[Insidious]

Fawn

Everything was a blur.

The she-cat stood just before the collection of crystalline water, her dark gold eyes fixated upon the features looking up from her reflection’s surface. The feline was familiar to her. She knew her name, but not her story. How peculiar that the feline in question was none other than herself, but she wasn't bothered with the odd facts surrounding her many mysteries. It was painful to not remember anything – it made her vulnerable. She knew not who she could trust, but for the time being she was thankful to have her brother. Family was the most important thing in the world, was it not? It gave her hope that she could put her faith in such ties while everything else was barely able to be deciphered as a part of her history.

Willowfur pawed at her reflection violently, no longer interested in staring at someone she hardly knew. For a moment she simply sat in silence and watched the ripples reformulate, but once the gray-and-white cat in the water began to be visible again, she drew her gaze away. It was unusual to see through the eyes of a stranger. When she was alone her thoughts tended to get the better of her, but she couldn't think of anywhere else she'd rather be. These lands were foreign, despite being lands she had apparently used to call home. Willowfur contemplated returning to camp – it'd be nice to take a nap and escape her shaken memory for a while – but it wasn't long before she once again took interest in her reflection.

The she-cat settled into a hesitant sit, sighing heavily as she peered into the void eyes of the gray-and-white feline. “I want to remember you... the life you lead.” It would seem odd to anyone else if she was caught speaking to herself – this being why her voice was hardly above a whisper as she did so – but she didn't care. What she said was true: she wanted to remember who she was, all of her friends, her family, her life. But so it seemed such was easier said than done. Ever so slowly pieces were returning, and for this she was grateful. But she couldn't help but be selfish in wanting it to return faster. There was so much Willowfur was curious to know again, to remember, but it wasn't easy to accept the words from every other cat's mouth when she had no way of knowing whether or not it she was being told the truth or being fed lie after lie.

[Fawn]

Lionstar

 42 Moons || Tom || TreeClan

___________________________

”Maybe I can help?”

When Lionstar had first decided to take a walk this beautiful though crisp, leaf-fall morning, he had not anticipated encountering a familiar gray and white feline staring into the aptly named sparkling brook. Even after several moons of having her here, Lionstar still felt a jolt right down to his paws in surprise, as though she had stepped out of his memory banks a ghost, a figment of a cat he had missed so much – and then his heart would jump once or twice into the air, landing in his throat and almost making it difficult for him to speak. He would feel like an apprentice all over again, as if he had to strut and puff himself up to get her to notice him, as if he had to suddenly be the best again, if it meant she would look his way.

Get a hold of yourself, Lionstar. He put heavy emphasis on the suffix part of his name, as if to remind himself the time to be a silly juvenile apprentice had long since passed him by. Approaching Willowfur with calm, confident strides, he was open to her refusal for company, though that would undoubtedly leave something of a mark – not that he'd ever admit it – having already made peace with the fact that she couldn't remember who he was. Obviously the first cat she was likely to recall would be her own dear brother Grayowl, and not the empty-headed loud-mouthed tom who'd had a crush on her all those moons ago.

She was likely still confused and feeling lost despite finding the place that was undoubtedly her home; if he could do anything to lift the fogs of confusion and unhappiness from her, Lionstar would do so in a heartbeat. Willing to answer questions, and to be honest with her, to delve into his own memories so that she might have some sort of anchor or a small thread to grab onto, the golden leader of TreeClan took a seat beside her, the lion's reflection sitting next to the Willowfur staring back at them from the water.

[Insidious]

Shock inscribed itself upon the she-cat's facial features, the fur along the back of her neck pricking to indicate said surprise as she threw a cautious glance over her shoulders, matching the golden gaze of their clan leader as he arrived at a steady halt by her side. Immediately, she found herself notably relaxing. To some extent, she took comfort in Lionstar's presence, despite not being able to remember him. He had been the one that had willingly taken her back to TreeClan camp, after all. If it wasn't for him, she would have never had the chance to be recognized by one of their elders, the chance to be remembered. She sighed lightly, returning her gaze to her reflection where she was now flanked by Lionstar. Even with his offer hanging in the air, she remained quiet, content with simply pondering what could be asked first. She almost felt bad for the tom. It couldn't be easy looking at someone from his past, yet being acknowledged like they had only just met a few days prior. Willowfur knew that they had known each other – she had heard it from plentiful a cat – but she couldn't act upon it without truly holding the knowledge herself. She had to remind herself that the pieces were returning, but even such hope didn't trigger a smile.

“How have things changed?” Willowfur realized that she'd perhaps have to elaborate further, the interest readable upon her expression as she glanced toward Lionstar from the corner of her eye, just barely turning her head toward him. “I mean, from when I was here, and when I was gone.” Her paws shuffled awkwardly, a frown settling upon her muzzle as she contemplated precisely how to word such a thing. It was difficult to be specific when she hardly understood what she was trying to say, but she had a general idea – a hunch, if you would – and she was prepared to try and act upon it. This time, she turned her body in such a manner that allowed her to fully face her golden furred companion. Her dark gold eyes were rounded with something close to sadness, but she wouldn't know it. “I imagine that the clan eventually moved forward from my... disappearance...” Willowfur choked on the word, still shaken with the terms that something had happened to her, something that had lead the clan to believe her dead, and she didn't even know what it was. “And I can't help but think my returning was nothing but – but a nuisance, for everyone.” Because I don't have my memory, because I can't explain to anyone what happened to me all those moons ago, because I don't remember you, or anyone, or anything for that matter.

The words she failed to say aloud were clear with the shifting of expression, her mood seemingly taking to such a miraculous altering that she found it difficult to focus entirely upon Lionstar as her question sunk in. “I'm sorry.” She mewed quietly, her words barely above that of an inaudible whisper. Willowfur didn't specify what in particular she was apologizing for, but she simply hoped that Lionstar would accept the apology regardless. She was sorry for everything: for returning, for not remembering, the list could carry on. Her returning was nothing but a nuisance; tampering with the clan's daily life with everyone taking time out of their busy schedules to try and jog her memory. She genuinely appreciated their assistance, but she felt terrible – this was clear in the way utterly lost dark gold matched handsome light amber.

[Fawn]

Lionstar

 42 Moons || Tom || TreeClan

___________________________

He had expected questions – that was all that seemed to define her return to TreeClan lately, questions without answers, or questions with complex answers – but he hadn't expected an apology. Fur prickling along the dense ruff that gave him his name, the golden tom gazed at her with obvious surprise; ”You have nothing to feel sorry about, Willowfur,” He mewed immediately, finding his heart twist uncomfortably with the knowledge that she viewed her return as a nuisance. For him in particular, it was one of the best things that had ever happened to him.

Lionstar would rather have her here with no memories then dead and nothing but a memory; even if somewhere in that chaotic, confusing miasma of her hazy memories, she could never come to recall him or his behavior around her as an apprentice, he would be satisfied that she was alive, well and happy here in TreeClan. Thoughts of answering her first question prior to her apology did not take up the forefront of Lionstar's mind. Instead, the tom with the huge paws settled on taking care of her emotional state first, he couldn't just sit here and let her think as if she were some kind of burden to the Clan.
”Willowfur, you belong here as much as any cat in the Clan, and I'll flay anyone who says otherwise,” he mewed with such vehemence that the tom was required to take in a slow, deep breath to calm his fiery nerves. ”If anyone needs to apologize, it's me and the rest of the Clan. We should be trying harder to help you remember, and if you can't remember, we should be trying harder as a whole to build new memories in place of the ones you've lost.”

The days had grown so stressful lately that Lionstar couldn't remember the last time he'd ever just spent time with a friend, so in a way, the tom felt somewhat responsible for how out-of-sorts Willowfur was, and it made his heart feel even heavier, as though guilt were stones and had been stuffed inside of it near to bursting. ”I'll answer any questions you have, Willowfur, but you have to promise me you won't feel guilty for being here, or feel guilty for not remembering. You losing your memories wasn't your fault.”

A needling voice in the back of his head whispered it was Grayowl's, and Lionstar's whiskers twitched, not entirely sure WHERE such an accusation had come from, only aware that it had shown up at all.

[Insidious]

Willowfur

The she-cat stared up at him, admittedly taken aback by his immediate initiative to put her blossoming thoughts of being a burden to rest. Willowfur didn't utter a single word until she was certain that he had nothing else to say, analyzing him in thoroughly stunned silence as she took in the entirety of his response, the entirety of the meaning behind it all. “I promise.” Her tone was flat, nearly inaudible, but it was the promise he sought nonetheless. She backed up her promise – it wasn't of the best quality, but she did plan on holding up her part of this bargain – with a slow nod, unable to help herself from pressing her head into the base of the tom's neck. It was only when the action had been carried out that she realized how sudden it was, her dark gold eyes fluttering apart to indicate her surprise, but she did not pull away. There was a familiarity that clung to Lionstar's coat, and she inhaled the scent readily simply due to how good it felt to remember something. It was not Lionstar in particular that rung a bell, but the idea of being so close to him. She knew that the rumours around TreeClan, the ones of her having shared something with Lionstar, were undoubtedly true . Willowfur was beginning to see this for herself at a remarkably horrid pace, but from what had heard in the golden leader's words, he was more than willing to ensure the memories continue to flood back, no matter how horrendous the pace.

Willowfur pulled away, her thoughts shifting to a question she had been reasonably interested in asking for a while now. The she-cat blinked thoughtful eyes, matching Lionstar's handsome gaze evenly, seemingly unconcerned with the display that could almost be considered affectionate that she had performed mere seconds earlier. “Lionstar, are you close at all with my brother?” Little to Willowfur's knowledge was that Lionstar's bond with Grayowl was far from one to consider pleasant. She had never managed to see the two conversing – save for when Grayowl had recently been pulled into his den to be sent away on some expedition of StoneClan (another question for later) – but it was with this lack of knowledge upon the concept that she found herself inclined to ask. Grayowl was important to her, this anybody could see. He was the one thing she remembered clearly, someone she felt close to without needing the details of their history. Willowfur would be more than pleased if Lionstar had a friendly tale or two to extend her way involving her dearest brother, but it was simply another thing she knew little of.

She cherished her brother, but so it seemed it was now-or-never that she knew how he was viewed in the eye's of TreeClan's leader.

“He seemed happy to see me again when I returned, and that meant a lot... I can only imagine what he must have went through when I wasn't here.” What was truly comical about it all was that she wasn't imagining in the right context at all. It wouldn't be surprising if there was a certain amount of individuals that hardly knew of Grayowl's tie to Willowfur, simply because of how little he revealed of missing her up until she had randomly returned. Of course, Willowfur had witnessed none other than his pleasant smile and charming exterior since having returned to TreeClan, therefore she was unable to think anything other than sheer kindness about him. Yet even with her unlimited curiousities about Grayowl and how his life had played out since her disappearance – she knew enough about him to know he had found a mate, settled down and now had two beautiful children, this being something she was thoroughly happy about – but she wanted to know more than what the naked, lost eyes could perceive.

She assumed that Lionstar, of all cats, could help her with that.

[Fawn]

Lionstar

 42 Moons || Tom || TreeClan

___________________________

Any relief he felt at her promising not to blame herself – he recalled her as always one who tried her best to keep her promises – evaporated like morning dew in greenleaf heat, his facial features relaxing into a contemplative frown as Willowfur brought up her brother of all cats. Struggling to keep his tail from twitching or for any signs of how much dislike he had for Willowfur's only remaining kin show up through posture or the arrangement of his facial features, Lionstar let out a soft 'hmmmm' noise, as though to buy himself more time to answer.

It was in this instance that he was faced with a powerful choice – one that had been wholly unexpected despite having taken up the mantle of leader for over a year now – to lie to her, to put her further into the trust of a cat he himself could never bring himself to trust with anything truly important to him, (at least not alone) or to tell her the truth and risk being branded a liar or a jerk, despite his efforts to be truthful without prejudice.

Lionstar looked at his reflection in the water, seeming to draw strength from his own appearance; he wasn't a kitten anymore, and as much as he wanted to spare Willowfur's feelings, he would sooner subject himself to her utmost dislike than lie to her face – especially for Grayowl's sake.

”We aren't particularly close, no, we ah—”

Golden fur bristled, handsome amber eyes having stretched their vision across the brook to see something in the bushes just on the other side of the bank – a pair of curiously heinous amber eyes piercing through the foliage like tiny knives, pinning him to the spot in a moment of stunned horror. No, Grayowl could not be back so soon and spying on them! Regaining his senses with a low growl, Lionstar lifted his chin and called out brusquely; ”Spying on your leader and your aunt is not proper behavior for an apprentice, Mockingpaw.”

There was hardly even a rustle as the charcoal gray she-kitten stepped out of the bushes, her features arranged in an expression of pouting, as though upset she'd been caught – her voice a falsetto version of her father's, creepy in it's own uncomfortably high range. ”Awww, but I just wanted to help Willowfur with her memories!” Mockingpaw sulked, her shoulders hunched forward as she sat looking the picture of gloom.

Lionstar had to resist the urge to snort, dialing back his sudden dislike for the little charcoal gray kitten. Stop it. Just because she's Grayowl's daughter doesn't mean she's destined to become a humongous thorn in your side. There's some of Tigerlily in her too.

Perhaps he was overreacting?

[Insidious]

Willowfur

When Lionstar spoke of not necessarily sharing a close bond with her brother, she found her expression increasingly drooping, realizing with the more pauses he took that she wasn't going to receive what she had hoped for out of this question. Dark gold eyes remained upon his features, however. Willowfur was curious of where he planned on going with this – her mind screaming at her to put an end to it because she had a feeling it'd be nowhere good – but she found herself unable to resist the temptation to listen in patient silence for him to continue. Grayowl was one of the few cats in TreeClan she knew she could care about with genuine reason, and if Lionstar had a problem with him, she would like to be enlightened of his reasoning for it. A part of her considered taking the information she'd gain from this to Grayowl when he returned from his expedition, her logical side weighing the positives that would come from hearing the thoughts from both parties. But such was put to rest when Lionstar's words took to a miraculous altering of topic, her sights forced to follow his own out of being unable to hear anything to aid in determining the approach of Mockingpaw.

When the dark gray kitten slipped free of the foliage, a grimace on her jaw for being captured or being regarded as wanting to do anything other than help Willowfur regain her memories, she did not know. But regardless, she could not help but allow a small smile to decorate her gray-and-white jaw. “Hi Mockingpaw,” Willowfur greeted pleasantly, dipping her head in acknowledgment of Grayowl's daughter. A spark highlighted the depths of her dark gold eyes – a mirror of Mockingpaw and Grayowl's own – unable to regard her niece with any emotion but. Willow fur was happy for Grayowl: he had found a mate, and he was doing well in raising his daughter and son (as far as she knew). Mockingpaw was the picture-perfect image of this, possessing the traits any cat liked to see in the clan's youth. Even though Sootpaw was of a somewhat... different story... she didn't feel any less highly of him. He was a part of her family, and that was all Willowfur could ask for while at a loss of memory.

“I'm sure it wouldn't hurt if you stayed a while, Mockingpaw.” An expectant gaze was averted toward Lionstar, matching his gaze evenly, if hers not being a tad narrowed in defiance of any interesting comments he'd perhaps, in turn, have to share about Mockingpaw after what she could only assume a near-encounter with Grayowl. “Right, Lionstar?” Even at a loss of memory, Willowfur had not lost one trait of hers: obedience to her family, and ever the urge to defend them when needed. Yet, so it seemed she also idly recalled her tendency to be more than a little stubborn, seemingly uncaring of Lionstar's ranking and managing to address him as if she was right and he knew it all the same. Glancing toward Mockingpaw, she gestured her closer with a fond flick of her tail, matching the young apprentice's similarly hued eyes thoughtfully.

“We were actually just talking about your father.” Willowfur mewed pleasantly, unknowing to the catastrophe she was setting her leader up for.

[Fawn]

Lionstar

 42 Moons || Tom || TreeClan

___________________________

It took a shocking amount of willpower not to let his features arrange themselves into a look of utter horror – for some reason, her mentioning to Mockingpaw that they had been about to broach the subject of her father was not something he wanted the little charcoal gray kitten to know. Tail bristling (not that anyone could tell, given how thick the fur was), Lionstar immediately shook his head. ”Skyfall is likely out looking for her, and it's not polite to keep her mentor waiting.” That was the only excuse he could think of, and it was a good one, as he could tell by the slight narrowing of the she-kitten's eyes and how her shoulders slumped further, as though worried about getting caught and scolded.

”But I want to talk to Willowfur!”

Lionstar forced out a chuckle, which wouldn't have been necessary if the apprentice before him had been anyone else's offspring besides Grayowl's. ”You can talk with your aunt later, you two can have quality bonding time without me interrupting, I promise.” What was he supposed to tell Willowfur once Grayowl's spawn had finally given them back their privacy? That he was selfish and wanted her all to himself for a few more moments? Lionstar could've snorted out loud, but that would've been another odd thing he'd have to explain.

Think, Lionstar, think.

She had always been the type of she-cat to call him out on his mistakes or anything that looked too awkward; it was the reasons why he liked her, she was one of the few cats who could look past his rank and see that he was still mortal, still a warrior like the rest of them. Putting on a smile, Lionstar leaned forward to gently nudge Mockingpaw in the shoulder, licking her ear in what was meant to be a gesture of mentorly kindness – unaware of how her whole being was inwardly repulsed by such a gesture.
”Go on. Tell Sootpaw he can train with you and Skyfall until Sixtoes returns.”

Begrudgingly forced to accept this, Mockingpaw dipped her head in counterfeit politeness, nuzzling her aunt affectionately in the foreleg before very slowly making her way back towards camp.

Lionstar tried not to watch her with suspicion.

[Insidious]

Willowfur

She sat in silence as the entirety of the exchange between Lionstar and Mockingpaw took place, a skeptical eye fixated upon leader and apprentice alike. She was in deep thought, in search of a sign that there was more than the oblivious eye could perceive. She knew not what intent was behind Lionstar's dismissal, nor could she accurately claim that it was due to some twisted brand of dislike for the charcoal kitten when he knelt down and gently licked her behind the ear. She was reading too deeply into the situation, such why she was unable to comprehend what existed between the all too blurry lines. Brought back to reality when Mockingpaw brushed up against her leg, she made way for a fond smile across her jaw, dipping her head in firm acceptance of Lionstar's statement to indicate that they would, indeed, have time to talk later. When Mockingpaw had vanished into the array of foliage, a dark gold gaze was cast within her current counterparts. Willowfur remained silent for an elongated period of time, seemingly content with analyzing Lionstar and waiting for his explanation, if there was anything to truly be explained. Only once she believed the lingering quiet to be unfathomable did the gray-and-white feline rise, pivoting on her heel and sparing a thoughtful glance over her shoulders in the leader's direction.

“We should return as well,” she offered, her words phrased as if they could be questioned, though the angling of her paws indicating that she planned to retreat regardless of the golden warrior's input. She wanted nothing more than to question him further, dig into the base of her leader's mind and uncover the details of what existed between him and her niece, him and her brother. But, something inside of her told her that whatever answer she sought to receive would not be one that she liked. Such made the she-cat's jaw visibly cringe, fighting back the urge to speak her mind in favour of not hearing of the bond that Lionstar shared with Grayowl, despite the lack of a bond she knew not of. “I think that's all I need to know for today. Thank you for your kind words and reassurance of my place here in TreeClan.” Her voice faded, as if she had something more to say but chose to leave it at that. Dipping her head in a casual nod, she lingered back a few extra moments to see if Lionstar would be joining her on her way back to camp. It would likely be clear to him that she was bothered, to an extent, but she wished not for him to believe such was deprived of his behavior. Confusion was besting her, and she merely needed some time alone after this encounter with Lionstar and, for a short period of time, Mockingpaw to gather what of her thoughts remained. Afterward, she would likely seek him out again to have a new conversation, perhaps one undisturbed by company that she could not lead herself to label unpleasant despite the timing.

[End of thread, perhaps?]