[Taxx]

Palepaw

Apprentice of StoneClan

Take me in, into your darkest hour

Palepaw was dreaming- not a dream she really wanted to have, though it had come all too often in greenleaf. Flashes of russet and white fur whipped at the corners of her vision, cold snarls that sent her fur standing on end suddenly drowned by a shriek ringing with agony and terror, and she whirled to see the fox beneath her, the limp, bloodstained form of her brother hanging from jaws coated in the same blood, and she was in the tree, claws curled so hard into the bark she didn't know how she'd break free...

Outwardly, her paws twitched, tail flipping in agitation, quiet squeaks rising from her chest, lips jerking now and then to reveal her teeth. And, as it always did, the dream broke with a cry that held a wealth of heartbreak no words could ever describe, and Palepaw choked, jerking upright as she woke with a gasp, body quivering as her heart pounded, muscles bunched on instinct to spring away from danger- danger that wasn't present just then. A dream, she told herself, over and over. A dream, just a dream...

But it was memory too. And the loss that always followed the dream gripped tight, making it harder than ever to draw a deep breath. Oh, StarClan, how could Ashpaw be gone? How could she go on like he had never lived, like she hadn't spent every day with him until he had been so suddenly taken from everyone who had needed him? It was too much to remain curled in her nest and Palepaw bolted from the den, out into the middle of the camp and then to a crack in the stones that allowed her to see Silverpelt without leaving the camp.

How much she missed him, every single day- and what she wouldn't give to have him back.

And I'll never desert you

Fawn || Made by Fawn

[Fawn]

BeetlepaW

Will you be my breath through the deep, deep water

A cry in the night shattered Beetlepaw's dreaming; he jolted bodily, fur on end, his skin alive with blood rushing underneath. What is it? What's wrong? Was it a fox? Frantic yellow eyes darted to and fro, but instead of finding a murderous intruder, Beetlepaw's gaze found Palepaw instead. She shook where she crouched, a vision of hauntedness and desperation; something in Beetlepaw's chest ached for her. He knew that feeling.

No, not that feeling, of grief for a fallen sibling. But he recognized terror when it bolted from the apprentices' den, clawing at her heels as Palepaw rushed into the night as if she could outrun those feelings. You couldn't outrun them. Even if he'd had all four paws, there was no outrunning something that lived inside. No tree they could climb, no distance they could reach that would give them any kind of permanent relief.

"Palepaw, wait!" He whispered into the night, seeing the blurred end of her tail as she disappeared completely from view. What if she left camp? What if she'd reached a breaking point and...

Beetlepaw lumbered to a half-crouch, slinking out of the apprentices' den as quickly as he dared. Praying to Silverpelt above that she hadn't got far, Beetlepaw nearly cursed his uneven gait when he didn't spot her immediately.

There were a pawful of cats on guard around the perimeter of StoneClan's camp, but all seemed quiet, their backs to Beetlepaw, nothing more than a couple of dark shapes in an even darker night.

Silverpelt was kind tonight, however, and the soft light of the moon slipped through a crack in the stone, snaring Beetlepaw's attention to the she-cat gazing at the stars. Slowly, the stiffened hairs along the apprentice's spine began to relax. Wordless - he'd never been good at this comforting thing - Beetlepaw lightly walked over, close but not too close.

He'd never be the sort of cat to invade someone's space, and he wouldn't start now. Even if Palepaw looked like she... could use some company.

Or a medicine cat. Sandblaze has got something to help her sleep. The would-be warrior glanced to the healers' den, not wanting to make a big deal out of this. It... wasn't the first time Palepaw had woken up from a nightmare, and he knew in his heart of hearts, it wouldn't be the last.

"Hey," Beetlepaw whispered, quiet and awkward. "Do you need me to get Sandblaze or Mistcloud?" Is that she needed? Someone better qualified than he was, to help her through her grief?

Can't stay in the shallows, please tell me I won't wash away

Taxx || 15 Moons || StoneClan || 422 Words

[Taxx]

Palepaw

Apprentice of StoneClan

Take me in, into your darkest hour

It wasn't enough, being able to see the stars. Her chest still ached, sadness and grief wrapped around her just like the cold of the night. She didn't hear Beetlepaw's whisper behind her, unaware that she had disturbed him until he was suddenly right at her side, and she turned to blink at him, amber eyes wide in the darkness. The thin beam of moonlight shining through the crack was enough to let her see her denmate clearly, and the look on his face was an awkward mix of concern and uncertainty.

"No," she murmured, following his glance toward the medicine den. She didn't want to bother Sandblaze right now- and she didn't want to take anything that might be needed later by an actual emergency. Nightmares didn't count. "Just stay with me? Please. I don't want to be alone." Her gaze dropped to her paws, eyes squeezing shut as she felt a fresh wave of misery.

"I- I'm sorry if I woke you... I couldn't stay..." Her throat closed and all she could do was shake her head, words beyond her. She bowed her head, hunching her shoulders and struggling- the lingering memory of the nightmare and the fact that she had to face every time she woke, missing Ashpaw anew and wishing there was something she could do to go back and change what she'd done.

And I'll never desert you

Fawn || Made by Fawn

[Fawn]

BeetlepaW

Will you be my breath through the deep, deep water

"Just stay with me? Please. I don't want to be alone."

Beetlepaw's ears bent back reflexively - huh? She wanted him to stay? But he wasn't good company. But maybe that wasn't the point; she said she didn't want to be alone, and even his awkward companionship might be enough to stave off that loneliness. Beetlepaw grunted a quick 'uh, okay', and scooted forward, carefully tucking his still-functional back leg under him in a sit, the end of his stump lightly brushing the stony floor. Time had given him a slight lean when he sat now, to keep the pressure off the dark gray-and-black stump; Sandblaze had told him time and again how delicate the skin there was. Especially because he kept reinjuring it in birdbrained ways.

Palepaw's hunched form took Beetlepaw back out of himself and to the present, his focus sliding onto the sister Ashpaw had left behind. It was no secret that he hated Ashpaw; the tom sought to bully him and mock him at what felt like every opportunity - but that didn't mean Beetlepaw couldn't feel the sting of loss. It was strange to lose someone their age.

Death was something that happened to the very young - kits who couldn't make it through the winter - very old, or the very unlucky warrior. The Code even forbade killing unless it was absolutely necessary. And yet Beetlepaw had been there on the night of mourning, as Mistcloud and the others grieved for Ashpaw, though they had no body to bury. Just bloody memories and the scent of fox...

Beetlepaw breathed in, holding the night air in his chest. One... Two... Three... He counted up to ten and let it out slowly, hoping the right words to say to Palepaw might show up if he cleared his head.

They didn't.

But he tried anyway.

"Skunkspots told me about StormClan. You know." Beetlepaw's eyes held the words he left unsaid. You know, when LightningClan and RainClan killed us and chased us out of the valley. "She talked about the scars left after something that messed up. That cruel." Beetlepaw grimaced, recalling with too much clarity the pain in his mother's voice when she spoke of those days. "You wouldn't know it just by looking at the Clan that they've been through so much, would you? I guess--I mean--we're strong. StoneClan is strong. They got through that, and you can get through this."

Beetlepaw floundered, wishing he had the eloquence of a more experienced warrior. "Right now you don't feel like it. I had days like that too. Eventually, though, we all get back up." Even Beetlepaw, who had laid in the medicine cat's den in and out of delirium, his foot replaced with enough cobwebs to coat the whole camp in a sticky, gossamer carpet. The pain and fear he'd felt...

StarClan, he thought it'd never end.

But it had. Most of it.

Can't stay in the shallows, please tell me I won't wash away

Taxx || 15 Moons || StoneClan || 480 Words

[Taxx]

Palepaw

Apprentice of StoneClan

Take me in, into your darkest hour

Okay, Beetlepaw replied, and settled next to her. She ought to thank him, or say something, but her throat still felt like it was closed up and she was fairly certain if she tried to say anything it'd only come out in a wail. She didn't want to wake up anyone else- she was sorry enough that she'd woken Beetlepaw, keeping him from his own rest to sit here with her. She was grateful that he'd agreed, but she couldn't voice it. Shoulders still hunched, head bowed, she stared at the stone beneath her paws and hated herself for leading her brother to his death.

Beetlepaw spoke up and her gaze lifted to fix on him, still dull from the pain of her memories. Of course she'd heard the stories; the elders might smooth over the harsher details, but she remembered one telling- sitting wide-eyed with Ashkit at her side, staring up at Wolfclaw as he described the sudden attack, both Clans bearing down on StoneClan with murderous intent, leaving so many dead behind as Hawkstar realized the futility of fighting and led his Clan into retreat- the ragged remainder of warriors guiding queens and their kits and elders into the mountains. Her mother hadn't even been born at that time- Duskflower had been expecting when StoneClan had reclaimed their land, and had settled in the nursery when everything had calmed.

A ragged sigh broke from her, eyes squeezing shut once more. "It was my fault though." She whispered the words, forcing them out. "I was the one- who asked him to come with me. And then... when the foxes came, I couldn't do anything. I tried! But..." she shook her head, trailing off again. But she couldn't fight on her own, even if she hadn't been treed, she knew she wouldn't have been able to fight off a fox on her own.

"The worst part?" she added, turning to Beetlepaw again. "The worst part is what you said. It still hurts, but won't there be a day when I stop thinking about him? When nobody remembers the two of us together, and it'll be like he was never even born."

And I'll never desert you

Fawn || Made by Fawn

[Fawn]

BeetlepaW

Will you be my breath through the deep, deep water

"It was the foxes' fault," Beetlepaw interjected flatly. "They're vicious and cruel. It was birdbrained to sneak out," the apprentice grimaced, adjusting his tone. "But the foxes attacked you, not like you want looking for them."

There had been helplessness in her eyes as she relived that moment, and his gut clenched in sympathy. Their was kinship in tragedy, in suffering. He'd felt so helpless in the nursery, his foot caught in the fox's jaws, the beast's breath and saliva slicking down his fur as he was tossed around like a mossball. He didn't have any good words to fix that feeling. It was something that had faded over time, though he did his best not to agitate it - like an old injury - by thinking about facing more foxes.

He wouldn't be much of a match now, but at least he wouldn't be an easy meal, either.

Beetlepaw's expression hollowed, his thoughts betraying him, the progress he'd made as an apprentice feeling as fragile as a robin's egg. Tonight's not about you, he scolded himself. Get your head out of your tail.

"Mistcloud and Rowanstripe will never forget Ashpaw. He was their son." mewed Beetlepaw, turning his gaze back to Palepaw. "Still is. It's like my foot." With a sigh he shifted to reveal the stump, watching the moonlight spill upon charcoal gray and black-marked fur. "When I stop thinking about it, that doesn't mean my foot never existed. I've been marked. You've been marked too. You don't have to think about Ashpaw every second of the day, but you can't forget him."

Beetlepaw's tail twitched in thought. "Do you believe in StarClan? He's probably with Dawnblossom and Eagletalon and everyone else we've ever lost."

In a weak attempt at a joke, and a little exercise in black humor, after a long pause, Beetlepaw added.
"Do you think my foot's up there?" Stars, I hope I don't get to StarClan piece by piece.

Can't stay in the shallows, please tell me I won't wash away

Taxx || 15 Moons || StoneClan || 323 Words

[Taxx]

Palepaw

Apprentice of StoneClan

Take me in, into your darkest hour

Palepaw nodded, vaguely but still listening. She could do that much, since she'd asked him to sit with her. And he was trying. Trying to help, to make her feel better. That ache in her chest, the overwhelming misery, was fading bit by bit, as her abrupt awakening on the footsteps of the nightmare eased. Ashpaw wouldn't be forgotten, Beetlepaw assured, and there was a sniff that made her ears flick. As if! came her brother's voice, sounding offended. You wouldn't forget your own brother, would you?

Palepaw shook her head instinctively at the question, only to flash a glance at the tom at her side, tail twitching at a flicker of embarrassment. "I mean, yes, of course I do. I know he's with them, I just wish he was still here. But- I am glad he's not alone."

She turned to Beetlepaw again, whiskers twitched and eyes round at the question. A joke, she realized, but she couldn't quite find it in herself to smile. "Maybe. But the rest of you is here- that's all I care about. Thank you, Beetlepaw." He might not fully understand her loss, but she was still hugely thankful that he had at least tried to. Even when he and Ashpaw hadn't gotten on very well before, he was doing his best to console her- and she remembered his offering to Ashpaw's vigil, the pile of feathers and stones buried in place of her brother's body, and gratitude welled up within her as she lifted her gaze to his. "Thank you so much."

And I'll never desert you

Fawn || Made by Fawn