[Silver]

In the time since he'd agreed to learn to be the Medicine Cat for StoneClan, Sandblaze had learned a lot about himself and the world around him. He'd learned that cats could be cruel or cowardly or spiteful or jealous and that they could hurt each other for not reason other than that they took pleasure in the act. He'd seen lives end before their time and he'd seen lives come into this world. He's seen fire blaze and devour all in its wake and he'd seen lives saved from those same flames simply by one cat deciding to be brave enough to take the risk. He'd risked his own life and well-being for others and had others judge him in a way that felt unfair to him but he'd kept his cool. All in all, Sandblaze had come to realize, sometimes being the Medicine Cat wasn't at all how he'd once thought it would be.

It was difficult and frustrating and led others to judge you in a way they wouldn't if you were a Warrior. It made him angry and sad and frustrated because there was nothing he could do. He would normally speak to his mother about these matters but Silverglade was busy lately with her Apprentice and he didn't want to get in the way of something that clearly his mother enjoyed. Still, he needed to vent to someone at some point soon. Maybe he'd see Shadowchaser at the next meeting at Moon Tree and get the chance to speak to him privately before they had to leave. He had to hope, because all the thoughts swirling around in his head were making him completely crazy.

--

Tags | williams

[williams]

In a moment of spontaneity, Dewpaw trekked out of Rainclan's camp with a serious expression on her face. The entire morning she felt an energy she could not place a name on. It made her actions choppy, her voice silent for once, and her spirit churning like the rapids of Rainclan's waters. With the intention of escaping for some air, Dewpaw aimed for the familiar edges of the territory. The water, as she realized recently, would always be calming, and she figured a cool soak in the rapids would clear her brain enough to just focus on the simple task Swanfeather had given her today. Coming back, she would grab some herbs on an overpopulated plant to lessen her punishment for going out alone, but right now the young she-cat couldn't focus on that. Her eyes trained on the edges of the underbrush, waiting for the beautiful blue of the stream to appear. When it came into view, she smiled wide, breaking into a run and with no hesitation at the river's edge-just a small pause to check for safety as all Rainclan cats were taught-she leapt in. 

She felt transported back to Starclan's land, that beautiful fast moving river that swept her and Frostfang along. It was soothing and exactly what she needed to sort her thoughts out. With strong paws, she coasted along with the current till her lungs burned. "Perfect," She hummed when she came up for air, the water smoothing across her spine, creeping into her skin and pulling out all the hot energy that kept her claws from doing her work properly. Blue eyes blinked open, then a smile appeared on Dewpaw's face as she spotted just appearing, a familiar cat. "Hi Sandblaze! What brings you to the river? More herbs?

--
Silver Hellion (swan mention)

[Silver]

It was the splash that first alerted him to the fact that he was no longer alone. His tail bristled up and he tensed in case he needed to fight before a familiar scent hit his nose. He recognized Dewpaw's scent but he wished she hadn't gone swimming because wet cat never smelled good. When she climbed out of the water and smiled up at him before offering greeting he had to fight to keep his dislike of the wet cat smell from his face. He managed and smiled tiredly back at her. "Hello again Dewpaw. No I wasn't gathering herbs, I like listening to the water when I'm stressed out. It's very soothing. What about you, gathering herbs? Or just swimming?"

It occurred to him that perhaps he could speak to Dewpaw about the things bothering him, but he wasn't sure if she would understand what bothered him. She was still early into her training he believed, so how much could she know about the troubles that would come from being a Medicine Cat? He wasn't sure, but perhaps it wouldn't hurt to get some of his troubles off his mind. It led him to then wonder just how perceptive Dewpaw was. As a kit he'd seen and noticed everything; it had been the trait that had gotten Dawnblossom's attention [besides his insatiable curiosity]. So he had to wonder on a more personal level just what sort of cat Dewpaw was and what sort of Medicine Cat she was going to become.

--

Tags | williams

[williams]

With the smile returned, she settled down for a conversation, enjoying the sensation of water dripping off her fur. Just a walk? Dewpaw tilted her head as she listened, pondering briefly if Sandblaze had dealt with the issues she was facing. Surely he had. Stoneclan had the tom as their medicine cat longer than Rainclan had her, and the past seasons must've been bad on multiple clans. Right?
"Just a swim."  She started, flushing a bit under her fur at the pair of them. They weren't doing their jobs, but taking care of themselves was important too she realized. Sandblaze was out here to take care of himself, so maybe their concerns were similar. With that thought in mind, Dewpaw continued, sharing what was bogging her down. "The river soothes me too. We had a lot of cats die this season and it's-" The she-cat stopped, trying to find a word to describe what she was feeling. It showed that Dewpaw was growing up, willing to stop and find the correct words for her thoughts rather than speak till the right word appeared. "Hard." She exhaled a loud breath with the chosen word. "I know cats die and it's a part of our way of life but- I know it is- but it still sucks when some of them I could have helped. Starclan decided their fate was out of my paws though." A pause, Dewpaw breathed in time with the river, closing her eyes to focus on the water drying from her fur and the opportunity to talk with someone closer to her age. 

"Do you deal with things like that?" She asked quietly, just above the noise of the water flowing by. 
--
Silver

[Silver]

White-tipped ears tilted forwards as the conversation continued and Dewpaw admitted to the troubles she'd been having. Sandblaze smiled sadly; having already been where she was now. "It's always hard to lose them, yes, especially when they're young. Sometimes it's just their time though, and StarClan always knows when to call a cat's soul back to them. I have to believe that, and I do. It helps. And when it's too much, I have my mother to fall back on, and Dawnblossom too. There are people I can talk to if I need to, but they do only understand so much. Doing what we do, having lives that depend on us and cats that seek us out for advice, it's all part of what it means to be who we are." He purred quietly to reassure Dewpaw, hoping his words made sense for her.

He pulled himself up to his full height then, looking out at the water and letting it soothe him as it always had. "We are Medicine Cats, StarClan speaks to us. We are the few chosen to do something greater than anyone else in our clans can ever know. It's a terribly hard path to walk, but so long as you feel it's worth it that's all that matters." He looked back to Dewpaw for a long moment before finally deciding to share his own troubles since she'd opened the door by sharing her own. "They all treat me differently, like I can't defend myself. I can't go out walking or hunting or anything without someone coming after me and scolding me like I'm some sort of kit still. They think I don't hear them say I'm not a proper Warrior so I shouldn't be out on my own. It was my choice to be what I am, and I don't regret it, but my mother was a loner and she taught me to survive. It's like though, because I'm a Medicine Cat, none of the training I received as a 'paw matters to them. I can hunt, I can track, I can even fight even if I don't prefer to. Yet they all speak to me like I'm a weak simpleton. I know I can do so much more for my clan though."

He fell to silence once again before turning green eyes towards Dewpaw and tilting his head in quiet query. "You're still young yet, but have they been treating you the same way? Or is it only me?" There he'd asked, and maybe she could help. At least it got the issue off his chest.

--

Tags | williams

[williams]

Immediate relief came from Sandblaze’s words, knowing he had gone through what she had and was able to stand strong afterwards. Dewpaw nodded, and if Sandblaze looked carefully, he would see her eyes harden with a sense of purpose. I want to save everyone, she thought, It’ll still hurt to lose someone, but Sandblaze is right. Starclan shouldn’t need a young apprentice’s soul, or a kit’s soul, but I’ll guide them. Make sure they get to their final home safely.

Then, Sandblaze shared his own fears, and Dewpaw felt her heart go out to the tom. Dewpaw listened with a frown. “Yes, I’ve experienced that too.” She said, looking out towards the river at her home, then back at her friend. ”Maybe not as much as you have, ‘cause I’m still too young to really go out alone. I think Rainclan in particular is afraid, they’re afraid to lose their medicine cat again-after the fight that happened before we were born. Not everyone agrees with Swanfeather teaching me either, so I think they’re making sure I don’t follow in her steps. But-“ She thought, trying to find the words to give Sandblaze advice like he had done for her. ”Well, it should be frustrating right? You said it yourself, you’re capable of handling yourself in the forest- but maybe Stoneclan is like Rainclan. They don’t want to lose you since we’re the chosen few. Maybe you have to show them you can do more for them, then they’ll believe you.”

--

simpleton is such a good word ahh
Silver