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Post by Taxx on Nov 12, 2018 0:21:57 GMT -5
Sleetpaw didn't mind being an apprentice, not really. Sure, she had training she had to do, but her mentor was nice and gentle and patient and Sleetpaw liked her. But, really, she preferred the chores that required her to stay in camp, or close to it- cleaning out dens, feeding the queens and kits, mending dens... these were her preferred things to do, not having to learn how to fight or hunt. Those just didn't appeal to her, no matter how much of a brave face she put on to keep from upsetting her mentor, no matter how excited she tried to seem, even as she made the barest amount of progress with each training session.
Returning from a patrol empty-jawed (she'd missed such an easy catch because she just hadn't been able to move fast enough to grab the rabbit as it tore past, eyes wide with obvious terror) Sleetpaw dragged after the rest as they entered the camp and then jumped when Ravensky poked her and dropped a bird at her paws. "Give it to the medicine cats. You can do that without losing it, can't you?" he asked, and Sleetpaw's ears folded tight to her head as she nodded, picking up the bird and slinking away to the medicine den.
She was all too glad to slip inside, out of sight of the camp, but it didn't help the hot feeling of embarrassment prickling at her fur. Tigerpaw was there, sorting herbs it looked like, and Sleetpaw set the bird down to free her jaws so she could speak. "Tigerpaw? I brought you something to eat... if you're hungry. Or if Kindleflare is."
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Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2018 16:43:00 GMT -5
Engrossed in inspecting their stores of herbs for those that had withered and needed to be tossed out, Tigerpaw was rather singularly focused on his task. Since the bloodbath of a gathering he'd attended, he'd gotten himself lost in his work more and more so he didn't have to think about it. It had been several moons but he still had nightmares, still feared leaving camp more than he ever had before, and he never, ever wanted to attend another gathering ever again. He has known it was going to be awful, but he had never imagined just how traumatizing it was going to be.
He dreamt of it, over and over, and that chilling moment when StarClan's warning became all too clear to him. The full moon, the blood, the vicious muzzles full of sharp teeth, the cries of the cats around him. If he'd figured it out sooner, could he have helped? Instead he'd tried to put the terrible omen out of his mind, and it had made sense far too late. That sense of guilt haunted his dreams as well. He had failed his Clan, all the Clans, as a medicine cat. It didn't matter that he was just an apprentice, StarClan had chosen to share a warning with him and he had ignored it because it scared him. And now Dawnblossom was dead, and how many others?
But when he was working with herbs he could forget, for a little while, all the terrible things. There was a simplicity and a calm in his work, a comfort. And he was determined not to fail so miserably ever again. His sister had warned him, had asked if he would be up to the challenge, but he hadn't understood then. He hadn't known how terrible the consequences could be. He knew now, and though it still frightened him to imagine receiving many more such terrifying signs throughout his life as a medicine cat, if he could be brave, if he could face the harmless dreams StarClan gave him, then he could help prevent fatal realities. The weight of his new position was revealed anew and he would he would never be so careless again.
So each leaf was carefully inspected, scrutinized, because only the best would properly heal his Clanmates and he was not going to drop the proverbial mossball again, not for lack of effort at least. It was a fact of his new life also that he certainly would not be able to save the lives of every Clanmate, every cat died eventually, after all, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to do everything he possibly could for them, with the hopes that at least knowing he did his absolute best would be enough to help him through any future tragedies.
And so the soft voice that intruded into his hyper focused state had him giving a short hop into the air, one of his signature squeaks emitting from his jaws rather involuntarily as his head whipped around, wide amber eyes focusing on the pale form of Sleetpaw, the sight of the younger she-cat instantly relaxing him, and he felt a bit of heat flush under his pelt at his reaction. He didn't know her well, but he did know she was the quiet type, and he was much more at ease around younger cats than most anyone else. It took him a moment to register what she'd said and his ears flicked forward, a soft purr sounding in his throat, “Oh, thank you Sleetpaw. Kindleflare loves birds.” Any of the small songbirds tended to do just as well if he couldn't find her a finch from the freshkill pile.
She was out right now though, and as he looked Sleetpaw over as was starting to become a habit for him, he thought she didn't seem quite... comfortable. Carefully pushing his work to one side, he made his way over to the she-cat, mildly concerned, “How are you doing? You've just started your training not that long ago, right? Is it going okay?” Taxx
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Post by Taxx on Nov 15, 2018 19:46:31 GMT -5
Sleetpaw flinched as Tigerpaw jumped, and it was guilt that flooded her first. She hadn't meant to startle him, and in the seconds before he spoke, she was strongly considering bolting from the den to retreat to her nest; she couldn't upset or frighten anyone from her nest. But Tigerpaw's words were friendly as ever, carrying no tones of anger or irritation, and the young she-cat hesitated as she glanced down at the bird.
She hadn't known that, and the news sent the tiniest spark of relief that she'd done something right today flashing through her mind- before she felt the need to correct the fact that she realized Tigerpaw had thought she'd caught the bird. Or maybe he just thought she'd brought it from the fresh-kill pile? "Ravensky caught it," she half-whispered, eyes flashing down to stare at her paws. "Asked me to bring it here."
Her training? If that wasn't a nightmare in itself, she didn't know what was. Words caught in her throat, the thought of spilling her true feelings both a desperate want but at the same time nerve-wracking. Was he asking because he really cared? Was he just going through the motions of concern? Would he scoff? No, he wouldn't do that- she remembered well enough that he had never been as willing as most to join in the rough-and-tumble play most kits did.
"I'm okay," she replied, never lifting her gaze as she practically muttered into her chest fur. "My training is... I'm trying. But it's so hard." She wished she could be more like Shadepaw, at least; even blind, the older apprentice hardly seemed to falter and she was shaping up quite well despite her handicap. And Sleetpaw, for all that she had her sight still, had yet to do anything worthy of even a prideful glance. A lump caught in her throat and her ears flattened, shame for her shortcomings stinging like the bites of ants, and again the wish that she could just hide away for the rest of her life gripped her.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 20, 2018 15:13:40 GMT -5
Sleetpaw seemed to feel the need to inform him that it wasn't fully her idea to bring the bird to the medicine cats, but Tigerpaw flicked his short tail in response, not that the she-cat now staring at her paws would have seen, “I'll thank Ravensky for the catch later then, but it was still nice of you to bring it to us.” He tried to be reassuring. The shy she-cat really did seem like something was bothering her. He wasn't sure if he could help, but he could at least listen if she wanted to talk about it.
His ears flicked back in sympathy as the younger apprentice admitted that she was finding her training difficult. He certainly didn't envy her. He'd had no desire to become a warrior, to learn the things expected of most Clan cats. Hunting hadn't seemed a terrible idea, but fighting was another matter. His amber eyes were soft as he settled down to sit in front of Sleetpaw, “It's okay for things to be hard for you. Every cat has different skills. You're a brand new apprentice, it might be a little while before you find what you're best at.”
He tilted his head slightly, curious, “What are you most looking forward to learning about being a warrior?” He paused, and decided to share his own answer so he wasn't putting her on the spot so much, “Before I became Kindleflare's apprentice, I thought I was gonna be a warrior too. I didn't really want to be, I don't like the idea of hurting others, but I did like the idea of being able to bring food back for cats who aren't able to hunt themselves, whether they're kits or queens taking care of kits, or elders, or sick and injured cats. I decided I would do my best as a warrior because, more than anything, I really wanted to help my Clan.”
He ducked his head a bit, sheepish, “It might not be a very unique thing to say, I'm sure most cats want to help their Clan, but it helped me to think there might be something I could do, even if I ended up not being very good at it. Uh, but, not that you won't be.” His ears twitched again, uncertain if he was saying anything right at this point. He wanted to help, but he realized he'd never done this before. He was always the one being comforted. “Um, like I said. You're just a new apprentice, you shouldn't expect so much of yourself just yet. Just doing your best is enough. I think... I think it's even more impressive. Some things come easy to some cats, and that's great, but if you keep trying and do your best even when things are hard for you, that's something to be proud of too.” Taxx
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Post by Taxx on Nov 21, 2018 0:04:52 GMT -5
She ought to be grateful for the thanks, but all Sleetpaw could do was feel shame that her only contribution was to carry an already dead piece of freshkill a few tail-lengths to the medicine cats. Not doing better felt like she was letting down more than just her mentor- it felt like she was letting down the whole Clan. She was supposed to be a hunter, and even Tigerpaw's attempt at assuring her that she was still new to it all didn't help. "Windpaw gets it," she whispered in reply, ears flattening against another rush of misery, a lump in her throat making words impossible for a moment.
She blinked, hesitating at his question and trying to consider it, but Tigerpaw carried on to explain his own decisions, explaining himself; Sleetpaw nodded to show she was listening, understanding- relating. She hadn't yet had any battle training, and her attempts at hunting had fallen horribly short of successful catches, partly because she was having trouble getting herself where she needed to be to actually make a catch, and partly because the few times she had, she'd held back a moment too long when she'd realized just how frightened the prey was, an unwarrior-like rush of sympathy for prey ending in the creature escaping.
"I want to help- but I don't know how. Hunting isn't that hard, maybe if I keep trying..." Her paws shuffled, her eyes briefly flicking up to meet Tigerpaw's before ducking again. "I just... I'm just being stupid, worrying about the feelings of prey. And I don't know how I'll ever get good enough at battle, I'm going to be so bad at it, I just know it!" Hunching her shoulders, Sleetpaw sucked in a ragged breath and then spoke again. "I'm sorry, it's not right for me to take up so much of your time- you've got your own duties to do... I just wanted to give you and Kindleflare the prey." @zen
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2018 2:39:56 GMT -5
On some reflex, Tigerpaw leaned over to touch his nose to Sleetpaw's ear briefly as the she-cat murmured how her sister was apparently doing just fine with her own training. He recalled how Kindleflare had reassured him when he told her his own concerns about becoming a warrior, how she had shared her own insecurities from warriorhood, trying to measure up to her brother Nightstep, who was well known for his prowess. “You're not Windpaw. If it's taking you a little longer to get the hang of things, there's nothing wrong with that....”
She continued on and he wondered if he was managing to help her at all. His gaze softened when she mentioned worrying about the feelings of prey and he shook his head, “That's not stupid, Sleetpaw. That just means you're kind and... and compassionate. It might not be another cat, but you're still taking a life, and the warrior code says to give thanks for the life of prey that's sacrificed to feed us, to respect it. I don't think life should ever be taken lightly, no matter what sort of creature.” It was a difficult dilemma, though. He wasn't sure what to say that might help her get past this block.
But then she was apologizing, as if she'd been wasting his time, and he shook his head again, “No, it's okay. There's more to being a medicine cat than sorting herbs. If you need someone to talk to, Sleetpaw, you can always talk to me. I'm sure Kindleflare would be happy to listen as well... and maybe give better advice.” He shuffled his paws, but didn't dwell on it because he didn't want to make Sleetpaw feel bad because he felt bad about not being able to help as much as he'd like, “Kindleflare was a warrior before she became a medicine cat. I bet she could help. She's really great at helping cats with all sorts of problems.” Maybe one day he would be as well. Taxx
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Post by Taxx on Nov 21, 2018 12:43:23 GMT -5
Sleetpaw's eyes flickered toward Tigerpaw again at the touch on her ear, offering comfort that she was happy to accept. His words didn't really ease the twist of inadequacy and misery in her gut, but it was nice to at least hear that someone understood what she was saying, to hear Tigerpaw tell her it was okay that she wasn't doing well in her training. Her eyes stayed on the medicine cat apprentice this time, as he reminded her of the part of the code that mentioned respecting the lives of prey killed to feed cats- she'd have to remember that.
Another sigh shook the small cat's frame, and her ears pricked at the news of Kindleflare- a look of surprise flashing across her face. "I didn't know that. I thought medicine cats were picked at six moons- chosen or called to serve as medicine cats." She'd never heard of a warrior giving up that role to serve another way, and she could hardly imagine Kindleflare as a warrior.
"Maybe I will talk to her. Not that you haven't been a help!" Sleetpaw added hastily, worried to think that she might offend Tigerpaw and make him think she was spurning his aid by turning to his mentor, even though it'd been his idea. "Um. Thanks. If I ever need to... I'll come and talk. If you're not busy, I mean. I wouldn't want to take you from your duties just to talk."
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2018 3:28:13 GMT -5
“Mm-hm!” Tigerpaw nodded, further confirming his story about Kindleflare starting out life as a warrior before StarClan called her to be a medicine cat instead, “Actually it happens more than you'd think, I guess. Falconstorm, TreeClan's medicine cat, was a warrior first too. And Dawn-” He broke off, ears twitching back briefly at the thought of StoneClan's deceased medicine cat, and the terrible way she had died. His voice lowered slightly, but he tried to move past it. He didn't want to concern Sleetpaw over it. “Er. StoneClan's medicine cat who... who passed away recently... Dawnblossom. She was a warrior too.” It hadn't saved her from the foxes though.
He shook himself lightly as Sleetpaw said maybe she would talk to Kindleflare about it, and shook his head when she seemed concerned he might take it the wrong way. He gave a soft laugh, “It's okay, I... I'm definitely not as good at this as Kindleflare. But she's teaching me a lot, and hopefully she'll be able to teach me how to be helpful in all sorts of ways.”
Tilting his head slightly as she went on, he frowned a little, “Well, unless I'm already helping another cat, there's nothing I would be doing that would be more important than helping a Clanmate, even if all I'm doing is listening.” He offered her a brighter expression then, “And I'm glad you shared with me. I hope talking about it helped a little, at least. And you should definitely talk to Kindleflare about it. I bet she would be loads of help.” His whiskers twitched with some amusement, “I promise it won't hurt my feelings. I just wanna make sure you get the help you need, no matter who it comes from.” Taxx
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Post by Taxx on Dec 30, 2018 11:29:22 GMT -5
Tigerpaw's confirmation made Sleetpaw wonder if, at some point, she could turn her own paws on the path of a medicine cat. Not any time soon, she was certain: Kindleflare had a great apprentice in Tigerpaw and she probably wouldn't join StarClan for some time, and then it would be up to Tigerpaw to decide he was ready to take on an apprentice. Until then, she would have to continue on as she was, doing her best to learn the skills she was taught. And hope it either got easier or she learned well enough to please the cats of her Clan.
His offer to help as often as he could, unless he was busy helping another cat, was received with a grateful nod. "Thanks, Tigerpaw. I'll keep that in mind..." And try not to bug him too much, because he was surely going to be busy often with his own duties, as she would be with hers. But stopping by now and then- just to talk- couldn't hurt? Maybe she could even help, if he was willing. "I should go now. Thank you again... I hope you enjoy the bird." Ducking her head, she flicked her tail at him as she slid out of the den and headed back to her own.
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