had a lot of those moments….especially recently…” His body shifted and he turned his head, gently resting his head on top of her’s. “I’m inclined to agree with you. I…don’t know if I like who I have become, either. I was honored when Ebonyheart chose me for this role back in the Tribe. Getting to serve the clan like this, providing for my clanmates, bringing us home. It feels amazing to be able to do this much for everyone I care about. But…back in Stoneclan…all I ever wanted was to be a mentor. I never dreamt of becoming a Deputy, or having any sort of authority. I just wanted to teach. And I did. Whitecry, Tigerblaze, you….but…it isn’t the same. I almost feel like…I’ve let you down. You deserve to be going out with everyone, to be hunting, to be securing the territory, learning your way. But I have been so caught up in all of this, and in this role…” He fell silent. He had a feeling he knew what she would say to his next words, but he still said them. “I’m sorry…for all of it.”

He pulled away from her, taking in a deep breath. Thoughts flashed through his mind, and he knew what he had to do.

“I’m not going to let you fall behind because of me anymore. You are right. It’s time to step up. I’m going to put you on patrols, with or without me. You will train, you will learn to hunt and fight, you will learn to navigate and climb the gorge, you will go to the borders. All of it. No more being a kit-sitter.” His voice was not stern or harsh, but determined. He knew he was holding her back, even if she didn’t say it. And he refused to let it happen any further.

| "Speaking." | Thinking. |

| Words: 1407 | Tags: Fae Magic |
| Notes: notes here |

[Fae Magic]

[googlefont="Redressed"][googlefont="Nunito"]

WISTERIAPAW

' Just when I think I have learned the way to live life changes.' Wisteriapaw thought to herself as she sat there. The coldness of the sunless sky was turning warmer the longer they sat there as the darkened sky of dawn broke through with the sun casting its light and warmth on them. Whitehawk did not need to say anything for her to know something within her words did not sit well with him. She could feel it rolling off of him. But what could she possibly say to set him back at ease? At least she said what she was thinking. She hated feeling as if her voice is never heard or not being listened to. She never had that problem with Whitehawk. Perhaps that is why she felt so guilty when she uttered the words she had. She did not want to give him something else to worry about. But it was better left in the open between them so that it could be worked out together whether now or later when there was more time but she believed that in a relationship like she had with her mentor open honesty was needed. How else was a warrior supposed to help and teach a blind cat if said the blind cat could not speak or be trusted to tell their mentor when they were troubled. She liked that she could tell Whitehawk anything though sometimes she envied the lack of life she spent as a normal apprentice. She was anything but normal. Her blindness made sure of that. She'd grown up having to be the grown-up. So perhaps her nature of worrying over others and mothering even her own mentor stemmed from her insecurity about herself; about not truly knowing who she was as a cat because she had to fight every day to keep her head up.

She blinked coming back to the conversation as her mentor described the snow; the very thing her paws stood on. She did not like snow. It was wet and it was cold. It brought the struggles of a clan to the forefront stressing everyone out. But the way Whitehawk spoke about it he made it sound pretty. Something that he had mentioned when he spoke of shades and colors perked her interest a little bit as she turned her head towards him with a small frown creasing her forehead. 'what did he mean partially for him?' she wondered trying to make something of his words. After all, this time did she really not know much about her mentor? It...was an unsettling thought. Despite spending so much time with him did Wisteriapaw actually know Whitehawk as much as she claimed? Emotionally perhaps, but if she truly thought about it outside of that did she really know him? What was his favorite color? What was his favorite pastime to help relax after a long day...what was his favorite memory as a kit? Those questions brought more unease to the young feline than she dared to care to admit. But that was not what the conversation was about so she shoved those uneasy feelings to the back of her mind for the moment and focused on what was going on right now. Whitehawk was speaking of the scenery and it reminded him of the pair of them. She felt a little flush warm her beneath her fur as at the comfort that he seemed to have from her presence. She was glad to know that her presence was actually cared about by at least one person within the clan but it was still odd for her to hear it verbally spoken out loud instead of just a wisp of a thought. It did confirm though that her presence mattered to some and that her efforts were not in vainly placed. She smiled slightly to herself turning her head away so that Whitehawk did not see her satisfied grin on her face; she did not wish to seem prideful in front of him although said emotion did rise just a little bit within her chest at the notion.

But that emotion and feeling quickly dampened as the mood turned darker with her verbal concern for the clan's well-being. Perhaps she should not have said as much to Whitehawk as he and Brackenstride were doing as best they could all things considering but she figured if she did not speak it someone else would and wasn't it better to have said questions aired out anyways instead of building inside like a balloon ready to pop and cause so much of a mess in comparison? Even when she thought this Wisteriapaw could not help but feel the guilt creeping up at the heavy sigh that escaped her mentor. She tried to give him a smile in hopes to brighten his mood a little and fix whatever damage her statement had ensnarled. Nudging her head against his as the pressure of his cranium rested on hers to gain his attention.

"I don't know anything about what it means to lead anyone. I barely get by with what I got by making the worth of what I have at the moment and keeping as optimistic as I can be. I can only imagine the struggles that you have faced alone and alongside Brackenstride to make due for the clan and push us all forward to settle ourselves into our new lives. We appreciate it even if we do not say it out loud because frankly, we need someone who will step up whether it be you or Brackenstride." she said softly blinking as she gathered her thoughts trying to find a way to say what she needed to without making him feel any more guilty than he already felt.

"Whether you or Brackenstride are chosen by Starclan to lead this clan officially...you have already shown us that you are worthy enough for this title if it is chosen for you...I know it is not what you imagined to be placed in your life but perhaps it's far time to show the clan just what you are capable of whether taking the role of leader or staying as a warrior of this clan. you've already done so much that you should be proud of. And, for the record, I think you'll make a great leader if you are chosen. Perhaps, if it comes to it...consider it the reward you so deserve for keeping strong for this clan." she purred.

And it went unsaid that even if he was not chosen and he had his time in the spotlight for the clan's well-being; they'd still stick together. She did feel bad for Whitehawk thinking that he held her back from training because of the camp's situation but frankly he needed to know that wasn't his fault. Things such as timing just didn't fall right and she did not care if it meant she needed to retrain all her stages all over again. She would always be training herself no matter if she got a warrior name or not so there should never be a reason for Whitehawk to feel as if he was failing her. Taking a breath Wisteriapaw tipped her head up at him with a small smile.

"When it comes to me and you; don't ever feel guilty. We'll get there eventually; besides, it'll give me something to look forward to in this new territory we call home now right? Everyone had to get used to it eventually even if they are not set physically as I am. Besides, even if we cannot train together it'll give the warriors of this clan a chance to finally get to know me...I'll be the test subject for them to know and understand how it feels to handle someone without sight in case the next generation or two has another like myself." she said trying to sound optimistic in the situation; she didn't like to have things be so down. "We'll make this work; we always do." she nodded agreeing with his resolves only hoping that it'll turn out okay because frankly, she would go nowhere if she did not start somewhere.

It was not that one or another was setting her back. The timing just wasn't right; still, there was no excuse to not try something. She chose the life of a warrior not only to prove to herself that she could do this but in hopes to make her life a little more meaningful for those that come after. Even if she did not have kits in her future she could still be a light to others. The journey was only half the fun of the trip for them both. Nodding to herself she gave a small smile his way and bumped her shoulder against his.

"By taking responsibility for yourself you can stop relying on others to take responsibility for you." she commented turning her head towards the sound of water and sighed. It was about time they both took responsibility for themselves and not just for each other. If they continued to cling to one another and shielding themselves from whatever it would be they would never learn to grow up in their roles. Perhaps it was why she had told her mentor she would do training a lot more seriously even if it meant not being trained by himself.

"This is Wisteria speaking." And this is Wisteria thinking.

Gorgeclan Apprentice

Abyss

1,572WC | Abyss | NOTES sorry for the long wait!