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Post by Insidious on Aug 8, 2016 0:05:17 GMT -5
It went without saying that she was ecstatic when she noticed her stock of watermint was running short. It meant that she was justified in planning a trip into RainClan territory.
The purpose of the trip was, of course, to re-stock the herb and make sure TreeClan was plentiful in everything that it needed, but she wouldn’t be disappointed if she happened to run into a certain RainClan tom while she was there.
Bluejay had abandoned hope on seeing their relationship prosper long ago, so it was with complete confidence that she told herself her intentions were platonic. He had been a good friend of hers from the beginning—before their feelings became a complication—and she was happy that their friendship had remained solid in spite of the obstacles.
Humming quietly under her breath, she rummaged through a couple of bushes in search of watermint. RainClan territory wasn’t as familiar to her as TreeClan’s, but she searched for the herb she sought diligently nonetheless; being a medicine cat granted her no fear of breaking the Code, and since she had never been a violent cat to begin with, she was thankful that borders were no longer something she had to pay a lot of mind to. Clan status aside, she could tread wherever she pleased—as long as she was doing her job, of course—and it made her happy to know that she could be herself with anyone she met along the way without needing to excuse her presence in some fashion.
A rustling nearby caught her attention, and with her tune suddenly falling flat, she lifted her head from the bushes in surprise. “Is someone there?” She called, hoping that a RainClan cat hadn’t been spying on her. Hesitantly sniffing the air, she tried to puzzle over who it could be, but a flash of fur through the corner of her eye gave her a clue. “Bitternwing? Is that you over there?”
Date: greenleaf twenty-two Words: 325 Tag: Fawn |
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Post by Fawn on Aug 8, 2016 9:33:07 GMT -5
21 Moons. RainClan. She-Cat. Even before the familiar yet woodsy scent of a TreeClan cat had reached her, Bitternwing was already pursuing her curiosity to the source of the humming. It was such a pretty, such a carefree sound that she knew in her bones that the cat behind it had to be friendly. No cat would come whistling into the territory of another, unless they belonged there or they meant no harm.
Pushing through the reeds, Bitternwing's whiskers twitched in puzzled delight, finding Bluejay of all cats padding towards her. Mixed in with the delight, of course, was the sharp tang of jealousy and guilt because of it. She did her best to smile, reminding herself that Bluejay could not be blamed for Rushwhisker's feelings towards her; reminding herself that they had been strong enough to end a good thing between them.
Still... Meeting like this might have been easier if Bluejay had broken Rushwhisker's heart; she would never wish pain on another cat, emotional or otherwise, and she would never wish it on Rushwhisker of all her Clanmates, but it would certainly make her resentment a little more justified if Bluejay had.
Feeling sorry for those thoughts, Bitternwing did her best to supplement her awkward behavior at the Gathering and her internal conflicting emotions, by being normal and friendly now.
"Hello Bluejay! Are you here to see Ottersplash?" You're not here to see Rushwhisker, right? Even if Bluejay was, did she have any right to butt in? Any right to comment? They were still friends, of course, but Bitternwing could feel it, Rushwhisker wasn't over Bluejay.
Not yet. Not completely. Not when she held so many fond memories for him.
Listen to you. Getting upset over a medicine cat! Bluejay doesn't deserve your negative feelings, and you know it. Of course, that inner scolding voice that Bitternwing had given herself after her mother's death was just making her feel worse. Oh, there were mornings when she wished Falconleap had not died so soon; she would have liked to discuss this with her mother. Falconleap had been brave enough to give up her rank as deputy in StoneClan and move to RainClan to be with Vultureback.
If Falconleap didn't know a thing or two about love and pain and sacrifice, who did?
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Post by Insidious on Aug 9, 2016 16:21:49 GMT -5
Bluejay greeted the RainClan warrior with a pleasant smile, as she did all cats, shaking her head no when asked about Ottersplash. "I'm here to collect herbs. A few of my supplies are running low and, because of the drought, I'm afraid RainClan territory is one of the only sources available to me. I promise I won't take more than I need to get us through the worst of the dry heat." Ottersplash would need the herbs for his own clan, she knew, and chances were he would have more than TreeClan's medicine cat trying to make use of their damp territory.
Even though she hadn't attended the Gathering, word had reached her ears that Timberstar hadn't looked well. She trusted in Swanfeather and Ottersplash's abilities, but since RainClan's inner turmoil was no mystery to her, she absently wondered why the the medicine cats hadn't requested a third opinion. It was likely because Swanfeather and her band of purists didn't want to see Timberstar live through it, and even though the fox-like feline had Ottersplash's support, there was no telling if he was prepared to handle such a feat on his own. "Listen, I want you to know that word has begun to spread that Timberstar doesn't look... well, to say the least." Bluejay's eyes filled with sympathy. She wished she could've been there to see Timberstar for herself; if she had misheard, or been rallied false information, then Bitternwing could mistake her words for an overstep - but she sincerely hoped the she-cat would know she had nothing short of the best of intentions. "What I'm trying to say is that I don't want RainClan to feel like it can't come to me for help. However, I trust that Ottersplash has everything under control, and until he calls for me, I will stay out of business that is not my own." Bitternwing hadn't reacted well to Rushwhisker telling her all of RainClan's dark and cruel secrets, so she figured it would be best to leave it at that.
"Anyway, enough serious talk. How are you, Bitternwing? How's Rushwhisker these days?" Bluejay sorted through a small bundle of watermint at her paws, oblivious to the fact that her choice of topic could be cause for discomfort on Bitterwing's part. The tom was still her friend, despite everything that had transpired, so she felt it was her right to inquire about him. After all, if something bad ever happened, she could only assume that he would want her to be among the first to know.
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Post by Fawn on Aug 11, 2016 16:58:40 GMT -5
21 Moons. RainClan. She-Cat. Bluejay really did mean well. Bitternwing humbly accepted that she had been partially wrong in Rushwhisker's confiding in Bluejay; love wasn't just at the root of it. Bluejay seemed genuinely compassionate. If we'd been born in the same Clan, we'd likely be friends. Of course, if they'd been born in the same Clan as Rushwhisker, Bluejay would probably be his mate by now.
"Thanks Bluejay, I'll let Ottersplash know. Things have been a little overwhelming lately." Shaking those cutting thoughts aside, Bitternwing smiled, warming up to the TreeClan she-cat. "Oh! He might want to tell you the details himself but... Ashpaw's come back." Knowing Bluejay would share in the joy of such a miraculous thing (maybe Bluejay knew this would happen? StarClan worked in mysterious ways, after all), Bitternwing positively glowed, relieved to be the bearer of good news despite living in such hard times.
What was it like in the other Clans? Were they peaceful? Did they ever get into petty, hurtful squabbles where Clan blood was the defining line? Would it be wrong to ask Bluejay for advice on these things? Not so much on resolving the bigger issues (it would take more than the words of one cat to fix a problem this large), but on maintaining a clear, level head in times where all she wanted to do was... cry and stay in her nest all day.
Is that weakness or strength? Bitternwing hid a wince, wondering if she was giving herself too much credit to call it being strong, getting up each day knowing RainClan was in tatters. Likewise, maybe she was being too harsh on herself, saying she was weak because her emotions were usually so strong and sharp, that in troubled times they'd be no different.
Bitternwing couldn't help it. She felt the pain and the stress and she saw the grudges forming. Russethawk refused to get rid of Bravebird's nest, even though he'd chosen to side with his adoptive mother, Swanfeather. A few of their other Clanmates had tossed Leopardyowl's and Whitewater's nests into the camp stream, expressing their frustration with an all too clear message of 'good riddance'.
Bitternwing couldn't celebrate that kind of thing. She couldn't actively encourage it. Scorn against another cat was not her way; she just wished it wasn't the way of so many of her Clanmates.
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Post by Insidious on Aug 18, 2016 21:39:33 GMT -5
Bluejay’s heart nearly leapt out of her chest when Bitternwing told her that one of Rushwhisker’s lost siblings had returned. Nearly, but not quite, for it might as well have gotten lodged in her throat given how speechless she was. For a moment, her eyes knit together in an urgency to see him, and to share in his happiness, but it wouldn’t be appropriate for the TreeClan medicine cat to crash into RainClan camp for no reason other than to see the smile that would undoubtedly be on his face. Oh, she did want to see that smile, but she would have her chance.
“That… that’s wonderful. He is such a good, pure-hearted tom, and he deserved to have some of what he gives into the world returned to him after all of this hardship.” Her chest swelled with warmth. Even to this day, she could recall every last detail from their first meeting. It had been so hard for him to deal with the disappearance of his siblings, and after Pinkcloud’s death, she related to how he felt in ways she hadn’t previously comprehended despite her best efforts. Ashpaw. She knew the name, of course, and now more than ever she couldn’t wait to put a face to it. Bluejay knew that her RainClan companion would be dying to introduce them.
Bitternwing, however, glowed in a way Bluejay didn’t. The medicine cat’s eyes lost their lust for the RainClan warrior long ago. She loved him, of course, unconditionally and permanently, but it wasn’t appropriate for either of them to be possessive. That look, it seemed, had passed onto Bitterwing’s face, and Bluejay observed it with shy attentiveness. She didn’t know what to call the emotion that rose like bile in her throat. It wasn’t hard to see another she-cat feel affection for someone she had once felt affection for as much as it was… unique.
“You really care about him, don’t you?” She tipped her head, inviting honesty from her counterpart. She didn’t want to make Bitternwing feel cornered or uncomfortable. “I can see it in the way your happiness is an extension of his own.” Love was one of her favourite emotions to observe on another cat’s face. As a medicine cat, she was prohibited to have it in its truest form, but it was enough for her to simply love what she did—and to live through the relationships of those closest to her. “He’s a really special cat. I don’t think he’s aware of his appeal. He’ll only need a push to realize what’s right in front of him.” And as much as she wished things could be different sometimes, they weren’t which is why she wasn’t talking about herself. Bitternwing didn’t need her permission to pursue him, and she hoped she had made that clear.
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Post by Fawn on Aug 21, 2016 17:00:12 GMT -5
21 Moons. RainClan. She-Cat. Bitternwing flushed beneath her pelt, wishing for all the world that Bluejay was a little less observant. Wishing her own feelings were a little less obvious. But perhaps it was unavoidable; if Bluejay had loved Rushwhisker (and everything in Bitternwing's heart told her the TreeClan medicine cat had), then she would recognize the signs in another. Especially when the same tom was involved.
Uncomfortable to be reassured by the very cat Rushwhisker had trouble giving up, Bitternwing managed a wavering smile before looking down at her paws. But he loves you, Bluejay. I don't think all the pushing in the world can change what's in a cat's heart. Maybe this was how it was always going to be; she couldn't make Rushwhisker stop loving Bluejay, yet neither could she stop her own heart from fluttering loudly every time she saw him.
"T-Thanks, and you're really right—he IS a special cat," the fluffy RainClan cat managed, praying to StarClan above that Bluejay could not guess the root of her worries. Praying that she could not see the trouble with her statement, though Bitternwing had no doubt it meant to be supportive. This was a she-cat who seemed to strive only to do good, for others regardless of Clan boundaries.
Bitternwing felt like a toadstool in comparison. Had she not done enough? Was she not good enough, in the sense of selflessness and morality? Bluejay made it look so effortless. He had obviously fallen for her compassion, intelligence, and Bitternwing could admit it, Bluejay's beauty.
No wonder Rushwhisker could not get over her. Bitternwing supposed if she were Rushwhisker, she wouldn't have been able to either.
Don't compare yourself to Bluejay, that won't do anything but hurt you. It was lucky that she had such a clear voice of reason, or else she might have succumbed to her own self doubts in romantic matters far sooner. Instead, ever the belligerent optimist, Bitternwing mentally picked herself up and tried to brush off those vile, self-harming thoughts and feelings.
I am who I am... If Rushwhisker never sees me as anything more than a friend, well...
Well that was that, wasn't it? Perhaps she would find happiness in spite of that. Regardless of how badly the odds seemed stacked against her, Bitternwing held on to the tiniest raindrop of hope that he might one day return her feelings. If she just smiled enough... if she was kind enough, if she helped enough, or said the right things... then maybe.
Though in this heat, even her hope had a chance of evaporating.
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