[Fawn]

Russethawk
24 Moons || Tom || RainClan || Warrior
A good friend.

Drip. Drip. Drop.

A light rain descended upon a thick red pelt, as deep a shade of russet as the maple leaves that fell in the cooler months; he made a swift step over the water-smoothed stones littered across the river, approaching a tall clump of lilies to await the arrival of one of his oldest and dearest friends. A mane-like ruff around the young tom's collar kept his throat and chest warm, the temperature having dropped due to the recent bout of stormy weather, though it had cleared up into the present, pleasant sprinkle that it was now.

Close enough still to the water's edge, Russethawk gazed at the rings rippling outward from each perfectly placed droplet, watching as they overlapped or seemed to swallow up the smaller rings; as was the nature of things when one stared too long at nothing in particular, Russethawk's thoughts began to drift. So much had happened these past few moons, it felt as though yesterday he was first catching wind of the sickness that was spreading around camp, first felt that cold shiver of dread - that oh no sensation - as he worried just which of his Clanmates he'd end up saying goodbye to this time around. Lilystream had had a rough time of things, even rougher than the flooding incident almost a year ago that had claimed the lives of his parents; she had lost a sister, something Russethawk couldn't even imagine, but if he had to, he would compare it to losing Razorstar or Bravebird. It was unthinkable.

Rather than let his emotionally-introverted friend keep all of that inside, however, the ruddy tom had insisted she meet him out here in the wooded cove for a bit of conversation, fishing, and a heart-to-heart. He wouldn't force her to open up, just gently remind the she-cat he cared about so much that he was here, by her side, should she have a need to lay her head upon his shoulder. She didn't have to save face, around him; he would make certain she knew this, as soon as she arrived.

A densely plumed tail swept around wide red paws, his emerald gaze luminous and hopeful, expectant of her appearance at any moment. Of course, he'd smell her first, but the rain dripping off the ends of his whiskers and into the river was muddling things up a bit. It felt like so long since they'd had a moment to simply enjoy their friendship, he wasn't about to let anything else get between their bond.
------

@littleflower

[Deleted]

Lilystream

---

Hollow. That was one word that accurately described how the patched she-cat was feeling. Empty, worked too. It felt sort of as if someone had reached in and ripped out her insides. Yet she was alive. She wasn’t supposed to be, she shouldn’t be, yet she somehow was alive. Grief was something that had never truly touched Lilystream before. That was until the great sickness. She could never have imagined the numbing ache of grief, never. But then again, she could never have imagined a world without her sister or her parents. It seemed, she had come to realise, that sometimes life didn’t go as you hoped.

As much as a bubbly, friendly character she was, Lilystream had never been one to open up about her emotions to anyone. As of late, this had been very much relevant. She’d been rather bottling everything up, hardly speaking to anyone. Russethawk, however, wasn’t just anyone. He was one of Lilystream’s best friends and if she could open up to any cat, it would surely be him.

It wasn’t long after the long-furred she-cat left camp that the skies opened up and the light rain began to settle upon RainClan’s territory. Blinking the rain droplets away and shaking her whiskers briskly, she carried on her way. It was Russethawk who’d convinced her to meet her, out by the Wooded Cove, which was where she was headed now.

Casting a brief glance up at the clouded skies, she continued on her way. At least she could be thankful for one thing, greencough might have claimed the lives of her sister, but it had spared Russethawk. The russet-furred tom was still alive and well and the tortoiseshell-and-white she-cat couldn’t be more grateful for that. If the red-pelted tom had lost his life to greencough, Lilystream wasn’t sure what she would’ve done. It felt like, at times, he was the only she had left.

After several heartbeats, the familiar scent of the russet-furred tom greeted her senses as she approached the Wooded Cove. The russet-furred tom was gazing into the depths of the pool that the clearing revolved around when the calico she-cat arrived.
Her mew was unusually small and fragile, but a small, sheepish smile crept to her face at the sight of the russet-pelted warrior, “Hi.”

Inhaling shakily, she crossed the clearing to where the handsome young tom was settled, sitting herself beside him, letting her tail curl around her paws. Her green gaze drifted to Russethawk, flickering over him for a few fleeting moments. She swallowed, a little unsure of what to say. She was so usually so talkative that she didn’t even need to think about what to say, it just sort of bubbled out. But it was difficult to remain so upbeat at the moment, so instead, she forced a smile. She didn’t want to bring the russet-furred tom down with all her sadness, he surely had better things to do than that.

It was then she was at last realised why the tom had been gazing at the water’s surface. With each falling droplet of rain, ripples bloomed and grew on the surface of the water. She flicked her tail towards the pool, “Pretty,” she murmured absently when she could think of no other words. It was pretty. Perhaps she would’ve dwelled on it more had the circumstances been different. In honesty though, she’d just said it to have something to say. Her green gaze misted for a moment and she exhaled softly, shuffling a little closer to the red-furred tom.

---

Tag: Fawn
Word Count: 608
Notes: ---

[Fawn]

Russethawk
24 Moons || Tom || RainClan || Warrior
A good friend.

His breath had caught in his chest once the calico-patched warrioress had first approached; his heart always beat a little harder when his oldest and dearest friend was in the vicinity, but in this instance, it panged in sadness for her. Oh Lily... If she were an actual flower, she would have been wilted and bruised, though her pains were on the inside of her body, not outside of it. Seeing what had become of his bubbly, talkative companion, Russethawk was given another angle on what he must have been like shortly after Brookrun & Snoweye's deaths, and he understood now how alarmed his remaining family and friends had been - and Bravebird's gentle, constant support. The young warrior insisted on providing her with that same comfort and reliability that she and many others had shown him, during his greatest time of need.

"Hey Lily, thanks for meeting me out here." Long whiskers twitched a few tiny droplets of water from their ends, and Russethawk let her scoot closer, meeting the long-haired she-cat the rest of the way, and giving her a supportive nuzzle in the scruff. It was quite the affectionate gesture, but he hadn't been able to help himself; sometimes what he could not express with words, had to be expressed with action. Either way, she needed to know he would have stopped the whole world from spinning if it would bring out her smile again. "I'm here, if you want to talk, or vent, or even just sit here quietly. I know better than most cats, all about what you're going through - the emptiness, the hole in your heart that seems like it's never going to be filled." A shadow of sadness crept across Russethawk's deep emerald eyes, but, like the clouds parting, this passed and his warm resilience returned.

He was well acquainted with the pain the warrioress was going through; rather than shun his feelings, rather than make excuses for them, Russethawk had allowed them to run their course -- but without letting them consume him. Even if it felt as if all the stars had fallen out of the sky, that was no excuse for giving up. It was the thought, that one simple fact that his parents would be disappointed if he let his grief overwhelm him that he picked himself up, dusted off his pelt, and carried on living. Death would only be a temporary separator from himself and his family; someday, (hopefully not for a long while) he would answer StarClan's call and it would be his parents there to greet him, his life having been lived to it's fullest. They'd be proud to see him, then, knowing not a second had been wasted.

[Deleted]

Lilystream

---

Unsure of how to place her words, the calico she-cat sat quite and still for heartbeat or so, her green gaze focused on the pool, watching as droplet after droplet met the surface of the water.
"Hey Lily, thanks for meeting me out here."
Lilystream's gaze slowly flickered back to the russet warrior and she gave a small, soft smile. Even amongst all the sadness, it always lifted her heart to be beside the russet-furred tom.

A soft exhale spilled from her jaws and she listened quietly as the handsome tom spoke, "I'm here, if you want to talk, or vent, or even just sit here quietly. I know better than most cats, all about what you're going through - the emptiness, the hole in your heart that seems like it's never going to be filled."

The young warrioress met his gaze, green eyes softening. At times, it felt like she was the only one experiencing this pain, but of course, her russet-furred companion was familiar with grief. He'd lost his parents in the flood a couple of seasons ago. Lilystream could remember all too well how her dear friend had grieved, it had been the most terrible thing to see Russethawk so distraught with grief when he found out. Lilystream wondered if that was how he felt about her now.

She leant against his shoulder, finding comfort in his soft pelt and gentle warmth. She opened her jaws to speak, but no words came out. She wasn't sure what to say, she wasn't used to opening up, she'd always found it difficult. It was like spilling your insides out, putting them on show, daring someone to poke your flaws and weaknesses. Lilystream swallowed, don't be silly, Russethawk wouldn't do that.

"I just..." she trailed, her words hanging in the air for several moments before she tried to speak again, "I just don't know any more," her green gaze lifted to the sky above, "everything just feels so wrong."

The long-haired tortoiseshell-and-white warrior remained quiet for a further few heartbeats, "I just wish I could've taken their places, why did they have to die, why not me?"

Speaking what was in her heart brought up a confusion of emotions. On one hand, the grief and pain resurfaced, fresh and new, making the calico she-cat want to just run away from everything. Yet, it sort of felt like a relief. Like she'd been holding in a breath and she'd finally let it out into the world.

She turned to Russethawk once more, green gaze misting "I'm sorry, I don't want to bring you down with all my moping, you probably have much better things to do than to listen to me complaining."

---

Tag: Fawn
Word Count: 457
Notes: ---

[Fawn]

Russethawk
24 Moons || Tom || RainClan || Warrior
A good friend.

"I just wish I could've taken their places, why did they have to die, why not me?"

"They'd be upset to hear you talk that way, Lily." Russethawk mewed gently, his words not scolding or any kind of reprimanding tone for even suggesting such a thing - he'd just pointed out the truth, that was all. "What got me through their deaths, was knowing that they would never forgive me if I let my grief get the better of me. This life is hard," Emerald eyes sought hers, speaking of the entirety of warrior life out here in the forest "but that doesn't make it not worth living. Your sister would want you to keep carrying on, be a warrior for both of you. I know... I know it hurts so much right now..."

Russethawk felt a tightness in his throat, and to discuss her pain meant, in part, to discuss his own pain. It was not enough to simply know his parents had drowned, apparently, but he could recall standing on the bank, watching as his father struggled against the current to pull Brookrun from the water - paralyzed with horror when they both submerged under the churning waves. He had gone in after them, of course. Even after Snoweye had shouted at Razorfang to keep him on the bank. How could he have stayed there? How could he have done anything less than try to save the two most important people in his world?

"It will get better, I promise you, Lily. It will." The shadows of the past faded from the young tom's eyes, and he let their fur touch, hoping he could be as comforting to her as she and Bravebird had been to him in the wake of his own tragedies. Russethawk's tongue rasped over a pair of pale ears, unable to help himself from murmuring. "I don't have 'much better things' to do, I will always have time for you. Whether you're grieving, whether you're smiling, whether you're angry. We're friends, and not even StarClan could stop me from being at your side." And you from being at mine. He did not think his sentiments wouldn't be returned, their friendship was an enduring one, even if his feelings for her had evolved well past platonic... Aware that if he wasn't cautious with his words, he could end up spilling too much of his own heart, and knowing perfectly well that now was not the time for a love declaration, Russethawk grew quiet, an allowance of time for her to process all that he'd said.

It hurt, to see her hurting. This pain was manifested in the cold, hollow echo in his heart. Once more, Russethawk's gaze settled upon the she-cat nestled against him, and he wished with every ounce of might he possessed that her suffering would ease, that she would see the value and the worth in continuing on. That she would realize just how lost he'd be without her.

---
'cause I been there before and you've been there before,
But together we can be alright.
'cause when it gets dark and when it gets cold
we hold each other 'til we see the sunlight.

So if you just hold my hand,
Baby, I promise that I'll do all I can
Things will go better if you just hold my hand.

[Deleted]

Lilystream

---

A shadow of guilt passed through the calico she-cat at Russethawk’s gentle words. She ducked her head slightly, her pale green gaze drifting to paler paws, “I’m sorry,” she murmured, “I just… I just wish they were still here,” her eyes lifted to the russet-furred tom once more, “They’ve always been here and now, suddenly, they’re gone. It feels like a part of me is missing, like a part died with them.”
As he spoke once more, she listened quietly, her gaze meeting his. What got me through their deaths, was knowing that they would never forgive me if I let my grief get the better of me. This life is hard, but that doesn’t make it not worth living. Your sister would want you to keep carrying on, be a warrior for both of you. I know… I know it hurts so much right now.”

Lilystream swallowed the lump in her throat, holding Russethawk’s gaze. She knew that by talking about his personal experiences of grief, the grief from the loss of his parents, he was also finding it difficult right now. Despite the pain and sadness, she couldn’t help but give a small smile, poking him playfully, “Since when did you get so wise?” a fleck of humour flickered behind her gaze for a fleeting moment.
She had to admit, as low as she was feeling right now, Russethawk spoke the truth. She knew that had it been her, not Trickleflower or her parents, who had died, she wouldn’t want her family to mope and grieve. She’d want them to move on with their lives.

But how can Inotgrieve? It felt impossible to imagine such a thing. How could she move on without that pain, how could she let go? She pressed her muzzle into Russethawk’s soft pelt, murmuring, “StarClan, don’t you ever die on me too,” her heart faltered simply at the thought of such a thing, “Thank StarClan you’re still here or I’d be a wreck,” her words were hushed and low, almost inaudible. Lilystream wasn’t sure that in saying them she’d hoped Russethawk to hear them or not.

"It will get better, I promise you, Lily. It will."
He rasped his tongue over her ears and the calico she-cat’s heart fluttered lightly. She didn’t want to move apart from the russet-furred tom, so instead she nuzzled deeper.
"I don't have 'much better things' to do, I will always have time for you. Whether you're grieving, whether you're smiling, whether you're angry. We're friends, and not even StarClan could stop me from being at your side."

His words soothed Lilysteam and she gave a soft smile, a warmth rushing through her. It was reassuring to know she had such a good friend. She may not have always expressed it most obviously, but she knew she’d do exactly the same for the handsome young warrior, feeling a warm rush of affection for her companion. Whether the affection was just friendly or something more than that, the calico she-cat hadn’t quite yet decided, but she knew that right now, there was no cat she’d rather have at her side. To be truthful, if it was up to her, she’d never leave his side.

Even having spent just a short amount of time with the russet-furred tom, her spirits were a little brighter. That wasn’t to say the pain of grief had dulled or numbed, but she was in a slightly more hopeful frame of mind, optimistic of the future. Returning to Russethawk’s early words, she mewed softly, “I don’t want my sister, or my parents, to be disappointed in me, I… I want them to be proud… But it feels wrong, carrying on with life like they were never there, I don’t want to forget them, I don’t, but I don’t want to be grieving forever.”

As she fell quiet once more, she wondered if there was anything that could ease the grief? Was there anything she could do at all that might make it more bearable? Or would it always be this way? Would she have to just ignore it? Perhaps she just had to keep moving, distracting herself from thinking about it. Or perhaps it was time? Whatever it was, Lilystream just hoped it didn’t last much longer. She didn’t want to be constantly grieving, all she wanted was to be happy and right now, being completely happy and free of this nagging sadness seemed a long way off.

---

Tag: Fawn
Word Count: 779
Notes: ---

[Fawn]

Russethawk
24 Moons || Tom || RainClan || Warrior
A good friend.

“Since when did you get so wise?”
Lilystream's soft tease tickled along the ruddy fur of his cheek, and Russethawk chuckled. With experience comes wisdom, and sometimes those experiences can be... painful, but they've taught me a thing or two about life. He would never say he was grateful for the tragedies that had transpired, because he most assuredly wasn't, but that didn't mean he looked back on those dark, awful days as if there wasn't something to learn somewhere amidst the pain and the anguish. You'll come out of this stronger, Lilystream, simply because you have to. It was a requirement of getting over grief of this degree, you had to have the emotional fortitude to push on rather than succumb, to remember your loved ones, and to acknowledge that getting on with your life wasn't letting them go, but honoring their deepest wishes for you to keep going.

Even still, it would have been.... nice, to be able to remember them. The graves of his parents and her parents were indistinct, and to be honest, Russethawk didn't like the idea of standing over a cat's bones and letting the sorrow take over. There had to be another way to mark their existence, to signify that they had been here and had been apart of their lives in the most extraordinary way. "Maaaybe you don't have to forget them?" Russethawk mewed slowly, an idea condensing behind those bright green eyes, his excitement seeming to grow like a flame beneath his pelt, warming his insides the more certain he felt of this idea. This might really work. "What if we find a way to mark them down? Stones get washed away sometimes but trees..."

Russethawk gave her an encouraging nuzzle, his head lifting as he stepped away from his closest friend, movements fluid and with no small degree of purpose. "I'll be right back, okay? Don't go anywhere!" Though the mood moments before had been somber to the point of pain, their grief shared in these quiet, comforting moments in the rain, he had been seized by what he felt could only be a good idea, a great idea if it would help Lilystream and himself take the next step towards leaving their grief behind. Distance growing between them, he noticed that his side felt cold from where she had been pressed against him, and he longed to circle back and resume their closeness, but he had a purpose in mind.

Scanning the willow trees, Russethawk studied the bark on each one, taking in the expansive canopy of leaves and branches reaching over the newleaf sky, his paws carrying him around the base of a few specific ones, until at last - at last, he saw one he liked. The bark was a little worn on one side, but that was what made it so perfect. Russethawk searched for a sharp stone and, setting it down by his paws, he called. "Lily over here! I want to show you something!" She wouldn't find the idea mousebrained, would she? Even if she did, maybe she'd still appreciate the gesture? When the pretty calico appeared before him, Russethawk sat back on his haunches and made a mark with his claw on the weathered down bark, then he clenched the stone tightly between his teeth and dug it as many times along the mark as it took to make it deeper, more enduring.

He did this a second time, the lines beside each other and of similar lengths. When he'd finished, the russet-furred warrior drew his gaze back to Lilystream, and he laid the sharp stone down at her paws, speaking in a serious, but warm tone - not one of sadness. "For Brookrun and Snoweye." She could make marks for the loved ones lost, and it would be possible to pass by this old, towering willow tree each day as they carried on their lives to remember who was waiting for them on the other side. Well, not waiting. His parents were not awaiting his arrival, he was certain, but watching over him and the Clan instead. Someday he'd join them, but he didn't anticipate that being any time soon.

But for now... It wouldn't hurt to have a place both he and Lily could go to during times when the ache in their chests just seemed like too much. Russethawk vowed to tell Razorstar about this tree, once the leader had a moment to spare; Coldgaze's mark belonged up here too.

[Deleted]

Lilystream

---

"I'll be right back, okay? Don't go anywhere!"
The calico she-cat wasn’t entirely sure how to respond when the russet-furred tom rose from beside her, gravitating towards the nearby cluster of willow trees that huddled together as if trying to shelter one another from the rain. An almost inaudible whimper escaped her jaws at the absence of his warm body against hers, a shudder passing through her.
Her eyes didn’t leave Russethawk as he circled the various different trees, studying each of them. The tortoiseshell-and-white she-cat had already begun to lift herself to her paws when the tom called for her.

Her head low and pelt slick with moisture, the young warrior trotted after her friend in near silence. When she fell to a halt at his side, a small slither of air between the two of them, she quickly tried to establish what it was that Russethawk was thinking of. She momentarily opened her jaws, considering to ask him, but then her soft green gaze caught the sharp rock that lay neatly at the russet tom’s paws. Marking the trees? Is that it? The faintest traces of curiosity stirred within her despite her poor mood and she inclined her head, waiting patiently for the russet-furred tom to speak.

After a heartbeat, she realised he wasn’t going to speak, instead he was going to act. He lifted his paw and then with claws unsheathed, he made a mark in the weathered willow bark. Lilystream’s eyes immediately latched onto the sharp stone. Russethawk confirmed what she’d been thinking and began to work into the mark he’d already made with the rock, rasping it back and forth until an indentation could clearly be seen. And then at last he spoke.
"For Brookrun and Snoweye."

The warmth to his words was admirable, Lilystream could scarcely speak the names of her sister and parents without breaking down. But then, Russethawk had had experience. The wounds left by grief were still there, but they were far more healed than the fresh ones that Lilystream wore upon her heart.

A slight smile played upon her face at the gesture, her heart alleviated a little. For a moment, the calico she-cat sat still, her mind elsewhere. Then, after the pause, she at last spoke, her eyes taking in the single mark upon the bark once more “That’s… That’s wonderful,” she murmured softly, briefly shifting towards the red tom so their pelts fleetingly touched.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Lilystream did as she assumed the red-furred tom was expecting and took a step towards the tree. Her claws slid out from their sheathes and she lifted her forepaw before drawing it down into the bark. The willow bark beneath her claws almost seemed to moan a little, the wood splintering as a second mark began to form next to Russethawk’s one.

When she was content with the mark she was leaving, she retracted her claws and pulled away. She only allowed her eyes a brief moment to absorb the sight of what she’d left before mirroring Russethawk’s gesture and taking the stone. She drove it into the indentation, moving it back and forth rigorously before letting a heavy exhale spill from her jaws as she set it down again mid-way between hers and Russethawk’s paws.

Then, after a brief flicker of hesitation, she let her head come to rest upon the russet-furred RainClanner’s shoulder once more before speaking the words, “And for Troutstripe, Shellfur and Trickleflower.”
Her voice faltered, but not quite as much as Lilystream had expected it to. It was only as she allowed her eyes to explore the lines that now marked the willow bark, side by side, she could appreciate it more, a faint purr emitting from her chest. She wanted to be able to able to think of the cats she’d lost with happiness, to look back upon memories of them with a smile, just as Russethawk had learnt to. At this point, it seemed almost impossible, but perhaps having this tree would help. The tree would continue to grow, just as life would carry on, but the marks wouldn’t fade, just as these cats wouldn’t be forgotten.

The small smile that had blossomed upon her features grew a little wider and Lilystream turned her head, her eyes connecting with Russethawk’s, “This is perfect,” she mewed softly, her whiskers twitching, “What would we call it? The tree…” she trailed off, her green eyes clouding. The tree of death seemed too depressing, as did the tree of the fallen… Releasing a breath she didn’t realise she’d been holding, she offered a quiet suggestion, “The tree of life.”

Despite the sorrow in her heart, Lilystream was able to maintain the smile upon her face. The breeze stirred her pelt slightly and she lifted her head to the sky, giving a soft sigh. She couldn’t help but wonder if her parents and her sister were watching her now. Perhaps they’d met Snoweye and Brookrun?
Letting her gaze fall back down to earth she moved closer to the handsome tom beside her, relishing in his warmth. Her sister and parents were gone and that in itself would certainly take time to adjust to, but she was still here. And so was Russethawk. She’d be reunited with her family one day, perhaps she’d too have a mark in the willow, but until then, she had her friends and most of all she had the tom sat beside her. Pushing past this grief would be painful and slow, but so long as she had the russet-furred tom beside her she knew, somehow, that there was light ahead. She just hadn’t reached it yet.

---

Tag: Fawn
Word Count: 945
Notes: Sorry if this is a little awkward, I’m a bit rusty! I don’t know if you already had a name for the tree, I thought it should have a name rather than just referring to it as the tree. The name doesn’t have to stick though.