When she and Silverstar agreed that waiting to have their litter closer to greenleaf's propserity, she never expected it to make her feel so plump. Perhaps she should have talked to the other queens to make sure what she was feeling was normal.
Not that she regretted her choice by any means. In fact, she caught herself daydreaming more and more about the kits to be born. Dewfrost had recently suggested during one of her daily check-ups, that she might be carrying two kits. The idea for names always ready started to swam her mind, but none seemed to stick. It was more traditional to name the kits after their birth, but she couldn't help but think about them still.
Holding back a yawn, Willowbreeze got up from her nursery nest and left the space. She had become so sleepy lately but found it difficult to feel rested. She blamed it on the lack of activity and decided it would be best for her to go for some kind of walk.
Awkwardly heading toward Silverstar's den, she peaked her head in and called out to him. "Silverstar, would you like to go for a walk with me?" She asked from just outside the den.
He'd been resting, not sleeping just lain down in his den to let his body have a break. He'd been running about nonstop since greenleaf started, just making sure everything was running smoothly and that there was no sign of Rushwhisker. Though banished in leafbare he didn't quite trust that it was over. Not yet. He wanted to believe the tom wouldn't press his grudge on Dewfrost, but as leader he couldn't trust that. Not with her being their only living medicine cat, without an apprentice. So he was laying there, paws tucked under his fluffy frame and tail wrapped around in front when Willowbreeze popped her head in. He beamed at her and rose, his limbs becoming visible once more.
"Of course. I always have time for my friends, and only a crazy tom ignores the request of an expectant queen." He smiled as he said it, padding out to join her. "How are you feeling?"
Her eyes closed in quiet delight as he agreed to join her. Plump as she had become, she did her best to walk without too much of a waddle out of camp. Her paws found the well worn path to the Willow Creek. The area always calmed her and would provide them some privacy to talk more freely with each other.
"I've been alright. These kits have decided my back is perfect for kicking. Dewfrost doesn't want to give me too much poppyseed. So, for now, she suggested walking or alternating what side I sleep on will help," She answered after they left camp, fewer ears.
"How are you? I wanted to ask, do you want to have a say in their names?" Her question came kindly, sweet like honey. No undertone of insecurity with their relationship. She continued to be happy being a friend without the stress of becoming more.
Words: Tags: Justice Notes:short! i figured this would be a little more rapidp posting to help with hr
He kept his pace the same as hers, pretending not to notice the waddle-walk of his friend and now queen. It made him happy to know she would soon have the kits she wanted, even though she didn't have the mate she probably wanted as well. He'd helped out another sweet she-cat, and everything was going well now. Now if he could only stabilize things with Dewfrost and Ferngaze then life would really be much better. Echoshade's nerves weren't handling the discord between her two daughters, and he didn't like seeing her upset. But for now, he was in the presence of the other she-cat closest to him, and she deserved his entire attention.
When she asked if he wanted to help name them he shook his head. "No, but thank you. I leave the naming and rearing of kits to their mothers. Frankly, newborn kits scare me more than Demons. Too small, too fragile, no thank you." He shuddered in true terror.
A giggle escaped her as he declined her offer. She found it funny that Silverstar had such a reaction. While her jovial response was meant to be playful, Willowbreeze paused her laughter to offer support. "I understand, no worries there. However I must disagree with them being too small. I've talked with older queens and they have all said that kitting is painful due to size of the kits. I only hope they will be healthy,"
Allowing for silence to grow after her words, Willowbreeze found a comfortable spot to rest beside the water. Her forepaw touching the cooling water. She waited a moment before flicking her tail to invite Silverstar to sit beside her.
"You know I'll always be here for you, that being a mother won't change that. If you need someone to talk to just ask me," Her voice offered comfort. The news of TreeClan and NightClan's pending war bothered her, but she trusted Silverstar not to drag their Clan into something foolish. She only hoped he wouldn't wear himself out to maintain the peace, she wanted him to lean on others for support when he needed. A leader should never be lonely.
He shuddered again. Kits, especially newborn ones, scared him very much. Too much a reminder of where he'd come from, and an old warning he'd given in this same situation moons ago to a different she-cat. "Willowbreeze, you know I was born sickly and small, the runt of my litter. I don't wish anything bad going on with these kits, but as I warned Echoshade I warn you now. There's a small chance one of them will come the way I did, small and fragile. Just...please be careful. I don't want anything to happen to you, or to these kits."
He headbutted her then came to rest at her side, curling his tail about her round body protectively. This was an instinct born of a tom trained very well by an aggressive mother, and one who would have his hide if he ever mistreated a she-cat.
Silverstar did tend to run himself ragged, though not nearly as much since his mother Lilygleam had become his deputy. She didn't tolerate her son driving himself quite so hard, though she did enjoy that he was putting so much effort into taking care of the clan. She'd also wanted him to take Willowbreeze for his mate, as she was the most sensible she-cat the other had met, and was not his kithood friend.
"Lilygleam thinks we'd make a good match." he said it dryly, shaking his head as he chuckled at the matchmaking antics of his mother turned deputy. "I know I can talk to you, its just finding the time to do so that tends to be a problem. But I will always make time for you Willowbreeze. You're my friend." He leaned over and pressed his nose to her distended flank. "And the mother of my kits. That will always make a bond between us, even if we aren't mates." It was the first time he'd called her that, and it felt strange.
She heared his warning loud and clear, dipped her head to ensure him she understood. Sick kits were never easy to take care of but Willowbreeze had faith. She had waited a long time for them and her love could crumble mountains. Yet, she understood where Silverstar's worries came from and again offered her quiet support. She didn't know the words to calm him but felt with time he would overcome his fear.
Once he settled beside her, Willowbreeze tucked in a little closer. Leaning slightly onto him, it helped manage the where kits settled. They had been persistent with kicking at her spine which only left her tired and sore. Now that she had settled down to rest they too seemed to want a nap. Thankful, Willowbreeze started to purr stopping only when Silverstar mentioned what his mother had said.
Staring at him for a moment, emotions swirled with in her, grief one of them. Mourning the loss of what could have been, Willowbreeze accepted his touch but did not return it, instead clearing her throat. Words failed to come. She tried again, her heart picking up the pace until all that escaped her was a short-winded sigh.
"I am happy to be your friend Silvestar, believe me, and I think it's every's mother wish for their kit to find someone to love them as they deserved to be loved, but," She paused, voice catching in her throat.
"Should I tell him? What if he hates me after, regrets the kits," Troubling thoughts coiled up like a snake waiting to strike. "He deserves to know," She came to that conclusion with a heavy heart.
"I'm not that cat for you...I'm your friend..I've never told anyone this before but I almost had a mate..his name was Jaycry," Her voice wavered, threatening to break. Taking a deep breathe she kept on. "He died many moons ago and so did a part of me," Her voice caught one last time, she had to turn away to avoid breaking down entirely. Her eyes settling on the subtle sway of the willow tree limbs.
"You deserve someone that can give their entire heart to you. I can't do that, "
Words: Tags: Justice Notes: this made me sad...silver don't be angry
"Willowbreeze what are you going on about?" He smiled at her, just that and his tail curling protectively around her swollen middle. "My mother likes to try and match me every time I get along with a she-cat for more than a moon or two. I said it to make you laugh, not make you sad." He rested his head on top of hers, purring loudly to soothe her and the kits in her belly.
"Echoshade lost a mate the same way, and like you she came to me for the kits she wanted so badly. Does that mean that I love her any less for what she is to me? No. You have so much in common with her, and there are many different ways to love someone." He groomed her between the ears, feeling at ease for the first time in awhile. He was always alone in his nest, and he found he enjoyed sharing space and not being alone. He may not have loved her the way she deserved, but he did love her.
"You can be at my side without being able to give me your heart. I think I may be better off surrounding myself with those that speak to my heart in different ways rather than holding out hope that there exists the perfect she-cat for me. My heart belongs to the cold perfection of leafbare, and always will. But loving someone as a friend, as the mother of my kits, that's a sort of love I can live with too. You don't have to give me everything, Willowbreeze, just don't leave me alone."
Instantely comforted by Silverstar's words, Willowbreeze found it in her to purr back. She envived Silverstar's relationship with his mother. Her own relationship with Shadefrost having been long tarnished. Her mother's choice to side with Swanfeather in the civil war was enough to ruin any hopes of recovery The she-cats death only adding to the feeling of unfinished business. Refusing to dwell on it too long, Willowbreeze allowed for Silverstar to place his head on her's, relaxing into his touch.
He spoke of Echoshade again, making her ache lessen. It was nice to know there was someone who walked a similar path. Made it feel less lonely. It also helped that he groomed between her ears, relaxing her further. If she hadn't been careful to focus on his words, she'd fall asleep right there.
He accepted what she could give, that alone was enough to ease her troubles. Pressing her cheek to his neck, she rubbed slightly, a coo escaping her. Unorthodox as their relationship would always be, Willowbreeze valued it above many others. "Thank you for giving me what I need and I promise to never leave you" She whispered, tucking in a little closer. The kits deciding that moment the perfect time to tussle. She couldn't hide the flinch, but being near Silverstar eased the discomfort. Impowered by his words, a renewed strength filled her heart.