| I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, I thought, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. |
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INVENTORY
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Post by Ginger on Nov 29, 2019 23:36:51 GMT -5
 Emberlight "In the darkest times, hope
is something you give yourself." It was long overdue for a conversation between RainClan's new deputy and its leader. Ever since the flood, Silverstar, a cat known for being laid back, seemed to be on edge. Though Emberlight had no idea what it could have been about, he wanted to find out so that he could help the silver tom get back into his groove.
Grabbing a medium-sized fish from the fresh-kill pile, Emberlight padded to Silverstar's den. The friendly tom peeked inside of the den to find Silverstar resting inside.
"Sharing food with a friend is something I look forward to every day," he started with, grabbing the attention of RainClan's silver leader. Slowly making his way into the den, Emberlight's expression shifted from one of pure positivity to one of friendly concern.
Laying the fish in front of Silverstar, Emberlight sat across from the tom, patiently waiting for him to take the first bite. "I have a lot of regrets in my life," he started with, hoping to help Silverstar feel more comfortable with talking to him. "One of the biggest ones was placing barriers between me and a dear friend." He looked into Silverstar's eyes. "That being said, I can sense something is wrong. I want you to know that I am not only here as your deputy, but also here as your friend."
53 Moons. Deputy. RainClan |
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Post by Justice on Nov 29, 2019 23:54:33 GMT -5
He was...processing. He wondered if all the leaders felt this way after they lost their first life. And to remember so vividly both dying and then StarClan sending him back was terrifying. He'd come a long way from the irresponsible tom that just wanted to love as many she-cats as possible. He'd become responsible, and a father to two beautiful she-cats. Not to mention doing a second time what he'd sworn he would never do again; he'd given someone kits of his own volition. Willowbreeze was dear to him, and she had deserved those kits so much. Today, however, he was just sitting in his nest trying to wrap his mind around everything that had happened. Was he alright? Not yet, but he was working on it. The silver tom was drawn from his thoughts when his new deputy came into his den and plopped a fish in front of him. He had little appetite since coming back after the flood, enough that his parents were scolding him due to his weight loss. In reality it was only because when he'd come back alive he'd coughed up a fish and so didn't want to eat fish for a season or two until the memory wasn't so strong. "Ah, I'm not hungry I'm afraid." The fish was making him feel sick to his stomach as a matter of fact. He wondered if he looked like he felt in that moment, his blue eyes slightly darker because he felt unwell. Maybe he should get something for his upset stomach from Dewfrost. He tipped his head as the other spoke, finally sighing and nudging the fish away from him before he gagged. But the other was right on one thing; he had to learn to trust his deputy. Moonshine had left him unable to do that to a scary degree, and his mother taking her place only helped moderately. "Sorry Emberlight, I've just gotten used to keeping my own council when it came to a Deputy. My mother reads me like a clear stream on a greenleaf day so I didn't have to really voice what I thought and..." He wasn't going into how much he hadn't liked Moonshine towards the end of all things. That time was over, and she was in StarClan. No need to tarnish the memory of the dead. He sighed and took a few deep breaths as he leveled his gaze at the other tom. "This doesn't leave the den. Nobody else. Dewfrost knows, but she could tell on sight. Lilygleam knows, but she knew on sight as well." Willowbreeze knew, but he'd told her. "During the evacuation I was swimming for many hours trying to get everyone to safety. Eventually my stamina ran out." He shut his eyes and shuddered. "I drowned." Ginger |
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| I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, I thought, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. |
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INVENTORY
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Post by Ginger on Jan 18, 2020 21:54:59 GMT -5
Emberlight "In the darkest times, hope
is something you give yourself." Concern made Emberlight's ears edge forward towards his leader, who had just turned away the food offered to him. That was never a good sign.
Silverstar began to speak, and Emberlight looked the silver tom in the eye. Something bad was coming. He could feel it in his stomach. Or was that just the fish?
Whatever it was, his premonition had been correct.
"I drowned."
Amber eyes momentarily widened in shock. Silverstar had died. Not only that, but Silverstar had died alone.
"Silverstar, I..." But what was there to say to someone who had died? Who had seen the other side and had come back? "Eight more to go! Keep up the good work!" There wasn't much he could say because he had never experienced it before. He had never felt water closing in on his lungs, had never felt the darkness setting in all around him. All he could do was offer his own friendship. This went beyond just being a deputy. "I cannot imagine what you went through."
He paused for a moment, looking for the right thing to say. It really was hard to console someone who had been through something Emberlight had never been through in his entire life. "I want you to know that I am here. As a deputy. As a friend."
He looked at the entrance of the den. "And most importantly, you are here. You used your first life to save innocent lives in a flood rather than use it to take lives on a chaotic battlefield. You truly are the leader RainClan needs."
56 Moons. Warrior. RainClan |
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Post by Justice on Jan 22, 2020 0:00:11 GMT -5
He looked at the ground, eyes gone distant as the world closed in around him and for a few minutes all he could see and hear was the water closing around him and suffocating him again. Even though, he was fairly certain, he'd lost consciousness from exhaustion well before he'd drowned. But there was something else there, something else in that dark horrible memory. "StarClan drifted me to Willowbreeze's nest." He realized his voice sounded vague, and he wondered if talking about it was putting him into shock again, like right after it had happened. "Her kits were spilled into the mud, newborn and dirty and crying for their mother. I remember waking up to their mewling cries for help, and nothing else mattered in that moment then getting them out of the mud and as safe and dry and clean as I could manage." He shook his head, realized he was cold and shivering, and turned to look at his deputy again. "My first life was given for this clan, but more for a way for StarClan to make sure I wasn't too far away to save Willowbreeze's kits." Silverstar was shivering, shaking with a cold that the season had no relation to. He had to take several deep breaths then, knowing he couldn't be displaying this kind of weakness. No one needed to see their leader going through this trauma. He was supposed to be their rock through the rapids, solid and strong and above the chaos. He was supposed to be...supposed to... "Emberlight?" He was looking at the ground again, shaking and huddling in on himself even as he fought to keep it together. "Thank you for checking on me." Ginger |
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| I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, I thought, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. |
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INVENTORY
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Post by Ginger on Jan 31, 2020 17:39:43 GMT -5
The den seemed to chill a few degrees as Silverstar began to shiver as he spoke. The somber air of the den threatened to make even the ever-positive Emberlight collapse under the pressure. "Whatever the reason, it was noble." The ginger deputy then scanned over Silverstar's flank with a much more intense gaze. RainClan's leader had a lost a fair amount of weight, yet he refused to eat fish. It must have had something to do with his drowning. Emberlight understood -- it could be hard to accept back into your life something that caused you pain. The riverside had not seen Silverstar quite as frequently in recent times. At Silverstar's thanks, Emberlight dipped his head. Anything for his leader. Anything for his friend. And, of course, since he would do anything for his leader, he would try yet again to make him eat something. Sometimes to feel strong, one had to fake it. What better way to do that than by filling up? "Silverstar, I know you refused the fish...But something tells me it's not because you are full." He glanced once again at the haggard leader. "Waspstrike and Waverunner just came back from a land-hunt with two squirrels and a shrew. It's in the fresh-kill pile if you need it" Justice |
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Post by Justice on Feb 10, 2020 20:28:03 GMT -5
[POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING!]
"Noble." He didn't feel noble. He felt trapped. Like water closing over his head, like weight on his chest and pulling him downward. Trapped and alone and terrified.
There was this sort of ringing in his ears, and he knew he was shaking but couldn't bring himself to really care. He hurt all over again, and suddenly he simply couldn't breath. His breath wheezed from his lungs, the sound loud even through the roaring in his ears. He couldn't hear anything, his head filled with moss and choking him from the inside. Drowning again. He didn't want to do this, he didn't want to die. Not again. Not so soon.
His body shuddered violently, the wheezing of the air going in and out of his body rapid and shallow. He'd thought too much about it, the memory of having to tend Willowbreeze's kits through him back into that moment, of waking up on shore and realizing he'd died, of the pain in his body and the terrible vision of StarClan sending him back to life. Before this he'd managed these thoughts, but in front of his Deputy, whom he was just now coming to truly trust, talking about it send him into a deep panic attack. Dewfrost didn't understand. His daughter was the medicine cat, he couldn't talk to her. He couldn't make anyone worry, he was supposed to be strong.
Alone. He was all alone in his leadership and struggling to find his paws. He was overwhelmed, his structure of support broken due to a poor choice on his part of his Deputy. He couldn't trust Moonshine, Dewfrost was already dealing with so much and he couldn't just burden his daughter any further. His body hurt, lungs burning as he heaved through his breaths until he sank to the floor of his den, trying to fight but no longer having the strength to do so.
That he wasn't doing all this by himself anymore escaped him at the moment. He wasn't used to having Emberlight, wasn't used to having anyone at his side that he could trust to mind their own business and...
"I can't breathe." He wheezed it out, the only thing he could get out and begging for some sort of help.
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| I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, I thought, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. |
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INVENTORY
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Post by Ginger on Feb 17, 2020 18:57:38 GMT -5
Emberlight "In the darkest times, hope
is something you give yourself." The way that Silverstar almost spat out the word "noble" had Emberlight concerned. Concerned that the silver tom was not quite done processing his actions.
His body had escaped the river, but was Silverstar's consciousness still stuck, drowning in dark waters?
That question was answered when Silverstar's chest began to heave. Panic shot through Emberlight's eyes for just a moment, but he knew that panicking would not help his leader in this time. He needed a rock to climb upon to escape the deep waters.
As soon as Silverstar blurted out that he could not breathe, Emberlight shot over to his leader's side, pressing his shoulder against the silver tom's: a reminder that the leader was not alone.
"You are not in those perilous waters." He spoke slowly. "I am here with you. We are here."
Emberlight, making sure the two toms still had their shoulders pressed together, began to take deep breaths. "Breathe with me."
Deep breaths. Constant contact. Reassuring and softly-spoken words. It was nothing a medicine cat could do, but it was all Emberlight could offer to Silverstar.
"You are not alone. It's you and I in this. Together."
56 Moons. Warrior. RainClan |
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Post by Justice on Feb 18, 2020 0:27:52 GMT -5
He didn't hear the other tom at first, just felt contact against his shoulder. His mind told him it had to be his Deupty, had to be Moonshine, and he shuddered in revulsion. "Moon...shine...don't touch me." He hissed his words, still wheezing as he tried to get his body to move away from a she-cat he just didn't trust and didn't want near him. "Get out of my den! This is..." He felt his lungs close up. "Making..it...worse..." But...she didn't move, didn't leave and was talking to him. It took his brain longer than it should have to realize the body next to him was too big to be Moonshine, was too calm and too comfortable to his senses. Not Moonshine. Not his...wait...Moonshine was with StarClan. She'd died. Emberlight was his Deputy now. He choked and wheezed then finally was able to hear the other tom's voice. He could feel the others body as he inhaled and exhaled, and before too much longer was able to force ragged breaths in time with the other. He wasn't calm, but at least he could breathe through it now. Silverstar coughed then actually laid his head on the ground, allowing his body to sag all the way down to make it easier to concentrate. "Emberlight?" Even to his own ears his voice sounded lost. "Is StarClan punishing me with this?" Ginger |
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| I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, I thought, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. |
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INVENTORY
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Post by Ginger on Feb 21, 2020 22:15:54 GMT -5
Emberlight "In the darkest times, hope
is something you give yourself." Moonshine? Confusion swirled through the deputy's head as Silverstar spoke to him as if he were the leader's past deputy. But that didn't stop Emberlight. He continued to breathe slowly, expanding his shoulders so that Silverstar could feel his breaths. He talked quietly here and there.
Soon enough, Silverstar began to take deeper and more controlled breaths before putting his head down.
"Emberlight?"
The orange tom's ears flicked in response to his leader's voice.
"Is StarClan punishing me with this?"
Emberlight put his head on his paws, looking forward in the same direction as Silverstar. Now they were on the same level.
"When you died, StarClan healed your physical wounds and brought you back to us." He paused, listening to Silverstar's breaths, praying to StarClan that they would continue to slow.
"But... there are some wounds that never show. That StarClan can never heal. Invisible, deep wounds that hurt twice as much and take many many moons to heal." He closed his eyes as his head rested on his paws in the same manner as Silverstar. "You are not being punished. You are being healed. It's a painful process, but it is not one that you ever have to do alone."
56 Moons. Warrior. RainClan |
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Post by Justice on Mar 24, 2020 19:50:44 GMT -5
"It feels like they are punishing me." He admitted, still wheezing though not nearly as bad as his panic attack subsided little by little. He concentrated on his breathing and the words of the tom at his side, feeling for the first time like someone really had his back in all this. His mother had been an excellent deputy, but Lilygleam was his mother. He couldn't burden her with his nightmares. He couldn't burden his family with his nightmares. He just couldn't do it. But Emberlight was his deputy and meant to help him shoulder the burdens of leadership. This was one of those burdens, the darker part of having nine lives. "I can't eat fish without remembering coughing one out when I revived, seeing it wiggle and knowing it was inside my body while I was dead doing StarClan only knows what. I can't sleep without nightmares plaguing me, I'm so tired of everyone asking me if I'm alright when they don't know what's going on and I can't tell them. My daughter is my medicine cat. My best friend, her mother, means well but its like...talk to me about anything else. The weather, the snow, anything. But not this." He was still lain out, the silver pelted tom starting to breathe semi-normally at last even if his body felt pained and a knot was in his stomach. "I'm tired of having no one I can talk to that isn't family." His blue eyes dulled out again, mind beginning to drift back out of the present even with his deputy at his side. Ginger |
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| I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, I thought, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. |
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INVENTORY
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Post by Ginger on Apr 7, 2020 23:55:27 GMT -5
Emberlight "In the darkest times, hope
is something you give yourself." Emberlight nodded empathetically. There had been many a moment in his life in which he questioned StarClan's intentions. Many times when he believed he was in the wrong and tried desperately to "fix" himself. But in the end, Emberlight had learned from many hard lessons that StarClan didn't exist to punish. Simply to watch. To advise. To offer love.
By no means were the members of StarClan gods. They were simply souls set free. Why would they concern their afterlives with making mortals suffer?
Silverstar moved on, next speaking about his reasons for not wanting fish. It made perfect sense. Emberlight's amber eyes widened at the leader's account. "What you went through is not something most of us will go through. It makes sense that you cannot speak of it." Emberlight made a mental note to make sure at least one hunting patrol a day went in search of land prey. RainClan's warriors were versatile and strong, just like the river they lived on.
A rumbling purr vibrated from Emberlight's entire body, hoping to make Silverstar feel more comfortable. "You do not have to speak about it if you do not wish to. I would just as gladly converse about the beauty of the snow, the cycles of the weather... But my ear is always here for you when you do need to speak."
With the slightest trace of longing in his eyes, greatly overshadowed by warmth and kindness, Emberlight smiled and looked to his leader. "I am not well-versed in family, so I should hope I can be as far from familial as you need." A weak attempt at some light humor, but maybe it was what Silverstar needed. Laughing and kindness were universal treatments to many ailments.
59 Moons. Deputy. RainClan |
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Post by Justice on Jun 1, 2020 22:39:37 GMT -5
His mind was drifting from the cat at his side, and without really realizing it he started talking about something else, something that wasn't his nightmares and his trauma. Like he'd told Emberlight, anything else. "When I was a kit I was very sickly, and one of those sicknesses found me with a fever. I dreamed once, dreamed of something that still stays with me." "She walks by snow fall, pelt colored to blend, graceful and silent and without the slightest crunch of the snow below her paws. She was cold and distant, uncaring that I followed like the kit I was, just wanting someone to show me the way back home. She never moved further than I could follow, but never spoke a word, just looked back at me with eyes the color of a leafbare sky after a hard storm. I followed on and on, surrounded by the beauty of her and of the leafbare field we crossed. And then I woke, my mother was crying. I asked her where the white she-cat had gone, and mother told me that I'd been dreaming. My fever had been so high that everyone thought I would go on to StarClan that night, but instead I was led back by a cat with starlight paws and snow." He shook his head, realizing he'd been speaking aloud. "Forgive me, sometimes I speak without thinking about it." Ginger |
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| I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, I thought, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. |
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INVENTORY
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Post by Ginger on Jul 1, 2020 11:03:11 GMT -5
Emberlight "In the darkest times, hope
is something you give yourself." Emberlight listened to Silverstar's account of the dream he had had as a kit, ears forward attentively. When the leader had finished speaking, Emberlight sat back and sighed.
"It seems like StarClan has always been on your side, Silverstar." But Silverstar surviving his fever as a kit was not totally due to StarClan. That had taken some of his own effort as well. "Even as a kit, you had an unbreakable spirit. You have always had the power to persevere and thrive."
The warm tom purred ever so slightly. "But I'm sure a little help from others can help a great amount."
Emberlight had felt alone for a great deal of his life, and from his loneliness, he had learned the importance of accepting help and companionship whenever possible, wherever possible. He had nothing to lose in life by gaining a friend.
"Like the snowy white she-cat with stars in her steps, we must be able to lift one another up step-by-step. By helping each other, we help this clan."
He winked. "And I think we are off to a pretty great start."
53 Moons. Deputy. RainClan Finished? Let's start another. Justice.183 words |
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