[Deleted]

    Blizzardclaw had filled his morning the same way he had filled his mornings since he was an apprentice. Hunting, boarder patrols, a bit of training then maybe lunch. For the most part nothing had changed, he hadn't dealt with the elders moss or checked for ticks in ages and he could feel it. The young cat he had been felt like a stranger in a distant memory, and as hard as he tried he felt no connection to that part of himself anymore. Blizzardpaw was dead, and his young hopeful attitude had gone with him. Blizzard was more a shell than an actual cat anymore, he subsisted on muscle memory as each day repeated the way it had for so long.


    He had always tried to make himself a better warrior, and that had never faltered. His knowledge seemed to grow daily, and he was positive there was no way he could teach the accumulation to another unless they shared his drive for perfection. So far no other cat that he mentored had. These thoughts had him spending sleepless nights wondering what legacy he had actually left behind in Rainclan. It sure wasn't a friendship worth remembering, he was liked for his quick wit and sense of humor and he got along with his clanmates but he knew that wasn't a truly profound impact.



    He was afraid if he spent any longer dwelling over the lunch he had actually taken today he would be crushed. A restless mind led to restless paws and taking a large final bite he made they prey disappear before rushing to his feet and wandering out of camp. With no destination in mind he soon found himself standing at the edge of the river. There was another there, and even though he had walked right passed him he hadn't noticed Russethawk's presence until he had stared off into the rushing abyss for a while.

[Fawn]

Russethawk
Tom || 24 Moons || RainClan || Warrior
Lean On Me.

RainClan was one of the more fortunate Clans when it came to Newleaf; their prey was all located within the river, and they came back in droves, many trying to get upstream to breed and ensure that the next generation of trout or salmon or minnows were well on their way. Russethawk was not the only cat taking advantage of the fullness of the river, though the banks were swallowed by the higher waters, that was to be expected after so much snowmelt, and the ruddy tom was wise enough now to take precautions regarding the water levels. With a sleek, silvery fish clamped between strong jaws, Russethawk had turned to lay it beside another, trusting no birds bold enough to sneak up on him when he was standing right beside his prey; he always buried two fish together, since he personally didn't like having to make two different trips to two different spots.

Turning to bury his catches, Russethawk spotted a white and black-striped shape coming towards him, the muscular, scarred body of Blizzardclaw easily distinguishable from their surroundings. Mouth full, he grunted out a pleasant "Good morning!" to the senior warrior, but it seemed to have gone right over the other tom's head. Being so goodhearted and eternally optimistic, he didn't take Blizzardclaw's complete brush off as a sign of rudeness, but contributed it to the observation that the older warrior seemed distracted, lost in his own thoughts.

Should I interrupt him? It felt rude to just not try to say anything further, so he quickly buried his fish and trotted back, tail in the air to greet Blizzardclaw again further up along the bank. "Hey, everything okay, Blizzardclaw?" He's just staring into the water... Russethawk leaned forward, trying to catch the cool blue gaze of the cat he had once spent a few hours training with; he and Blizzardclaw weren't really that close, due to the age gap and the fact that Blizzardclaw could be somewhat antagonistic towards Razorstar, but that was hardly enough to make Russethawk walk away without showing him some concern.

That wasn't what being a Clan cat was all about. Besides, what if Blizzardclaw really was depressed about something? Russethawk wouldn't have been able to forgive himself if he'd ignored a Clanmate in their darkest hour or their lowest moment. Bravebird and Razorstar had been there for him when he needed it; he didn't know who Blizzardclaw was close to, but for now, Russethawk was willing to listen if Blizzardclaw was willing to talk.

---

Word Count: 418 Words
Tags: @poptart

[Deleted]

    Blizzardclaw gave no indication that he had heard Russethawk and continued to stare at the water for a good while longer figuring out exactly what to say. Of course nothing really seemed okay at all, nothing seemed to be much of anything if he really thought about it. His life was a pointless wreck, and he feared all to late that it may have been a wasted endeavor. Putting this into words was tricky however, and if he couldn't find a way to express himself as correctly as possible then he would end up not doing it at all.


    "You are young so I'm sure the answer is obviously no, but have you ever found yourself at a point in your life and wondered how you got there?" He was almost afraid he was going too deep, and that Russethawk was just exchanging pleasantries. Maybe he was just asking because it was the polite thing to do, and Blizzardclaw had drug him unwillingly into something much deeper than he was comfortable with. The senior warrior knew he was committed at this point, there was no way to turn back time. Even if the conversation ceased and Russethawk promptly stepped out it was still known to him that Blizzardclaw was far from alright.


    Even more than this however Blizzardclaw feared this would be his one chance to confide in anybody, and if this went poorly he was positive he would shut himself off from the rest of the world more tightly than he ever had before. 'What if he has no idea what I'm talking about, he may be too young... nothing more than a goofy kit.' Blizzard thought to himself in a panic.

Fawn

[Fawn]

Russethawk
Tom || 24 Moons || RainClan || Warrior
Lean On Me.

Believe it or not, Russethawk did know a little bit about what the older warrior might've meant. The ruddy tom nodded, brilliantly green eyes focused on Blizzardclaw's conflicted blue. "When my parents drowned, I didn't know what to do with myself. I became a warrior shortly afterward - but it.... it hurt. I was proud of my accomplishments, but they weren't there to see me stand up in front of the whole Clan and become Russethawk." It had been a bittersweet moment for the tom who had never imagined he might lose his parents. He had lived in that happy-go-lucky world of youth where nothing bad every happened to your loved ones, and your parents were immortal. "Everything I'd worked so hard for didn't seem to really matter much." Confessed the younger tom, thinking back to what he considered to be his darkest days, though the part of him that had grown intuitive over the many moons realized that they probably wouldn't be the last tragedy he was forced to contend with. What if next time it was Lilystream or Bravebird he lost? Or even Roselight? It almost begged the question, 'what's the point of getting close to everyone if they could die tomorrow?' Was it worth the burn holes in his heart where he'd carried his grief?

For a little while, Russethawk hadn't thought it was. But, as he had come to terms with his new status as a warrior, as he felt the concern the Clan had for him and his pain, felt the encouragement from his mentor and the shared grief of his cousin Roselight, Russethawk had quickly cast aside those dismal thoughts. It was entirely worth it, every last bit of it. His parents hadn't raised him to be a quitter, to wallow in his grief and misery; they had raised him to be strong, not just physically but emotionally, they had raised him to be kind and to be good. It was his passion that saved him, in the end; he couldn't be this overly serious cat, it wasn't in his nature to be grim and gruff and pessimistic. His optimism was what got him out of his nest every morning, along with his love for his friends and family. Even if someone else looking at him now might consider him a naive fool for how he responded to things, how he eventually allowed the pain of loss to roll off his pelt like rain drops, Russethawk would continue on. It was one of the only things he knew how to do - keep moving forward.

Word Count: 425 Words
Tags: @poptart

[Deleted]

    Blizzardclaw finally averted his gaze from the watery abyss to look at Russethawk, he had known of his parents death but it wasn't something he was involved in. Clans were much to small for everybody not to know everybody else, but at that moment it surprised him how little you could get in involved with others you had to live so closely with. If anything it made him feel worse, as it did nothing but serve as a perfect example of everything he feared his life had become. "I'm sorry about your parents." He said flatly, not intended as a deep expression of sympathy over their deaths as much as a understanding of Russethawks' pain.


    He quickly responded in a way that would probably seem unrelated to the conversation they were having about his situation, but Blizzardclaw knew it was a good window of insight into his world. "Everybody is going to lose somebody, nobody lasts forever living the warriors life without getting crushed." Shifting his gaze back to the river he continued, "You can't however let that stop you, of course you know that... When I was young I knew being the most effective weapon you could possibly be for your clan meant you had to get over loss instantly. Even more importantly you could never fear losing somebody."


    Blizzardclaw lifted his amber eyes to stare into Russethawks', knowing this wasn't the kind of you admit staring off into space. He hoped that in his eyes the younger warrior would see he wasn't a total sociopath. "My first apprentice feared these things, and I told her the only way to be the most effective warrior for your clan was to accept the fact that you... and everybody you love is already dead."


Fawn

[Fawn]

Russethawk
Tom || 24 Moons || RainClan || Warrior
Lean On Me.

"I'm sorry about your parents."

He didn't sound particularly sorry, he sounded more like he was giving the correct response without truly meaning it, but Russethawk didn't dwell on this. He hadn't told Blizzardclaw about their deaths so he could hear another 'I'm sorry'; he'd heard enough of it when the actual tragedy had happened. Listening intently, Russethawk was unprepared for the rather pessimistic wisdom Blizzardclaw decided to impart on him next.

the only way to be the most effective warrior for your clan was to accept the fact that you... and everybody you love is already dead.

What? Why would he choose that piece of advice to tell a frightened apprentice? For the ruddy tom, he had sought comfort in the knowledge that even though his loved ones were dead, he would see them again in StarClan when his time eventually came; he preferred an optimist's approach to the subject of death and fear of dying. Blizzardclaw's perspective was difficult for him to grasp, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, in Russethawk's opinion. Whatever helped Blizzardclaw get out of his nest in the morning, what inspired him to keep striving towards his goals, if it worked for him, then who was Russethawk to argue over it? They were very different cats, with very different opinions, but their goals, at least, were similar.
"That's probably not the advice I would've wanted to hear," he mewed slowly, non-confrontational, simply sharing his thoughts on the older warrior's words. "But maybe that helped her." What's the difference between getting over it quickly and suppressing your grief? For someone whose emotions were so deeply connected to everything that he was, it was impossible for him to compartmentalize, to separate his emotions so that when he lost someone, he got over it in a matter of days. There was an appropriate amount of time to mourn someone, to miss them deeply, and it was during that grieving stage that Russethawk thought he'd grown a little more, become a little wiser.

To get over it just like that... He didn't have a heart of ice. Russethawk looked to Blizzardclaw, studying him. He didn't think he did either, just... did things his own way. The conversation had diverged a little from the reason behind Blizzardclaw's distracted behavior - unless the older warrior was thinking about death? It was possible he'd missed something, and the ruddy feline racked his brains to recount every word spoken of their conversation just now, trying to piece together what had put the warrior in this frame of mind. (Apart from him mentioning his dead parents, that is)

"Are you feeling like that right now?" Russethawk ventured a guess. "Like it's not worth it?"

---

Word Count: 438 Words
Tags: @poptart

[Deleted]

    Blizzardclaw knew that as much as Russethawk tried to keep his demeanor neutral, there was no way he could find this revelation anything less than disturbing. This struck at the heart of Blizzard’s problem, how could anybody understand him? He knew there was no other cat in the clan that had gone about trying to reach their aspirations, he wasn’t sure anyone was quite so radical. “I’m sure it isn’t what you would have wanted to hear.” He commented turning to look at the ruddy tom, “No offense, but you aren’t exactly the most dangerous weapon this clan has seen.” Sighing he decided it was a good to try and soften that blow as Russethawk was honestly trying to understand him. “I’m not saying that you aren’t an excellent warrior, I’m afraid that it has taken me far too long to see that there is more to being a warrior than… raw power, talent and leadership.”


    He wasn’t quite sure how exactly he was supposed to answer the younger warriors’ next question, he had been caught in a rushing tide of emotion for far too long. “Honestly I don’t know… but really I might be.” He stepped up to the water before dropping a paw in, relishing in the feeling of the cool rushing water that seemed to ground him so he could continue. “I feel that my life may as well be over, I will only be in my prime for a short while longer and everything I have striven for will most likely soon be out of reach for good. What then Russethawk?” He couldn’t believe he was opening up to another, he had never even been close to letting this much out. “The ends only justify the means if you, in fact, get to the end…”

[Fawn]

Russethawk
Tom || 24 Moons || RainClan || Warrior
Lean On Me.

“No offense, but you aren’t exactly the most dangerous weapon this clan has seen.”

Did this Clan really need dangerous weapons? That was the question prompted by Blizzardclaw's response, and he contemplated just what purpose a 'most dangerous weapon' would have for the cats that called themselves RainClan. They weren't in times of war (though the tensions with NightClan lately might change that soon), so he didn't fully understand the purpose of being a most dangerous weapon - but Blizzardclaw was older, more experienced. There was no denying that, and Russethawk didn't pretend to know everything. He supposed, if he really gave it some serious thought, not having a dangerous weapon sounded potentially problematic, so it was better to have cats like Blizzardclaw who fit into that category. The tom appeared to be going through something called a mid-life crisis, though Russethawk didn't know it to be such, he was still going to try his best to help him.

There was more to being a warrior than raw talent, power and leadership. Every cat in the Clan was at least a decent warrior, or would be when they grew up, or had been when they'd served the Clan; each one had worked for the Clan in their own way. Not everyone could lead, not everyone had heaps of raw talent or lots of power. Ottersplash, for starters, had been teased for being frightened of the water, but he was great at catching land prey; that made him a great warrior in Russethawk's books. And the cat who went out of their way to tell the kits stories or keep them entertained - that too, was a great warrior. Russethawk's definition of the term did not just include winning battles and defending borders, it included how they interacted within the community, how they contributed, how they helped one another when times were hard.

"I think its important not to give up hope, Blizzardclaw." Spoke Russethawk, his heart doing much of the talking for him. "If you're worried you aren't a great warrior - that's just a bunch of fishfood. You are a great warrior, the whole Clan knows it! Don't think it doesn't mean anything, or that you don't matter to us. Everyone matters. And what was it you said to your apprentice?" This time he focused on the warrior's statement about his life coming to an end soon. "Live like you're already dead. So don't act like something's coming to an end, accept that it's already ended and keep doing what you've always done!" Russethawk wasn't certain he'd gotten the right message across, but if earnestness were fish, he'd be able to feed the Clan for months. He really was trying. It was unusual for him to see such a respected warrior so down, so uncertain of his successes. Russethawk didn't know what Blizzardclaw was trying to achieve, but in the younger tom's emerald green eyes, he had already achieved it.

[Deleted]

    Blizzardclaw wasn’t sure the tom knew what he was getting at, he seemed to be doing his best but he just didn’t quite understand how far off the deep end Blizzard was. He was aware that he was a great warrior, and that the rest of his clanmates knew it. He had been demonstrating for moons that he was a force to be trifled with and he was positive his name had been tossed around the other clans’ camps, most likely with less than thinly veiled disdain. “You missed the point so badly there, I gave up everything to reach my goals and I don’t think it is possible for me anymore.” He said turning and walking away from the river, he couldn’t sit still any longer. He figured if Russethawk wanted to follow he was welcome, but obviously he didn’t have the faintest idea what Blizzardclaw was talking about. 

    "I’m afraid I traded my life for a moment of glory that never came, and that I am too committed to strive for other things.” He continued not even sure if Russet was listening or had even followed. “I don’t have any close friends, I have never taken a mate… and I have dedicated my entire life to the pursuit of strength.” He couldn’t hide the edge that was creeping into his tone as bitterness set in, “Worst of all I don’t think I can even pass on my knowledge from this fanatical pursuit… Someone would have to be positively insane to follow me on this path.”
 

Fawn

[Fawn]

Russethawk
Tom || 24 Moons || RainClan || Warrior
Lean On Me.

Ruddy ears folded back briefly, not enjoying but understanding the heavy tone of pessimism he picked up from Blizzardclaw. It was always an unpleasant thing, for a young warrior to witness an older warrior - an idol of sorts - feel as though their life and their goals had amounted to nothing. "It's not too late to change things, you know. You're not dead yet, it's not as if you can't still make friends or find someone to share your life with." Giving up hope seemed wrong, in his heart of hearts. Russethawk had no intention of playing matchmaker for the older tom (that really wasn't his area of expertise, really), but he could at least help him somewhat in the friendship category. It was no issue at all, to consider the old warrior a companion; you'd be waiting all day if you were trying to hear Russethawk openly refuse another cat's friendship, even the unsettling, eerie-eyed Redsplash got a greeting from the russet warrior whenever they crossed paths.

He inwardly agreed about Blizzardclaw's latter statement, that throwing themselves exclusively into the pursuit of strength and battle stratagems was a quick way to have the rest of your life pass you by, but he wasn't going to tell the warrior that. Blizzardclaw already knew; it would be a huge change, Russethawk then realized, for the white and black-striped cat to switch interests, to try a different lifestyle for a while, but that didn't make it impossible. If Blizzardclaw was one thing, it was dedicated. It was convincing the warrior that his life was worth the transformation that seemed the biggest obstacle here.

A thick, bushy red tail swept across the grass as the tom quickly rose from his spot by the river, dogging the heels of the scarred warrior held in conversation. "You're not a lost cause, you know." Would it really be difficult for Blizzardclaw to make friends? Russethawk had often seen the senior warriors of the Clan sharing prey and socializing at Sun High, even Violetclaw seemed to partake in some small measure of social interaction at this time. Surely Blizzardclaw could find a common link between himself and Blackfalcon, Violetclaw and Cloudstrike. He wasn't going to drag the warrior around, trying to re-introduce him to cats he had likely grown up with, he wasn't going to treat him like a sullen apprentice who was having trouble fitting in.

He can always start with an invitation. Just invite someone to go hunting with him. Socialization had been Russethawk's forte since before he'd been an apprentice; it had been a gift of his, the power to communicate with everyone likely through sheer enthusiasm and clarity of heart alone. He had long ago learned that there were cats who possessed the opposite of this trait, cats who would never find conversation easy - and he was learning to adjust to that.

---

Word Count: 475 Words
Tags: @poptart

[Deleted]

    Blizzardclaw wasn’t surprised that Russethawk had come to follow him as he walked, and any indifference he had when setting off was abolished as he relished that he was being tailed by the kind hearted warrior. “You’re not a lost cause, you know.” Russethawk informed him, causing Blizzardclaw to fall quiet as he lost himself in thought. He was quite afraid that he was a lost cause, not because he was too old even if that did worry greatly. No rather he was questioning whether he was a good enough cat to be able to honestly change and be worth anyone else’s time, he wondered often if he did possess and evil heart.


    If his heart was dark and evil what would that spell for the rest of his life? He had never done anything he would consider despicable, and had never made it his goal to fell another cat in battle. He did however know he was certainly capable of such a feat, and if he had been put in the right situation would he prove himself an evil soul? It was time to put that thought out to the younger warrior, and after a long silence he asked “You remember our one training session don’t you?” Blizzardclaw knew there was no way the tom could possibly forget, at the time he had thought he was doing the young apprentice a favor.


    Time had proven him wrong before, and he had begun to think about those decisions he had made. Of course now he realized he had probably hurt his feelings, if not taken a shot at his pride. There was no reason for it, and this was the darker side of his soul he referred to. “Do you think someone who would do something like that is redeemable?”


Fawn

[Fawn]

Russethawk
Tom || 24 Moons || RainClan || Warrior
Lean On Me.

Almost instantly, the young warrior was able to picture a barrage of white and black paws batting at his ears, and the burning indignation he'd felt as an aspiring warrior, thirsting to prove himself, as he was unceremoniously dropped into a hole or pinned down by the older, bigger tom. Russethawk was old enough now to realize that that had been an unorthodox training session with no small amount of unfairness thrown in - but he didn't hold it against him. He'd made it to warriorhood without any lasting scars (psychological or otherwise) from Blizzardclaw's one on one practice.

“Do you think someone who would do something like that is redeemable?”

"Yes." He answered simply. Whatever Blizzardclaw though his 'crimes' were, it was clear that Russethawk didn't share his views; he was only trying to help, and if he wasn't, then there's always a chance to make up for it. It hadn't previously occurred to Russethawk that Blizzardclaw might've been pummeling him for fun back then, and his whiskers twitched in slight surprise, wondering if, had he been more attentive, or at least mature enough to understand adults better, he would have caught on to that possibility. It was all just 'rain in the river' now, anyway; moving forward was the only reasonable option in the young warrior's mind. "As long as you're breathing, you have a chance to change, to become better than you were yesterday." Cliche as those words were, it was crystal clear that Russethawk believed them wholeheartedly.

Razorstar was a prime example of how a cat could change for the good; he'd heard all about his mentor's ... scary, aggressive adolescent period, and he knew first hand just how bitter and cold the razor-toothed warrior could be when irritated. If a standoffish, icehearted loner could become Clan deputy, manage to win over a she-cat's heart, make friends and mature into a leader the Clan could be proud of - Blizzardclaw was definitely not beyond saving. Russethawk couldn't think of a single cat that was; not even Crowblaze, in all his irritating personality quirks and the self-loathing that was so evident in the half-clanner, was past a point of no return.

Determination flashed emerald in the warrior's eyes, keeping in step with Blizzardclaw. If he wanted to change, then Russethawk would help him - he didn't even have to ask.

---

Word Count: 489 Words
Tags: @poptart

[Deleted]

    Blizzardclaw was surprised at the faith he received as Russethawk told him he did in fact think he was capable of redemption. However he quickly realized the young warrior thought everybody was capable of redemption, and Blizzardclaw wasn’t so sure about that idea. There were some horrible cats in this forest, he had the misfortune of meeting many in battle with the other clans. Of course there was nothing he could do, as to Rainclans’ rivals they were just exemplary warriors doing their duty for their clan. He began to wonder if he himself was viewed in this way, and if the other clans viewed him as some sort of monster as it would reaffirm that perhaps he wasn’t worth redemption at all.


    The senior warrior stopped walking suddenly after a long silence as a realization dawned on him, forcing him to clench his jaw as the sound of scraping teeth filled his melon. Nothing about how he handled this situation was his normal style at all, it is never too late to make a change of course but that didn’t mean he had to turn into somebody else. The core parts of his being may be able to be fixed instead of replaced, as there was no way he could be anybody but himself in the end. Taking a look at his problem from that perspective led him to the shocking realization that he had left out a very key part of his being, strategy.


    Most problems could be broken down into lists of known facts, and could be objectively assessed with certain goals in mind to produce a plan of action to attain said goals. Blizzardclaw was honestly surprised that he had not made a plan to fix his predicament sooner, and he quickly realized his best course of action. “Russethawk.” Blizzardclaw said after the silence that ensued his sudden halt, “I need to talk to Razorstar.” It was a simple assertion that carried heavy meaning, their relationship had been nothing less than rocky. Blizzardclaw would go so far as to say mountainously rocky, but it was something that needed to change.

[Fawn]

Russethawk
Tom || 24 Moons || RainClan || Warrior
Lean On Me.

The about face from Blizzardclaw was so abrupt that Russethawk felt a little whip-lashed as a result. Razorstar? He needed to talk with Razorstar? It wasn't common knowledge to the young warrior that the two older warriors had had something of a disagreement over many different things, that Blizzardclaw hadn't exactly been supportive of Razorstar's ushering in of a new regime when he was crowned leader. It wasn't difficult to figure out, however, that the deputy position was what Blizzardclaw had been talking about this whole time; it finally dawned on Russethawk then, and his green eyes grew round with surprise. Had he been striving towards the deputy position his entire life?

Of course, if he'd been passed over by a younger warrior, that would make any cat feel out of sorts, as if they weren't good enough, or that all their effort had been wasted. Aware that this was now the cause for tension between the two of them, Russethawk nodded with renewed vigor. "Okay. Good luck, Blizzardclaw." Razorstar wasn't the most forgiving of cats, but it was clear he was making an effort to extend more patience towards the Clan than he'd ever deigned to show Russethawk throughout their rocky apprentice/mentor training (though they'd managed to end that on a great note). Wishing only for the best, Russethawk hoped the two could clear the air a little bit, even if they never did quite manage to become friends; this was still a step in the right direction for the cat who, just moments ago, didn't think he could be redeemed.

It was good to see Blizzardclaw acting like his old self again. Russethawk smiled. "If you want to talk again, you know where to find me."