Post by Justice on Jun 15, 2021 19:45:26 GMT -5
Something...something was wrong with him. Wrong in his head, wrong in his mind, wrong in his heart. His clan felt like a prison, his clanmates and friends nothing but a hinderance. A lethal trap waiting to spring. He thought about things, dark horrible things, and StarClan had long foresaken him and his dreams. Where had the warrior he'd been gone? What had happened to him to lead him so far off the path? A cruel reality had slowly torn away at his resolve, at his loyalty and drive to protect.
Bluejay. Beloved and sweet, his mentor and friend, a balm on his nerves after a long and hard day. Snatched away by StarClan and a thrice blasted illness. Greencough. Exhaustion. Fever. A horrible death for the she-cat he'd thought hung the moon. She'd been specially chosen, well suited to her life as a medicine cat. He'd thought he could protect her. He'd been wrong. Now the only voice of hers he could hear was the warning that had precluded an act of war. Of violence. Of pain. It was a terrible punishment for him, who had only wished to know that she was at peace and that he hadn't failed her. Because, he knew, he had. That was why they wouldn't let her soothe him. StarClan hated him. Hated the cat they couldn't control.
Herondive, oh how his heart bled when he thought of her. The she-cat StarClan made for him, and he was chosen as their medicine cat. A forbidden relationship from rules made by those long gone, an unchanging rule. One he'd broken for her over and over again. He had never wanted to give up on her, on loving her, on feeling himself become happy and stable and...but it was never meant to be, was it? She was happy without him, StarClan made sure of that.
Someone called out to him, but he paid it no mind. Why should he listen to them anymore? The only cat alive now that kept him from simply giving up on caring about the world, the clans, anything, was Kindleflare. He loved her in a way that was beyond the realms of friendship. It wasn't a physical love, but it was one that was slowly mending the broken pieces of him even as he knew it would never last. With Honeysong passed there was nothing holding him to TreeClan. He wanted to leave them, leave this life and this clan behind to do as it would. But...Bluejay would be disappointed in him if he left them without a medicine cat. His mother would be disappointed too. So he stayed, miserable, with his broken mind and failing spirit.
He was trying so hard to teach, to be a good mentor, to dig himself out of the hole he'd fallen into, but it was hard going on his own. He sighed. Maybe if he wasn't such a depressing ball of fur someone would realize he needed to be pulled up by his whiskers. Even a medicine cat needed help sometimes, and his apprentice was too young and too much a pain in his backside to help him.
Bluejay. Beloved and sweet, his mentor and friend, a balm on his nerves after a long and hard day. Snatched away by StarClan and a thrice blasted illness. Greencough. Exhaustion. Fever. A horrible death for the she-cat he'd thought hung the moon. She'd been specially chosen, well suited to her life as a medicine cat. He'd thought he could protect her. He'd been wrong. Now the only voice of hers he could hear was the warning that had precluded an act of war. Of violence. Of pain. It was a terrible punishment for him, who had only wished to know that she was at peace and that he hadn't failed her. Because, he knew, he had. That was why they wouldn't let her soothe him. StarClan hated him. Hated the cat they couldn't control.
Herondive, oh how his heart bled when he thought of her. The she-cat StarClan made for him, and he was chosen as their medicine cat. A forbidden relationship from rules made by those long gone, an unchanging rule. One he'd broken for her over and over again. He had never wanted to give up on her, on loving her, on feeling himself become happy and stable and...but it was never meant to be, was it? She was happy without him, StarClan made sure of that.
Someone called out to him, but he paid it no mind. Why should he listen to them anymore? The only cat alive now that kept him from simply giving up on caring about the world, the clans, anything, was Kindleflare. He loved her in a way that was beyond the realms of friendship. It wasn't a physical love, but it was one that was slowly mending the broken pieces of him even as he knew it would never last. With Honeysong passed there was nothing holding him to TreeClan. He wanted to leave them, leave this life and this clan behind to do as it would. But...Bluejay would be disappointed in him if he left them without a medicine cat. His mother would be disappointed too. So he stayed, miserable, with his broken mind and failing spirit.
He was trying so hard to teach, to be a good mentor, to dig himself out of the hole he'd fallen into, but it was hard going on his own. He sighed. Maybe if he wasn't such a depressing ball of fur someone would realize he needed to be pulled up by his whiskers. Even a medicine cat needed help sometimes, and his apprentice was too young and too much a pain in his backside to help him.