[Deleted]

“I can’t believe she’s gone…,” Robinflame breathed, her voice shaking with the weight of her grief for her newly deceased littermate. Dovecloud’s pristine white form lay in the middle camp, prepared for her vigil. Robinflame had left all four young kits the two of them had had between them with Cloudyfeather but briefly, torn and aching that she could not sit all night with her sister as she wanted to. But both their kits needed milk regularly and she was the only nursing queen LightningClan had right now. She couldn’t afford to be away from them to give her sister a proper vigil. She leaned down, pressed her nose into the plush white fur of her sister’s neck, breathing in what remained of her scent beneath the herbs Kindleflare and Tigereye had rubbed into her coat to hide the scent of death. A choked sob shook her, “I’m sorry… I’m sorry I can’t stay with you… I’ll take good care of your kits. I’ll love them like I know… like I know you would have….” She tore herself away and all but ran back to the nursery before her resolve to leave her sister’s side and return to the kits that needed her failed. The only comfort she had was knowing that the rest of their family would be there with her, even if she couldn’t be.

Blazefang watched from outside the elder’s den. It would be part of his duty to bury his distant kin in the morning, with the other elders. Bitterly, he looked up to the sky, stars appearing betweens dark wisps of clouds. Why did it seem like their family was cursed to break into pieces at every turn? Dovecloud’s kits would never know her, as Gustclaw’s kits would never know him. They were plagued by so much loss, it wasn’t fair. What horrible wrong had one of their ancestors committed to be cursed like this so many generations later that no tale existed of it? What other reason could there be? His tail lashed once behind him. The only answer to that was that StarClan was cruel. Dovecloud had been ripped away from her kits just as his mother, Dovesong, had been ripped away from them. As his gaze turned downward, back to the family pressing around Dovecloud’s still form, Blazefang felt a wave of exhaustion crash over him, felt himself sag to the ground from his formerly sitting position, laying his head on his paws. How many more times would he have to watch this scene play out? He wasn’t sure how much more he could take.

Tigereye had taken the time to go between each of Dovecloud’s family members and share in their grief with them, to see if it was too much for any of them to bear right now, if they needed anything more from him. Dovecloud had been Kindleflare’s sister and he wanted to do whatever he could to make this loss the slightest bit easier for her, he wanted to take on what the older medicine cat might have been doing herself, if she wasn’t grieving the loss just as hard as the rest of her family. He wanted to let her grieve too. His final stop was Harestrike and he hesitated for a moment because he could certainly relate to the loss of a sibling, but the loss of a mate when she had just given birth to his kits? That was a different sort of pain and one he would never be able to relate to personally. His kits would never know their mother but through the words of those who loved her.

“Harestrike… is there… anything I can do for you?” he asked quietly as he approached the older tom.

Harestrike's expression was numb, his head slowly swinging to face Tigereye, though his eyes were unfocused, as if some part of him were seeing things that weren't there. "Can you bring back the dead?" His hoarse whisper was laced with cynicism and agony, and once they were spoken, Harestrike moved away from Tigereye. He did not go far, but he had made his intentions clear. The conversation was over. There were some wounds no medicine cat could heal.

Tigereye’s ears flicked backward at the response, but he didn’t blame Harestrike and he didn’t try to follow him. The loss was fresh and the wound was raw, and if the impossible was the only thing that would help Harestrike right now then there was nothing Tigereye could do. It was a helpless feeling, but his company clearly was not wanted. He looked around at the gathered cats, Dovecloud’s family, and finally back to Kindleflare. He hadn’t checked on his mentor yet. He was sure she would have wanted him to do whatever he could for her family first, but now that he had he could return to her side. There was nothing more he could do for anyone else. He could not, after all, bring back the dead.

Kindleflare was not sitting beside Dovecloud’s body. She had kept her distance from her family, but Tigereye wouldn’t let her grieve alone any longer. He sat at her side and pressed into her fur. It felt strange to look down at her in this instance. He’d grown taller than her. And in a bit of a role reversal he rasped his tongue between her ears, his voice soft, “... Why aren’t you with them?” He could guess that there was some guilt. When his father had died, he had felt like he should have done more for him, but Russetfall had been old and Dovecloud had been in her prime. Even as his father lay dying, a sort of peace had settled over him that it was his time and he knew there was nothing he could do to save him. It wasn’t the same.

GL 9, following THIS THREAD
Featuring Fawn for a Harestrike cameo
BlooRey DVD

[BlooRey DVD]

"Some people see scars, and it is wounding they remember.
To me they are proof of the fact that there is healing.”

KIndleFlare

The ginger medicine cat sat some distance away from Dovecloud's immobile form, alone and feeling just as out of place as she looked. Dark amber eyes continued to stare down at her paws, despite not truly seeing the clear claws buried into the earth beneath her. Every other breath, the worn down LightningClan healer shivered softly, her breath hitching in her throat like a bone turned sideways. Dimly, she was aware of Tigereye wandering about, completing the tasks she should have been doing. Caring for the Clan, searching out those grieving to offer up some form of comfort in a dark time.

But how could she even begin to comfort others when she too was cast into the dark abyss of melancholic sorrow. She barely noticed when her student-turned-scholar finished his task as best he could, turning his attention toward her. Ginger ears were pressed against her skull, preventing the older medicine cat from picking up the sound of approaching pawsteps amidst the dull thrum of grief in her head, like cobwebs had been stuffed into her ears to block out the ambient noises. When fur did brush against her side, Tigereye dwarfing her in size as he'd grown over the moons, the distracted healer visibly startled.

Her fur stuck out on end, raised along her spine as her head jerked up. Pupils contract among the pools of dark amber, pulling her companion into focus as she looked but didn't truly see. Her heart seized deep in her chest as his gentle voiced coaxed to her, tongue rasping over her head in a motion she'd done to him countless times throughout his apprenticeship. How the terrain had turned. Her muzzle dropped back toward her ivory paws, muscles in her paws flexing to press her claws into the ground once more.

Leaning against the taller medicine cat, she pressed her forehead to his shoulder, doing what she could to lose herself in his fur, in his familiar scent. Her throat felt raw, closed shut with the heavy feeling weighing down upon her. When she found her voice, it was thick with anguish; quiet, hoarse, and lost. "I-I... I d-don't th-think H-Harestrike..." She choked softly, teeth gritting as her eyes squeezed shut. "W-Wants me a-anywhere n-near her r-right now..." She finished quietly, her right forepaw dragging across the earth to score a deep gouge in the terrain.

"Sh-She... She sh-shouldn't h-have... Have... H-How could I-I have l-let... M-My l-little sist-ter." She seemed to fold in on herself then, her legs dropping her weight as she crumpled to the ground with a choked whimper. Of all the times she could have failed, how could she let it be on Dovecloud, who had such a life in front of her. Now, two kits would grow up without a mother.

Medicine Cat of LightningClan

70 moons. ~470 words. @zen Fawn

[Deleted]

He had startled her, and though he had sort of been expecting to, Tigereye still felt a flash of guilt over it. The two of them were both easily startled cats, that had become readily apparent in their time together. Normally, they were both so careful about it, it had become second nature to do little things to ensure neither of them was caught off guard by a sudden appearance, but knowing how his mentor would be so lost in her grief there wasn’t much to be done about it this time. A moment later she was pressing into his fur and he steadied himself to be the solid foundation she needed right now. One ear twitched as he caught the soft sound of one of the kits in the nursery, though whether it was one of Dovecloud’s or her sister’s, he couldn’t say.

It took a moment for Kindleflare to speak, her pain clear in her voice, and Tigereye had never wished so badly that there was an herb that could heal a broken heart. Kindleflare had become a second mother to him, a mother he never had to worry about disappointing or measuring up to. Their relationship was so easy, without the strain that had pervaded his early life with Firestar. In the beginning he had worried about disappointing Kindleflare but her constant, unending patience and support had washed away those worries soon enough. She was far more than just his mentor and he loved her perhaps more than he loved any other cat in LightningClan, save Lynxfire.

But he had never felt such a strong desire to protect Lynxfire; his sister could protect herself quite well enough. He wanted to protect Kindleflare, in this moment. If what was hurting her had been a physical creature standing before them, he thought he would be able to summon the courage to unsheathe his claws and fight it off for her, even though the entire thought was so ridiculous. Kindleflare had been a warrior before she became a medicine cat while he had not. She would probably be better at defending herself than he would, but the desire was still there within him. Which made it all the more frustrating, because there was nothing for him to fight.

When she collapsed, he followed her, curled himself around her as if to shield her from the world and all the pain it had brought her today. He considered fetching her some herbs to help her sleep, something to calm her and ensure her night was dreamless, for he could imagine only nightmares waited for her when she closed her eyes. Perhaps he would, but right now he just wanted her to know she wasn’t alone. He could only imagine how she felt. If he had failed to save Lynxfire he had no doubt he would lose himself in despair as well, kits or no kits. There was nothing easy about any of this, and all any of them could feel was helplessness over this entire, unfair tragedy.

He rasped his tongue over her fur in slow, gentle strokes, giving her what comfort he could. He could not offer her the same words he offered others in the Clan. He had learned them from her, after all. Words felt so empty right now, when it came to her. Every member of her family felt Dovecloud’s loss, but none of them were medicine cats, none of them knew what it was like to try to save a life and fail. Dovecloud was at peace with StarClan now, but that didn’t change the fact that her kits were left without a mother. “If… if you need time to grieve, Kindleflare… I’ll make sure the Clan is taken care of. Please, take all the time you need… and don’t force yourself. You deserve to grieve,” he mewed quietly, “It’s not your fault.”

BlooRey DVD

[BlooRey DVD]

"Some people see scars, and it is wounding they remember.
To me they are proof of the fact that there is healing.”

KIndleFlare

It had been moons since she had allowed herself to feel this broken. Not since her parents had finally walked the path to StarClan had she come apart so completely. How could she let herself? There were those who depended on her knowledge, those who depended on her skill set. And Tigereye had been so young, so desperately in need of guidance through the twisting world of herbs and healing. She had felt as though she'd had a purpose, a direction in which she needed to walk. Now, clouds had crawled in to cover the sun, doing what they could to suffocate the light remaining in her life.

From her collapsed position on the ground, she latched onto the feeling of desperation that slipped through her veins as Tigereye wrapped himself protectively around her. Kindleflare felt so small in that moment. Small, yet... Secure. Like maybe, if she stayed there in that moment, she might not fall to pieces before the Clan. Somewhere in the recesses of her mind, she pondered just how strange it was... To have it be her apprentice, a tom she had come to view as something akin to a son she had never had, holding her together.

Just when the world had seemed to lose meaning, when she'd lost the ground beneath her very paws, Tigereye was there. You deserve to grieve. The words, simple as they may have been, cut through to her core. Yet it was not solely emotional agony that lanced through. There was relief there too. As though hearing him say those words, hearing him tell her that, at least for the moment, she didn't have to be the one to comfort the shattered... That it was okay for her to grieve... It was as though someone had breathed life into her briefly.

Death brought pain. She hurt the same as everyone else. Yet, upon every loss of a Clanmate, she was supposed to be the one to support those grieving. Rarely did she have the opportunity to truly grieve. And so, buried in the fur of her apprentice, she let herself cry quietly. Her shoulders shook with every rattling breath, the ginger healer incapable of caring that she was not in the privacy of the medicine cat's den. She almost felt like a kit again, lost in the darkness of her own head. But she was desperate to hold onto one of the last remaining and brightest lights in her life.

Dragging her head away from where she'd tucked it against his chest, she tilted her muzzle so one tear-tired amber eye could look up at him. In an emotion-roughened voice, she croaked softly, leaning her ear against his chest so she could listen to the steady thrum of his heart. "C-Can... Can you t-tell me... A-A story..? I j-just d-don't want to s-sit in s-silence a-anymore." She mewed, eyes shutting as though that might succeed in blocking out the encroaching thoughts.

Medicine Cat of LightningClan

70 moons. ~500 words. @zen